|Part 1||Upscale Violence|
|1||Piercing the Veil of Silence||3|
|2||"This Doesn't Happen to People Like Us ..."||17|
|3||Why Do Women Stay in Abusive Marriages?||37|
|Part 2||The Wife's Path in and Her Way Out|
|4||Getting In: "He Was So Sexy, So Powerful--He Swept Me Off My Feet ..."||55|
|5||Staying the Course: "I Made My Bed ..."||79|
|6||Going Public and Getting Going: "I'm Outta Here ..."||109|
|Part 3||People Along the Path: Those Who Help or Hurt|
|7||The Men: Arrogance and Insecurity, Grandiosity and Self-Doubt||131|
|8||What About the Children?||159|
|9||Who Can Help? Therapeutic Interventions||175|
|10||The Double-Edged Sword: How Family, Friends, and Professionals Can Make Matters Worse||203|
|11||Life Goes On||221|
Not to People Like Us: Hidden Abuse in Upscale Marriagesby Susan Weitzman
Pub. Date: 07/28/2001
Publisher: Basic Books
How is it possible for a highly educated woman with a career and resources of her own to stay in a marriage with an abusive husband? How can a man be considered a pillar of his community and regularly give his wife a black eye? The very nature of these questions proves how convinced we are that domestic violence is restricted to the lower classes. Now Susan
How is it possible for a highly educated woman with a career and resources of her own to stay in a marriage with an abusive husband? How can a man be considered a pillar of his community and regularly give his wife a black eye? The very nature of these questions proves how convinced we are that domestic violence is restricted to the lower classes. Now Susan Weitzman explores a heretofore overlooked population of battered wives-the upper-educated and upper-income women who rarely report abuse and remain trapped by their own silence.
- Basic Books
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This book is a real eye opener for educated, higher income level women. Abuse is often associated with lower income levels, but it is going on in EVERY socioeconomic level. It can happen to the wives of doctors, attorneys, CEOs, etc. even if the man seems 'so nice' to the outside world 'family, friends, coworkers'. It seems like on almost every page I found myself saying 'I'll have to remember this'. My only wish was that it had a bit more about psychological, mental, and emotional abuse, which can wear a person out as much as physical. I have recommended this book over and over to a variety of people, and even told the local organization my area for domestic abuse about it. Susan Weitzman zoned in on an area that has not been largely studied, but in reality, is going on at full force.
After finally leaving a very abusive marriage, This is the only book that I have found that relates to me. This book should be offered to all women going thru a divorce in upscale marriages. I have given this book to my family and friends to help them get thru the anger. I could not tell them. Too ashamed. I now let this book speak for me and all the other women who are or have gone thru such trauma. Many thanks to Dr. Weitzman.
I have lived domestic violence in the past and for many years,I have worked with all types of abusers and victims from all socioeconomic backgrounds, so my perpective is a bit broader. I remember when this book first came out, we even attended an 'upscale violence' training as a result of this book, some were scoffing at the idea of upscale violence. The abusive behaviors and victim coping strategies are almost identical across all socioeconomic spectors, however there are two things that stand out in my experience that make this book a needed tool: the power difference. All abusers wield power over victims: Physical force, emotional blackmail, threats, finances and resources..etc...but the amount of power held by the abuser and the lack of power held by the victim are both crucial elements to consider. In a poor household, if the woman flees in the middle of the night with nothing but the clothes on her back, it is extremely difficult for her because she has nothing, no resources. Society has falsely assumed that rich women should be able to leave easily because they have so much 'power', so many resources.....not necessarily so when the abuser is both powerful and ruthless...he can find you anyplace you go, he can hire attorneys and fight endlessly to take your children away, to discredit you, and he can destroy your career if you have one......so the assumption that a rich woman can easily end her abuse and just walk away is not accurate. Some rich and powerful abusers, resort to murder too. The poor woman is limited by her lack of power, so is the rich woman, but in a different way. I appreciate the fact that the book deals with the social stigma associated with the affluent revealing that 'all is not well' in their houses, in fact, it may be quite savage and barbaric within their home. One of the worst DV(domestic violence) murders was recorded via a photo (media): a very rich and powerful, well respected doctor killed his wife by burning her alive in the living room of their mansion. And we all remember the O.J. Simpson case. Upscale violence is alive and well, scaring generations of children who appear to 'have it all'....all except a safe home.