On My Knees: A Memoir

( 6 )

Overview

A brash, bawdy, and downright ballsy ode to the ups and downs of life and love, On My Knees opens with Periel Aschenbrand—still reeling from a breakup with her longtime boyfriend—chain-smoking her days away on a plastic-covered couch and watching reruns of Law and Order while she squats in her dead grandmother's apartment in the East Village.

Armed with her wicked wit and a motley cast of characters that includes her hovering Jewish mother, an eccentric uncle, and her neurotic ...

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On My Knees: A Memoir

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Overview

A brash, bawdy, and downright ballsy ode to the ups and downs of life and love, On My Knees opens with Periel Aschenbrand—still reeling from a breakup with her longtime boyfriend—chain-smoking her days away on a plastic-covered couch and watching reruns of Law and Order while she squats in her dead grandmother's apartment in the East Village.

Armed with her wicked wit and a motley cast of characters that includes her hovering Jewish mother, an eccentric uncle, and her neurotic best friend/wingwoman, Aschenbrand embarks on a Dante-esque journey through the many rings of single-girl hell involving crazy one-night stands; an unhealthy attachment to a dental hygienist; a run-in with Philip Roth; and, in the end, a trip to Israel and an encounter with the man who just might be the one. Hysterical and heartfelt, On My Knees traces Periel's attempt to rebuild her life, her relationships, and her trademark confidence in a story so riotous it would make Chelsea Handler blush.

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Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly
Aschenbrand (The Only Bush I Trust Is My Own) leads readers by a studded leash on a bumpy ride from Manhattan through Queens, Tucson, Paris, and Israel. Quotes from Twain, Euripides, and Henri Bergson do little to soften the ride, however, as frank, hypersexualized banter begins as soon as we meet her parents. From here it's not a long walk before she moves in with best friend Hanna and tries to forget her own problems by writing about Hanna's lost virginity to a man with a diaper fetish. The love of our heroine's life is a couch in a Stuyvesant Town apartment she inherits when her grandmother, "in perhaps the biggest favor she had ever done for me, dropped dead." In the nine months she illegally inhabits the apartment, she breaks up with Noam, her lover of 10 years, has an affair with Nico, her boss at an ad agency, and spends a good deal of time on the aforementioned plastic-covered couch watching Law & Order SVU. The cliches and insipidness are far too prominent, and Aschenbrand's happy ending feels too pat to be real. Sex, fashion adventure, and boredom are laced throughout, and while there are bright spots, it's mostly one shade of grey. (June)
Jonathan Ames
“Ribald, outrageous, gutter-mouthed, hilarious-a startling new voice in American letters. Watch out Portnoy, watch out Caulfield, watch out Bukowski, watch out E. L. James. Hell, everybody, real or imagined, just watch out! Because here comes Periel Aschenbrand!”
New York Times
“Unsavorily compelling. . .in the manner of a female Howard Stern.”
Lesley Arfin
“Bold, sassy, and totally fucking cool. If truth in comedy is my mantra, then the goddess I pray to is Periel Aschenbrand.”
Touré
“Meet the Lady Gaga of literature! On My Knees is sexy, funny, titillating, and badass.”
New York Observer
Laden with sharp humor and funny asides
Interview
Brave, smart, sexy, and sharp, Aschenbrand is an expert at writing her life as a tantalizing striptease
James Frey
“Periel Aschenbrand is funny, funny, funny. On My Knees is a cool book-made me laugh, made me think, made me keep turning pages. If you don’t buy it and read it and dig, you’re making a mistake.”
Kirkus Reviews
Unapologetic Jewish American Princess' sassy memoir about sex in the city. Coming on like a potty-mouthed Carrie Bradshaw, Aschenbrand (The Only Bush I Trust Is My Own, 2005) brings all the narcissism, arrogance and elitism to be expected from a proud-to-be-spoiled upper-middle-class woman who would rather live in a rat-infested Chinatown apartment than endure the shame of living anywhere outside of Manhattan. Of course, if it hadn't been for Tucker Max's subliterate success with I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell (2005), one could hardly fathom that high school–quality prose like this (from a noncelebrity author, anyway) could actually be taken seriously from even the most undiscerning of major publishers: Like Max, Aschenbrand's brand of tell-all true sex confessions isn't really as sexy as it is childishly bawdy and gross. Rather than actually take the risk of describing in sensual detail her close encounters with hapless male victims, she mostly just makes fun of them or emphasizes a decidedly nonsexy feature of herself, like the long hairs growing out of her ass. She also offers plenty of pedestrian, Dr. Ruth–style wisdom: "[I]f I had learned anything at all, it was that if someone wasn't sure if they wanted to be with you the worst thing you can do is to try to convince them otherwise." Aschenbrand also insists that men are intimidated by her, yet somehow every sentient male with a penis and a discernible pulse, from Manhattan to Tel Aviv, seems comfortable enough with her to end up in her bed (all except author Philip Roth, that is, whom she ate cherries with but sadly didn't have sex with). Mostly, however, this is just a tossed-off, random survey of her recent hookups and breakups, both in the Big Apple and abroad, with some rich-girl kvetching thrown in for good measure. Beach reading for those who find Candace Bushnell too literary.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780062026897
  • Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
  • Publication date: 6/18/2013
  • Edition description: Original
  • Pages: 208
  • Sales rank: 455,069
  • Product dimensions: 5.20 (w) x 7.90 (h) x 0.60 (d)

Meet the Author

Periel Aschenbrandis the author of the critically acclaimed book The Only Bush I Trust Is My Own. Heralded as a "provocateur" by the New York Times and "feisty, foxy, and smart" by Paper magazine, Aschenbrand has become a true modern-day voice for her generation. She lives in New York City.

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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 3.5
( 6 )
Rating Distribution

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(3)

4 Star

(1)

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Sort by: Showing all of 6 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted March 21, 2014

    Tht

    On my knees 4 8------------------------------------------------ right

    0 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 24, 2013

    Review

    I honestly loved it

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted October 19, 2013

    I Also Recommend:

    A sexy, interesting life story. Well told and very addictive.

    A sexy, interesting life story. Well told and very addictive.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted October 18, 2013

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted November 3, 2013

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted June 16, 2014

    No text was provided for this review.

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