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No Peace WithinTidbits of Gold In God's Holy Words
By Ed Douglas
AuthorHouseCopyright © 2009 Ed Douglas
All right reserved.
Chapter OneForbidden Love
Written by Ed Douglas and J. R. Douglas
Walking down on a lonely dark road with no return full poison at tip of his tongue if, he speaks death would follow his way with no desire to give life but only death. For there's no truth in his heart but only bitterness was in his mouth and the way of destruction to the bottomless pit. For his home was darkness and narrow was his way. Just for you to come and follow him in his ways even in his well doing was his games just for you to think that he was a good oh guy. For he is out to steal innocent blood and to touch the forbidden parts of your body. Buying and selling even in trades of unhappiness for he is the dragon from the pits of hell for he is the devil helper looking to and fro to see who he can rob someone peace, joy or take away there innocent and shame for his love will take you right to hell For he will have you to buy a soul so you can touch a forbidden part of someone body. "So he can have his thrill." For he will even have you to go out at twelve midnights just to dance around the fire and bow your knees at his god. And smoking and drinking the Devil blood to worship him as his idle to give him the praise. For the Devil, thinks that he is smart in all his ways and thinks he can get others to follow him to hell. And the ones who follow the big dragon they will fine their soul in the lake of fire and the cries as those it was the pain of sorry. For no peace or joy in there heart nor light but only darkness nor life but death. Smoking and drinking telling dirty jokes you think that you are having a thrill "But your days are all numbered" Wait and see the one that sating on the throne will come as a thief in the night. Then you, the Devil, and his angels shall be cast into the lake of fire. For the Devil angels ridding the iron that is made with two wheels or sometimes made with four. Sometimes they even have the sting of death in their hands going around giving the innocent the liquid that makes them high. At times, it makes them to walk in the valley of no return for their leader has the smile that turn their world upside down and taking them places like a high mountain and teaching them how to fly without their wings. And he also showing them how to walk in their own vomit and at times they make their bed in it. For they even killed the innocent that has taken the devil tails. For they lived in pain and sorrow and they were mark upon their forehead and moved upon the face of the earth. And the Devil and his helper decided the earth and many follows them. Saying, hurt not the earth, neither the sea, nor the trees, until we have sealed the servants of our God in their foreheads Revelation 7: 3. And it was commanded them that they should not hurt the grass of the earth, neither any green things, neither any tree; but only those men which have not the seal of God in their foreheads Rev. 9: 4,
No peace within
In my life as a child growing up with my brother and sister, for we lived in Lake City, Florida since we were little and not knowing our mother. For our father has always told us that our mother was dead; And so that the three of us had to grow up not knowing or having a mother love. The bitterness and hatred that my brother had it for me was for him. For if, we only had a mother tender love just to comfort us and to hold us children in her arms and showing her responsibility to rise. To give us children with tender love none of us knew what love peace right or wrong we even had so many mothers. Sometimes our dad came home with a woman and he would tell us three kids called them mothers. And if we didn't then we would be in trouble." Look, I am getting ahead of myself the name of us three are my sister name is Carolyn Diane Douglas her age then was four and John Henry Douglas was five. Our daddy names Mr. Admiral Dewey Douglas. I am the baby of the kids of the three Edward Dewey Douglas at the age of three years and I am the one telling you about our life hood! No peace within; Oh, I'm 57 year's old now so there is lot's to tell in this story so just bear with me ok. The three of us lived about one mile from our grandparents' house and maybe three or four miles from our aunts and uncles. Almost all our family lived in walking distance. Now we lived about one-1/2 miles in the woods all around the house and not too many people that was out side of the family would come to see us because we had some dogs. When we where children we could not go up town or go shopping or go any where but stay at home. Churches were out of question so you might say that we where prisoners in the woods but in the woods there were some wild animals like wildcat and wild dogs and all kinds of them. I can remember back when someone came up into our yard and us three heard our dogs out side and it seem that the dogs was going after them our dog's always tries to protect us from others who might try to hurt us. My brother and I never got along to good because he was a daddy's boy also, he was always telling on my sister and me. For our brother being the first baby too is born. Should he not be jealous over us two? Because he was the first baby, so I do think that he should get all the attention. And that he wanted to be important because he was the first one to be born into the world. And that Diane and I should give him respect because he was the oldest in the family and that he knew everything. And that we should give him the tension if not then he would tell on my sister and me. One of the woman that dad came home with she had a baby boy and it was by him. And the child was his and he wanted too take good care of the little one and he did love him. For the child name was Gary Douglas he was born in the years of 50's but he did not live long. Before Gary died I was told to keep my eyes on him for the child was very sick when he was born because, he was very sick child my brother and sister went in the back room for a long time. In a while came and ask me if he was ok and I said that he was a sleep. So they went back in the back room again, this time Henry came to check on the child, he was dead, and Henry asks me, what did I do to the child? And I said I did not do any thing but I was playing with a toy on the floor. When my dad did not have one of his girlfriends with him then my sister had to give up her child hood to help to raise me. She even had to act like adult and give up rights from being a child and playing with dolls and when her baby brother got hurt hell was at the door. When I was a child, I can remember about 3 1/2 years old, one night I wet the bed. And the next following morning here comes my dad got me up! "Boy"! He was very mad at me well I could not help it for I was scared. Of course, just being scared of him my dad that did not matter to him. Also, he met me at the well and believes me it was very cold that Sunday and he took a bucket of water and thrower on me. Then he got his bull whip and laid many stripes from my head to my feet all over my body then after that, he made me to. Put that sheet into my mouth and eat it like it like food for least an hour or two. We us children did not lived in Lake City, Fla. all our life because dad lost our home I cannot recall why. Also, we were poor and none of the family would try to help us or to tried to keep our home alive because they where all for themselves. I do believe if we had a mother love, we three would have peace within us, but we did not have. Henry was always for himself and was always telling on me and my sister even just for the little things no matter if it was good or bad. Our dad would always would take Henry side in all things, I can remember that when, and I was a child it seems that I would look over my shoulder or behind me when I was walking ahead. Because way down deep inside of me, it seems that or I had that feeling that, someone was trying to hurt me! For us children knew how to fight. And death was at all three sides of us kids we could kill someone with one finger in self-defense. Myself I have died three times in my life three cars ran over me and once lighting struck a tree and got me too and left me for dead their at my grandparents house. Now I'm five years old and Diane is six years old and Henry is seven years old and that we have moved to Tennessee in the mountains with one of our mom's and we lived their about three years. Then we moved to Conyers, Georgia at the Orphanage home called Jolly Home and from that time, we stay and lived in Georgia for the biggest part of our life. Then one day one by one me other families adopted three out but no one kept us apart because dad got married again. Since my dad got married so many times, it is hard to believe that I come from a large family. And so many mothers we grew up that had come from a large family background; although we have lots of brothers and sisters that I never met so you see that it is hard to keep up with my family tree. One day my dad came and got us from the home, we three moved to Douglas, Georgia for us to live in that town, and that is how we meet one of our stepmother. But we still had the same father. One of our step- mothers had a son and I can recall his name was Charles Mills was her only son and only child for he was something else! In our life, he did things that sometimes were good and at times bad. The only thing that I can say that was on his mind was sex for he could or would not keep his hands. Off the little children or me and my sister for I can remember when my sister went missing. And I could not find her for I look everywhere for her even in the house. In that same hour, Charles called me where he had my sister in the bathroom lying on the floor without any clothes on. For he had me to take off my clothes and then get on top of her and at the age of me I did not know what I was doing. Now Charles mother she was very sweet and I do believed in her heart that she loved us three and I do believe in my heart that she would do everything to help us. And she very good to us and in her heart she would fight for us kids. Now when we first came into there life he was 17 years old and I was five and Diane was six and Henry 8. For weeks went by when Henry got mad at Charles because he did not give him any attention so he went and told our father. And our father got very upset at him, balled his fist, and hit him in his mouth. For a long time Charles was not seen for a long time until way back in the years of 79 or 80 but only for a little while in Douglas Ga. Us three children did not lived in Douglas Ga. but only about 4 or five years then we had to move. Because of our dad and the woman that was staying and looking after us. Was not getting along also one Sunday morning my sister got up crying? And she said that dad came into her room and he had sex with her and she was very upset. And the law came, got our father, and put him in jail. I do believe that Saturday night dad was drinking and that when he went into my sister room. That happens in the years of 1955 or 56 that when the law put our dad in jail also Diane was in the Hospital. For they would not let him the law get out of jail until us children moved? Into another home and into another family for a long times us three was taking away. From seeing one another for about one month or two. For I was called so many names in my life as a child name you would not say or called anyone for that matter. Let me ask you something would you called your child crazy or idiot? My dad and my brother called me all those names now do not get me wrong. I was not an angel in my childhood life and I am still not one for I was a child who was looking for love. That is why this book is called! "No peace within." Now after the law and the Family and the Children Department have taking us children. And put us back into the orphanage in the years of 1960. My sister had to sleep in the girls dorm and the boys stay into the dorm their I got into all kind of trouble. Like knife fights with one of the boys and my brother watching me as if he did not care what happen to me. Now us three stay there in that orphanage until I started running away from their then the law enforcement came and got my brother. And taking us back to Douglas Georgia and left my sister, they are in the orphanage home. For twenty-five to thirty years us three been apart from one another. Oh, my brother and I did not stay in Douglas, Georgia when the law came and got us. For we were there about three hours just long enough to pick up some papers and me some cowboy boots. Then the deputy sheriff put them in the car trunk then he forgot to give them to me after we got to the hospital. Then Henry and me where off to Milledgeville, Georgia in Milledgeville State Hospital. Now our age back then were nine ten eleven. Now Henry did not stay in the hospital to long but only about two weeks then Mr. Dewey Douglas our daddy came and got him out from their now no one did not tell me that he was getting out. Also, they did not let our dad or my brother come down on the ward to see me. That they were going to let him out in that place and I was learning to hate and fight and steal and cursed. And to tell you the truth a child need to learned how to fight because other men would hurt them. One time I can recalled there a man came into my room and tried to get into my bed. So he could rape me and that is when he and I got into a fight. For I was 12 years old then now fighting was my game and I love it back then. And I was not going to let any one to run over me and get away with it. Oh, there are many times I got hurt from fighting but I could not back down and I was not going to run from it. Now as a child, I worked in the kitchen as a cook and k. up. Kitchen helper. For everyone back then that stayed in that hospital wanted to work they would help them get a job and the ones that did work the people paid them about 75 cents a week. Back in 1963 I can recalled in my mind I was sent up to the seven flood and they ask me what I wanted in life. I told them not a dame thing and I was 16th going on 17th and for them to leave me alone. In the years of 1971, I was moved to another State Hospital and the name of that was called Gracewood State School and Hospital Grace wood, Georgia. Just out side from Augusta, Georgia. But anyway, I stayed in the hospital off and on of biggest part of my life for about 25 to 30 years and to me that was called my home. In that hospital is where I have learned some trained working with my hands and my mind. And in Gracewood, they gave me a trade working with cripple people as a Nurse's Aid. But only one thing no one can give to me is a training on that is a love or gives to a child is a family love for all children needs to be loved in a family. From there Mother and Father with open arms every days of their life. Now at the age of seventeen the State hospital was getting ready to send me to a big change in my life. That going thorough the Vocational Rehabilitation in the big city called Atlanta, Georgia on 1313 Northeast Briarwood Drive working. Georgia Clinic Alcoholic Center for about seven days a weeks and the pays was 75 dollars with food and a place to stay. My behavior there was very violent and very bad fighting and not getting along with anyone at all and at times, I was a good old person. There was a woman that stayed upstairs in this two-story house were all the men stay down-stairs. She always doing sexes Axe with her self and trying to get the men to go the bed with her and one days went by and I could not take any more of her. One weeks-inn on Saturday morning, she and I were working together and there it happens. I grab her hand so I could pull her down on the floor so I could have sex with her but she cried rape then she was trying to get away from me. Then the next day came and the man that was over us told me. Not do that any more because I could be in lots of trouble with the law and I could get lock up. That same year of 1971, I went out and found me a better job and a nice home to live for about six mouths. Then I move to Woodville, Florida where my daddy was living and he and I could not get along. So I moved to Lake City Florida and stayed with my grandpa. Wait a minute I am getting ahead of my self in the same year of 1971 there at my grandparent's house. They are where a car pulls up into the yard with two women inside of it. And they said to me we are looking for Edward Douglas and I said to them that I am he. And they ask me and said this is your mother. I told them that were impossible because we three children were told that our mother was dead. No I am not dead and she is my mother and they lived in Jacksonville Florida and if I could go and stay with them for a little while. I ask them what happen in all those years when we needed a mother love. The older woman said Edward I am your real mother and you three kids are my children. And the reason why I was not with you your daddy has put me into the State Hospital for 25 years. And your sister Joann Silver went to the hospital and got me out. And that is why I was not with you, Henry, and Diane. She told me that she love us very much. I lived with them about three months and I got a job working at the Goodwill Industries store. Cause Joann and me did not get along for we got into fights almost every day. Then I moved out and up town in Jacksonville. For I stayed they are working with the store and going back and forth and seeing my mother for about a year. And the same time I stared out looking for my sister Diane for all them years that I was. In the hospital for them many years, we did not to see one in another since we were little children. Now all this happens in the same year of 1971 and when I found my sister. It seems good for us to be together one time before her death. Now I will tell you more about her death later in this book. "Ok" When I found her she also living in the same town where our mother was living also believed me it was very nice for us to be together. Now I stay with her and her family until her husband was hitting her. Then I told my sister that I could not take it any more seeing him doing her like that. So I went back to Lake City where granddad house and grandpa was getting sick. In the year of 1972, I went and moved in town so I could have my own place to live until my granddad got sick. And his wife put him in the hospital for about two weeks. Then after my grandpa got out of the hospital, I moved back to Douglas Georgia and stay with one of my stepmother and her family? And I got a job working for the City of Douglas in Coffee County. My stepmother name is Stella Hutchinson and that is when one my of half sister naming Glenda Faye her nickname is Rooster. Now Rooster was born November 29, 1963 because dad came and got me out of the hospital to stay about two weeks or longer until I got into a fight. And I almost kill one of my half brother Rooster brothers for I was 13th then. Glenda Faye and I have the same father but not the same mother. For we always got alone very good as she was growing up into a younger life. I always tried to be a big brother to her and in hope that she would give me the understanding that I would stand up. And I would fight for her as well laying down my life for her any time because I love her as a big brother. First time when I seen her when she was a little baby "boy! She was very pretty. And her little children they where very sweet but the girl look just like her. Now in my life I did not tried to settle down because I did not know how and all that time. I was in the hospital they did not teach me or show me how and it seems no one cared if I did. So I stayed on the road hitchhiking going back and forth from town to town. Back and forth from Douglas, Georgia to Lake City, Florida now all this has taken place in my younger life. Even in my younger life I just didn't cared about myself that much maybe that is the reason I been on the road so much. Now all this has taken place in my life and in the years of the years of 73 and the year of 74. Now I did not have any schooling when I was growing up in my younger days because my behavior was very bad. And I can recall when the teacher asks me to do some math I got very up set. And I told them hell no for them to do it them self. So that means that I did not have any schooling in my life and I had to go and help my dad at his job as if I was adult. In the year of 1975, I moved back in Lake City, Florida living with one of my Aunt and her name is. Id Bell Murray and her husband name is Ed Murray and at that time, we did not get along. Well anyway, he and I did not see any good in one another ways. And like always my aunt taken side with her husband and she turn against that and me taken place in December 2-weeks before Christmas Eve. And they ran me off from their house and like always, I was on the road hitchhiking on the Interstate 75 going south going towards Tampa Florida. In hope that I might find the carnival people so, they could give me a job. At that time, I do believe that they went end for the season. But anyway, I turn around and got back on the Interstate 75 going north in that same day I made it to Ocala, Florida. And it was getting late in the night so I went and fell a sleep under some bushes by the Interstate! Also, it was very pretty that night and I was very tired for doing very walking. The next day I went to the store to buy some cigarettes to smoke in town. Walking on the sidewalk, I came to a big two-story house, there were some fruit trees in the yard, and they look good! To me and I needed to get something to eat. For I haven eating in days and I just spine all the money that I had on cigarettes and I know that I needed food to eat. And the fruits on them tree look very good to me. I said to myself I am going to try to run over to them fruits tree without being caught. That is all I needed was go to jail and to be locked up for taken something that did not belong to me. For I will never hear the ending of it from my families talking about how sorry person! That taking something that did not belong to me. About the time, I started to go over to the fruit trees some one came out the door and I ran back on the sidewalk. I just know that I was caught and I was going to jail because I was going to them trees but he did not see me. There inside of that big house I heard some one taking so I went to the window. And I said to the stranger that was inside. I said, "If it is ok may I have some fruits that are on the trees out here for I haven eating for days? And he said to me sure you can have all the fruits you want cause that belongs to God. But if you come inside, we will give you all the food that you can eat. So I will start walking toward the door. Then I put my foot on the first doorstep stepped up on the steps and then, I open the door. , the people inside said come on in and I did, I look, and I saw all kind of food on the table. Then they sat down at the table with me and they bowed their head and began to pray in tongues. For wail, I thought they were crazy or they have lost their mind. Finally, someone began to say a prayer in English and at the ending of the prayer, they said amen. Then we began to eat that good food and I have eaten so much food until me though I was going to bust. Now after we got through eating and got up from the table I went to the restroom to wash my hands. I met the young man that called me from out side and gave me some food to eat. I ask him if I could stay and he said to me let us go up stairs so we can talk. So I follow him up the stairs and we went into a room. He said to me "So that you want to stay well this is what you must do if you want to stay here. You must give me everything that you have even the clothes that you have on and even your watch that you have on your wrist. And then he walks out of the room and came back in with some other clothes that was too big. And I said to him the pants is too big for me and he said that is ok I will get you a rope to tie them up. Then another young man told me if you want to get closer to the Lord go up into a room and read your bible and I told him that was impossible. For me to read because I do not know how to read. And he said to me nothing is impossible with God and he will help you to learn how to read the Holy Bible. So I went up into the room and I stayed in there about 3 or 4 weeks. The very first day in that room I said if you are up their Lord you know my heart and if you want me to read you will help me. All of suddenly I was reading the Holy words of God. And I was looking around in the room at the four walls and reading the same time. For I could not believe my eyes for I was reading the Bible for the first time in my hold life. When I was up in that room, I did not eat only oranges and tangerines and they were going through me like laxative. Now my friends! I stay in my new home with my new family off and on about 32 years and me thank God for them and their love. Cause without them taking me off the road and giving me that new life I would not be here today. I am 58 years old and I still asking God for his love and his kindness every day. This new life that I was about going through was going to turn me around and going to turn everything up side down. And give me this new life and put all my sins behind me. And make me a new creature for God and no one here on this earth can do that for me not even the Devil. For in this home I was begun to get ready to move to Houston Texas and I do not like that big city. I even stop fighting other people that stayed around me. I even giving them the love that I never had in my life and I know that is God's love. Here it was pushing in the years of 1976 in my new life doing nothing but reading and praying and fasting. For the Lord trying to do everything for him. I remember that I just come off 21 days of water fast and the spirit of the Lord came down upon me and I began preaching to others. And every one stop what they were doing and they begin to listen to me as I preach. My life growing up into a healthy young man and to lived a happy life with some one. To love me or to have a mother and a father that cared for their children. Would turn my life around and to lived a happy and normal life like other children. It would be so beautiful life just to get up in the morning to have a mother's love like a normal family. Or seeing both parents every day of our life and maybe me and my brother and sister would be happy together. Maybe we would not be fighting like dogs and cat or like prisoners that is locked up with hate in our hearts. If we only knew God and let him rule in all our families life there would not be hatreds in our lives and the devil could not have his ways. God has showed me that every one of his children needs to live a Christian normal life. And to walk away from sins, darkness, and death would not be knocking at our door. For we are living in the shameful world that he made several years when Adam and Eve walk and lived and breathe the same air God did not let them two stay in the Garden of Eden after they have eaten the forbidden fruit; and this same God will not let anyone lived in sins and live here in this world. He is not the God of darkness and he is not the God of the dead but he is the God of the living and the one who is walking in darkness they shall remand in darkness. Until they called upon the name of the Lord and he shall hear their cry. Brethren and sisters in Christ when I was a child I walk in darkness and I was blind and could not see afar off. But now I can see the hand of the Lord and he has taken me in places that I never been before. Since, Then I have been with the Lord I have walk with the Father in the Spiritual round and when he let the heaven open unto me I fell down on my face and I cried Holy, holy unto him that set upon the throne In the year of 2002 my wife and I went back to Grapeland Texas to lived and one of the pastor of the church have passed away. In the years of 2002 of December 2 for he was close to us even as well to others. In the years of 2003, my sister Diane Douglas died and she and I were very close. And not even one of her children tried to let me know about her death. The only way that I found out about her death when I was in Oklahoma for a friend found her name. In the obituary off the computer, for she asks me of my sister name and I told her if it were not for her helping, I would never found out about her death. That day of December 22 day when he was standing at my door of my heart I could hear his voice. He told me this! Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if any one hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me. Revelation 3: 20, and now brothers and sisters if you have not opened your door of your heart. Want you do it is up to you. I beg you "That "Go to the Father for he has his arms open wide for you. Because you might not see the next days so go to him, you need him. God bless you my friends your brother in Christ. My life before I came unto the Lord it was not so easy and it was not good for I was brought up to hate not love and to fight. There in the hospital, the in-patient some of them would get into a fights and someone would get hurt or death was at their door. Now I thank God that I am not in a hospital any more because being in one is not a good life for it was almost like hell. My wife and I have gone to the Library to see if she was live or dead but no word about her. That happens on May the 9th of 2007."
Excerpted from No Peace Within by Ed Douglas Copyright © 2009 by Ed Douglas. Excerpted by permission.
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