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Posted April 16, 2011
This book deals with the issues faced by gay/bi-straight couples. However, the book I was hoping to find was one that had studied mixed orientation marriages that had weathered the storm and gotten beyond the crisis to a good place. I want to see what strategies worked, what didn't work and how the strategies differed for gay-straight couples as opposed to bi-straight couples. Most importantly I want to see if couples who have weathered the storm feel the effort was worth it. My guess is a book like that hasn't been written because the couples are few and far between and the answers they would provide would not please most readers.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted April 11, 2008
Buxton opens a vein to reveal the shame of the rejected, straight spouse, yet she also demonstrates compassion for the gay spouse. The stories of betrayal vividly describe the crisis that occurs when you discover that your whole marriage has been a lie. At the same time, Buxton offers some insights into how she accepted her situation and moved on with her life, even wishing her ex well.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted December 7, 2001
I'm the gay spouse in my family and was having a coming out crisis of my own when I read Amity's book. Talk about a tough read for a gay spouse. My initial reaction was anger because so little space was devoted to addressing the issues gay spouses face. But then I felt it was unfair to criticize the book for not being written the way I would have wanted it written. I reread the book, this time more carefully, getting confirmation of what I feared and a clearer understanding of what my wife was going through. The book also helped me understand the gay side of it a little more. Wish there was a book focused on the coming out issues of gay spouses. Amity, are you listening?Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted March 13, 2001
As a straight husband whose wife just came out, I ordered this book as soon as I heard about it. I read it in one sitting. I found it to be out-of-date and minimizing to straight husbands. The focus is on the struggles of gay husbands and straight wives, and it minimizes the pain and trauma that straight husbands experience. For example, there are numerous statements in the book that straight men get over the pain more quickly than straight women, and that the straight male spouse often forms new relationships within only a few years. It seemed to suggest that the pain we feel is less powerful and consuming. I found this very insulting, as I am having a terible time watching my marriage (and best friendship) dissolve. Also, the examples (case studies) for 'saving' the marriage often include individuals who accept a third (or more) person into the relationship. If you are an ex-hippie with an 'open' marriage, or are unconventional, this might or might not work. If you are a conventional person in your twenties or thirties, with conventional ideas about marriage, you will find little to relate to with these people. I had hoped that the examples would date from the 1990's, not the 1970's or early 1980's. The 'steps of recovery' outlined are descriptive only, and do not provide practical steps. This book needs to be updated before it can have relevance to the complications of living in the present time. For straight husbands: buy this if you want to or need to, but I am sorry to say that, in my opinion, what you are looking for is not in this book.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.