Nightlight: A Parody [NOOK Book]

Overview

About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him?which I assumed was wildly out of his control?that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me.

And thus Belle Goose falls in love with ...
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Nightlight: A Parody

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Overview

About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him–which I assumed was wildly out of his control–that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me.

And thus Belle Goose falls in love with the mysterious and sparkly Edwart Mullen in the Harvard Lampoon’s hilarious send-up of Twilight.

Pale and klutzy, Belle arrives in Switchblade, Oregon looking for adventure, or at least an undead classmate. She soon discovers Edwart, a super-hot computer nerd with zero interest in girls. After witnessing a number of strange events–Edwart leaves his tater tots untouched at lunch! Edwart saves her from a flying snowball!–Belle has a dramatic revelation: Edwart is a vampire. But how can she convince Edwart to bite her and transform her into his eternal bride, especially when he seems to find girls so repulsive?

Complete with romance, danger, insufficient parental guardianship, creepy stalker-like behavior, and a vampire prom, Nightlight is the uproarious tale of a vampire-obsessed girl, looking for love in all the wrong places.


From the Trade Paperback edition.
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Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher
"Bloody funny. . . . A pitch-perfect spoof. . . . This comedic takedown . . . captures the hysteria of teenage longing and first love with just the appropriate amount of satire and quick wit." -The Observer's Very Short List

"Worth every pseudo-bloodsucking, angst-ridden page." -Entertainment Weekly

"Mocks All Things Vampire." -The Wall Street Journal

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780307476654
  • Publisher: Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group
  • Publication date: 11/3/2009
  • Series: Vintage
  • Sold by: Random House
  • Format: eBook
  • Sales rank: 304,773
  • File size: 2 MB

Meet the Author

The first volume of the Harvard Lampoon appeared in February, 1876. Written by seven undergraduates and modeled on Punch, the British humor magazine, the debut issue took the Harvard campus by storm. United States President Ulysses S. Grant was advised not to read the magazine, as he would be too much "in stitches" to run the government.


From the Trade Paperback edition.
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Read an Excerpt

It was then that I saw him. He was sitting at a table all by himself, not even eating. He had an entire tray of baked potatoes in front of him and still, he did not touch a single one. How could a human have his pick of baked potatoes and resist them all?  Even odder, he hadn't noticed me, Belle Goose, future Academy Award winner.

A computer sat before him on the table. He stared intently at the screen, narrowing his eyes into slits and concentrating those slits on the screen as if the only thing that mattered to him was physically dominating that screen. He was muscular, like a man who could pin you up against the wall as easily as a poster, yet lean, like a man who would rather cradle you in his arms. He had reddish, blonde-brown hair that was groomed heterosexually. He looked older than the other boys in the room—maybe not as old as God or my father, but certainly a viable replacement. Imagine if you took every woman's idea of a hot guy and averaged it out into one man. This was that man.

"What is that?" I asked, knowing that whatever it was it wasn't avian.

"That's Edwart Mullen," Lucy said.

Edwart. I had never met a boy named Edwart before. Actually, I had never met any human named Edwart before. It was a funny sounding name. Much funnier than Edward.

As we sat there, gazing at him for what seemed like hours but couldn't have been more than the entire lunch period, his eyes suddenly flicked toward me, slithering over my face and boring into my heart like fangs. Then in a flash they went back to glowering at that screen.

"He moved here two years ago from Alaska," she said.

So not only was he pale like me, but he was also an outsider from a state that begins with an "A." I felt a surge of empathy. I had never felt a connection like this before.

"That boy's not worth your time," she said wrongly. "Edwart doesn't date."

I smirked inwardly and snorted outwardly. So, I would be his first girlfriend.


From the Trade Paperback edition.
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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 3.5
( 672 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(244)

4 Star

(109)

3 Star

(95)

2 Star

(86)

1 Star

(138)

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 676 Customer Reviews
  • Posted February 16, 2010

    Just read it in the store . . .

    I'm a fan of the Twilight series; well as much as a father of two teenager daughters can be. I read the books aloud to my family and while we loved the story, we made fun of it as we went along. Nightlight attempts to do the same thing - mainly picking on the main character, Bella. (Belle in the parody.)

    The first couple of chapters really skewer the original story fairly well. But if you keep going, the joke just gets old and annoying. The story departs from the original entirely, and then just kind of wanders around aimlessly like a three-legged blind dog. Trust me, you'll do just fine if you go to the book store and just read the first two chapters. If you buy the book, you'll just want your money back.

    46 out of 66 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted February 17, 2010

    Funny---Even for Twilight Fans

    If your a die hard twilight fan and can't take a joke, don't bother reading this book. I love the Twilight saga, but i love to lean back and laugh at all the crazy die-hard obsessions in this world. And i think thats why i loved this book so much. It makes laugh out loud funny jokes at all things twilight and "mercilessly skewers the characters Bella & Edward"

    I highly recommend it but a quick word of caution is that you HAVE to have read twilight to get 98% of the jokes!

    28 out of 33 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted December 11, 2009

    Laughing at Twilight

    Who wants to laugh at The Twilight? I do! If you are sick of Bella Swan meet her complete opposite Belle Goose who has moved to Swithchblade, Oregon to live with her Dad and find true immortal love. When Belle meets the shy Edwart Mullen she knows that she has found her true love. This story was soooo funny that it needed extra "O's". I laughed, I cried because I was laughing so hard. I really recomend this book for anybody who is getting a little sick of Twilight.

    24 out of 30 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 13, 2010

    Hilarious!

    Finally, something in the Twilight series that can be enjoyed by all the people who loathe the main books. Sure it's not too popular with the people blindly in love with the original Twilight books, but this one is MEANT to be a joke. That's why it's a PARODY. At least this one doesn't have the blatantly obvious grammatical imperfections that the actual Twilight books have, as far as this reader could find.

    21 out of 25 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted February 26, 2010

    more from this reviewer

    not as much fun as i expected

    "Nightlight" was the complete opposite of "Twilight". Edwart was an unpopular nerd and Belle was a self-engrossed masochistic shallow girl. Which, thinking about it, may have been true in "Twilight", too....but I digress. "Nightlight" took all of "Twilight"'s flaws and emphasized them and twisted them into a funny, kind of stupid novel. Stupid in an entertaining kind of way. A few of the parts were funny, but for the most part it was kind of a dumb book. I kept picturing it as a movie, and placing it in the category of, say, all the "Scary Movie" films.

    It left out quite a bit of the "Twilight" story, too, such as Jacob, for example. But it does allude to Jacob and his family with Jim's (Charlie's) "wheelchair friend" and there's even a paragraph about how they skipped over most of the story for comedic sake. Edwart's family was much smaller-- only parents, no siblings, and the only other "vampire" was a "real" vampire that showed up at the end and didn't do much.

    Whether or not you're a fan of "Twilight", I doubt this book will change your opinion about the series. It was a quick scribbling from someone trying to make some money off the franchise. As much as I liked it, I feel like it didn't really do justice to a "parody" and that the author just wrote a quick something and sent it off to the publisher.

    18 out of 23 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted November 29, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    Just not funny... at all

    I was thinking... expecting that this book would be funny and cleverly written. I was wrong. The idea of a parody on Twilight sounded mouthwateringly yummy. While Twilight is full (at times, too full) of teen angst, the parody reads as if the writer is dealing with his/her own angst. Where is the wit? The cleverness? Alas, I will have to go searching elsewhere.

    Perhaps I need to read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.

    14 out of 24 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted June 13, 2010

    Loved it!!

    I will admit I enjoyed and have read the Twilight series a few times, and yes I will even admit that I have the audio books. But I love this book! This book is a parody and therefore it will make fun of it, if you enjoy a dry sense of humor this book is for you However if you don't think Monty Python is funny then this book is not for you. If you are thinking about this book, it will help to have read Twilight first.

    10 out of 12 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 13, 2010

    So Hilarious!

    I hate twilight. well, its more that I hate the movie and all the crazy fans of twilight. this parody is sooo funny! If you dislike twilight-read this book!

    10 out of 11 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted August 2, 2010

    Worth Every Dime for Lovers and Haters

    Having read the Twilight series and being flatly disappointed and appalled, I was absolutely anxious for a book to knock it off, and National Lampoons has delivered. It was a quick, light read, with the main character, Belle Goose, fulfilling Bella's role to a T with the obvious flaws of her Mary Sue existence and train of thought being brought to light. This book is a good read for a good chuckle from Antis and Twilight fans alike... provided that they can take a joke aimed at their favorite series. I have heard negative things about this book from many fans but in the end, I think that is just because they have judged it based on their fandom, ignoring the simple fact it is a parody written to strike out at the grammatical and simplistic, redundant writing style of the original series. If you truly are a fan of something, you can appreciate some joking at it's expense. I'm so very glad this book was written to finally shed some light on the themes and tones I found so disturbing and inappropriate in the Twilight series. Highly recommend this book to those that enjoy a good joke, and writing with little thought behind it.

    5 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 28, 2010

    it was OK

    I am a really big fan of Stephenie Meyer's twilight saga and this is my opinion, but i really did not enjoy this book, as much as others i have read. i think if i wasn't comparing this book to twilight the whole time it might have been better, but when your reading a parody to a book you tend to compare it to the original. If the book had been made its own with new characters and what-not it would be a lot better. though, i did like writing style and it is a great if your just looking for a goofy kind of fun book.

    5 out of 14 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted May 13, 2010

    more from this reviewer

    Started out strong...

    After reading the e-book sample I decided to purchase this book. The sample of the first ten pages was a lot more funny than the remainder of the book. The book started out with a wonderful sarcastic wit, but ended with near slapstick cheesiness. I enjoyed the more intelligent sarcastic humor at the start, but appreciated the book less as it went on. If you enjoy the humor displayed in movies like "Scary Movie", "Airplane", "Naked Gun", and "Not Another Teen Movie", you will love this book through and through. I don't mind some of that humor, I was merely put off due to the fact that I felt a different type of humor to begin with.
    I was disappointed as the book bore on, but others might find it more amusing. I would have rated it lower, but the writing itself wasn't bad - it was just my personal taste in humor. I would have rated it higher, but I felt the humor style wasn't consistent, and I felt the first ten pages misled me a bit.
    Overall, it was just okay. Not worth what I paid for the e-book though.

    5 out of 6 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted November 6, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    Awesomely funny

    Very funny book, if you like the twilight series then you'll love this book. I laughed so hard i started to cry at parts. I'm making everyone i know read it, just to get a giggle out of it.

    5 out of 6 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted August 15, 2010

    I Also Recommend:

    For Twilight haters...

    Twilight may be good for those who fantasize about hot guys saving them from the monotony of daily life, but "Nightlight"'s Belle Goose is just a crazy girl who actually looks for vampires (and won't settle for any less!) Belle is a ridiculously awkward girl trying to impress people in her new town of Switchblade, claiming to be well-read, and yet, completely oblivious to obviously strange circumstances!! I cracked-up laughing at this book, and I'd recommend it to any Twilight-hater, lover, or just anyone because it's a good read for when you have time on your hands!

    4 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 30, 2010

    disrespectful...

    I have read this novel and found that it was disrespectful. The ideas of this book were unoriginal and I can consider the ideas and words plagarized. This author made money off of the Twilight Series.

    4 out of 15 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted February 1, 2010

    It was okay.

    I hate Twilight(no offense to any TwiHards..), so I felt like reading this just because it looked interesting.
    It was okay. Yeah, it did get pretty boring eventually, but it was alright. I'd suggest reading it if you were pretty bored..

    4 out of 7 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 4, 2012

    Maddi Burgee says: Wow...that was bad...

    This book was not very good. Period. One minute your laughing at Belle Goose's lack of common knowlodge but then the joke gets old and it whinds up making no sense at all. I do like The Hunger Pains though so I just think that they sort of lost this one, like they just lost their magic touch or something. At page 30 some the book completely lost my intrest and it had lost all connection to Twilight (the opposite of how a parody should). No matter what the other posts say of 5 stars, you read this and wonder why the heck they would put higher than 2 stars. I would say it's just not my cup of tea but I don't think it's anyone's cup of tea. Sorry!

    3 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted August 13, 2010

    I Also Recommend:

    LOVE IT!

    I loved this book soooo much! It is so FUNNY!
    If you are a twilight fan and have read all the twilight books you just have to read this. SO FUNNY.
    love it!
    saw it on the bookstands and i had to get it so i bought it for my nook!

    haha.
    Marybeth?

    3 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted June 15, 2010

    Parody for What?

    The book made no sense, and not in a you have to read Twilight to understand it way, but a where are you getting this from way. Trust me, I've read Twilight, and I didn't like it all that much, so my feelings don't come from a love of twilight. But this book just sucked. Half of the things it made fun of didn't even make sense. Plus the end was TERRIBLE!! I still have no idea if "Edwart" a.k.a. Edward, is even a vampire. And they make "Belle" a.k.a. Bella, so stuck up. I also believe that half of the stuff made fun of in this book was stuff that was actually good about the movie/book (like Bella being run over by a car) and a quarter of it was just picked out of a hat. So only a quarter of this book was good. And you have to divide that in half because the characters all sucked and it made no sense, so only a 8th of the entire book was good. In other words, do not buy this sucky book.

    3 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted June 11, 2010

    Didn't like it at all!!!!!

    I'm a huge fan of the twilight series and I thought I would love this book. So I bought it and I started reading it as soon as I got home. I wasn't into this book at all. The first 2 chapters were OK but then i didn't want to read it any more. It just dragged on and on i just wanted to finish it since I paid for it.I was very confused the whole time, i was going to reread it to see if it made more sense but i don't want to read it again because its boring and confusing. Bottom line-I do NOT recommended this book for anyone. Do not bye it, it is a waste of money, in my option.

    3 out of 8 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted May 23, 2010

    HORRIBLE!

    I read the reviews on this book before purchasing it because I wasn't sure how I felt about it. most people said that it was halarious, and I said I'd get it.Bad choice, this book is horrible. I can see where they were trying to be funny,but it just was not for me!! I do not recommend this book.

    3 out of 9 people found this review helpful.

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 676 Customer Reviews

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