The New York City Bartender's Joke Book [NOOK Book]

Overview

Jimmy Pritchard has been collecting jokes from diverse individuals during his career tending bars in New York. This collection includes more than 400 jokes that are sure to have anybody laughing.
Read More Show Less
... See more details below
The New York City Bartender's Joke Book

Available on NOOK devices and apps  
  • NOOK Devices
  • NOOK HD/HD+ Tablet
  • NOOK
  • NOOK Color
  • NOOK Tablet
  • Tablet/Phone
  • NOOK for Windows 8 Tablet
  • NOOK for iOS
  • NOOK for Android
  • NOOK Kids for iPad
  • PC/Mac
  • NOOK for Windows 8
  • NOOK for PC
  • NOOK for Mac
  • NOOK Study
  • NOOK for Web

Want a NOOK? Explore Now

NOOK Book (eBook)
$9.99
BN.com price

Overview

Jimmy Pritchard has been collecting jokes from diverse individuals during his career tending bars in New York. This collection includes more than 400 jokes that are sure to have anybody laughing.
Read More Show Less

Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780446551052
  • Publisher: Grand Central Publishing
  • Publication date: 11/15/2008
  • Sold by: Hachette Digital, Inc.
  • Format: eBook
  • Sales rank: 455,218
  • File size: 2 MB

Read an Excerpt

New York City Bartender's Joke Book


By Jimmy Pritchard

Warner Books

Copyright © 2002 James H. Pritchard
All right reserved.

ISBN: 0-446-61091-7


Introduction

Bob Hope once said that there are only four jokes, but I don't know what they are. I do know that every joke ends up being someone's misfortune, but we laugh anyway. The proverbial banana peel.

The dictionary says that a joke is an amusing story, especially one with a punch line. Someone is usually a punch line. Someone's misfortune. Someone always gets it in the end. One man's adversity is another man's joke. And we laugh.

How old are jokes, anyway? Well, since time began, probably. Adam might have had a joke or two, then Eve came along and she certainly had some jokes for, or about, Adam. Maybe that's where all the "size" jokes started.

Since I can remember, there have been "God" jokes, "God and Moses" jokes, "Jesus" jokes, "Jesus and Moses" jokes, and so on. Were Jesus and his disciples telling jokes at the Last Supper? "Hey Jesus, did you hear the one about...." says Paul. We re the Egyptians telling jokes as they wrapped King Tut? The Jews had to be telling jokes as they wandered around the desert for forty years. What else did they have to talk about? "Hey Irving, did you see that interesting rock about five miles back?"

The first recollection of humor, I suppose, was during medieval times. The court jester. He was there to entertain, to make the king laugh, probably to save his own neck.

And all this evolved to burlesque, to Vaudeville, to Bob Hope et al.-and those four jokes.

I found out at a young age that jokes were the "great equalizer." I've avoided a lot of fights by telling jokes. I felt like the court jester, saving my own neck and my nose.

One summer a few years ago, as I was wandering around the desert called Connecticut, on my way to Massachusetts, the Promised Land (because my parents promised me I could swim in their pool!), I had an idea. How many jokes do I know? As I lounged around the pool, steno pad and pen in hand,with Mom waiting on me hand and foot and Dad wondering when I was going back to New York, I wrote down, off the top of my head, mostly punch lines, close to a hundred jokes. That's when I started "collecting." I would ask anyone I met for a joke, usually getting "I heard a great one yesterday but I can't remember it" in reply. So, instead of asking for jokes, I would tell a few, like I always do anyway, and that usually started the ball rolling A joke begets a joke begets a joke.

Now I have a major collection for you to enjoy. Thrill your neighbors, impress your friends, and remember the lecture-circuit credo: "Always open with a joke."

An old man walks into a bar, sits down, and starts crying. The bartender asks, "What's wrong?" The old man looks at the bartender through teary eyes and between sobs says, "I married a beautiful woman two days ago. She's a natural blonde, twenty-five, intelligent, a marvelous cook, a meticulous housekeeper, extremely sensitive to my wants and needs, very giving, my best friend, and intensely passionate in bed."

The bartender stares at the old man for a brief moment and says, "But that sounds great! You have what every man wants in a woman, so why are you crying?"

The old man looks at the bartender and says, "I can't remember where I live!"

What's the best thing about having Alzheimer's disease? You get to hide your own Easter eggs.

An old man and an old woman have been married for over fifty years. Their children are grown and spread out across the country with families of their own. The old man and old woman are sitting in rocking chairs on their porch watching the sunset as they have done for the past twenty-five years.

All of a sudden, the old woman stands up and backhands the old man. He falls off the rocking chair, gets up, straightens his hair, puts his glasses back on and asks, "What the hell was that for?" The old woman looks at him and says, "That's for fifty years of lousy sex!"

The old man says, "Oh," and sits back down in his rocker.

Less than a minute later the old man stands up and backhands the old woman. She falls out of her rocker, rolls across the porch, and stops at the railing. She gets up, pulls her dress down, makes sure Here teeth are secure and ask, "What the hell was that for?" The old man points his finger at her and says, "That's for knowing the difference!"

Two Irish guys are in a New York City bar. They are the only customers. The first Irish guy asks the second Irish guy, "How long have you been in the city?"

The second Irish guy says, "One year." The first guy says, "One year?! I've been in the city for a year as well. Let's toast to being in the city for a year!" They both down a shot of Irish whiskey. The first guy asks, "What part of Ireland are you from?"

The second guy says, "I'm from County Cork." The first guy says, "I'm from County Cork as well! Let's drink to Cork!" They both down another shot. The first guy asks, "What town in Cork are you from?"

The second guy says, "I grew up in the town of Kinsale."

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!!" the first guy exclaims. "I grew up in Kinsale as well! Let's drink to Kinsale!" They both down another shot. The first guy asks, "On what street did you live?" The second guy says, "I lived on Carney Street." "I can't fuckin' believe it!" the first guy says. "I lived on Carney Street as well! Let's drink to Carney Street!" They both down yet another shot.

All of a sudden the telephone rings and the bartender answers it. "Oh, hello, Boss. No, it's pretty quiet, except the O'Brian twins are here, drunk again."

(Continues...)



Excerpted from New York City Bartender's Joke Book by Jimmy Pritchard Copyright © 2002 by James H. Pritchard. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Read More Show Less

Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4.5
( 12 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(9)

4 Star

(1)

3 Star

(1)

2 Star

(1)

1 Star

(0)

Your Rating:

Your Name: Create a Pen Name or

Barnes & Noble.com Review Rules

Our reader reviews allow you to share your comments on titles you liked, or didn't, with others. By submitting an online review, you are representing to Barnes & Noble.com that all information contained in your review is original and accurate in all respects, and that the submission of such content by you and the posting of such content by Barnes & Noble.com does not and will not violate the rights of any third party. Please follow the rules below to help ensure that your review can be posted.

Reviews by Our Customers Under the Age of 13

We highly value and respect everyone's opinion concerning the titles we offer. However, we cannot allow persons under the age of 13 to have accounts at BN.com or to post customer reviews. Please see our Terms of Use for more details.

What to exclude from your review:

Please do not write about reviews, commentary, or information posted on the product page. If you see any errors in the information on the product page, please send us an email.

Reviews should not contain any of the following:

  • - HTML tags, profanity, obscenities, vulgarities, or comments that defame anyone
  • - Time-sensitive information such as tour dates, signings, lectures, etc.
  • - Single-word reviews. Other people will read your review to discover why you liked or didn't like the title. Be descriptive.
  • - Comments focusing on the author or that may ruin the ending for others
  • - Phone numbers, addresses, URLs
  • - Pricing and availability information or alternative ordering information
  • - Advertisements or commercial solicitation

Reminder:

  • - By submitting a review, you grant to Barnes & Noble.com and its sublicensees the royalty-free, perpetual, irrevocable right and license to use the review in accordance with the Barnes & Noble.com Terms of Use.
  • - Barnes & Noble.com reserves the right not to post any review -- particularly those that do not follow the terms and conditions of these Rules. Barnes & Noble.com also reserves the right to remove any review at any time without notice.
  • - See Terms of Use for other conditions and disclaimers.
Search for Products You'd Like to Recommend

Recommend other products that relate to your review. Just search for them below and share!

Create a Pen Name

Your Pen Name is your unique identity on BN.com. It will appear on the reviews you write and other website activities. Your Pen Name cannot be edited, changed or deleted once submitted.

 
Your Pen Name can be any combination of alphanumeric characters (plus - and _), and must be at least two characters long.

Continue Anonymously
Sort by: Showing all of 12 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted February 10, 2012

    Haha

    Funny

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted September 27, 2002

    An absolute riot!!!!!

    I will have fresh jokes for the next decade. This book is outstanding!!!!!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted September 3, 2002

    Besr joke book ever..

    This is truly the best book of jokes to own. A great source of material if you need a few jokes to tell at your next gathering.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted February 8, 2002

    Best Joke Book Ever

    This is the best Original Joke book I have ever read. I have had a hard time putting it down. This book is a must for the Jokester in your family!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 27, 2013

    Hogwarts here

    See

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted November 11, 2012

    Cool

    Sounds cool

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 31, 2012

    Cool

    Sounds really cool

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted November 8, 2010

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted September 23, 2010

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted September 23, 2010

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted January 2, 2011

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted December 27, 2010

    No text was provided for this review.

Sort by: Showing all of 12 Customer Reviews

If you find inappropriate content, please report it to Barnes & Noble
Why is this product inappropriate?
Comments (optional)