Pimpology: The 48 Laws of the Game [NOOK Book]

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If a pimp is going to take a chance, a bitch must give him money in advance.

-- Father Divine

The Life

A pimp associate of mine, Little Bear, came from a distinguished line of pimps. His daddy was one of the biggest pimps in Milwaukee when I was growing up. Pimpin' was in Little Bear, not on him. Years ago, Little Bear was running an after-hours joint. Many pimps had these little clubs back in the day as a way of catching hoes. A bunch of us were in his joint when one of the finest hoes I ever saw walked in. She had a body like an hourglass. She was so fine her mama should have had triplets. She was just a gorgeous ho. The scene was live, but when this ho walked in, the place stopped.

Sammy, a half-ass pimp who was sitting in the corner blurted out, "That bitch so fine, she don't need no choosing fee to fuck with my pimpin'!"

Out of nowhere Little Bear jumped up and said, "Bitch, break yourself!"

She walks up to Little Bear and asks, "Mr. Bear, what can you do with this money that I can't do with it myself? If you can answer that, I will break myself."

"Bitch, I'm the pimp and you're the ho," he said. "So act like the quarterback and pass the motherfucking bankroll."

She smiled and gave him the trap money. Little Bear then turned to me. "That's a fine-ass bitch," he said. "As soon as she makes me twenty Gs, I'm going to have some buck-naked fun with her." Then he posed the same question he'd been asked to me. "Pimpin', what could you do with that money?"

I stood up, because I was about to perform, and I wanted everyone to hear. "For the record," I started, "I mean to say, for the album -- because the record is too short -- if any of you suckers want to know what a pimp can do with that money that a bitch can't, go to the motherfucking hardware store, get you some duct tape, tape that money on the wall, and piss on it. That's what a pimp can do that a bitch can't!"

The Ism

"Purse first, ass last" is the motto of pimpin', the very foundation on which pimpin' is built. What separates a pimp from a trick is that a pimp completely flips the game. A trick pays a ho for the pussy, but a ho doesn't get to fuck a pimp until she pays him. A ho has got to put it in a pimp's pocket like a rocket before pimpin' can begin. It's not about a pimp breaking a ho, it's about a ho breaking herself. Violating this first law will guarantee a pimp a career of troubles and stress. If a woman can try you before she buy you, then, as B.B. King says, "The thrill is gone."

In life what is expensive seems valuable, and what's available for free seems worthless. You've heard that no one buys the cow when the milk is free, but what they didn't tell you is that after a while, no one even wants that free milk. To be valued, the key is not to give, but to receive -- the more, the better. You don't want to "earn" your price, you want to "cost" it. This is the psychology behind the whole game: anything worth having, you must pay for up front.

Copyright © 2007 by Ken Ivy