No More Christian Nice Guy: When Being Nice instead of Good hurts Men, Women and Children

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Overview

"Recovering nice guy" Paul Coughlin points the way for all men who yearn to live a life of boldness and conviction--like Jesus. Using humorous examples from his own life, powerful and poignant stories, and vivid examples from contemporary culture, Coughlin shows how he learned to say no to the "nice guy" syndrome. After all, Christian nice guys aren't always so nice. In the name of appearing Christian by being agreeable, they can lie, keep secrets, manipulate, duck responsibility, and much more. Using the biblical model of Christ as his example ...
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Overview

"Recovering nice guy" Paul Coughlin points the way for all men who yearn to live a life of boldness and conviction--like Jesus. Using humorous examples from his own life, powerful and poignant stories, and vivid examples from contemporary culture, Coughlin shows how he learned to say no to the "nice guy" syndrome. After all, Christian nice guys aren't always so nice. In the name of appearing Christian by being agreeable, they can lie, keep secrets, manipulate, duck responsibility, and much more. Using the biblical model of Christ as his example of a real man, Coughlin shows men how to become both gentle and bold. A powerful challenge and a hopeful message that elevates the true biblical model of manhood above prevailing views in the church and contemporary culture, this important book helps men discover who they are in Christ and how to live for Him.
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Editorial Reviews

Bella Online
"The author writes from personal experience, showing how he beat the "nice guy" syndrome and entered the bolder life of the real guy God created him to be. He goes on to cover many subjects, some of which, I admit, left me wanting to shout, "Wait a minute, let me tell a woman's side of the story!" but all in all, Coughlin makes his point, sometimes using humor, sometimes moving stories but always telling it like it is.... It's a good read with lots to make you think and possibly reconsider some old stereotypes."
Bob Pike
"This book is about reclaiming biblical masculinity. It is about using love to drive out fear. It is about the journey from nice guy to good guy. We hope many will embark on the journey."
CSP, CPAE-Speakers Hall of Fame, Armchair Interviews.com
Marcia Ford
"My recommendation? Read this along with Dave Murrow's WHY MEN HATE GOING TO CHURCH. But read it only after you have resolved to approach it with an open mind and with a genuine desire to understand Coughlin's perspective. If you don't read the book in its entirety, you'll miss the big picture. And it's a picture no one in the church should miss, especially CNGs and their wives. Oh, and let's not forget all those CNGs who have left the church for the very reasons that made them CNGs in the first place."
Faithful Reader.com
Melissa Parcel
"When I received this book to review, I'll admit to being skeptical. I'm a woman, what interest would I have in No More Christian Nice Guy? However, I think that any Christian woman should dive in and read it. There is priceless information about how we, as women, are part of the problem and how we can be part of the solution. I highly recommend this fascinating book. Prepare to be challenged."
Bookloons
Robert Andrescik
"Paul Coughlin poses an intriguing question in the opening of his book, No More Christian Nice Guy: When Being Nice--Instead of Good--Hurts Men, Women, and Children (Bethany House Publishers) What do you think would happen if Jesus were to appear at your church next Sunday and say in person what He says in the Bible? Jesus called people 'hypocrites,' 'fools,' 'dull' and 'brood of vipers fit for hell!' The point: Being nice doesn't always make you more like Jesus. In fact, it may mean the opposite. It may be an indication of passivity, which is really not nice. By trying to be 'nice,' you may be unintentionally hurting the people around you. Coughlin calls this book his 'personal Wittenberg Door.' It's a challenge to men to stand against passivity, to embrace boldness and to experience the abundant life that Christ promises. Coughlin talks about being raised by a physically and emotionally abusive mother with chilling candor and tells how the abuse shaped (or rather misshaped) his masculinity. The man's authentic, no put-ons here. And while some of John Eldredge's lessons are evident in this book, this is not another Wild at Heart wannabe. The book's not unbalanced in its view of masculinity either. 'Men should not drop compassion, gentleness, or kindness from their personalities,' he writes. 'That's one of the largest misconceptions about masculinity, that it doesn't include tenderness and other expressions of sensitivity.' Imagine if men took this book to heart. The result would be stronger men, stronger families and a stronger church. Coughlin calls for a 'good guy rebellion.' Count me in."
New Man Magazine
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780764200922
  • Publisher: Bethany House Publishers
  • Publication date: 9/28/2005
  • Pages: 224
  • Product dimensions: 5.80 (w) x 8.70 (h) x 0.98 (d)

Customer Reviews

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( 6 )
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Sort by: Showing all of 5 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted October 4, 2007

    Must read...but!

    Every adult should read this book, but be careful how the information in it can be used for 'evil' purposes, such as: promoting sadism, or narcissism, or self-righteousness!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 25, 2007

    Change of Direction

    I saw this book while checking out and the title alone gabbed me. Reading it, as a woman, I couldn't help but agree with most everything in the book. I was raised by a single mom in a culture which devalues genuine masculinity and am married to a man who was raised by a single mom. This book really awakened me. I can relate to my husband better now. I will value his masculity and celebrate it! At times even the church tends to opperate in extremes and it's time for us to find center. This book can be a great tool for restoring balance for the men in our churches. I see this book as an extention of the movement towards reclaiming biblical masculinity in the chrurch. 'No More Christian Nice Guy' seems on par with 'Wild at Heart' and other titles urging men to regain their God given strength.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 24, 2005

    Humor Me

    Finally! Author Paul Coughlin poses the question I've wondered about for years...especially in a culture that 'reveres' humor, just as much as it does music. That question, which gets to the heart of those Christian men who are courageous enough to be 'prophetic' at this point in time and history, is this: 'Why aren't Christians more willing to use and enjoy humor-especially sarcasm?' In answering his own question, Coughlin says... 'A satirist needs the guts to stand up in public , point at the actions of someone else, and loudly say 'WRONG!'' Jeez... sounds like what prophets did and do. Jeez... sounds like what Jesus did, and dare we say would enjoy doing today!? Too bad more guys value being 'nice' than speaking what God, by the power of His Holy Moly Spirit has put into their re-newed minds. I see this seeming obtuse proposition on page 40 of Coughlin's book as a true 'crux of what's the matter' with Christian men who are mistakenly trying to fly below the radar of what today's culture / cosmos has produced... namely guys who are afraid to speak their minds. It's just that simple. Fear shuts your mouth up and shuts your heart and spirit down. On the other hand... a little sarcasm and satire creates a crack, an opening, a leverage point for 'those who have ears to hear'... to quote one of the greatest 'stand-up performers' of all time. Oh yeah... He stills likes to get up on the stage. Read Coughlin's book and you just might find yourself being His mouthpiece in an unexpected manner...like speaking the truth in love and humor...something this world is hungry for!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 13, 2005

    Genius

    This book hits the nail on the head with humor and depth. Being nice is worrying about what other people think. Being Good is worrying about what God thinks.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted August 10, 2005

    Real Christian Masculinity Isn¿t ¿Nice¿

    'No More Christian Nice Guy' is the most applicable and real take on Christian masculinity to date. It surfaced many of the lies the church and my parents (often unintentionally) embedded in me at a young age, forcing me to wrestle with my own version of ¿Christian Nice Guy¿ syndrome. Coughlin¿s transparent heart will aid hurting men, while his personal ¿recovery¿ story is filled with life-giving honesty. Coughlin believes the church and our culture has essentially robbed men of our masculinity, resulting in passive, fearful, lifeless ¿nice¿ guys. He encourages men to take risks, to use their gifts and go into the world boldly, embracing leadership and love without fear¿to stop being abused at work, at home and in relationships. He paints a compelling picture of a dangerous, revolutionary Jesus we should strive to follow and emulate. Like Aslan in 'The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe,' Jesus isn¿t ¿safe,¿ but he is ¿good.¿ Coughlin shares the same vision for Christian men, noting Jesus¿ sharp wit, sarcasm and fearless entry into conflict¿a topic most Christian men choose to avoid. He confronts pressing issues in the church, marriage, and life in general, encouraging men to deal with problems instead of repressing them. For example, do you struggle loving others and yourself? Fear and love cannot co-exist. Coughlin also rejects the widely-promoted view today that Christianity is trouble-free and a life spent seeking comfort. In the end, he shows how ¿Nice Guys¿ can live more like Jesus as ¿Good Men.¿ 'No More Christian Nice Guy' is a must-read for Christian men. The church needs this book.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
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