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The Nymphos of Rocky Flats [NOOK Book]

Overview

The first and only vampire book to be declassified
by the federal government . . .

Felix Gomez went to Iraq a soldier. He came back a vampire.

Now he finds himself pulled into a web of intrigue when an old friend prompts him to investigate an outbreak of nymphomania at the secret government facilities in Rocky Flats. He'll find out the cause of all these horny women or die ...

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The Nymphos of Rocky Flats

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Overview

The first and only vampire book to be declassified
by the federal government . . .

Felix Gomez went to Iraq a soldier. He came back a vampire.

Now he finds himself pulled into a web of intrigue when an old friend prompts him to investigate an outbreak of nymphomania at the secret government facilities in Rocky Flats. He'll find out the cause of all these horny women or die trying! But first he must contend with shadowy government agents, Eastern European vampire hunters, and women who just want his body . . .

Skewering sexual myths, conspiracy fables, and government bureaucracy, The Nymphos of Rocky Flats reveals the bizarre world of the undead with a humorous slant and a fresh twist.

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Editorial Reviews

From Barnes & Noble
The Barnes & Noble Review
The opening lines of The Nymphos of Rocky Flats -- "I don't like what Operation Iraqi Freedom has done to me. I went to the war a soldier; I came back a vampire" -- perfectly sum up the ambiance of this fast-paced and charmingly irreverent blood-sucking mystery.

A decidedly unique twist on the well-trodden vampire mythos, Mario Acevedo's first novel chronicles the adventures of Felix Gomez, a former Army sergeant turned private detective investigating an outbreak of nymphomania (yes, nymphomania!) at a former U.S. Department of Energy nuclear weapons facility in Colorado. When an old college buddy working as the Rocky Flats assistant manager for environmental restoration contacts Gomez with a lucrative -- and downright intriguing -- case revolving around bizarre occurrences of uncontrollable sexual behavior in female employees and a huge government cover-up, the undead detective quickly accepts. But what he thought would be a relatively clear-cut case turns into a massive conspiracy involving radioactive waste, Area 51, extraterrestrial biological entities, fanatical Transylvanian vampire hunters, Tantric mysticism, and, of course, plenty of oversexed women.



Comparable to Andrew Fox's Bride of the Fat White Vampire and Charlie Huston's Already Dead, Acevedo's debut offering -- which has one of the most memorable titles to come along in years! -- marks the unveiling of an ingeniously witty and surprisingly polished storyteller. Fans of authors like Paul Di Filippo, Cory Doctorow, and Steve Aylett will cherish this highly unusual and impressive read. Two fangs up! Paul Goat Allen
Publishers Weekly
This debut novel succeeds largely because Acevedo gleefully acknowledges that it takes a lot to make a vampire story interesting anymore. PI Felix Gomez, an ex-soldier who became a vampire while serving in Iraq, uses his supernatural powers to solve mysteries that befuddle mere mortals. When a friend in the Department of Energy asks him to look into an outbreak of nymphomania among female guards at a plutonium processing plant in Colorado, things get really weird: hypnotized personnel talk cryptically about Roswell and something called Project Redlight, trained assassins start decimating the local vampire community and an amorous dryad shows up to assist in the detective work. As though this weren't enough, Felix refuses to drink human blood, an ethical stand that attenuates his uncanny powers and results in intriguing plot complications. Not everything adds up by the book's dizzying finale, but most readers will be too charmed by the crisp style to notice the loose ends. Acevedo doesn't add anything new to the modern vampire tale, but he has a lot of fun sounding its bells and whistles. (Mar.) Copyright 2006 Reed Business Information.
Library Journal
In Acevedo's debut, vampire P.I. Felix Gomez is asked by old college chum Gilbert Odin, a bureaucrat at Colorado's Rock Flats nuclear facility, to investigate an outbreak of nymphomania among some of the female employees. While interviewing the three ladies first affected by the nymphomania, Felix discovers that the Prozac used to treat their symptoms is no cure-all. Each of them comes on strong to Felix, who cannot easily dissuade them-even with his vaunted vampire powers. Further, the information he manages to glean from them is only partially helpful. Adding to his troubles, and that of other undead in the area, is a gang of Romanian vampire hunters. Time after time, Felix proves to be quite inept at almost any task, and the other nosferatu, including vampire patriarch Bob, are not much better. It is obvious from the title that this is intended to be a humorous treatment of the vampire legend, but while parts of the novel are mildly amusing, most attempts at humor bomb. [This is the first book in a new vampire series.-Ed.]-Patricia Altner, Information Seekers, Columbia, MD Copyright 2006 Reed Business Information.
Kirkus Reviews
A soldier turned vampire is hired by an alien posing as an old friend to investigate an outbreak of nymphomania at a Department of Energy facility. Seriously. The only thing stranger than this first novel's plot is that it's all rather dull. Falling victim to one of war's least-publicized perils, Felix Gomez returns from Iraq a vampire. While he's not exactly thrilled to have joined the ranks of the undead, his shape-shifting, wall-walking, bullet-absorbing powers do come in handy for his gig as a private investigator. The newly gifted PI gets a chance to put these skills to use when an old buddy-or at least Felix thinks he's an old buddy-asks him to unravel a recent outbreak of nymphomania at the old nuclear weapons plant Rocky Flats. Once at the site, Gomez finds himself pursued on all sides: romantically by a local forest sprite (hey, why not?), somewhat less so by a squad of Romanian vampire-hunters and some shady government types none too pleased by his investigation. Through it all, Acevedo plays it straight, pawning off the most outlandish plot points as if they were nothing but realistic. With the exception of the sex scenes, which read mostly like something taken from the Penthouse Forum slush pile, the prose is pleasantly sharp and to the point. Unfortunately, the book's charms are largely negated by its haphazard structure. Rather than build tension and momentum as it goes, the story hops hurriedly from incident to incident, often moving too quickly to bother with the sort of foreshadowing and detail that might have laid the groundwork for subsequent thrills. Gomez finally gets his man, but by then most readers won't much care. Who knew nymphos could be so boring?
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780061750960
  • Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
  • Publication date: 10/13/2009
  • Sold by: HARPERCOLLINS
  • Format: eBook
  • Pages: 368
  • Sales rank: 281,077
  • File size: 655 KB

Meet the Author

Mario Acevedo is the bestselling author of The Nymphos of Rocky Flats, X-Rated Bloodsuckers, The Undead Kama Sutra, and Jailbait Zombie. He lives and writes in Denver, Colorado.

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Read an Excerpt

The Nymphos of Rocky Flats

A Novel
By Mario Acevedo

HarperCollins Publishers, Inc.

Copyright © 2006 Mario Acevedo
All right reserved.

ISBN: 0060833262

Chapter One

I don't like what Operation Iraqi Freedom has done to me. I went to the war a soldier; I came back a vampire.

Two weeks after President Bush stood on the deck of the aircraft carrier Abraham Lincoln and declared "Mission Accomplished" -- victory over Saddam Hussein -- we in the Third Infantry Division were still ass-deep in combat along the Euphrates valley. Tonight we were after fedayeen guerrillas in a village south of Karbala.

My fire team hunkered inside the troop compartment of our Bradley fighting vehicle. Dirt sifted through the open hatches above. Each of us wore forty pounds of gear like a hide -- armor vest, helmet, radios, protective mask, lots and lots of ammo and grenades -- under which we marinated in a greasy funk. Days of grinding mechanized combat saddled us with a fatigue as thick as the grime caking our weary bodies.

Each of us had bloodshot eyes and was queasy from bombardments delivered danger-close. Our artillery, the air force, and the navy demolished entire city blocks while we waited across the street. Our officers joked that we were smiting the enemy with an ass-kicking of biblical proportions.

We'd get the warning, drop low, cover our ears, and openour mouths to equalize the pressure. The blasts bounced us off the ground. Our eyeballs rattled in their orbits. Dust smothered us. Concussion from the bombs would slam into my belly, and I felt like I'd gotten run over by a parade of Buicks.

A painful spasm twisted my insides. I didn't tell anyone that I had started pissing blood. If I were evacuated, who would take care of my men? It was my duty to get them out of this shit-hole alive and in one piece.

Our Bradley veered sharply to the left and right as if following a rat through a maze. The abrupt movements jostled us in the darkness of the troop compartment.

Machine-gun fire rattled along the steel-armored skirt. My jaw clenched. The worst part of war was that everyone played for keeps.

Our Bradley clanged to a stop. The turret basket swiveled to the left. The 25mm cannon answered the enemy with a comforting wham, wham, wham.

Staff Sergeant Kowtowski dropped from his seat in the turret basket. He flicked on the flashlight clipped to his armor vest and a blue-green glow illuminated my team's anxious, dirty faces. Kowtowski pulled aside the boom mike of his crewman's helmet and yelled. "Gomez, when you un-ass, lead your team to the left. There's a Humvee with the lieutenant."

"Roger," I yelled back. He could have told me this through my radio but I think he wanted to look at his men one last time in case he never saw us alive again. Softhearted bastard.

"Good luck," Kowtowski shouted and turned off the flashlight. He climbed back into his seat. The Bradley groaned forward. The turret machine gun let loose and joined the chorus of staccato blasts from the Bradleys flanking us.

I knelt against the ramp and held a strap to steady myself. Private O'Brien readied his M249 machine gun and looped the belt of ammunition over his left arm. The other men in the team crowded next to me, all of us a tight, warm ball of fear.

The Bradley halted. My shoulder banged against the hull. The ramp winched open. We ran out, our heads scrunched into the neck wells of our armor vests. My index finger reached across the trigger guard of my carbine.

Our Bradley was parked close to a long mud-brick wall, the front of a lopsided row of houses that stretched across the block. The other Bradleys from our platoon blocked the intersections before and behind us, standing guard like immense war elephants. Garbage littered the street. The night air was filmy with dust. Slivers of light escaped from shuttered windows.

We stayed behind cover, squeezing between the Bradley and a flaking plaster wall as we moved toward the Humvee.

From the top of the Humvee, the machine gunner behind an armor shield aimed a searchlight at the front door of a home. In the cone of light, the lieutenant and a gaunt Iraqi interpreter banged on the wooden door. The harsh light reduced their forms to broken silhouettes.

The interpreter twisted the doorknob and beat the door harder as he yelled frantically in Arabic. His tense voice revealed fear, not anger.

"Enough," the lieutenant shouted, "we're not here to sell Avon." He drew his pistol and pushed the interpreter aside. The lieutenant aimed his automatic at the keyhole below the doorknob.

O'Brien and I crouched beside the lieutenant like a pair of twitching junkyard dogs waiting to attack.

The lieutenant fired once. The knob flew away in a shower of splinters. He reared back and kicked the door open to the shrieks of female voices.

We sprang forward and panned the room with our weapons.

Three Iraqi women huddled like frightened birds in one corner. Their ashen faces hovered above trembling hands. They clutched black shawls to their throats. Were they a mother and her daughters? They eyed us fearfully, their gazes fixed on the night-vision goggles clipped to the front of our helmets. Rumor was the Iraqis thought the goggles gave us X-ray vision and we could see through their clothing.

A swaying electric bulb lit the room. Shadows danced across the walls. Broken furniture, loose plaster, and paper lay scattered over a threadbare carpet.

The interpreter entered and was followed by the lieutenant. Pistol in hand, he yelled at the interpreter and the women. "Why didn't you open the door? Where are your men?"

The interpreter turned to the women. When they heard his Arabic, they surrounded him, gesturing and screaming angry questions. The oldest woman gave the best performance, repeatedly pressing a hand to her forehead and swooping her other arm at the ruin in her home.

An explosion shook the house. We ducked against the closest wall. The women dropped to the floor with practiced agility. Dust trickled from the ceiling.

Continues...


Excerpted from The Nymphos of Rocky Flats by Mario Acevedo Copyright © 2006 by Mario Acevedo. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 3.5
( 56 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(20)

4 Star

(10)

3 Star

(15)

2 Star

(6)

1 Star

(5)

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 56 Customer Reviews
  • Posted November 10, 2009

    I Also Recommend:

    Beats Twilight Hands Down.

    This is a great series. It puts a new spin on the vampire mythology and combines it with contemporary detective noir. It doesn't pander to the lowest denominator as Twilight does; there are no depressed teens caught in a love triangle here, thank God for that. The Nymphos of Rocky Flats is a great book for any vampire fan who is looking for a more mature read. A word of caution, if you actually enjoyed Twilight, don't bother with this book, there's no teenage drama and the vampires are honest to God killers. For a good mix of offbeat humor and violence checkout the rest of the series.

    2 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted December 9, 2008

    more from this reviewer

    fun supernatural thriller

    When he served in the military in Iraq Felix Gomez and his unit slaughtered what turned out to be an innocent family. Feeling remorse and guilt, a depressed Felix meets a person who fulfills his wish of a fate worse then death by converting the GI into a vampire. Now a civilian back in the states, Felix concluded that his new supernatural powers will enhance his chances at success as a private investigator. --- College roommate Gilbert Odin, Assistant Manager for Environmental Restoration at the Department of Energy site in Rocky Flat, Colorado asks Felix to investigate an apparent outbreak of nymphomania among female guards at a plutonium processing plant. However, the case is not as simple or isolated as it first appears. Professional vampire slayers want to kill all the undead dead in America and are focused on Gilbert and any other bloodsucker nearby a dryadic siren demands partnering him on his sleuthing and in his bunk. Finally there is the Feds who want Felix to end his inquiries and will do what ever it takes to insure he does. --- Though the sex scenes seem intrusive instead of part of the fun supernatural thriller and the ending rushed, fans will enjoy this exciting investigative tale starring a fascinating ethical protagonist. The exhilarating story line includes dangerous powerful paranormal creatures yet the most treacherous animal of all are species Fed. Felix is a fine lead sleuth who keeps the tale centered and moving so that the audience roots for him as one clue after another takes him into a perilous situation. Mario Acevedo provides an entertaining supernatural mystery. --- Harriet Klausner

    2 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted November 21, 2010

    more from this reviewer

    Excellent read!

    I enjoyed this vamp book due to it wasn't doom and gloom, yet also not sparkly nicey nice.Cannot wait to read the next in the series!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted August 8, 2009

    Don't bother

    A review by J.A. Konrath on the back cover described the book as "Loaded with thrills, sex, violence, and laughs..." I think Konrath based that review on the title alone since there wasn't even one real sex scene in the entire book. If you are a fan of Anne Rice, Laurell Hamilton, and/or Bram Stoker's vampires then you probably won't enjoy this book. Acevedo's vampires wear contacts and make up so they can walk around during the day as humans and they eat and drink just like they did when they were alive. I'm all for originality and tweaking the rules but the eating thing was too much for me. To add to the cheese factor, you find out near the end that one of the characters is an undercover alien. Come on. The main character was weak and the plot was boring. I can't speak for anything else Acevedo has written but I don't understand how he became a best selling author with this material.

    1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted November 23, 2010

    more from this reviewer

    strangely compelling read

    wont read next one. did need to know what happened next.

    0 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted October 18, 2010

    don't waste your money

    i can't even begin to let you know how bad it is. It is Drama, love story, mixed vampire working with human, UFO etc...

    0 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 30, 2010

    The Nymphos

    The Nymphos of Rocky Flats takes place during the Iraq war and is about a solider named Felix who accidently kills some civilians, he thought that they were soldiers from Iraq and that they were going to try to kill him before he killed them. Felix feels guilty after he realized what he had done and then runs into a vampire who gives him his punishment by making him immortal so that he will have to live with the guilt forever. Felix has to wear make up to cover his skin from the sun and he claims to everyone that it is just a skin condition so that they won't question it anymore. One of his old buddies tracks him down and explains that there is something wrong with the woman of rocky flats. He tells Felix that the women have become nymphomaniacs and he wants him to figure out why. I wont ruin the rest of the story you'll just have to read it yourself to find out why this women of rocky flats have gone thirsty for the men. I did enjoy this book because I like a good vampire book that keeps me wanting to read. I very much enjoyed the story line but I think that the ending dragged on a little more than it should have I think it would help the reader if the ending was cut a little shorter and just got to the point a little faster that it did. I have not read any other work by Mario Acevedo but I would love to read more of his work.

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  • Posted May 30, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    The nympos of rocky flats

    I enjoy the nymphos of rocky flats its a great book series to read.

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted May 18, 2008

    This book KICKS!!!!

    This book had me going from page one. Couldn't stop reading it

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 14, 2008

    LOVED IT!

    This book kept my attention the whole time. There was never a dull moment! I completed reading the book in 2-3 days! The details in the book make it so much more believable. I am now reading X-Rated Bloodsuckers, and it is also very well written. I cannot wait to read The Undead Kama Sutra! AWESOME!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 28, 2008

    A Vampire P.I.

    I enjoyed reading this book, Felix is a vampire P.I. and I found the book to be more mystery than horror. It does have vampire hunters in it though. I did buy the next book in the series and the author has a new release coming out in March 2008 and I will purchase that one as well.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 30, 2007

    Awsome Story

    I am not much of a fiction book reader, but I realy enjoyed this book. So much that I bought Mario Acevedo's second book.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 21, 2007

    Not as original as it's cracked up to be.

    I took a chance on reading this book because, from the reviews on the back cover, it was advertised to be original and fresh. It's not really. Felix is a latino vampire version of just about any recent literary private detective. Maybe Acevedo was going for Travis McGee with fangs. Also, Felix is conflicted about his vampire nature and thirst. Like that wasn't beat to death in 'Interview with a Vampire'. Felix goes around Denver using 'vampire hypnotism' like Tommy Lee Jones with the 'flashy thing' on 'Men in Black'. Acevedo even features stereotypical eurotrash vampire hunters prominently in the book. The only real original twist was the dopesmoking forest fairy, Wendy. Aside from Felix, the other vampires were pretty sleazy and I found myself rooting for the vampire hunters and not feeling that bad when the bloodsuckers got knocked off. Felix himself isn't that nice either. He uses 'vampire hypnotism' to get human chicks into bed even though it's essentially the same as slipping drugs into a chick's drink. I certainly wouldn't have been sorry to see the vampire hunters, steroetypical or not, stake every last one of them.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 4, 2007

    I didn't know what to expect...

    ...but I sure am glad I took a chance to check this one out. The title alone was what caught my attention, but the story inside is what made it all worthwile.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 14, 2007

    WOW

    This novel was amazing, definitely the best I have read all year. This story keeps you on the edges of your seat, you will not want to stop reading this book until you finish, and even then you won't want it to be over, I highly recommend it, and I'm going to get the sequel as soon as I get the chance.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted May 8, 2006

    Will keep you reading until the last page

    This fast-paced thriller has just enough action, sex and darkness to keep any reader guessing until the very end, and let me tell you the ending is even more far-fetched than the beginning. This is a must-read for any vampire lover or anyone who just can't resist picking up a book called, 'The Nymphos of Rocky Flats,' The balance of intrigue and fun just can't be denied. Read it and you won't be disappointed.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 7, 2006

    War, Sex and Chicano Vampires

    In his debut novel, Mario Acevedo lets us know early on that his protagonist, Felix Gomez, is nothing like your father¿s private investigator: ¿I don¿t like what Operation Iraqi Freedom has done to me. I went to the war a soldier I came back a vampire.¿ We¿re immediately thrown into the hell of war as we follow then-Sergeant Gomez and his infantry division in combat along the Euphrates valley searching out fedayeen guerrillas in a village south of Karbala. Gomez spots a group of what he believes to be the enemy apparently armed with RPGs or other weapons. Based on his confirmation, the division¿s lieutenant gives the signal to open fire and they do. When the lieutenant orders cease fire, Gomez¿s ¿heart pounded in euphoric victory¿ and he acknowledges that the ¿moment was exhilarating...¿ But the thrill quickly dissipates as Gomez and his comrades discover that they¿ve just massacred a family. Only a young girl shows signs of life and Gomez tries to stop the bleeding from a hole near her navel. But it¿s hopeless. In a guilty daze with blood on his hands, Gomez wanders until he comes upon a stranger with eyes that shone like a wolf¿s the man immediately controls Gomez with nothing more than his gaze. Gomez confesses about what he has done and that he wants to be punished for his crime. The stranger obliges and bites Gomez on the neck. Gomez feels the transformation occurring and asks what¿s happening. The stranger answers: ¿¿I¿ve given you what you wanted. A punishment even worse than death. I¿ve given you immortality. As a vampire.¿ Back in the states, Gomez makes a living as a private investigator using special contact lenses and plenty of makeup and sunblock to venture out in the daylight. Gomez is a vampire with a conscience: he refuses to drink human blood because of his guilt over the massacre. He makes due on animal blood which slightly diminishes some of his vampire powers such as scaling walls and transforming into a wolf. But even in this weakened state, Gomez still outpaces humans with supernatural powers so that his private investigation practice becomes almost legendary. Gomez¿s successes lead to a lucrative job offered by his old college roommate, Gilbert Odin, who now is the Assistant Manager for Environmental Restoration at Rocky Flats, which had been a nuclear weapons plant. It seems that the Department of Energy needs to uncover the cause of an outbreak of nymphomania among female personnel at the plant. To complicate matters, the vampire society known as nidus, or the web, has its own investigation going into a deadly group of vampire hunters who seem to show up every time there¿s an outbreak of nymphomania. This setup allows Acevedo to take us on a wild ride¿often with a wink and a nod¿delving into everything from lying war mongers and vengeful scientists to Homeland Security cover-ups and alien abduction. And let¿s not forget that vampire stuff. Acevedo gleefully debunks vampire lore and creates new rules of the game with a bit of romance thrown in for good measure. In the end, The Nymphos of Rocky Flats delivers fast-paced fun topped off with wry humor and dead-on social commentary. One wonders who will play Felix Gomez in the screen adaptation. [This review first appeared on La Bloga.]

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 19, 2010

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted July 24, 2011

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted March 27, 2009

    No text was provided for this review.

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