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Caring for a terminally ill loved one can be the single biggest challenge of your life. Drawing from her experience sitting with over 500 people as they died and caring for her own terminally ill father, Dr. Lani Leary gently guides caregivers, family, and friends through the difficult transitions of illness, death, and bereavement.
No One Has to Die Alone offers the practical skills, vocabulary, and insights needed to truly address the needs of a dying loved one while caring for yourself through the process. Dr. Leary shows both patient and caregiver how to rise above feelings of fear and isolation to find peace and meaning in each person’s unique end-of-life experience.
Whether used as a reference book to address a particular challenge or read from start to finish, this is a must-read for anyone facing death or the loss of a loved one. You’ll learn:
• how to listen to and support a loved one’s needs;
• what to expect as a loved one declines and the different grieving processes and tasks;
• the key to supporting a grieving child;
• what resources are available for patients and caregivers;
• the lessons of near-death experiences and the value of after-death communications.
Leary, a psychotherapist and professor of death studies, has written an extraordinarily clear-eyed and helpful guide for those who must care for a dying loved one, an almost unavoidable and challenging situation. Leary brings both the personal experience of her parents’ deaths—two very different situations at different times in her life—as well as two and a half decades’ professional experience working with the dying and the bereaved. Caregivers almost always begin the journey of caregiving not knowing what to do or say; Leary offers both information and comfort for them. Half the book deals with caregiving for the dying, and the second part concerns itself with the bereavement process; several appendixes list varieties of resources. Leary respects both the patterns within and the uniqueness of the processes of letting go and grieving. She provides a public service; this book is strongly recommended for libraries. (Apr.)
"Anyone who is forced to deal with a dying loved one or who is mourning one who has died will profit greatly from reading this seminal manual of Dr. Lani Leary’s. No One Has to Die Alone is not only full of the most helpful practical advice and counsel, but is informed by the author’s luminous spiritual perspective, which makes this a book of wisdom for the living as well.
—Kenneth Ring, PhD, author of Lessons from the Light, professor Emeritus of Psychology, University of Connecticut
“This book is a book of grace, beauty, blessings, and guidance for anyone wishing to expand their consciousness and their practical, as well as sacred, relationship with death, dying, and human suffering.”
—Jean Watson, PhD, RN, AHN-BC, FAAN, University of Colorado College of Nursing, founder of Watson Caring Science Institute a non-profit foundation
“In a culture which tends to avoid issues relating to death and dying, Lani Leary tackles the challenges with openness and humanity.”
—Robin L. Cowherd, director of Donor Family Services, LifeNet Health
Retailing Insight Review:
Dr. Lani Leary couples her personal experience of her father’s terminal illness with her academic background in the field of mental health and 25 years as a working psychotherapist to bring readers No One Has to Die Alone. Her book is partly her personal story, which everyone can relate to, as a daughter losing her father. That experience is balanced out with her academic knowledge of death and dying, and how everyone involved can grow and benefit from a “meaningful death” of a dying loved one. This book may even inspire readers to seek professional counseling for the support they and their dying loved one deserve.
Dr. Leary gently describes the importance of the relationship between the caregiver and the dying patient and lists “How to Show Up for the Patient,” very practical do’s and don’ts. Skillfully outlining the steps needed to care for a dying loved one, she presents additional resources, what to expect, and how to respect and honor the process of dying, a spiritual art that is slowly gaining traction again in this culture.
Her valuable book is especially helpful for bereavement counseling and she divides masculine and feminine grieving and also separates children’s grief from adults’ grief. Dr. Leary’s book, which includes an appendix of resources for the family and friends of a dying loved one, proves to be a compassionate and loving spiritual guide all readers will benefit from.
—Allyson Gracie, Wellness Specialist
"No One Has to Die Alone provides essential information to caregivers of the terminally ill. By including the topic of after-death communication (ADC) experiences, this book also offers comfort, hope, and healing for those who are grieving after their loved ones make their transition."
—Bill Guggenheim, coauthor of Hello From Heaven!
Foreword Jean Watson ix
Preface xiii
Acknowledgments xix
How to Use This Book xxiii
Part I Making a Difference through Illness, Dying, and Death 1
Introduction: My Story 3
1 How We Die Matters 13
2 We Can Make a Difference 25
3 Dying May Be Painful; Death Is Not 55
4 Death Is Not the End 69
5 We Can Cope 79
Part II Making a Difference through Bereavement 97
6 Grieving Is a Process 99
7 We Each Grieve in Unique Ways 109
8 Children Grieve Differently than Adults 131
9 Validation Is the Key to Resolving Grief 149
10 We Can Find Meaning in Loss 167
Part III Recommended Resources 183
Appendix A Letters on Death and Dying 185
Appendix B Letters and Resources on Grief 197
Appendix C Resources and Notes for Caregivers (Professional, Family, Volunteer) 223
Appendix D Notes and Current Research on Near-Death Experiences 227
Appendix E Notes and Current Research on After-Death Communication 237
Appendix F A Caregiver's Breathing Meditation 243
Appendix G A Healing Meditation for Grief 245
LaurieH1
Posted January 8, 2013
This book is written with great care, compassion and knowledge and was very helpful to me in coping with the deaths of my parents and other losses I have had since then. Dr. Leary writes from the heart, without judgment, and demonstrates that she understands the pain and confusion that the process of dying brings to the living. She also convinced me that death is not a horrible, fearful event, but part of a normal and necessary part of life. Not only do I fear my own death less after reading her book, I feel better able to cope with loss and grief in general. I recommend this book for everyone, because even if you or a loved one isn't facing death now, they will be eventually.
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Posted March 28, 2013
I bought this book because I was hoping to volunteer at the hospice. Before I could even get commited to do so I have to learn to cope with someone dying in my family. Maybe I should say (like the author mentionned in the book) : "Someone is living with terminal illness instead of dying from a terminal illness." This book has been really helpful in knowing what to say in helping the fear of dying to reassure the one facing death. It also helps you cope and understand the greiving process. I really think that "No One Has to Die Alone" that's the title that got my attention to buy the Nook book in the first place. I want to be there for my family, but also for those who don't have family members with them during this transition to a new life. A great book for anyone interested to learn about death and how to help the dying in their lives.
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Overview
Caring for a terminally ill loved one can be the single biggest challenge of your life. Drawing from her experience sitting with over 500 people as they died and caring for her own terminally ill father, Dr. Lani Leary gently guides caregivers, family, and friends through the difficult transitions of illness, death, and bereavement.
No One Has to Die Alone offers the practical skills, vocabulary, and insights needed to truly address the needs of a dying loved one while caring ...