Not of My Making: Bullying, Scapegoating and Misconduct [NOOK Book]


Have you ever been teased or bullied? Or perhaps you have seen someone else being cruelly teased or maybe you were the bully. Like most of us, Margaret believed that once she graduated from high school the teasing and bullying would stop. She was wrong. The bullying just took forms that were more sophisticated. High school bullies often remain bullies. Bystanders still fail to take any action that will help the victim. Victims continue to find it difficult to find a place for themselves at work, in social ...
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Not of My Making: Bullying, Scapegoating and Misconduct

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Have you ever been teased or bullied? Or perhaps you have seen someone else being cruelly teased or maybe you were the bully. Like most of us, Margaret believed that once she graduated from high school the teasing and bullying would stop. She was wrong. The bullying just took forms that were more sophisticated. High school bullies often remain bullies. Bystanders still fail to take any action that will help the victim. Victims continue to find it difficult to find a place for themselves at work, in social settings and at church. Not of My Making tells the true story of how one woman’s childhood victimization left her easy prey for the grownup bullies at church, the one place she foolishly believed would always be safe. Read about Margaret’s personal growth from victim to survivor to thriver.

Clergy and church leaders did everything they could to silence Margaret and prevent her from joining another church. This book breaks that silence and tells the author's struggle to belong to and be accepted by three mainline churches. Feeling a desire to deepen her own spirituality while providing her children with a religious and moral education, she joined a Unitarian Universalist Church. After expressing unpopular opinions and feelings she was shunned and blacklisted by her congregation. She joined another church only to be dechurched a second time when she objected to clergy and church leaders gossiping about her childhood history of sexual and emotional abuse. She took refuge in a Lutheran Church only to be dechurched a third time. Shattered she desperately sought to understand what had happened to her and why. At first she believed her dechurching was an unusual event but as she read books on spiritual abuse and bullying she came to realize that such behavior is common in religious institutions. Individuals with a history of childhood victimization are especially vulnerable to be singled out, marginalized and rejected by church members.
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Editorial Reviews

Charles Ashbacher
In the ideal world, egos and ambitions would be checked at the door of churches and all actions related to the running of a church. Unfortunately, humans will remain humans when they are engaged in everything from warfare to worship. There will be pettiness, ambition, frustration, bullying and blaming wrapped up within the goals of providing emotional and spiritual comfort.
This book is not the typical religion book, as it concentrates not on the true goals of the practice of religion but t
Joanne Carnevale
Dr. Jones has written an intensely personal - yet I suspect quite universal - memoir of her experiences with bullying and peer pressure. Robbed of her childhood voice by abusive, neglectful parents, she was easy prey for neighborhood bullies, and grown-up pedophiles, as well.

Later, even as an adult and practicing psychologist, she found herself again victimized by her fellow congregants - and ministers! - at not just one, but three churches. When the peers in these cases couldn't coer
T Michael Cart
Spiritual abuse has always been a major concern in churches, the world over. Yet, never before, have we seen such a new willingness to share painful and destructive experiences in churches as we have seen in recent years. People want to be heard and they long to find healing.
Not of My Making, by Dr. Margaret Jones, is the true story of one woman's journey through the realities and consequences of abuse in churches and families.
The book engages the reader from the outset, setting the st
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Product Details

  • BN ID: 2940011987861
  • Publisher: Pluck Press
  • Publication date: 6/28/2008
  • Sold by: Barnes & Noble
  • Format: eBook
  • Pages: 412
  • File size: 424 KB

Meet the Author

Dr. Jones was born and raised in the New York Metropolitan area. Rejected by most of her peers she emulated Anne Frank and began keeping a diary where she recorded her troubles, hopes and dreams.

In college she considered a writing career but when a creative writing instructor disparaged her work she switched majors to psychology. She was awarded a doctorate from Hofstra University in 1986. Her psychological training taught her how to think, solve problems and cope with life’s challenges.

Dr. Jones and her husband own Adult & Child Counseling Associates, a successful counseling and coaching practice in New England. As a survivor of abuse and neglect she has a special affinity for working with individuals who have been sexually, physically and emotionally exploited. Believing all individuals regardless of what problems they are experiencing know what is best for them, she seeks to build upon her clients’ strengths and assist them in finding solutions to their own problems.

After her marriage to Lyndon Jones, she placed most of her creative energy into raising their two children while pursuing her career in psychology. She put away her journals and did not look at them until 1999 when she was the victim of bullying and scapegoating in her church community. She went to see a therapist but was so overcome with anxiety she couldn’t talk. In between sessions she began writing in a spiral notebook whatever came into her head and then shared what she had written with her therapist. Writing became a central part of her recovery.

Using her journal and letters she wrote a literary memoir, Not of My Making, about her experience of being emotionally abused and bullied in mainline churches. Aside from her dissertation, this is Dr. Jones' first book.
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  • Posted July 24, 2011

    Highly Recommended

    Dr. Jones opens her life in this book. This is a great book for anyone that has experienced bullying themselves or who has witnessed abuse and bullying. Dr. Jones tells of her experiences and how she has healed from them, showing that everyone can heal and from abuse and bullying. This is a great resource for all!!

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  • Posted July 24, 2011

    An Honor to Read

    Dr. Jones' candor and transparency is inspiring and empowering. Her openness about the internal turmoil brought on by trauma (within what should be a place of healing) and her honesty about her own struggles is moving and validating.

    The book wasn't easy for me to read. I realize one reason for that is because it was painful to read, stunningly painful. As I read, I would find myself getting tense and uncomfortable. I found myself wanting the author to walk away from all of it. I found myself wondering if I had walked away from my particular circumstances too soon, wondering if I had tried hard enough...should I try again. I also found validation and more courage in my own voice.

    I can't say that I completely know how Margaret felt; I don't know if we ever know exactly how another feels. However I do relate with her circumstances and I can say she put into words brilliantly, compassionately, and authentically the soul wrenching one wrestles with when one's being, one's trust, and one's core is shattered...the emotions, thoughts, self-doubt, self-hatred, vacillation, distrust, hope, confusion, shame, desperation, complexity, determination, responsibility, blame, anger, and all the 'stuff' in between.

    It seems she shows every angle of endeavoring to right a situation, of trying to understand what happened. In so doing, she shares lots of detail that some readers may find tedious. Yet, it is those details that convey how very entangled social groups can become. Relaying those details helped me, giving myself more permission so to speak, to continue to untangle and understand my own toxic group experiences.

    I was thrilled when I read the final chapter, "Breaking the Silence." I wanted to jump up and down like a cheerleader. Yes! Yes! Yes! I tasted empowerment and freedom.

    This memoir takes one on a journey into the midst of a web of toxic relationships and one woman's struggle to respond with integrity, empowerment, humbleness, and hope.

    "Not of My Making"....what powerful words to help curb blaming the victim. I'll remember them.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 10, 2011

    No text was provided for this review.

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