Parenting after Divorce: A Guide to Resolving Conflicts and Meeting Your Children's Needsby Philip M. Stahl
In the real world, divorcing parents are often in conflict, and lots of arguments are the rule, not the exception. "However, if parents continue to argue after the divorce," says Dr. Philip Stahl, "the children will suffer." Stahl knows parents are not perfect, and in this book he shows imperfect parents how to settle their
Divorces rarely work out perfectly.
In the real world, divorcing parents are often in conflict, and lots of arguments are the rule, not the exception. "However, if parents continue to argue after the divorce," says Dr. Philip Stahl, "the children will suffer." Stahl knows parents are not perfect, and in this book he shows imperfect parents how to settle their differences in the best interests of their children.
Here at last is a realistic perspective on divorce and its effects on children. Parenting After Divorce features knowledgeable advice from an expert custody evaluator. Packed with real-world examples, this book avoids idealistic assumptions, and offers practical help from divorcing parents, custody evaluators, family court counselors, marriage and family therapists, and others interested in the well-being of children.
Dr. Stahl's advice will help you avoid the dozen most common mistakes that divorcing parents make and spare you the emotional and financial damage they can cost you and your children. His 30-point "sample parenting plan" sets a new standard for families who want to bring order out of the usual chaos of parenting after divorce. The chapter, "What Your Kids Really Think," is by itself worth the price of the book.
This is a powerful, practical book that every divorcing parent should read while there's still time to ensure a secure and healthy future for their children.
Some of his advice ranges from the common-sensical"Avoid conflict in front of your kids"to the speculative: "Take him (your son) on hikes, bicycle trips or camping. Consider yourself the 'outdoor fun' parent."
In general, though, Stahl offers pragmatic, intelligent suggestions for resolving the thorny issues that inevitably arise during the breakup of a family. The book includes sections on parenting alone, coping with extremely difficult spouses, reducing competition between parents, and working within the court system. Particularly helpful is the section on resolving scheduling conflicts, an unavoidable problem in nearly every joint-custody situation. Stahl includes a sample schedule calendar.
Another especially useful section is a chapter on how divorce affects children of various ages, from very young infants all the way through the late teen years. The chapter includes several pages of questions children might ask along with healthy, tactful suggested answers. The language for some of these answers seems stilted, but the ideas behind them are sound. To the question "Why do I have to go over to Dad's? I don't like him," Stahl proposes this response: "I think we need to talk about all of your feelings.
What's the problem at Dad's? Can you talk with him about any of this? You know, lots of times we don't like some things about someone, but then we find a way to work it out. Relationships aren't always easy, even with people we're close to."
At times, Parenting After Divorce has the feel of an extended version of "Everything I Need To Know I Learned in Kindergarten"play nice, share, don't fight. There is no bad advice here, however, and if all parents would follow Stahl's blueprint as they split up, divorce would be far easier on many children. The central premise of his bookthat parents' top priority during a divorce should be to minimize the pain for their childrenis inarguable.
What People are saying about this
"A treasure trove of practical, down to earth, easy to understand information."
"A wise and practical book for divorcing parents..."
"This is one of the best books ever written for separating or divorced parents who want to create the healthiest family life possible for their children to grow and thrive in."
"An important read!"
and post it to your social network
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
See all customer reviews >