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Nightlight: A Parody

Nightlight: A Parody

3.4 675
by The Harvard Lampoon

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About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him–which I assumed was wildly out of his control–that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me.


About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him–which I assumed was wildly out of his control–that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me.

And thus Belle Goose falls in love with the mysterious and sparkly Edwart Mullen in the Harvard Lampoon’s hilarious send-up of Twilight.

Pale and klutzy, Belle arrives in Switchblade, Oregon looking for adventure, or at least an undead classmate. She soon discovers Edwart, a super-hot computer nerd with zero interest in girls. After witnessing a number of strange events–Edwart leaves his tater tots untouched at lunch! Edwart saves her from a flying snowball!–Belle has a dramatic revelation: Edwart is a vampire. But how can she convince Edwart to bite her and transform her into his eternal bride, especially when he seems to find girls so repulsive?

Complete with romance, danger, insufficient parental guardianship, creepy stalker-like behavior, and a vampire prom, Nightlight is the uproarious tale of a vampire-obsessed girl, looking for love in all the wrong places.

From the Trade Paperback edition.

Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher
"Bloody funny. . . . A pitch-perfect spoof. . . . This comedic takedown . . . captures the hysteria of teenage longing and first love with just the appropriate amount of satire and quick wit." -The Observer's Very Short List

"Worth every pseudo-bloodsucking, angst-ridden page." -Entertainment Weekly

"Mocks All Things Vampire." -The Wall Street Journal

Product Details

Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group
Publication date:
Sold by:
Random House
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File size:
2 MB

Read an Excerpt

It was then that I saw him. He was sitting at a table all by himself, not even eating. He had an entire tray of baked potatoes in front of him and still, he did not touch a single one. How could a human have his pick of baked potatoes and resist them all?  Even odder, he hadn't noticed me, Belle Goose, future Academy Award winner.

A computer sat before him on the table. He stared intently at the screen, narrowing his eyes into slits and concentrating those slits on the screen as if the only thing that mattered to him was physically dominating that screen. He was muscular, like a man who could pin you up against the wall as easily as a poster, yet lean, like a man who would rather cradle you in his arms. He had reddish, blonde-brown hair that was groomed heterosexually. He looked older than the other boys in the room—maybe not as old as God or my father, but certainly a viable replacement. Imagine if you took every woman's idea of a hot guy and averaged it out into one man. This was that man.

"What is that?" I asked, knowing that whatever it was it wasn't avian.

"That's Edwart Mullen," Lucy said.

Edwart. I had never met a boy named Edwart before. Actually, I had never met any human named Edwart before. It was a funny sounding name. Much funnier than Edward.

As we sat there, gazing at him for what seemed like hours but couldn't have been more than the entire lunch period, his eyes suddenly flicked toward me, slithering over my face and boring into my heart like fangs. Then in a flash they went back to glowering at that screen.

"He moved here two years ago from Alaska," she said.

So not only was he pale like me, but he was also an outsider from a state that begins with an "A." I felt a surge of empathy. I had never felt a connection like this before.

"That boy's not worth your time," she said wrongly. "Edwart doesn't date."

I smirked inwardly and snorted outwardly. So, I would be his first girlfriend.

From the Trade Paperback edition.

Meet the Author

The first volume of the Harvard Lampoon appeared in February, 1876. Written by seven undergraduates and modeled on Punch, the British humor magazine, the debut issue took the Harvard campus by storm. United States President Ulysses S. Grant was advised not to read the magazine, as he would be too much "in stitches" to run the government.

From the Trade Paperback edition.

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Nightlight: A Parody 3.4 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 675 reviews.
ebdean More than 1 year ago
I'm a fan of the Twilight series; well as much as a father of two teenager daughters can be. I read the books aloud to my family and while we loved the story, we made fun of it as we went along. Nightlight attempts to do the same thing - mainly picking on the main character, Bella. (Belle in the parody.) The first couple of chapters really skewer the original story fairly well. But if you keep going, the joke just gets old and annoying. The story departs from the original entirely, and then just kind of wanders around aimlessly like a three-legged blind dog. Trust me, you'll do just fine if you go to the book store and just read the first two chapters. If you buy the book, you'll just want your money back.
Cold-Side-of-the-Pillow More than 1 year ago
If your a die hard twilight fan and can't take a joke, don't bother reading this book. I love the Twilight saga, but i love to lean back and laugh at all the crazy die-hard obsessions in this world. And i think thats why i loved this book so much. It makes laugh out loud funny jokes at all things twilight and "mercilessly skewers the characters Bella & Edward" I highly recommend it but a quick word of caution is that you HAVE to have read twilight to get 98% of the jokes!
BK93 More than 1 year ago
Who wants to laugh at The Twilight? I do! If you are sick of Bella Swan meet her complete opposite Belle Goose who has moved to Swithchblade, Oregon to live with her Dad and find true immortal love. When Belle meets the shy Edwart Mullen she knows that she has found her true love. This story was soooo funny that it needed extra "O's". I laughed, I cried because I was laughing so hard. I really recomend this book for anybody who is getting a little sick of Twilight.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Finally, something in the Twilight series that can be enjoyed by all the people who loathe the main books. Sure it's not too popular with the people blindly in love with the original Twilight books, but this one is MEANT to be a joke. That's why it's a PARODY. At least this one doesn't have the blatantly obvious grammatical imperfections that the actual Twilight books have, as far as this reader could find.
kuhlcat More than 1 year ago
"Nightlight" was the complete opposite of "Twilight". Edwart was an unpopular nerd and Belle was a self-engrossed masochistic shallow girl. Which, thinking about it, may have been true in "Twilight", too....but I digress. "Nightlight" took all of "Twilight"'s flaws and emphasized them and twisted them into a funny, kind of stupid novel. Stupid in an entertaining kind of way. A few of the parts were funny, but for the most part it was kind of a dumb book. I kept picturing it as a movie, and placing it in the category of, say, all the "Scary Movie" films. It left out quite a bit of the "Twilight" story, too, such as Jacob, for example. But it does allude to Jacob and his family with Jim's (Charlie's) "wheelchair friend" and there's even a paragraph about how they skipped over most of the story for comedic sake. Edwart's family was much smaller-- only parents, no siblings, and the only other "vampire" was a "real" vampire that showed up at the end and didn't do much. Whether or not you're a fan of "Twilight", I doubt this book will change your opinion about the series. It was a quick scribbling from someone trying to make some money off the franchise. As much as I liked it, I feel like it didn't really do justice to a "parody" and that the author just wrote a quick something and sent it off to the publisher.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I hate twilight. well, its more that I hate the movie and all the crazy fans of twilight. this parody is sooo funny! If you dislike twilight-read this book!
scroxton More than 1 year ago
I will admit I enjoyed and have read the Twilight series a few times, and yes I will even admit that I have the audio books. But I love this book! This book is a parody and therefore it will make fun of it, if you enjoy a dry sense of humor this book is for you However if you don't think Monty Python is funny then this book is not for you. If you are thinking about this book, it will help to have read Twilight first.
ChibChibs More than 1 year ago
Having read the Twilight series and being flatly disappointed and appalled, I was absolutely anxious for a book to knock it off, and National Lampoons has delivered. It was a quick, light read, with the main character, Belle Goose, fulfilling Bella's role to a T with the obvious flaws of her Mary Sue existence and train of thought being brought to light. This book is a good read for a good chuckle from Antis and Twilight fans alike... provided that they can take a joke aimed at their favorite series. I have heard negative things about this book from many fans but in the end, I think that is just because they have judged it based on their fandom, ignoring the simple fact it is a parody written to strike out at the grammatical and simplistic, redundant writing style of the original series. If you truly are a fan of something, you can appreciate some joking at it's expense. I'm so very glad this book was written to finally shed some light on the themes and tones I found so disturbing and inappropriate in the Twilight series. Highly recommend this book to those that enjoy a good joke, and writing with little thought behind it.
Janae_March More than 1 year ago
After reading the e-book sample I decided to purchase this book. The sample of the first ten pages was a lot more funny than the remainder of the book. The book started out with a wonderful sarcastic wit, but ended with near slapstick cheesiness. I enjoyed the more intelligent sarcastic humor at the start, but appreciated the book less as it went on. If you enjoy the humor displayed in movies like "Scary Movie", "Airplane", "Naked Gun", and "Not Another Teen Movie", you will love this book through and through. I don't mind some of that humor, I was merely put off due to the fact that I felt a different type of humor to begin with. I was disappointed as the book bore on, but others might find it more amusing. I would have rated it lower, but the writing itself wasn't bad - it was just my personal taste in humor. I would have rated it higher, but I felt the humor style wasn't consistent, and I felt the first ten pages misled me a bit. Overall, it was just okay. Not worth what I paid for the e-book though.
LuluLucky13 More than 1 year ago
I was thinking... expecting that this book would be funny and cleverly written. I was wrong. The idea of a parody on Twilight sounded mouthwateringly yummy. While Twilight is full (at times, too full) of teen angst, the parody reads as if the writer is dealing with his/her own angst. Where is the wit? The cleverness? Alas, I will have to go searching elsewhere. Perhaps I need to read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.
-Loveless- More than 1 year ago
Very funny book, if you like the twilight series then you'll love this book. I laughed so hard i started to cry at parts. I'm making everyone i know read it, just to get a giggle out of it.
Jules-L More than 1 year ago
Twilight may be good for those who fantasize about hot guys saving them from the monotony of daily life, but "Nightlight"'s Belle Goose is just a crazy girl who actually looks for vampires (and won't settle for any less!) Belle is a ridiculously awkward girl trying to impress people in her new town of Switchblade, claiming to be well-read, and yet, completely oblivious to obviously strange circumstances!! I cracked-up laughing at this book, and I'd recommend it to any Twilight-hater, lover, or just anyone because it's a good read for when you have time on your hands!
wolfgirlxleah More than 1 year ago
I loved this book soooo much! It is so FUNNY! If you are a twilight fan and have read all the twilight books you just have to read this. SO FUNNY. love it! saw it on the bookstands and i had to get it so i bought it for my nook! haha. Marybeth?
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
The Harvard Lampoon are my favorite group of parody writers, and this is by far my third most favorite book! I hate the Twilight Saga, and when I saw this I read the book just to get the jokes in this book.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Not even worh 1 star i love twilight an people r making fun of it!!!!!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book was funny. Some of the jokes were over the top, but it's a PARODY. All these reviews seem to be written by children. Uneducated, never-graduated people with a lack of spelling intelligence. The writers could have put more meat to this story, or longer considering twilight is a SAGA. Then again the same could be said for twilight itself. If you like to laugh this book is full of that, you just have to have an open mind to humor that's spoon fed to you and get the dry humor. children beware, you are too young for this. Read your goosebumps books. Or read a classic. You may learn what a drawn out story is
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book was not very good. Period. One minute your laughing at Belle Goose's lack of common knowlodge but then the joke gets old and it whinds up making no sense at all. I do like The Hunger Pains though so I just think that they sort of lost this one, like they just lost their magic touch or something. At page 30 some the book completely lost my intrest and it had lost all connection to Twilight (the opposite of how a parody should). No matter what the other posts say of 5 stars, you read this and wonder why the heck they would put higher than 2 stars. I would say it's just not my cup of tea but I don't think it's anyone's cup of tea. Sorry!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
My bedroom, in Buffalo, also has four walls and a ceiling! Suspicious...
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book is a PARODY. It's well written, a fun and easy read. I couldn't stop laughing. Highly reccommend it to anyone who wants a break from serious literature.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
when i bought this book i though it woul be funny. in the very begginning, i found out that it wasnt even remotly close to the story line, except the character name.half way through i found out that it wasnt funny AT ALL. if u think of buying this book read reviews but for u waste ur money on this supid, ridiculous, idiotic book. and if u do buy this book, edwart turns in to a TOMATOE, that isnt even close. i was very disaponited in the writer and publisher they should be ashmed to ruin a very good book and anybody who doesnt like it can go and read this terrible terrible book in my oppinion this book is offenive
The_Amazing_Chica More than 1 year ago
The book made no sense, and not in a you have to read Twilight to understand it way, but a where are you getting this from way. Trust me, I've read Twilight, and I didn't like it all that much, so my feelings don't come from a love of twilight. But this book just sucked. Half of the things it made fun of didn't even make sense. Plus the end was TERRIBLE!! I still have no idea if "Edwart" a.k.a. Edward, is even a vampire. And they make "Belle" a.k.a. Bella, so stuck up. I also believe that half of the stuff made fun of in this book was stuff that was actually good about the movie/book (like Bella being run over by a car) and a quarter of it was just picked out of a hat. So only a quarter of this book was good. And you have to divide that in half because the characters all sucked and it made no sense, so only a 8th of the entire book was good. In other words, do not buy this sucky book.
Marauder_Padfoot More than 1 year ago
I hate Twilight(no offense to any TwiHards..), so I felt like reading this just because it looked interesting. It was okay. Yeah, it did get pretty boring eventually, but it was alright. I'd suggest reading it if you were pretty bored..
Anonymous 5 months ago
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Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book sounds really funny, esp. because Twilight is so stupid.