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Born Ruth Greenberg, and raised in suburban Boston, Barbara Delinsky worked as a sociology researcher in children's services and was a newspaper photographer and reporter before turning to fiction writing full-time. In point of fact, she never intended to pursue a literary career. But, in the early 1980s, a newspaper article profiling three women who successfully balanced home, family, and romance writing caught her attention. Intrigued, she spent months researching and writing her first novel. It sold -- and Delinsky was off and running.
Praised by critics and fans alike for her character driven studies of marriage, parenthood, and friendship, Delinsky is one of a small cadre of successful women writers (including Nora Roberts and Sandra Brown) who started out writing pseudonymous paperbacks for the category romance genre and muscled their way onto the bestseller lists with hardcover escapist fiction. Yet she is candid about the hard work involved and insists there's no tried-and-true formula that converts automatically to easy money. As if to prove her own point, Delinsky works from eight in the morning to about seven at night, writing in the office above the garage in her Newton, Massachusetts home; doing research; handling interviews; or -- her least favorite part of the job -- touring the country making author appearances.
Over the decades Delinsky has written dozens of novels that have landed on The New York Times bestseller list, including Twilight Whispers (1988), For My Daughters (1994), Three Wishes (1997), Flirting with Pete (2003), and Family Tree (2007). In 2001, she published her first nonfiction title, Uplift: Secrets from the Sisterhood of Breast Cancer Survivors. A cancer survivor herself, she has earmarked all the profits from the sale of this book to benefit breast cancer research.
She gets some of her best ideas in the shower. "It's a little harder to write ideas down there," she wrote to fans on her web site, "but I've been known to yell something out to my husband, who does it for me!"
The family cat, Chelsea, is named after her 1992 novel The Passions of Chelsea Kane.
1. What do the novel’s opening pages tell you about Susan’s relationship with her daughter? What advantages and disadvantages did Susan experience as a single parent? Would you have married Rick at age eighteen if you had been in her situation?
2. How does Susan’s life compare to the lives of the other moms in the book: Kate, Sunny, and Pam? What do their daughters (Lily, Mary Kate, Jess, and Abby) have in common? Are there any similarities between the way the mothers interact and the girls’ circle of friendship?
3. How did you react when Abby revealed why she had wanted to form a motherhood pact with her friends? What longings were they each hoping to satisfy by becoming pregnant? Were they seeking unconditional love, or rebellion against their parents, or something else altogether? How did their motivations change throughout the novel?
4. Though Not My Daughter is entirely a work of fiction, in the summer of 2008 media coverage erupted over a group of teenage girls in Gloucester, Massachusetts, who were alleged to have made a pact to become pregnant and raise their babies together. What does this say about the way our idea of motherhood has changed over generations? Do pregnancy and parenting mean something different to modern women, compared to our grandmothers’ generation?
5. Jess’s extended family is full of interesting contradictions. How was she shaped by Samson and Delilah, and by the ongoing friction between them and Sunny? Is Sunny right to think of Martha and Hank as “Normal with a capital N”? How does Jess define “normal,” based on her family life?
6. The girls have unrealistic ideas about how much it costs to raise a child. Already living on a tight budget, Will and Kate are especially upset by the financial implications of Mary Kate’s news. How does money affect parenting? Who are the best parents in the novel?
7. How did Rick and Susan’s relationship change over time? Is Lily the only reason they stayed connected, or were there other constants that gave them an emotional attachment into adulthood?
8. How would you have responded to Lily if she had been your daughter? Would you have wanted her to have the baby? If so, would you have wanted her to give up the child for adoption? Would you offer to raise your children’s children?
9. How is Lily transformed by the unsettling news of her fetus’s CDH? Was she prepared for the ultimate parenting job of managing a crisis and responding to events that are beyond her control?
10. Why does Lily resist Robbie? Is there a difference between girls’ and boys’ responsibilities when a teen pregnancy occurs? Should fully adult dads have more rights than teenage ones?
11. PC Wool represents a dream fulfilled for Susan. What do the colors, the creativity, and the camaraderie mean to her? If Perry & Cass is a metaphor for family, what kind of family is it? How was Abby affected by her parents’ wealth, and the Perry legacy?
12. Discuss the relationship between Susan and her brother, Jackson. Why do he and Ellen have so much animosity toward her? How does Lily feel about family after she attends her grandfather’s funeral? How does Susan’s understanding of her mother change with the revelation that Big Rick and Ellen were once very close?
13. How did you respond to George Abbott’s editorial in the Zaganack Gazette? Was Susan in any way responsible for Lily’s pregnancy? Who is responsible for preventing teen pregnancy: schools? parents? the media? someone else? On some level, was Lily trying to embarrass her mother by letting history repeat itself?
14. Discuss the novel’s title and the way it captures some parents’ belief that their children are immune from peer pressure. How much do you trust your children? How much did your parents trust you?
15. How did the epilogue compare to the ending you had predicted? What did all children in the novel (adults and infants alike) teach their mothers?
16. What truths about the gifts of motherhood are illustrated in Not My Daughter, and in other novels by Barbara Delinsky? What is special about the way she portrays the bonds between parents and their children?
(For a complete list of available reading group guides, and to sign up for the Reading Group Center enewsletter, visit: www.readinggroupcenter.com.)
ReaderNancy
Posted January 15, 2010
Boring, boring, boring. I will have to admit I finished it to the end, hoping it would get better as it went along. In my opinion, this was the worst book she has ever written. I was very disappointed.
6 out of 7 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.I enjoyed Ms. Delinsky's lastest book. As a mother and a professional, it made me think about my own children and how I would react if a similar situation happened to them or to their friends. This would be a wonderful book club read that would bring many great discussions.
5 out of 5 people found this review helpful.
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Posted March 21, 2010
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As a mother, who like Susan, experienced this myself as a young person I found the book interesting. I found it very realistic to the reactions felt when living in a small community... despite the fact that the situaion ultimately affected NONE of those characters who were most strongly against it! I think it's a good topic for today, because even though teen pregnancy is not new pact behavior offers it a new twist. Good book!!!
4 out of 4 people found this review helpful.
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Posted January 31, 2010
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Lots of good lessons and food for a LOT of thought on teenage prgnancy. Wonderful, thought provoking storyline, heartfelt, heart yanking moments that will stick with you. Worth your time.
4 out of 4 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.As parents we have dreams of how we want to raise our children and who they will become, what they will do with their lives and we expend so much energy helping to mold them into responsible adults. But when the reality of our dreams and aspirations collide head on with the reality of what our children decide to do on their own the results from these decisions can be catastrophic and life altering for both parent and child.
This is played out when three 17-year old girls who are lifelong friends decide that instead of the amazing future that their parents have planned for them another idea makes more sense - having a baby. The girls make a pact to get pregnant at the same time. While each of them comes from a different home life the intricacies of this has always drawn them closer together to provide encouragement. But once they become pregnant and begin to tell their families the fall out that ensues is nothing that they expected or are prepared to deal with and what erupts is not against the girls but their mothers and how these women as mothers failed their children. In particular for Lily whose mother, Susan, is the principal of the high school they all attend is singularly called out in large part not only because Susan is the high school principal. Not only is the backlash at her for setting a poor mother role model to the community but also as an ineffective principal based solely on the fact that she herself was a single mother that had a child at 17. Susan fights for her right to remain as principal but the friends she has always relied upon for moral support are also the mothers of the other girls involved and are struggling with their own inner demons and home issues. While preparing for every possible obstacle that comes up and trying to fight off the nay sayers what Susan never anticipated was that this chaos would cause old ghosts from her experience at 17 to reappear as she thought they were gone if not completely forgotten.
Even after Susan worked hard to build a life for Lily and spent so much time on trying to show her what she could have Lily thought she knew exactly what she wanted and that want was a baby of her own. The anger Susan feels at all of her dreams erupting in the blink of an eye fades away as the town erupts with anger and the school board is asking for Susan's resignation. However, as the story unfolds you see how strong women are as not only mother's but as a person in the household and the community because when pushed they will shove back regardless of how much stronger the opponent appears.
When it is then discovered that there was yet another girl involved who it turns out was the master mind behind the pact to become pregnant new conflicts with the friends and the girls erupt. But everything comes to a screeching halt when Lily's baby has a serious health issue that must be contended with and all the inner battles being fought come to a halt as everyone rallies around the one person that needs the most love and attention right now - Lily's baby.
You can never use enough positive words to describe a Barbara Delinsky book because they are such an amazing read. Perfection does not even come close, wonderful is an understatement and enjoyable is never strong enough. Ms. Delinsky's books tell a story yes, but her books draw you into lives that are complicated, situations that are intense and relationships that are imperfect.
4 out of 6 people found this review helpful.
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Posted February 26, 2010
This is not one of this author's better books and seems to be crying out to be a TV movie. In fact, it's a cross between a TV news magazine story and a made-for-tv-movie! Yes, I admit I read it straight through, but it was an easy read, and to be honest, I kept waiting for it to get better....it didn't. I wanted to like the characters but I just couldn't- the adults seemed to be ignoring reality and the daughters living in a dream world.Single mom, works hard and makes good only to have her "brilliant, top-of-the-class daughter" decide to have a baby because
"(she) loves kids and knows (she'd) be a great mom because she had a great role model". If that's not hard enough for you to swallow, add in the kid's two best friends who do likewise and are duped into it all by another wanna be BFF who got pregnant first, later miscarried and left the others "holding the bag", so to speak. Susan, Mom and HS Principal Extraordinaire distances emotionally just a bit, but the combination of her daughter's precarious pregnancy and the return of the oh-so-suave TV anchorman who is the father of her daughter and who, it turns out, never stopped loving her, brings her around, and Baby Makes Three! Toss in a few requisite characters such as crabby old Down East misogynists, hippie grandparents and confused boys who were duped into stud service and the book crosses over into absurdity.It might be a good choice for women's book clubs if the 1) want a light read 2) can suspend reality and 3) want to have some interesting "what if" discussions.
Good if you want a quick read, or you can wait for Lifetime to make the TV movie!
3 out of 4 people found this review helpful.
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Posted February 24, 2010
This was a fantastic book. I loved the storyline and how the book related to everyday family problems that we all have gone through with our children. It's a book a parent could relate to.
2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.What would you do if your seventeen year old daughter told you she was pregnant and what if that wasn't the end of it.
The story line/plot of this book is engaging, worrisome and very unique in a way only an outstanding storyteller could. She brings us the story through the voices of the young women and the voices of their mothers and families. She gives us a good look at small town America and what could happen if the continuity of that town was broken. Her characters are rich and colorful and so three dimensional that they jump off the page. You will laugh and cry with them, hope and fear with them and above all you'll cheer for them. The novel goes deep into the relationship between mothers and daughters. The dangers of youthful pacts and the consequences they bring. Her flowing dialogue keeps us turning pages as she tells her story. There is romance involved in the novel and it's portrayed wonderfully but it's not the major point of the story.
This novel would appeal to all readers who love a great story. To women who have teenage daughters or granddaughters. To those who enjoy a coming of age story. To anyone who loves great literature.
2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.
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Posted September 3, 2011
I enjoyed this book. Nice little vacation for my brain.
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Posted August 25, 2011
I purchased this book because the subject matter interested me. I feel like i've read a lifetime movie. No originality.
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Posted July 29, 2011
One I started it, I could not stop. I liked the characterizations. I wanted to like them anyway, but I found myself feeling horribly sorry for these boys who were picked for their good genes" especially good guy Robbie. Do we really want girls to think that boys can be used this way and discarded just because it's happened to so many girls in the past? And the whole thing had a bright shiny happy ending, making it look like a pregnancy pact is a good thing. Yes, everyone had problems, but the nitty gritty of having a child at seventeen turned out fine for all. It was VERY flat in spots.
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Barbara Delinsky did a fascinating job with her characters. I enjoyed the story line. The idea of a pregnancy pact is not ever at the forefront of my mind. What I liked is the way things worked out. NOt perfectly but fairly realistically. The dynamics of a small town were captured as were the nuances of female relationships. I think this is a great discussion book for moms and daughters as well as a book club.
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Good book for moms. It shows the complication of a mother daughter relationships and standards mothers face.
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.I totally enjoyed Barbara Delinsky's newest book. It is a well investigated storyline and very applicable in today's world.
Heart wrenching. I felt as though I was going through all the events myself.
Actually did not want the story to end. Bravo Barbara!!
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.A gifted voice performer Cassandra Campbell narrates with ease in both Italian and English. She has countless audiobooks, documentaries, and commercials to her credit plus on stage performance experience. She brings depth and clarity to her reading of NOT MY DAUGHTER.
Single mom Susan Tate has done all right for herself and her daughter, Lily, now 17. The principal of the local high in Zaganack, a small close knit community Susan is proud of Lily who excels not only scholastically but also in sports. Truth be told, Susan might be even prouder of their mother/daughter relationship. They're close, honest and open with one another.
Thus, Lily's words were a shocker. "Susan never saw it coming. She only knew that her daughter was different. The girl who had always been spontaneous and open had suddenly grown opaque." She is pregnant. Hearing that confession from Lily and having the fact corroborated by a doctor brought back what Susan's mother had said to her years ago, "You've shamed us, Susan. What were you thinking?" She, too, had been pregnant in high school and refused to marry the father of her child.
Inspired to a degree by the Gloucester, MA pregnancy pact Barbara Delinsky has fashioned a riveting, emotion packed story about three high school girls who make a similar agreement. The effects on both the girls and their families are thoughtfully explored as each copes in a different way.
As the high school principal Susan is, of course, now at risk with some perhaps thinking she is not fit to lead young students. She has fought hard for not only her job but for financial independence. Lily's actions force her mother to re-examine the mother/daughter relationship, as well as the part she may have played in Lily's choice consciously or subconsciously.
Yet, at its heart NOT MY DAUGHTER is a story of love and forgiveness. Delinsky's characters are authentic, so real, and ultimately sympathetic. And her story line may lead some to discover just how many ways there are to be a good mother.
- Gail Cooke
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Posted February 20, 2010
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This was a very touching story of a young girl and her friends that form a pregancy pack. Susan, one of the mother's of one of the girls, handles the situation with class. Even though it cause her some problems with her work, she's a high school principal.
I feel the story was very timly and would hopt tha tif I were in that situation I would hnadle it as nicely as Susan. I was very touched that Barbara chose to use my name as the character, Susan Tate. I'm very proud and would definately love to know this character.
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Posted January 26, 2010
This is the first book by this author that I have read and I will not pick up another. The story was flat as were the characters. The best part of this book is the idea. Save your money and borrow it from the library
1 out of 3 people found this review helpful.
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Posted January 12, 2010
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This was a good book with enough substance to make it a good Book Club choice. The edition I read had questions in the back designed to start discussions, but I don't think you need them. The book really had me thinking about what it means to be a good parent...and just how quickly a teenage kid can get off track!
The characters were easy to get to know and the friendships the women shared felt real. Delinsky also wove in enough aspects of the women's lives to let you see them in three dimensions.
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Posted January 31, 2012
Introduction
Not my Daughter is a story about three girls who decide to form a pregnancy pact. The girls were unaware of the consequences that would follow this decision for them and for their parents. This decision that these three girls made put an extreme amount of trouble on the small town of Zaganack. These girls thought everything was going to be perfect but that all turns around.
Description and summary of main points
The girls decide to get pregnant and completely exclude the baby’s fathers from everything. They all planned to keep it a secret until it was inevitable but that failed when Lily’s mother Susan got suspicious and she had to tell her. Susan soon found out about Mary Kate and Jess but it was not until later that their mothers Sunny and Kate found out about the pact. Susan was disappointed in Lily because she herself was a teenage mother and made sure Lily knew how hard it was. Sunny was really embarrassed that Jess was a pregnant teen and Kate was angry because she already had five kids in the house of her own and there was no room for another.
The three mothers have been best friends for years and so have their daughters but Pam Abbey’s mom another friend of Lily’s is new to the group. On Saturdays the moms get together and dye yarn for PC Wool catalogue. They discus and vent about the girls being pregnant none of the moms get it their daughters are the top athletic, social, and academic students. All the blame is put on Susan because she is the principal of the high school and she was a teen mother herself so the school board is disappointed in her for not preventing this in her daughter.
While Susan is fighting for her job her father dies and old feeling come back. Susan’s parents gave her money and kicked her out when they found out she was pregnant with Lily. Susan was especially angry that she never got the chance to talk to him before he died so they went to her hometown. Susan’s brother was mad that she showed up and told her to leave but Susan persisted to stay. After the funeral they went back home for Lily’s sonogram they find out that Lily’s baby has a serious health condition and will need surgery before birth to correct it.
Although Abbey knows Lily was mad at her she and the other girls gathered to support Lily while the mothers comforted Susan. While she was gone an open meeting was held for her job and she was kept up to date by Abbey who was going to the hospital with them. She ended up keeping her job and the surgery was over after a couple of hours. Everyone was grateful that Lily’s baby was ok several weeks later all the girls had their babies and they were all fine but Jess’s baby had reflex disorder so it was hard for her to take her anywhere.
Evaluation
I thought this was a very good book and it made a point about how much trouble teen pregnancy can cause and what kind of things can go wrong. If your looking for a good book pick this one up at your local library or bookstore.
Conclusion
My conclusion is that when you’re young you are unaware of consequences that can follow your decisions. Young people can make decisions without thinking them completely through.
5803433
Posted August 20, 2011
This was a great book. Very powerful, very emotional. Delinsky did a great job with this one
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Overview
A pregnancy pact between three teenaged girls puts their mothers' love to the ultimate test in this explosive new novel from Barbara Delinsky, “a first-rate storyteller who creates characters as familiar as your neighbors.” (Boston Globe)When Susan Tate's seventeen-year-old daughter, Lily, announces she is pregnant, Susan is stunned. A single mother, she has struggled to do everything right. She sees the pregnancy as an unimaginable ...