On Relationships: A Book for Teenagers


Love is often a mystery to teenagers - sometimes painful, other times glorious, always challenging. This book will help them understand and sort out their myriad feelings and experiences. Rather than merely offering one adult's opinions or reflections on love, Kirberger deftly combines material from teens dealing with firsthand adolescent love with that from adults sensitive to the special needs of teens. She includes original letters she has received from teens, along with her responses to their questions, ...
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1999 Hard cover Illustrated. Very good in very good dust jacket. Library binding. 371 p. Contains: Illustrations. Teen Love (Sagebrush). Audience: Young adult. HARDBACK WITH ... DUST COVER. EXCELLENT SHAPE. Adolescence/Coming of Age; Dating & Sex; Interpersonal relations; Juvenile Nonfiction; Love; Man-woman relationships; Non-Fiction; Social Issues; Teenagers. Read more Show Less

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Love is often a mystery to teenagers - sometimes painful, other times glorious, always challenging. This book will help them understand and sort out their myriad feelings and experiences. Rather than merely offering one adult's opinions or reflections on love, Kirberger deftly combines material from teens dealing with firsthand adolescent love with that from adults sensitive to the special needs of teens. She includes original letters she has received from teens, along with her responses to their questions, concerns and confusion. This blend provides a wide-ranging perspective on love and relationships. It will enable teens to gain wisdom and choose more wisely when making decisions in love and relationships.

This book is designed to guide teens through the maze of love and relationships in a gentle, understanding and compassionate way. It isn't a dos-and-don'ts manual, but rather a how-it-is-in-love guidebook. Teens will come to treasure it as a wise and loving counselor and companion. On the roller-coaster ride of teen love, this is one book no teen can afford to be without.

Check out the companion book, Teen Love : A Journal on Relationships, co-authored with Colin Mortensen of MTV's Real World/Hawaii.

Combines personal advice with poetry and stories about teenage love and relationships.

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Editorial Reviews

From Barnes & Noble

My mother is really fond of telling this story of how I was madly in love at the ripe old age of four. Or maybe it was six. Either way it was serious. For the sake of six-year-old privacy, I'll call my first true love Scott. One day well into our relationship -- which consisted of many memorable games of doctor -- we were at my house. Before giving us our afternoon snack, my mother asked us to wash our hands. Scott and I obediently trotted off to the bathroom. When we didn't return after a while, my mother set out to see what became of us. She opened the bathroom door just as I was just getting off the toilet (apparently I wasn't too modest). I chose that moment, with my pants around my ankles, to pull my shirt all the way up and admit, "Scott, I love you." My mother burst out laughing and went to call my father.

Things weren't always so blissful with Scott. I can't remember the details -- although I can remember the golden hairs on the back of his tan neck, and the way we used to imitate the people who kissed on his mother's soap operas -- but he somehow broke up with me. I wandered around blue as can be, telling people Scott dumped me. My father thought it was a riot that I used such a phrase: to dump. So funny.

It didn't feel funny. Why would people dismiss my heartache as cute because I was only six? By the time I was a teenager this broken heart thing had happened a few more times, and people were still calling it adorable. But author Kimberly Kirberger wouldn't call my young pain cute or adorable. Kirberger cowrote the bestselling Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul series, and her latest book is Teen Love: On Relationships. This is a book I could have used between Scott and now. Especially in high school. The best thing about On Relationships is that it isn't just Kirberger the adult telling kids what love is and how to fall in and out of it. Much of On Relationships grew out of a teen letter project Kirberger started. There are pages and pages of the letters from teens on love and relationships followed by her answers. It reads sort of like an extended Dear Abby for teens, with personal anecdotes and poems.

Kirberger's strength lies in her capacity to understand. She answers questions thoughtfully. She shares painful love stories of her own and even provides readers with her email address at the end of the book so they can get in touch. Most importantly, Kirberger speaks teen; in a section on unrequited love, she advises one girl to get over being obsessed with her crush by inviting her friends over for an evening of obsessing. "Talk about him nonstop....Act out your first date and continue on to the day you are married. Completely, totally indulge in this crush....Continue this all night or until you fall asleep." The next day, she says, you must resign yourself to the fact that it is over. "By letting yourself indulge and obsess it will help you to get sick of it and get him out of your system."

On Relationships is not intended to be read cover to cover but rather as a reference guide. If you do read the whole thing through, Kirberger's themes leap from the pages: take care of yourself, love yourself, love is ageless, heartache and/or love will help you grow as a person....She encourages teens to be honest and open to all kinds of things but most especially with each other. If you like someone, don't tell your best friend to tell their best friend to spread a rumor and hope it all works out. Bite the bullet and -- gasp! -- tell them yourself. Or, if someone is spreading rumors about you, confront them. Or ask a teacher to help you confront them. All sound advice.

Also noteworthy: Kirberger makes a point of answering questions from guys and girls. It is fascinating to see how little difference gender makes. The worries here are across the board. If only I knew that in the sandbox, maybe Scott and I would still be smooching soap-opera style today.

—Alexandra Zissu

Children's Literature - Patricia Timbrook
What is teen love really like? Teens--and adults as well--will find the answer to that question in this 400-page compilation of "Dear Kim" letters from teens, with better-than-Dear-Abby responses, along with a mix of many romantic poems and quotes on love itself. Although strongly girl-flavored, both male and female teenagers will see themselves somewhere in the book, and discover answers to their own particular love situation--be it one of agony, neutrality, or ecstasy.
School Library Journal
Gr 7 Up-In a proven, appealing format, the author presents letters based on actual teen queries and provides wise, supportive answers. Throw in some poetry, teen stories, and funny comics and the end result is a title that will probably get passed from friend to friend. There's something here for everyone, though nothing is terribly new. However, many of the problems are timeless and universal and don't require original solutions. More important are the tone and veracity of the advice and information that are given. From concerns about self-esteem to finding that special friend to unrequited love or breaking up, Kirberger, author of Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul (Health Communications, 1997), takes on these important topics with levity and respect. Teens who read "Dear Abby" or the advice columns in their favorite magazines will particularly enjoy this book.-Susan R. Farber, Greenburgh Public Library, Elmsford, NY Copyright 2000 Cahners Business Information.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780613339759
  • Publisher: San Val
  • Publication date: 10/28/1999
  • Pages: 371
  • Age range: 13 - 17 Years
  • Product dimensions: 5.84 (w) x 8.52 (h) x 1.18 (d)

Meet the Author

KIMBERLY KIRGERGER is the coauthor of the #1 New York Times bestsellers, Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul and Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul II, as well as Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul Journal and the upcoming (Fall 1999) Chicken Soup for the College Soul. Based out of Pacific Palisades, California, Kirberger is also president of Inspiration and Motivation for Teens (I.A.M. for Teens), a nonprofit organization dedicated to supporting and helping teens.
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Read an Excerpt

First and Foremost:
You Gotta Love Yourself!

Each relationship you have with another person reflects the relationship you have with yourself

To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.
Oscar Wilde

Before we get started with relationships, let's take a look at the most important relationship we will ever have..., the one with ourselves.

When asked if they like/love themselves, most people would respond with a quick yes. However, were they to examine their feelings further, these people would come to the same conclusion that I have. I am my own worst enemy. I would not tolerate anyone treating me the way I treat myself. I would leave the room or hang up the phone if anyone dared to say the things to me that I say to myself. I second-guess myself, lecture myself, judge myself and sometimes even punish myself. As for compassion, I tend to save that for my friends. At least that's how it used to be. My approach to myself is improving because I have consciously started to change it.

The first step to changing anything is to be aware of it. We must be honest about how we treat ourselves.

For example:

How do you talk to yourself?
Are you confident?
Do you speak kindly to yourself?
Are you secure and peaceful in most situations?
Do you like the way you look, act, are?

If you are like most of us, you think you could lose some weight, have better skin, have a more exciting life and a smaller nose. We pick at ourselves. We think that everyone else is happy with the way he or she is. We think that security is something other people have, and we are the ones who missed out. Here's a little secret. Everybody is insecure. Everybody judges himself or herself harshly, and everybody struggles with even the concept of loving himself or herself.

The good news is that once we become aware of the way we treat ourselves, we can change it. The most worthwhile goal you can ever set for yourself is one of self-love and self-acceptance, Once we begin to strive for self-acceptance, once we realize that we are supposed to accept ourselves, our lives will begin to change before our very eyes.

Let's start by looking at some of the obstacles we put in the way of self-acceptance. First, we think love is something that has to be earned. We look at ourselves and say, "I will love myself when I am thinner. I will love myself when I stop messing up so much. I will love myself when I stop being so insecure. I will accept myself when I can be like so-and-so, or I will accept myself when I am no longer the way I am."

We all engage in this kind of thinking, but do you see how silly and absurd it is?

What if I told you that the more you love yourself the more lovable you will be?

The best possible person that you can be ... can only be when you love yourself completely.

Would you say to your best friend, "I can't love you until you lose weight"?

Would you say, "I don't love you because you aren't perfect. You keep messing up"?

Of course you wouldn't. And yet this is how we speak to ourselves.

Have you ever had the experience of being nice to someone who was feeling down? Have you ever complimented someone and then seen that person transform right before your eyes? He or she instantly becomes more attractive or funnier. You say something nice to someone and his or her face glows and his or her eyes get a little sparkle. This isn't your imagination. This is true transformation. The very same thing will happen to you when you compliment yourself. Try it....

My heart is with you as you begin to work on accepting yourself. Remember that loving yourself can open the door to a whole new life, one that has as part of it relationships of the very best kind.

Is There Someone Out There for Me?

A person's looks are never going to make you love them or like them.
Drew Barrymore

Dear Kim,

I am feeling really depressed lately. All my friends have boyfriends and I have never had one. Honestly, I don't think any guy will ever like me. I am a little overweight and not what you would call a beauty. The sad thing is, I would really like to have a boyfriend. I am too embarrassed to talk to my friends about guys because I am afraid they will just feel sorry for me. What should I do?

You know, the great thing about love is that there is someone for everyone. I think there are two important things for you to think about.

The first is loving yourself. I know it sounds like something that people just say, but people who love themselves are very attractive to other people.

The second is: Not all people judge others by their looks. If you take good care of yourself—exercise and eat well and feel good about yourself, just as you are—I promise there are guys who will be interested in you.

Sometimes, things don't happen when we want them to, but sooner or later you will have a boyfriend (and a new set of problems). Don't worry: Everyone finds love. Those who have to wait a little longer just appreciate it more when it comes.

The Guy I Like Has A Girlfriend

Dear Kim,

I am in love with a guy who has a girlfriend. He told me he doesn't really love her, but he is afraid to leave her. He is afraid of what she will do (as in hurt herself or be really upset).
Should I wait for him?

When I was in high school I went through something identical to this. I was so in love with this guy. Because I loved him so much and wanted to be with him so badly, I actually believed his lies. I ended up hurt and alone, but I recovered quickly and I ended up with much better after him.

This guy is handing you some bull. I don't know how much, but some for sure. If he doesn't want to be with "his girlfriend," then why is he staying with her? Why is he telling you he loves you when he is involved with someone else?

Obviously the thing for him to do would be to break up with his girlfriend if he doesn't love her. Then, and only then, should he talk to you about his feelings for you. Don't support this kind of behavior, okay?

Now, he may not be a total jerk. There may be truth in this and he may be stuck, but whatever you do don't wait for him to sort it out. Remember that self-respect thing. What would someone do who had self-respect? Bingo!!!!

You can be his friend, have a life, and if and when he is a single guy...then you can think about whether or not you want to be with him.

If you are in love with him and you are going to wait no matter, then at least don't tell him that you are waiting...and please don't mess around with him before he sorts out his life.

We Make Out...and Then It's Over

Dear Kim,
I have the worst luck when it comes to guys. I have wanted a boyfriend for a long time now, but it never works out.

Every time I like a guy the same thing happens. He will ask me out or we will hang out at a party, but then he disappears. The thing that bothers me the most is I feel like all they want is to make out with me and then once we do they dump me. What should I do?

Your question makes me sad. All of us want to be loved, and we all have times when we feel like we would do anything to get that love. The problem is we can't make another person love us, no matter how hard we try.

Let me back up a little here. You meet a guy at a party, and you like him. It sounds to me like the next thing you do is make out with him. Although it is easy for something like this to happen, I think this could be the problem.

Guys like the chase. They will often try to kiss and make out as soon as possible, but this is not the best way "to get" a guy. Even though it sounds like "adult advice" and you are probably thinking that all adults say that, it is true.

What's the hurry? When you meet a guy, it is fine to let him know you are interested. It is fine to flirt with him and make plans with him for the next day or weekend. But if you want him to stick around, don't hook up with him right away.

Sometimes we think, "If we kiss then it will be official." Not so. This is a "girl thing." Guys don't think that way. They don't feel obligated simply because they kissed you. Trust me on this one - no need to rush.

(c) Kimberly Kirberger, 1999. All rights reserved. Reprinted with permission of Health Communications, Inc. from Teen Love®: On Relationships, by Kimberly Kirberger. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, without the written permission of the publisher. Publisher: Health Communications, Inc., 3201 SW 15th Street, Deerfield Beach, FL 33442.
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Table of Contents

Table of Contents
If I Couldn't Feel Love - Jane Watkins and
Kimberly Kirberger
Love 1A: Introduction
Guidelines for Reading This Book

1. First and Foremost: You Gotta Love Yourself!

Love Yourself First
Things That Keep Us from Loving Ourselves
Is There Someone out There for Me
I Am Enough - Chelsea Hellings
Loving Without Limits - Kelly Garnett
Everyone Has a Boyfriend but Me
I Wonder - Miriam Perez
Why Do All the Girls Like Older Guys Now?
Am I Good Enough for Him?
I'm Losing My Confidence
I'm Not Pretty Enough for Him
Dreaming of Me - Miriam Perez
Love Just Stresses Me Out
Treat Yourself Right

2. All These New Feelings

All These New Feelings
My Friend Stole My Crush
Sister - Becca Woolf
Cartoon - Dave Carpenter
I Have to Choose Between Two Guys
I'm Unlucky in Love
Oh No...She Wants to Have a "Talk"!
The "L" Word - Amanda Bailey
I Said "Yes!" - Adam Bankovich
Cartoon - Randy Glasbergen
The One Who Loves Me or the One I Love: Who Do I Choose?
This Guy Is Spreading Rumors About Me
The Guy I Like Has a Girlfriend
Alone - Becca Woolf
I'm a Sensitive Guy
Falling in Love - Kent Nerburn
Is This Love?
You Tell Me - Kim Lleren
I Can't Open Up...and Now I've Lost Him
Stone by Stone - Rachel Bentley
I'm in Love with Love!
She's Been Hurt and Now She Won't Love
The Pit of Love - Jennifer Hadra
My Special Someone - Kristine Lee
Help...I'm Afraid of Falling!
Burning Candle - Cyndel Gayle Bailey

3. There Is a First Time for Everything:
Love Is the Part of Us That Is Real

A First Time for Everything
First Time - Jane Watkins
My First Crush
I'm Afraid She'll Reject Me...
I Misjudged a Great Guy
How Do I Act on a First Date?
I'm Scared to Kiss Him
The Kiss - Allison Forster
Cartoon - Randy Glasbergen
I'm Nervous to Make the First Move
I Don't Get It: What is Love?
Love Is Sweet - Tiffany Storm

4. Do You Like Me???
Cartoon - Randy Glasbergen
Do You Like Me?
Illusion - Julian Arizona
Cartoon - Dave Carpenter
What Do Guys Like? What Do Girls Like?
Cartoon - Randy Glasbergen
I Freeze When I'm Around Her
Cartoon - Schwadkon
How Can I Tell If He Likes Me?
Cartoon "WUTDOO" - Glasbergen
How Can I Tell If She Likes Me?
Sweet Dreams - Kelly Garnett
Someone Special - Olivia Odom

5. When Friends Become More . . .

When Friends Become More . . .
Help . . . I Have a Raging Crush on My Best Friend!
The Key to My Heart - Tammy Osborne
We Make Out . . . and Then It's Over
The Value of a Kiss - Alvin Jones
The Day We Became More . . . - Brandy Nicholas
Should I Tell My Friend I Love Him?
My Best Friend - Samantha Joseph
I've Fallen for My Friend
With Honor - Erin Kelly
I Want Him to Be My Boyfriend . . . Not Just a Friend
Cartoon - Dave Carpenter
More Than Friends
I Finally Got the Girl-Now What Do I Do?
Are We Better off Just Being Friends?
My Friend Talked to My Crush and Ruined Everything
Cartoon - Randy Glasbergen
Goodbye - Becca Woolf
I Like Her . . . but She Likes My Friend
Identical Friends - Jane Watkins
The Boy Next Door - Becca Woolf

6. Unrequited Love

Unrequited Love
Stupid Horse Jokes - Briana Halpin
The Letter I'll Never Send - Rebecca Scida
He Doesn't Know I Exist
I Can't Forget Him
I'm Obsessing Big Time
Unrequited Love - Julia Chan Sook Yin
Alone - Becca Woolf
No Matter What I Do She'll Never Like Me Back
He Doesn't Love Me Back
All I Can't Say - Nina Yocco
I'm Waiting for Her to Decide
Help . . . I'm Obsessed on My Crush!
She Loves Someone Else
What Is He Thinking?
Paint Your Love - Kara L. Bailey
I'm Obsessing over Him

7. Now That We're Together

Now That We're Together
The Love of My Life - Amy Ortega
One Minute She's Nice, the Next She's Mean: What Am I Doing Wrong?
Cartoon - Dave Carpenter
My Boyfriend Treats Me Badly Around His Friends
My Boyfriend Loves Me More Than I Love Him
He Hit Me, but I Still Love Him
How Do I Save Our Relationship?
We Are So Different
I'm Tired of Being Compared to Other Guys
Love Letters - Kate Walker
We Just Had a Fight and My Boyfriend Snapped
I'm Finally Happy. Can It Last?
Cartoon - Randy Glasbergen
I Don't Trust My Boyfriend
I'm Always Worried He'll Find Someone Better
Fear - Meredith Switzer
The Love of My Life Moved Away
My Parents Don't Approve of My Boyfriend
Cartoon - Randy Glasbergen
My Boyfriend Ignored Me at a Party
My Boyfriend Pays More Attention to My Parents Than to Me!
Can Our Cyber-Love Be for Real
Cartoon - Randy Glasbergen
My Virtual Relationship Is Real to Me

8. Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do
For Zack - Brandy Nicholas
My First Heartbreak
Untrue Love - Sara Corbin
I Really Blew It and Now I've Lost Him
Reunited: A Two-Sided Poem - Becca Woolf
She's Moved On and I Can't Handle It
Cartoon - Dave Carpenter
It Hurts So Much to Have Lost Him
Love Lessons - Kelly Garnett
It's So Hard - Becca Woolf
I Couldn't Wait for Her to Decide
Dried-Out Roses - Becca Woolf
How Do I Break Up with My Boyfriend?
Cartoon - Dave Carpenter
Speechless - Kira Bindrim
We Broke Up and I'm So Depressed
Lost - Becca Woolf
She Broke My Heart . . . and My Trust
Where's My Heart? - Becca Woolf
I Ignored My Friends for Love . . . and Now I Want Them Back
I Miss My Ex and Want Him Back
At First - Becca Woolf
He Wanted "More"
Adios - Langley Wetzel

9. Starting Over . . . Or Here We Go Again

Starting Over
I'm Having a Hard Time Letting Go
To Let Go - Tiffany Appleton
I'm Ready to Start Over
A New Start - Becca Woolf
My Private Pain
What If I Get Hurt Again?
An Angel and Strawberry Ice Cream - Karen Dawson
Chasm of the Heart - Rachel Miller
Footprints in My Heart - Lauren Olszewski
I Just Moved and It's Hard to Start Over
I'm Having Fun On My Own!
Who Needs a Boyfriend Anyway? - Shelby Woodard
I'm Becoming Obsessed Again!
Cartoon - Randy Glasbergen
In Closing

Who Is Kimberly Kirberger
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