Table of Contents
Introduction xi
1 Children Will Grieve-With or Without You 1
The power of our first death memories 3
Your memories, their heating 4
What every parent fears 5
Every loss matters 8
How deep is the hurt? 9
Where does faith fit in? 12
Grief and mourning-is there a difference? H Talking about death 15
2 What Children Need to Know 21
It may not look like grief 23
Grasping the reality of death 25
How much do children really understand? 26
What does it mean when you die? 28
Whereto begin? 32
Managing a first good-bye 34
Answering common questions 37
3 Giving Children the Support They Need 43
Normal reactions to death run the gamut 45
Expect an emotional roller coaster 47
Ages and stages influence understanding 51
Begin with God 57
Adult attitudes can help or hinder a child 58
Working through anger 60
4 Helping Children Adjust to Permanent Loss 65
Adapting and adjusting to a new reality 68
Where and how do we begin? 70
Obstacles to healthy adjustment 72
Grief has no set timetable 76
5 Learning to Start Over 81
Giving children permission to live again 85
Helping children feel safe 86
Setting examples of healthy behavior 88
When can we expect the grieving to end? 90
Moving forward: a practical guide for parents 92
6 When the Unthinkable Happens 97
School shootings, near and far 99
Talking about suicide 102
Homicides, fires, and other violent deaths , 106
Handling the death of a child 109
Miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant death 113
Social media and its role in modern grief 116
Dealing with difficult circumstances 119
7 Respecting a Child's Grief 125
Children have a lot to teach us 127
Taking things at face value 129
The changing landscape of grief 131
Don't close the door on their feelings 132
What to say, and when to say nothing 134
Learning to listen 136
8 The Role of Faith in Healthy Grieving 141
Understanding a child's faith perspective 143
Questioning, doubting God 144
Explaining heaven, even when we can't 146
The special needs of teenagers 149
Nurturing faith before grief hits 150
9 Rituals of Faith Offer Comfort, Healing, Memories 155
The role of rituals 157
Is a child ever too young to attend a funeral? 157
Preparing children for a wake or funeral 160
Involving children to make meaningful memories 163
Graveside services, cremation, and the grieving process 165
Helping children see cemeteries as sacred, not scary 167
Preparing for a wake 168
10 Grief without Death: Special Circumstances 173
Divorce, the loss that never ends 175
Remarriage and revisiting sadness 176
Military service and mixed emotions 177
Relocating and readjusting 179
Appendix A Support for Teachers, Counselors, and Other Adult Helpers 185
To thine own self be true 185
Try to see through their eyes 187
See parents as partners 188
When to seek or suggest outside assistance 188
Appendix B Exercises and Activities for Parents and Children 189
Appendix C Resources for Healing 195
Acknowledgments 203
About the Author 205
