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The Nymphos of Rocky Flats

The Nymphos of Rocky Flats

3.6 57
by Mario Acevedo
     
 

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The first and only vampire book to be declassified
by the federal government . . .

Felix Gomez went to Iraq a soldier. He came back a vampire.

Now he finds himself pulled into a web of intrigue when an old friend prompts him to investigate an outbreak of nymphomania at the secret government facilities in Rocky Flats. He'll find out

Overview

The first and only vampire book to be declassified
by the federal government . . .

Felix Gomez went to Iraq a soldier. He came back a vampire.

Now he finds himself pulled into a web of intrigue when an old friend prompts him to investigate an outbreak of nymphomania at the secret government facilities in Rocky Flats. He'll find out the cause of all these horny women or die trying! But first he must contend with shadowy government agents, Eastern European vampire hunters, and women who just want his body . . .

Skewering sexual myths, conspiracy fables, and government bureaucracy, The Nymphos of Rocky Flats reveals the bizarre world of the undead with a humorous slant and a fresh twist.

Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly
This debut novel succeeds largely because Acevedo gleefully acknowledges that it takes a lot to make a vampire story interesting anymore. PI Felix Gomez, an ex-soldier who became a vampire while serving in Iraq, uses his supernatural powers to solve mysteries that befuddle mere mortals. When a friend in the Department of Energy asks him to look into an outbreak of nymphomania among female guards at a plutonium processing plant in Colorado, things get really weird: hypnotized personnel talk cryptically about Roswell and something called Project Redlight, trained assassins start decimating the local vampire community and an amorous dryad shows up to assist in the detective work. As though this weren't enough, Felix refuses to drink human blood, an ethical stand that attenuates his uncanny powers and results in intriguing plot complications. Not everything adds up by the book's dizzying finale, but most readers will be too charmed by the crisp style to notice the loose ends. Acevedo doesn't add anything new to the modern vampire tale, but he has a lot of fun sounding its bells and whistles. (Mar.) Copyright 2006 Reed Business Information.
Library Journal
In Acevedo's debut, vampire P.I. Felix Gomez is asked by old college chum Gilbert Odin, a bureaucrat at Colorado's Rock Flats nuclear facility, to investigate an outbreak of nymphomania among some of the female employees. While interviewing the three ladies first affected by the nymphomania, Felix discovers that the Prozac used to treat their symptoms is no cure-all. Each of them comes on strong to Felix, who cannot easily dissuade them-even with his vaunted vampire powers. Further, the information he manages to glean from them is only partially helpful. Adding to his troubles, and that of other undead in the area, is a gang of Romanian vampire hunters. Time after time, Felix proves to be quite inept at almost any task, and the other nosferatu, including vampire patriarch Bob, are not much better. It is obvious from the title that this is intended to be a humorous treatment of the vampire legend, but while parts of the novel are mildly amusing, most attempts at humor bomb. [This is the first book in a new vampire series.-Ed.]-Patricia Altner, Information Seekers, Columbia, MD Copyright 2006 Reed Business Information.
Kirkus Reviews
A soldier turned vampire is hired by an alien posing as an old friend to investigate an outbreak of nymphomania at a Department of Energy facility. Seriously. The only thing stranger than this first novel's plot is that it's all rather dull. Falling victim to one of war's least-publicized perils, Felix Gomez returns from Iraq a vampire. While he's not exactly thrilled to have joined the ranks of the undead, his shape-shifting, wall-walking, bullet-absorbing powers do come in handy for his gig as a private investigator. The newly gifted PI gets a chance to put these skills to use when an old buddy-or at least Felix thinks he's an old buddy-asks him to unravel a recent outbreak of nymphomania at the old nuclear weapons plant Rocky Flats. Once at the site, Gomez finds himself pursued on all sides: romantically by a local forest sprite (hey, why not?), somewhat less so by a squad of Romanian vampire-hunters and some shady government types none too pleased by his investigation. Through it all, Acevedo plays it straight, pawning off the most outlandish plot points as if they were nothing but realistic. With the exception of the sex scenes, which read mostly like something taken from the Penthouse Forum slush pile, the prose is pleasantly sharp and to the point. Unfortunately, the book's charms are largely negated by its haphazard structure. Rather than build tension and momentum as it goes, the story hops hurriedly from incident to incident, often moving too quickly to bother with the sort of foreshadowing and detail that might have laid the groundwork for subsequent thrills. Gomez finally gets his man, but by then most readers won't much care. Who knew nymphos could be so boring?

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9780061750960
Publisher:
HarperCollins Publishers
Publication date:
10/13/2009
Series:
Felix Gomez Series , #1
Sold by:
HARPERCOLLINS
Format:
NOOK Book
Pages:
368
Sales rank:
288,191
File size:
583 KB

Read an Excerpt

The Nymphos of Rocky Flats

A Novel
By Mario Acevedo

HarperCollins Publishers, Inc.

Copyright © 2006 Mario Acevedo
All right reserved.

ISBN: 0060833262

Chapter One

I don't like what Operation Iraqi Freedom has done to me. I went to the war a soldier; I came back a vampire.

Two weeks after President Bush stood on the deck of the aircraft carrier Abraham Lincoln and declared "Mission Accomplished" -- victory over Saddam Hussein -- we in the Third Infantry Division were still ass-deep in combat along the Euphrates valley. Tonight we were after fedayeen guerrillas in a village south of Karbala.

My fire team hunkered inside the troop compartment of our Bradley fighting vehicle. Dirt sifted through the open hatches above. Each of us wore forty pounds of gear like a hide -- armor vest, helmet, radios, protective mask, lots and lots of ammo and grenades -- under which we marinated in a greasy funk. Days of grinding mechanized combat saddled us with a fatigue as thick as the grime caking our weary bodies.

Each of us had bloodshot eyes and was queasy from bombardments delivered danger-close. Our artillery, the air force, and the navy demolished entire city blocks while we waited across the street. Our officers joked that we were smiting the enemy with an ass-kicking of biblical proportions.

We'd get the warning, drop low, cover our ears, and openour mouths to equalize the pressure. The blasts bounced us off the ground. Our eyeballs rattled in their orbits. Dust smothered us. Concussion from the bombs would slam into my belly, and I felt like I'd gotten run over by a parade of Buicks.

A painful spasm twisted my insides. I didn't tell anyone that I had started pissing blood. If I were evacuated, who would take care of my men? It was my duty to get them out of this shit-hole alive and in one piece.

Our Bradley veered sharply to the left and right as if following a rat through a maze. The abrupt movements jostled us in the darkness of the troop compartment.

Machine-gun fire rattled along the steel-armored skirt. My jaw clenched. The worst part of war was that everyone played for keeps.

Our Bradley clanged to a stop. The turret basket swiveled to the left. The 25mm cannon answered the enemy with a comforting wham, wham, wham.

Staff Sergeant Kowtowski dropped from his seat in the turret basket. He flicked on the flashlight clipped to his armor vest and a blue-green glow illuminated my team's anxious, dirty faces. Kowtowski pulled aside the boom mike of his crewman's helmet and yelled. "Gomez, when you un-ass, lead your team to the left. There's a Humvee with the lieutenant."

"Roger," I yelled back. He could have told me this through my radio but I think he wanted to look at his men one last time in case he never saw us alive again. Softhearted bastard.

"Good luck," Kowtowski shouted and turned off the flashlight. He climbed back into his seat. The Bradley groaned forward. The turret machine gun let loose and joined the chorus of staccato blasts from the Bradleys flanking us.

I knelt against the ramp and held a strap to steady myself. Private O'Brien readied his M249 machine gun and looped the belt of ammunition over his left arm. The other men in the team crowded next to me, all of us a tight, warm ball of fear.

The Bradley halted. My shoulder banged against the hull. The ramp winched open. We ran out, our heads scrunched into the neck wells of our armor vests. My index finger reached across the trigger guard of my carbine.

Our Bradley was parked close to a long mud-brick wall, the front of a lopsided row of houses that stretched across the block. The other Bradleys from our platoon blocked the intersections before and behind us, standing guard like immense war elephants. Garbage littered the street. The night air was filmy with dust. Slivers of light escaped from shuttered windows.

We stayed behind cover, squeezing between the Bradley and a flaking plaster wall as we moved toward the Humvee.

From the top of the Humvee, the machine gunner behind an armor shield aimed a searchlight at the front door of a home. In the cone of light, the lieutenant and a gaunt Iraqi interpreter banged on the wooden door. The harsh light reduced their forms to broken silhouettes.

The interpreter twisted the doorknob and beat the door harder as he yelled frantically in Arabic. His tense voice revealed fear, not anger.

"Enough," the lieutenant shouted, "we're not here to sell Avon." He drew his pistol and pushed the interpreter aside. The lieutenant aimed his automatic at the keyhole below the doorknob.

O'Brien and I crouched beside the lieutenant like a pair of twitching junkyard dogs waiting to attack.

The lieutenant fired once. The knob flew away in a shower of splinters. He reared back and kicked the door open to the shrieks of female voices.

We sprang forward and panned the room with our weapons.

Three Iraqi women huddled like frightened birds in one corner. Their ashen faces hovered above trembling hands. They clutched black shawls to their throats. Were they a mother and her daughters? They eyed us fearfully, their gazes fixed on the night-vision goggles clipped to the front of our helmets. Rumor was the Iraqis thought the goggles gave us X-ray vision and we could see through their clothing.

A swaying electric bulb lit the room. Shadows danced across the walls. Broken furniture, loose plaster, and paper lay scattered over a threadbare carpet.

The interpreter entered and was followed by the lieutenant. Pistol in hand, he yelled at the interpreter and the women. "Why didn't you open the door? Where are your men?"

The interpreter turned to the women. When they heard his Arabic, they surrounded him, gesturing and screaming angry questions. The oldest woman gave the best performance, repeatedly pressing a hand to her forehead and swooping her other arm at the ruin in her home.

An explosion shook the house. We ducked against the closest wall. The women dropped to the floor with practiced agility. Dust trickled from the ceiling.

Continues...


Excerpted from The Nymphos of Rocky Flats by Mario Acevedo Copyright © 2006 by Mario Acevedo. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Meet the Author

Mario Acevedo is the bestselling author of The Nymphos of Rocky Flats, X-Rated Bloodsuckers, The Undead Kama Sutra, and Jailbait Zombie. He lives and writes in Denver, Colorado.

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Nymphos of Rocky Flats (Felix Gomez Series #1) 3.6 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 57 reviews.
KarmaLyzedKittie More than 1 year ago
I enjoyed this vamp book due to it wasn't doom and gloom, yet also not sparkly nicey nice.Cannot wait to read the next in the series!
Texas-Rev More than 1 year ago
This is a great series. It puts a new spin on the vampire mythology and combines it with contemporary detective noir. It doesn't pander to the lowest denominator as Twilight does; there are no depressed teens caught in a love triangle here, thank God for that. The Nymphos of Rocky Flats is a great book for any vampire fan who is looking for a more mature read. A word of caution, if you actually enjoyed Twilight, don't bother with this book, there's no teenage drama and the vampires are honest to God killers. For a good mix of offbeat humor and violence checkout the rest of the series.
harstan More than 1 year ago
When he served in the military in Iraq Felix Gomez and his unit slaughtered what turned out to be an innocent family. Feeling remorse and guilt, a depressed Felix meets a person who fulfills his wish of a fate worse then death by converting the GI into a vampire. Now a civilian back in the states, Felix concluded that his new supernatural powers will enhance his chances at success as a private investigator. --- College roommate Gilbert Odin, Assistant Manager for Environmental Restoration at the Department of Energy site in Rocky Flat, Colorado asks Felix to investigate an apparent outbreak of nymphomania among female guards at a plutonium processing plant. However, the case is not as simple or isolated as it first appears. Professional vampire slayers want to kill all the undead dead in America and are focused on Gilbert and any other bloodsucker nearby a dryadic siren demands partnering him on his sleuthing and in his bunk. Finally there is the Feds who want Felix to end his inquiries and will do what ever it takes to insure he does. --- Though the sex scenes seem intrusive instead of part of the fun supernatural thriller and the ending rushed, fans will enjoy this exciting investigative tale starring a fascinating ethical protagonist. The exhilarating story line includes dangerous powerful paranormal creatures yet the most treacherous animal of all are species Fed. Felix is a fine lead sleuth who keeps the tale centered and moving so that the audience roots for him as one clue after another takes him into a perilous situation. Mario Acevedo provides an entertaining supernatural mystery. --- Harriet Klausner
FranktheBook More than 1 year ago
wonderful way to pass a few hours, interesting tale, looking for more by same author
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The Nymphos of Rocky Flats takes place during the Iraq war and is about a solider named Felix who accidently kills some civilians, he thought that they were soldiers from Iraq and that they were going to try to kill him before he killed them. Felix feels guilty after he realized what he had done and then runs into a vampire who gives him his punishment by making him immortal so that he will have to live with the guilt forever. Felix has to wear make up to cover his skin from the sun and he claims to everyone that it is just a skin condition so that they won't question it anymore. One of his old buddies tracks him down and explains that there is something wrong with the woman of rocky flats. He tells Felix that the women have become nymphomaniacs and he wants him to figure out why. I wont ruin the rest of the story you'll just have to read it yourself to find out why this women of rocky flats have gone thirsty for the men. I did enjoy this book because I like a good vampire book that keeps me wanting to read. I very much enjoyed the story line but I think that the ending dragged on a little more than it should have I think it would help the reader if the ending was cut a little shorter and just got to the point a little faster that it did. I have not read any other work by Mario Acevedo but I would love to read more of his work.
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