NurtureShock: New Thinking about Children

It wasn't the name of the book that caught my attention. It was in fact a reference to the book by another that made me want to own and read it for myself.

I am a great grandfather. You would think I was past all this. But it was a most exciting read as I saw the books contents being applicable to both my daughter and grand daughter. My grand daughter has said it will help her with the raising of her 9 month old son. So after I read it I gave the book to them to keep for their use. In fact there was so much new information that I bought a second book for my second daughter who is the mother of a 13 year old and a 9 year old. The 13 year old has read the chapter on sleep and I understand made some personal adjustments as a result. This is a very useful and informative read.

5 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

A must read for today's parents

Having read many parenting books and sat through oodles of parenting seminars, I found Nurture Shock to be a fantastic read. Addressing many of today's parents' practices with excellent research showing the true outcomes of many of our parenting practices.

As the mother of ten wonderful children I was so pleased to read the chapter addressing how to praise/encourage our children. We all love our children so much and want to bless them with praise for everything. Let's face it, we want our children to succeed and 'feel' happy, but we're doing them a disservice when our praise is unfounded. As we've known for year, kids are intuitive and they know when we're praising them for 'nothing' in an attempt to build them up. This empty encouragement actually leads to a future of anxiety (perhaps),low self-esteem (perhaps)and worse still, low motivation.

As Bronson and Merryman point out the pitfalls of false praise, they are quick to show the benefits of praising and encouraging children for their 'effort' not necessarily the outcome. We're to be building our kids up for the journey...so they'll continue to be motivated to journey and have the confidence that perfection isn't the reward, trying is.

This is only on point that I found compelling. If you are a parent, teacher or work with children in any capacity, you must read this book. It will motivate you to better practices in raising your children to live emotionally and academically healthy lives.

3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

Couldn't Put It Down; Fascinating

In a world of modern, involved, caring parents, why are so many kids aggressive and cruel? Where is intelligence hidden in the brain, and why does that matter? Why do cross-racial friendships decrease in schools that are more integrated? If 98% of kids think lying is morally wrong, then why do 98% of kids lie? What's the single most important thing that helps infants learn language?

NurtureShock is a groundbreaking collaboration between award-winning science journalists Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman. They argue that when it comes to children, we've mistaken good intentions for good ideas. With impeccable storytelling and razor-sharp analysis, they demonstrate that many of modern society's strategies for nurturing children are in fact backfiring--because key twists in the science have been overlooked. Nothing like a parenting manual, the authors' work is an insightful exploration of themes and issues that transcend children's (and adults') lives.

I found this book fascinating. Rather than using the old cliches of parenting, the authors do a survey of the scientific studies that prove what really goes on in children's brains. One example is the self-esteem movement. Bronson and Merryman talk about how the ubitiquous "You're so smart" talk that children are innudated with actually tend to decrease rather than increase their self-esteem. It makes them anxious as if intelligence is just a matter of luck. What truly increases their self-esteem is specific praise for actions that are successful. This would include items such as "You really worked hard on that problem" or "I liked the way you went back and figured out where you went wrong" or "Studying that vocabulary list several nights resulted in you getting a good grade". This kind of specific praise lets the child know that they are, indeed, in control of their performance. It reinforces the feelings that I always had as a kindergarten teacher; children know quickly if praise is earned or just false words.

The authors talk about other scientific studies that help parents think outside the box on other issues. For example, lack of sleep is far more tied to obesity than watching TV or children raised in a diverse racial environment often do not become more accepting of others unless parents and teachers emphasize that their are differences and that these differences are to be celebrated.

I found this one of the most useful books I've read lately, and I definately will be sending a copy to my children to help them in raising the grandchildren. This book is recommended for all parents and teachers, or anyone interested in helping children improve their performance and reach their potential.

2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

Good Intentions may not be Good Ideas

In NurtureShock, Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman examine the psychology of children and adolescents and disprove many accepted generalizations about the behavior and growth from infancy to adulthood. They investigate everything from the power of praise to why kids lie to the science of teenage rebellion. Although they "geeked out" and included a myriad of research they had gathered, this did not make their writing increasingly boring, in fact, it did just the opposite and NurtureShock became an incredibly interesting book that would change our assumptions that good intentions were good ideas. I enjoyed this book because Po and Ashley explained their findings remarkably well and provided examples from the real world. Everyone who works with kids from infancy to teenage years should read this because it offers fantastic advice with astonishing evidence to back it up that will change views on how children should be raised. Overall this was a wonderful book that really made me think and reconsider all of my interactions with people.

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

The most enlightening child development book I've read so far!

PHENOMENAL! Exquisitely researched. So informative. I feel like I have the correct answers to common parentings myths. Love the chapter on what works to develop your child's language skills. Within a day my six month's old's language became more advanced. Thank you! Thank you!

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

Revelatory and Thought-provoking

I really enjoyed reading this one. I wish I'd had it before I had my son, because I would have loved to find a classroom where the supervised play routine was followed. There was so much to absorb here. The subjects range from why children lie, why they argue with us so much when they're teenagers, why so many still grow up prejudiced, and why popularity isn't such a great thing to aspire to in high school. (Popular kids are very often popular because they are selectively mean. I knew that, but it was gratifying to have it confirmed here.) All in all a great read. I'd recommend it for everyone with a kid and everyone who wonders how are schools and parenting methods are shaping (or failing to shape) our kids.

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

NurtureShock's shockingly interesting research

I'm not a big fan of parenting books because I usually feel that they are trying to pass off someone's idea of what parenting should be. I'm a believer that if you are pretty mentally healthy and love your kids and try to do the best you can then it's pretty hard to mess them up. However, NurtureShock utilizes REAL scientific study and findings and presents them in a straightforward way that's easy to understand and apply--which I tried immediately, and got results from. This book takes to task many "holy grails" of parenting and helps parents understand how younger minds tick. Highly recommend!

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

Makes you take hard look at what you're doing as a parent...

Before I give my review, I have to admit that I'm a biased Po Bronson fan. I've read "What Should I Do with My Life" and "Why Do I Love These People?" and loved them both. That being said, he and his writing partner deliver the goods with solid research and excellent interviews with real parents. I was pleased to know that some of the things I do as a parent are useful strategies that all parents should employ. But I was also pleased that the book allowed me to critically think about other aspects of my parenting and really start to assess how I can change and improve. The chapters on Praise and Lying were the ones I found most useful but all of them were worth reading. I think the book belongs right alongside Dr. Spock, the "What To Expect When Your Expecting" series, etc. I would recommend this book to any parent that is objectively looking for ways to improve their parenting as opposed to those who just want reassurance.

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

This will challenge and baffle you

Most parents raise their children 'by the book,' but a new body of research would suggest that society's strategies for raising kids are indeed backfiring.
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Why is it that children are sleeping in class?
How can praising children have an adverse effect?
Why do children lie?
Why do siblings fight?
Can self-control be taught?

These and a multitude of other questions are being addressed in NurtureShock.

The style of writing for this book is easy to follow and relies heavily on recent research to support the authors' argument. It is straight forward and not a 'dry read'; you don't have to look up anything on Google or on Wikipedia. The concepts and findings are easy to understand and the authors build up what is necessary in order to make their point.

The authors aren't telling the readers what is the right way to nurture children as that would be an insult to many parents, but rather what the research is telling us about the effects of the different ways parents and teachers are contributing to the children's growth. The book is more about the general findings and how this may be applied to most children.

This book is far from boring. To many parents, many ideas will challenge you and baffle you. I wouldn't say this book will ultimately change the way kids are being raised as old habits die hard, but you will experience a nurture shock. (bambireads.blogspot.com)

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

Groundbreaking

A MUST read for parents!

Good read

Overall, this book was very thought-provoking. I don't think the authors did a great job discussing Gifted Education or the difference between gifted children and academically talented children. They are different. It's true that academically talented children are better identified later and that gifted kids are NOT necessarily academically talented... but I do not think the authors did a good job of separating them. In fact, it sounded to me like they argued that "smart" kids should be in gifted programs.... but being smart and being gifted are two different things. Honors and AP classes are for the academically talented... giftedness is something different. Most schools around me know this and differentiate the two.

Eye-Opening Book

I just finished reading Nurture Shock for my book group (comprised of other mothers) and it is eye-opening. I agree with reviews I have read that some of the chapters left me frustrated about things I feel somewhat helpless to change, but the compelling arguments have definitely motivated me to try. There are actually a few chapters I am going to share w/the staff and other parents of my older son's pre-school/day care program (I think this book should be required reading for all the staff and teachers at the school, which is a really fantastic and progressive school, but I'm sure they get this from parents all the time so I'll have to try to temper my excitement). The chapter I found most relevant for them was about Tools of the Mind, the pre-school and kindergarten curriculum that talks about how pretend play is the way young kids master symbolic representation, which is necessary for all academic coursework. This is one area I'm going to do a little more research about on my own and then talk to the school about implementing. I hope they're open to the idea, because I just can't stop thinking about the difference in results between the kids who were given curriculum and the ones who were not. One of the other really enlightening chapters for me was about teaching diversity to kids - not just having kids in a multiculturally diverse environment, which we do by default, but explicitly talking to kids about how wrong it is to judge people for their skin color. This is something they can easily do in school and we can certainly do at home. I was too afraid to say anything wrong but I realize that not saying anything at all would be worse. Then, there was a chapter about sleep deprivation and how each lost hour of sleep is exponentially damaging to kids, which really hit home for me since we often get our kids too sleep well past bedtime. Anyway, the findings in the book are so relevant and important to children of all ages that I feel compelled to tell everyone I know about it. Plus, it's a real page-turner, not at all like the textbooks we had to read in school!

Great Parenting Book, A must read!

I found this book very interesting as it really made me think about parenting and I had a lot of "AHA" moments while reading it. It discusses a lot of subjects such as racism that we as parents think that our kids will learn about naturally, when in fact we must guide them so they do not come to the wrong conclusions and understand it is wrong to judge people on the color of their skin, hair and etc. I found the chapter on testing for gifter children interesting also! How can the schools test the children so young, when research has shown that kids intelligence is better tested in 3rd grade. I recommend this book to skeptical parents as I was and ended up loving this book!

Every parent and educator should read this book!

Even if they disagree with the findings or suggestions, it will make everyone think of children as more than innocent minds incapable of complex thought. As a parent, it's given me much to consider and colored the way I view my relationship with my children and their ultimate potential.

Intriguing and unexpected ideas

Rarely do I find a nonfiction book so effortless to read as I did NurtureShock. A thought-provoking and carefully wrought exploration of some of the newer studies on children and developmental psychology, NurtureShock manages to introduce its concepts without feeling pushy. I found occasional facets of Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman's discussions a little weak in their argument, especially portions of the chapter on race, and I think I'd like to read some of the actual studies they cite before putting the ideas into action, but I appreciate the opportunity the book provided to engage new thinking on child-rearing and development.

Very Interesting!

I work in the mental health field, and thoroughly enjoyed how much empirical research was embedded into this book. The points presented are so incredibly interesting, challenging what we traditionally think about child-rearing and development in general. I think that this is a great resource for parents, or anyone who works with children or is simply interested in learning about interesting developmental research. Great book, great ideas!

Just what I needed

NurtureShock addressed several of the problems I had been having with my five-year-old daughter. I was able to act on several of the theories presented and have seen almost immediate results. The reference section is wonderful and has led me and my husband other relevant studies and articles that have helped us improve our understanding of and connection with my daughter.
I am always hesitant to recommend a book as though it is the be all end all guide to parenting, but this is an excellent resource. Even if you don't agree with some of its messages, it sheds light on various theories within the education world and helps the reader see that there are many techniques out there.

A new way of looking at children's development

I wish this book had been written 10 years ago! I would have done some things differently with my children. The authors take a new look at many commonly accepted thoughts about children's behavior and attitudes. They have done an extensive review of the research literature, and found that many conclusions were not supported by the research. Despite the topic and the many research references, the book is fascinating to read and I highly recommend it for anyone raising children.

Great for parents of young children

I found this book to be very eye-opening as a parent with regard to several areas. The information on the loss of sleep today's children suffer from, the counter-productiveness of the forms of praise we usually use, and the inaccuracy of early childhood IQ testing were especially interesting to me. I hadn't seen a lot of the information contained in this book anywhere else, so I definitely learned new things to implement with regard to my own children. I highly recommend this book for other parents of young children. There is also good information on teenagers, but I felt more of the book was focused on early childhood.

Finally!!

This book is brilliant. The authors offer compelling research from a wide spectrum of sources on correlative and connective causes for many of the profound shifts in child behavior that have occured over the past 30 - 40 years. In the process they debunk the trite, abused, overused, under researched bugaboos like television, public schools, and video games. They do not tell parents how to parent, but provide unsettling research that will blow away many of the comforting, elitist myths of modern parenting.

It is an engaging, highly readable journey into the realm of the child's mind and behavior from birth through young adulthood and should be required reading for parents, educators, indeed anyone who deeply cares about the welfare of current and future generations of children.