One Month to Love: Thirty Days to Grow and Deepen Your Closest Relationships

( 3 )

Overview

Improve your most important relationships?starting today.
 
At the end of the day in this all-too-short life, what matters most is relationships. Spouse, parent, child, friend?whoever your closest loved ones are, they warrant more than a passing glance; they deserve an intentional and meaningful relationship with you.
 
The One Month to Love thirty-day challenge is ...

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Overview

Improve your most important relationships—starting today.
 
At the end of the day in this all-too-short life, what matters most is relationships. Spouse, parent, child, friend—whoever your closest loved ones are, they warrant more than a passing glance; they deserve an intentional and meaningful relationship with you.
 
The One Month to Love thirty-day challenge is the greatest adventure you’ll ever take, helping you deepen the important relationships in your life. Authors Kerry and Chris Shook use timeless, biblical wisdom to walk through three stages of relationships: First Glance, Second Look, and Lasting Love. Many of us have launched into the exciting First Glance phase. When we then tiptoe into the Second Look, reality sets in, and often friendships weaken, families suffer, marriages crack. Now learn how to experience the deep, satisfying lifelong relationships of lasting love.
 
All it takes is one chapter a day.
 
If your marriage is broken, restoration is possible. If your friendship is frail, a fresh start is possible. Even if you’ve made mistakes in all your relationships, lasting love is still possible. “With God all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26).
 
Includes a weekly focus and daily readings to guide you through the process.

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Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher
Praise for Love at Last Sight

“I love Kerry and Chris. And I love this book. One of my deep desires is to invest the best part of me in those who are closest to me. This book will give you the inspiration and practical tools you need to do just that.”
—Mark Batterson, pastor of National Community Church and author of Primal, Wild Goose Chase, and In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day

“People are created for connection and community. We’re each designed with a desire for knowledge and intimacy. But it doesn’t just happen. It takes intentionality and a willingness to work. In Love at Last Sight, my good friends Kerry and Chris Shook reveal some practical and powerful steps that will help you cultivate your relationships. Whether you’re seeking to strengthen your friendships or looking for ways to enrich your marriage, the tools in this book will help you experience the most out of every significant relationship in your life.”
—Ed Young, pastor of Fellowship Church and author of The Creative Marriage

“Healthy relationships are essential for life, marriage, and family. Love at Last Sight provides counsel for developing a love that lasts and creating a legacy for generations to come.”
—Jack Graham, pastor of Prestonwood Baptist Church

Love at Last Sight sheds new light on taking care of your relationships today. We have so many tools to help us communicate, yet so many relationships are in shambles. Chris and Kerry Shook give sound advice for putting those we love first and practical tips to make our love last.”
—Craig Groeschel, pastor of LifeChurch.tv and author of The Christian Atheist

 

Praise for One Month to Live

“If you want new urgency, fresh purpose, and a sharper focus for your life, then this book is for you. Read it and your future may be changed forever!”
—Lee Strobel, author of The Case for the Real Jesus

One Month to Live by Kerry and Chris Shook will add value to the life of every person who reads it. The questions asked and the ‘Make It Count Moments’ in the book will stir your soul and inspire you to begin, today, to make the rest of your life more meaningful. What Kerry and Chris present in One Month to Live could be life altering.”
—Ken Blanchard, author of The One Minute Manager and Know Can Do!

“Regardless of where you are on your spiritual journey, One Month to Live will challenge you to passionately live the life you were made for and leave an eternal legacy.”
Bill Hybels, best-selling author and senior pastor of Willow Creek Community Church

From the Hardcover edition.

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780307730978
  • Publisher: The Doubleday Religious Publishing Group
  • Publication date: 12/18/2012
  • Pages: 240
  • Sales rank: 342,571
  • Product dimensions: 5.49 (w) x 8.17 (h) x 0.68 (d)

Meet the Author

Kerry Shook and his wife, Chris Shook, are the authors of the New York Times bestseller One Month to Live and the founders of Woodlands Church in The Woodlands, TX, one of the largest churches in America. The Shooks have been featured on Fox News, NBC, ABC, and PBS. Kerry and Chris have been married for twenty-eight years and have four children.

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Read an Excerpt

The Most Important Thing
 
Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival. — C. S. LEWIS
 
I don’t wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone. — JAVAN
 
Right now, there are three relationships in your life that trouble you. Perhaps a good friend said something to you yesterday. It felt critical, but you’re not sure what she meant. The two of you used to be so close, but lately you’ve been drifting apart. Something’s not right. Oh, and your mother called. There’s that. You know you should return her call, but you haven’t. Why? You know there are things you should have said before, you avoided them, and now you feel it’s too late. It’s always so hard with her. Always messy.
And then…your son has been missing. Not missing physically, but he’s been distant, quiet, silent. Missing emotionally. What’s that about? What’s going on in his life? You want to reach out, but he pushes you away. It worries you.
Maybe the relationships in your life aren’t exactly like these, but I’m guessing these remind you of someone close to you, a problem relationship in your life right now. Maybe it’s not your mother but your father, perhaps not your son but a daughter-in-law. It could be your best friend. Whoever it is, he or she is someone who matters to you—or else the relationship wouldn’t trouble you, gnaw at you on the inside, make you question and grumble, or even bring you to tears.
I suggest you have at least three such relationships in your life right now that feel messy or troubling and make your heart ache a little. The number three isn’t magic, of course. It could be just one or two, although it’s likely to be more, not less. We all have relationships that aren’t what we long for them to be. Now I’m not talking about business acquaintances, casual or distant friends, fourth or fifth cousins. We all have a lot of relationships in our lives—maybe too many (and we’ll talk about that)—but, quite frankly, not all are created equal. All people are important, but not every connection in your life has equal value. The relationships we want to help you with in this book probably include your husband or wife, possibly a boyfriend or girlfriend. Your mother or father could be on this list, or maybe a son or daughter. And there could be a friend, someone close to you with whom you’ve shared deep things. It’s these meaningful, essential people in your life—the key relationships you have right now—that we want to focus on.
So take a moment and think, who are these three key people in your life? Which meaningful relationships are troubling you? Relationships you wish were closer. Relationships you’d like to be deeper and richer. Relationships that trouble you, bother you, even make you a little crazy right now. Seriously, think about it. Who are they? And now take a moment to name these three key relationships out loud.
 
THE HIDDEN ADVENTURE
 
The journey you’re about to take over the next thirty days will help you improve, grow, and deepen those three relationships you just named. I’m not saying it will fix everything (relationships aren’t machines—you can’t replace a broken part and be good to go). But if you apply what you read over the next thirty days, your key relationships will grow and deepen. Something will change for the better.
Trust me, this is important for you. In fact, this may be the most significant thing you do in your life right now. Why? Because life is way too short. At the end of the day—at the end of The Day—in this all-too-short life we share, all that really matters is relationships.
Our relationships with the God who created us and with the people we love. Compared to these relationships, the job or career goals we set now aren’t really so important, the ladders we try to climb don’t matter so much, and the objects we long to own and possess seem utterly trivial. What really counts in the end is that special knowing look you share with your spouse, the arms of your child reaching up to you, or the quiet comfort of a friend who stands by your side in a difficult time. The award-winning animated movie Up contains some profound truths about relationships. In a breathtaking sequence early in the film, we see the entire arc of the life of Carl, a balloon salesman, as he meets Ellie, falls in love, and gets married. They share a dream to travel to South America and save every penny for their big trip. But there’s something familiar about the way their savings are constantly being used for the urgencies and emergencies of daily life. Before Carl and Ellie know it, they’re in their seventies, and although they have a beautiful marriage, they never realized their dream adventure. Ellie dies, and Carl is overwhelmed with regret about the trip they never took. In a desperate attempt to escape loneliness and recapture memories of Ellie, Carl attaches a bunch of balloons to his house and sets out for South
America!
You begin to realize as the movie progresses that this dream trip they were saving for, this object of their future plan together, wasn’t really that important after all. The real adventure was the life they shared along the way. The same is true for us: the adventure of a lifetime is right in front of us. It’s just cleverly disguised as a familiar face.
Think about the possible loss of the relationship with one of those three people you named. You can’t do anything about death and the physical departure of one of them from this earth. That’s in God’s hands. But you can do something about your relationship with them in life.
 
UPSIDE DOWN
 
Everything you’ve been told about relationships is upside down and wrong. Researchers tell us that a baby sees everything upside down for the first few days of life until the brain can adjust the visual picture to right side up. Most relationships today are stuck in this same infant stage; we tend to see relationships upside down, and our culture only reinforces this view. The concept of love at first sight permeates our music, movies, television, and books. What we learn as children and continue to believe as adults is that a fairy-tale relationship somehow just happens.
Now, I’m not bashing romance, but meaningful relationships depend on seeing other people as they are and looking at them right side up. Real love— whether romantic love, a close friendship, or a family relationship—happens long after first sight. It shows up as people get to know each other more deeply and often after they work through tough things together. Real love in relationships isn’t a magic act; it’s a journey. When people say, “It was love at first sight,” what they really mean is “I was attracted to that person the first time I saw them.” There is nothing wrong with being infatuated with someone at the start of a relationship. The real question, however, is, do you have a love that is growing stronger and deeper every day?
I don’t believe in love at first sight; I believe in love at last sight. Each of my relationships has the potential to be better the next time we’re together than it was the previous time so that the last time we see each other on this earth we’re closer than ever before.
 
FRIEND ME
 
It’s ironic that even though our society is more technologically connected than ever before, most people feel increasingly isolated and completely disconnected from deep and rewarding relationships. You can have hundreds of Facebook friends, but how many of them can you truly sit down with face to face and share your heart? It’s more important to have one good friend than a thousand acquaintances.
Don’t get me wrong: there’s nothing wrong with social networking. Those sites can serve a useful purpose in connecting us to people. Technology is, after all, neutral. What matters is how you use it. A fire can burn you or warm you, and technology is no different. You can go online to research a medical question, pay your electric bill—or view pornography. The ability to connect with people online can be incredibly useful as long as you’re smart about it, but it has its downside too.
The canary in the coal mine is this: social networking has changed our society’s definition of friend. For instance, if I find someone named Joe online, all it takes is a simple right click, and my computer screen flashes a message assuring me that, yes, Joe and I are now friends. Hmm…now that we’re friends, I wonder if Joe would drive me to the doctor when I’m too sick to drive myself or hold my hair back from the toilet when I’m throwing up. Should I count on him to help me out on moving day? Can I call him when my loyal dog has to be put down and I just can’t do it alone? Will he tell me when I have spinach in my teeth, dandruff on my shirt, or my foot in my mouth? We have bought into the false idea that if we’re connected to huge numbers of people in cyberspace, we must be important and loved. There’s nothing wrong with having lots of online friends as long as you realize that they’re a random collection of people you might know or that someone you might know might know. A real friend is someone who is with you—present in your life— someone who gives you their time, shares your hurt, and feels your ache.
 
HOPE
 
Almost every day we hear about another high-profile marriage meltdown or a lifelong friendship falling apart. We look at the relational carnage around us and wonder, is it even possible to build a marriage that lasts? Is it possible to have a friendship that grows stronger through the inevitable misunderstandings and mistakes of two imperfect people? Is it possible to experience love at last sight?
The answer is a resounding yes! The Bible says, “With God all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26). It doesn’t say it’s easy to build deep and rich relationships that stand the test of time, but we can say from personal experience that with God it’s more than possible. The two of us have been married for more than twenty-five years, and we can honestly say we’re more in love today than ever before. We’re two imperfect people who don’t have it all together or figured out, but we’ve learned some principles from God’s Word that have helped us develop a rich, unshakeable love for each other and for the most important people in our lives. We want to share with you these last-sight principles that continually help us see life and the people we love right side up—from God’s perspective.
 
FIRST GLANCE
 
All relationships, whether a marriage, a family, or a friendship, go through the same three stages. This First Glance stage is often called the honeymoon phase, that blissful time when everything is sunshine and rainbows. It’s the time in a dating relationship when you think you’ve finally met the perfect person, and all you can see is how alike you are. The honeymoon happens in family relationships too. But when children become self-thinking teenagers, parents and kids usually see one another’s shortcomings more clearly. In a friendship the honeymoon begins when you think you’ve finally found a friend who really “gets” you. There’s nothing wrong with those first infatuated feelings unless you expect them to always be there. The First Glance stage is intense but fleeting, and trying to make it long-term isn’t realistic or even desirable!
 
SECOND LOOK
 
At first everything seems beyond perfect, but then you take a second look. Suddenly you see reality staring back at you! In a friendship, as you get to the Second Look stage, you see your friend’s annoying habits and negative qualities. In marriage, that second look makes you realize that the person you’re married to is not so perfect after all. Suddenly you’re able to see only your glaring differences, and you start to wonder what you saw in them in the first place. In the Second Look stage, you start asking, “What happened? Where did all the loving feelings go?” Nothing’s actually wrong. Reality happened! And in a real way, it’s good. Great relationships need to be based on reality—the true understanding and acceptance of another’s faults, shortcomings, and weaknesses. This is also the stage where we admit we’re not so hot either! It’s in this honest acceptance of each other—acceptance of the real us, not the ideal first-glance us—that relationships begin to grow. The danger of the Second Look stage is that it’s easy to give up because we no longer have the sense of awe and wonder we had in the First Glance stage. Of the three key relationships you’ve named, is one possibly in this Second Look stage?
 
LAST SIGHT
 
Our goal is to help you get beyond the First Glance stage, which is by definition a shallow relationship, to move through the Second Look stage and not get stuck there, and to enter the Last Sight stage, where the real work and reward of relationships occur. The Last Sight stage is the point at which you know each other’s faults, fears, and true feelings, but your love is secure as you work to grow closer every day. Last sight relationships are what this book is all about, and they always involve two people being honest, vulnerable, and feeling safe with each other. The reason you chose those unique three key relationships is precisely because you long for them to be last sight relationships. Maybe they’re in the Second Look stage, and you recognize the need to move them into the Last Sight stage. Possibly they’re still in the First Glance stage, and now you’re beginning to realize all that it will take to move them deeper. No matter what stage you’re in or how long you’ve been there, the adventure of a lifetime awaits you in these pages.
 
LOVE AT LAST SIGHT CHALLENGE
 
Love at last sight is a whole new way of living. These are not principles to memorize but an art form to learn and practice, and for each of the next four weeks, we’ll focus on a new aspect.
Week 1: The Art of Being All There
Week 2: The Art of Acting Intentionally
Week 3: The Art of Risking Awkwardness
Week 4: The Art of Letting Go
 
I’d like you to join me in the Love at Last Sight Challenge. This book is the challenge, and you can do it on your own. Just read a chapter each day. There are thirty chapters, they’re short, and you can probably read one a day pretty easily. At the end of each chapter you’ll find the Love at Last Sight Challenge, which is designed to help you take the insights from that day and apply them to your key relationships. Also you can log on to lastsightchallenge.com each day to access our personal coaching and get extra encouragement and advice or share your story. Our goal is to come alongside you to help you create the very best relationships possible. Let’s get started!
 
Challenge
1. Get a small blank book to use as your relationship journal. Every day you’ll conclude your reading with personal action points to record in your journal.
2. The Challenge starts with what you did just moments ago: in your journal write today’s date, and list the three key relationships you want to focus on.
3. For the next month, commit one day a week to a Facebook fast. That’s when you go a whole day without using social networking sites, limiting your use of technology to essential work or school-related work. Take the time you save to handwrite a letter to a friend or to meet a friend face to face for coffee. For more ideas go to lastsightchallenge.com.
4. Think about inviting three or four friends to take the Love at Last Sight Challenge with you.

From the Hardcover edition.

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Table of Contents

A Personal Note to the Reader 1

Day 1 The Most Important Thing: An Introduction 3

Week 1 The Art of Being All There

Day 2 Face to Face: Practicing the Art of Being All There 15

Day 3 Zoning In: Being All There in the Moment 23

Day 4 Invisible: Being All There on a Deeper Level 31

Day 5 Staying at the Table: Being All There During Conflict 37

Day 6 Stuck with Me: Being All There No Matter What 45

Day 7 Thick and Thin: Being All There in the Tough Times 53

Day 8 Last to First: Being All There Before It's Too Late 59

Week 2 Art of Acting Intentionally

Day 9 The Imperfect Dance: Practicing the Art of Acting Intentionally 67

Day 10 Painting a Vision: Intentionally Thinking Ahead 77

Day 11 Action Adventure: Intentionally Stepping Out 83

Day 12 Crowded: Intentionally Creating Space 89

Day 13 Games: Intentionally Going Beyond Surface Issues 97

Day 14 In Between: Intentionally Getting Unstuck 105

Day 15 Raving Fan: Intentionally Giving Encouragement 111

Week 3 Art of Risking Awkwardness

Day 16 Clumsy Grace: Practicing the Art of Risking Awkwardness 119

Day 17 Mind Reader: The Awkwardness of Asking 127

Day 18 Vulnerable: The Awkwardness of Revealing Your Heart 135

Day 19 Act as If: The Awkwardness of Putting Actions Before Feelings 143

Day 20 Making Waves: The Awkwardness of Expressing Anger 149

Day 21 Fresh: The Awkwardness of Making Changes 157

Day 22 Better Together: The Awkwardness of Unity 165

Week 4 The Art of Letting Go

Day 23 Remote Control: Practicing the Art of Letting Go 173

Day 24 The Spear: Letting Go of Hurt 179

Day 25 People Pleaser: Letting Go of Insecurity 187

Day 26 Ego Trip: Letting Go of Pride 193

Day 27 Baggage: Letting Go of Guilt 199

Day 28 Improving Your Serve: Letting Go of Selfishness 205

Day 29 Ever After: Letting Go of Unrealistic Expectations 211

Day 30 Illuminate: Letting Go of Shadows 217

One Month to Love Relationship Summary and Index 223

Notes 229

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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4.5
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Sort by: Showing all of 3 Customer Reviews
  • Posted February 2, 2013

    more from this reviewer

    One Month to Love by Kerry & Chris Shook. They also wrote t

    One Month to Love by Kerry & Chris Shook. They also wrote the book One Month to Live, I wrote the book review for that one, also.

    One Month to Love is similar to One Month to Live, but instead you are learning how to build three key relationships in your everyday life. You have 30 daily challenges to grow and deepen your relationships, which I will be breaking down through in March. Kerry and Chris really have great suggestions and encouragement; they are so in-depth, and helpful. They even have questions at the end of each day for you focus on what you learned that day, and how you can journal about it.

    Everyday they give you quotes about relationships, and I personally enjoyed them. I even shared a few with my friends as I read the book. I will also share with you all in March. The quotes also lined up with their everyday topics.

    However, the only downfall I found was that when I suggested this book for a review, I thought “One Month to Love” would be something about Marriage, something to “help” or a guide about it, especially with it being about February. It turned out to help with not just marriage, but with children, family, and other relationships in everyday life.

    One of the chapters that totally hit me in the face was “Practicing the Art of Being All There”
    Are you filling listening to the people you love when they talk, or you thinking about 100 other things as they talk, and you seem like you are there, but not really “listening”.

    If you love devotional, or Self-help books, I would totally recommend this one. I loved it, and I am sure you will too. You don’t have to break this book down into thirty days, you could easily read it in a day or so.

    Disclosure: I received a free copy of this book from WaterBrook. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted February 1, 2013

    One Month to Love is a self help book to guide you along the pat

    One Month to Love is a self help book to guide you along the path towards closer relationships with the people that mean the most to you.  The book is broken down into 30 individual readings with the intent that you will read and focus on one reading each day for a month. 
     The 30 day timeframe is too short.  There is so much information in this book that I would suggest that one take 60 or 90 days rather than 30 to go through the book.  The suggestions are so in depth and helpful that it would be best to read the chapter one day and then spend the next day or two practicing what you read and journaling about it.  Each day includes questions at the end to challenge you to put into practice what you read.
    I also thoroughly enjoyed the quotes at the beginning of each day.  They give quotes by various authors, poets, politicians, etc. The quotes align perfectly with the topic of the day and provoke further thought from the reader.
    The authors cover the three most important human relations that one is likely to encounter: friends, marriage and parenting.  The title is a bit deceiving; I thought that the book was a marriage self-help.  I was excited when I began reading to see that the book focused on other important relationships.
    The back of the book contains a helpful index that guides you to the sections of the book that cover the type of relationship that you are focusing.  So if you are looking for some encouragement as a parent, you can use the index to direct you to the relevant pages.
    I recommend this book to everyone because there is not one person out there that has perfect relationships.  We all have areas that could be improved.

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  • Posted January 31, 2013

    A few weeks ago I asked to review the book One Month to Love: 30

    A few weeks ago I asked to review the book One Month to Love: 30 Days to Grow and Deepen Your Closest Relationships. I figured February would be a great month to work on becoming closer to my family and other loved ones that are meaningful and essential to my life and I can tell you this isn't something I can do on my own.
    I was a little leery of the book, thinking that it would be a little hokey or, like those diet books that guarantee results, a little too big on the hype and too focused at the results at the end of a certain amount of days. I am glad that it is not. I am glad that it seems approachable and contradicts those books that want to be quick fixes.
    The book is divided up into 4 week segments:
    The Art of Being Free
    The Art of Acting Intentionally
    The Art of Risking Awkwardness
    The Art of Letting Go
    The authors of the book want you to approach the book as a challenge.
    "Just read a chapter each day....At the end of each chapter you'll find the Lasting Love Relationship Challenge, which is designed to help you take the insights from that day and apply them to your key relationships."
    They even have a website where you can log on and monitor your own progress. I look forward to delving into this easy to understand and purposeful book as I grow deeper into my relationships with those that matter the most.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
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