Plugged: A Novel

( 53 )

Overview

The long-awaited crime caper so outlandish, so maniacal, so wickedly funny, it could have only come from the mind that brought you Artemis Fowl.

Daniel McEvoy has a problem. Well, really, he has several, but for this Irish ex-pat bouncer at a seedy, small-time casino the fact that his girlfriend was just murdered in the parking lot is uppermost in his mind.

That is until lots of people around him start dying, and not of natural causes. Suddenly...

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Plugged

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Overview

The long-awaited crime caper so outlandish, so maniacal, so wickedly funny, it could have only come from the mind that brought you Artemis Fowl.

Daniel McEvoy has a problem. Well, really, he has several, but for this Irish ex-pat bouncer at a seedy, small-time casino the fact that his girlfriend was just murdered in the parking lot is uppermost in his mind.

That is until lots of people around him start dying, and not of natural causes. Suddenly Daniel's got half the New Jersey mob, dirty cops and his man-crazy upstairs neighbor after him and he still doesn't know what's going on. Bullets are flying, everybody's on the take and it all may be more than Daniel's new hair plugs can handle.

And Daniel's got to find the guy who put in those hair plugs—or at least his body—and fast, or else he'll never get that voice out of his head. Head-spinning plot twists, breakneck pacing and some of the best banter this side of Elmore Leonard's Detroit, will keep you on the edge of your seat and itching for more.

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Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher
"Great writers can write anything, and Plugged is proof. Its author is Eoin (pronounced 'Owen') Colfer, a name you might recognize because he wrote the best-selling 'Artemis Fowl' books for young adults, as well as a sequel to Douglas Adams’s "The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy." Taken together, those books feature fairies, unemployed gods, a boy genius, a green alien and a galactic president, which means it’s not easy to categorize Colfer or his writing. That’s a good thing. Because now he’s produced a bang-up crime novel for adults. This might lead you to think you’re in Elmore Leonard, Carl Hiaasen or even Damon Runyon country, but you’re not. Although there are echoes of all three writers in Plugged, Colfer's novel is dominated, driven and fully animated by a refreshingly original voice . . . Colfer has the deftest of touches, so he underplays them at every opportunity, which makes the reader care all the more. Plugged packs a powerful dramatic wallop for such a slim volume, like a flyweight with a knockout punch. And Daniel McEvoy becomes a knight errant in a sensitively wrought study of the effects of war on the human soul. As I said, great writing." — – Lisa Scottoline, The Washington Post

"Channeling noir stylists from Raymond Chandler to Elmore Leonard, Eoin Colfer the Irish author of the million-selling "Artemis Fowl" series for teens, goes a little crazy in his head-spinning, hilarious first novel for adults. "Plugged" introduces us to the charismatic Daniel McEvoy, who uses the lethal skills he learned in the Irish army as a strip-club doorman who finds himself in deep sewage with the cops and the Irish mob — thanks to his best friend, a crooked doctor who is giving him hair implants." — San Antonio Express-News

"Author Eoin Colfer, who created those Artemis Fowl books, lives in Ireland. Again, hair-raising, dark bad boys, crime, events where your wife's brother gets selected 'designated drunk.' Daniel McEvoy's a bouncer, Irish. Like, what else? Lives there a villain who's Norwegian? His girlfriend gets suddenly dead. It's a crooked doctor, menacing homeland mob, seedy New Jersey club, more booze—and such prose as squeezing certain sensitive parts of a male Rottweiler. And Page 264's 'Little virgin Connie didn't want hands on her ass.' Eugene O'Neill it's not. Irish it is." — Cindy Adams, New York Post

"Irish author Colfer, best known for his middle-grade Artemis Fowl series, makes his much anticipated crime novel debut with this pitch-perfect comic noir . . . Outrageous characters, uproariously funny plot twists, and brutal, nonstop action make this a sure-fire winner." — Publishers Weekly, starred review

"The bestselling author of the Artemis Fowl novels dedicates this, his first crime novel for adults, to fellow Irish writer Ken Bruen, who 'made him do it.' The result is an infectious blend of hardboiled lunacy mixed with Celtic black humor that is held together by Colfer's own glorious voice." — Patrick Millikin, The Poisoned Pen, in The Indie Next List

"Eoin Colfer makes his crime fiction debut with a bang… With swift pacing and plenty of twists and turns to keep readers guessing until the very end, Colfer’s crime caper has all the makings of a classic thriller. Daniel tries to hide his insecurities and chivalrous weak spot behind his wry, self-deprecating humor, and his witty voice deftly blends comedy with the noir storytelling. A clever ending leaves room for a sequel and fans clamoring for more of this sensitive Irish rogue." — Foreword Reviews

"Colfer, author of the Artemis Fowl youth series, employs similar techniques in this one—breathless plotting, humor, and wordplay—but he adds a diverse armory of guns, grenades, and stilettos. Fans of Ken Bruen’s hilarious odes to murderous psychopaths will want to get Plugged." — Booklist

"If Carl Hiasson married Raymond Chandler and engaged Dave Barry to be a surrogate mother, Plugged would be the progeny. Oh, grow up! This is a zany crime caper where such things are possible. With the unlikely title—redolent of Chandler's characters being "plugged" with lead bullets—the bestselling author of the Artemis Fowl series makes his hilarious crime fiction debut á la Elmore Leonard. Incredible imagination won't suffice to solve this who-what-and-whydunnit. This five-star story in the vein of Robert Coover's Noir has more twists than a box of rotini pasta." — L. Dean Murphy, Bookreporter.com

"Plugged is a miles-apart transition for the acclaimed young adults' author, as he makes the brave leap to adult fiction—not the easiest of leaps to make, especially if that leap is the wide and dangerous canyon of hardboiled crime where safety nets are as scarce as a Tony Soprano's diet. Thankfully, Mr. Colfer's leap of faith has him landing expertly and solidly on his feet with page-turning ease. Funny, acerbic, crazed, riveting, sardonic—with just the right amount of hard-boiled dialogue—Plugged is everything you want in a summer read." — New York Journal of Books

"Eoin Colfer, primarily known for his children's books featuring Artemis Fowl, shows he can write a terrific crime novel for adults with Plugged . . . Plugged is that rare book that mixes terrific suspense with laugh-out-loud humor. McEvoy and his attitude will appeal to fans of both the crime novels of Elmore Leonard and the wacky characters prevalent in the novels of Carl Hiaasen." — Associated Press

"Keeping New Jersey sleazy, Plugged is full of fake boobs, Irish gangsters, dirty cops, and a sea of salty language. And like a double shot of Jameson on an empty stomach, the buzz comes on quick . . . Colfer's prose is generous with the jokes and nimble with plot twists." — Mystery Scene Magazine

"Compared with that criminal mastermind Artemis Fowl, Dan McEvoy is a bungling idiot. But that's essentially the appeal of Eoin Colfer's first adult protagonist, an expat Irish Army veteran who appears in Plugged . . . lots of bloody fun." — Marilyn Stasio, The New York Times Book Review

"Colfer makes the transition [to adult literature] with his facility for the delightful Irish turn of phrase intact, even if many of those phrases are saltier this time around . . . the sharp curves come fast and so do the dips that make you feel giddy. Colfer keeps up the furious pace." — The Chicago Sun-Times

"With his new novel Plugged, Colfer makes the transition for YA to fullon adult fiction, with impressive results . . . an adorable mongrel of a book - wildly funny, oddly touching, part caper novel, part mystery . . . Starting the novel is the equivalent of hitting the power switch and holding on for dear life; the narrative builds and folds in on itself, the bodies pile up, the situations get more and more outlandish, and the reader just grins and plays along." — The Vancouver Sun

"Colfer makes his adult crime fiction debut with this tale of Daniel McEvoy, who might be a doorman at a low-rent casino in Cloisters, NJ, but who once upon a time served two tours of active duty in the Irish army. . . The body count rises steadily as Daniel gets himself into various situations both dangerous and hilarious involving good and bad cops, crooked lawyers, barrels of steroids, and assorted mayhem. Carl Hiaasen and Elmore Leonard fans should enjoy this hard-boiled novel with a dash of humor." — Library Journal

"In the journey towards crime fiction, Eoin Colfer is helped by the fact that his children's hero, Artemis Fowl , was a master criminal. The narrator of Plugged is also quite a dodgy dude. This comedy of vanity in an action protagonist alerts us that we are in the territory of comedy crime, in the style of Carl Hiaasen. As he showed with the Artemis Fowl books, Colfer is an engaging and inventive writer with a strong sense of the rhythm of a story, its twists and riffs. Always entertaining page by page, the book also has a truly unexpected sex scene and much sassy dialogue." — The Guardian (UK)

"Colfer's adult crime-fiction debut—after his bestselling Artemis Fowl YA series—introduces a big, brash, bawdy, balding anti-hero." — Kirkus Reviews

"Colfer's first adult crime novel, Plugged is a gloriously ramshackle comedy crime caper. As a narrative vehicle the story is a getaway car careering downhill and losing wheels at every corner. Colfer, however, is too experienced a storyteller to get carried away himself. The propulsive chaos masks a palpable appreciation of the crime novel itself, not simply in terms of his playful subversion of the genre's tropes but also in Colfer's willingness to warp the parameters of what is essentially a conservative narrative form. Successfully blending the subgenres of comedy crime caper and hard-boiled noir is no mean feat, as those who have read Donald Westlake's pale imitators will confirm. Colfer's exuberance in this respect will delight the connoisseurs jaded by crime novels that insist on adhering to a predictable norm. Scabrously funny, furiously paced and distinctively idiosyncratic, Plugged ultimately comes to a belated reconciliation with the genre's conventions, but only after a titanic and entertaining struggle that suggests Colfer's first adult crime novel will not be his last." — Declan Burke, The Irish Times

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781468300611
  • Publisher: The Overlook Press
  • Publication date: 4/30/2013
  • Edition description: Reprint
  • Pages: 256
  • Sales rank: 480,577
  • Product dimensions: 5.40 (w) x 8.00 (h) x 0.73 (d)

Meet the Author

Eoin Colfer

EOIN COLFER is the New York Times bestselling author of the Artemis Fowl series and the sixth installment in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series, And Another Thing . . . . He lives in Ireland with his wife and two children.

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    1. Also Known As:
      William Eoin Colfer (full name)
    2. Hometown:
      Wexford Town, County Wexford, Republic of Ireland
    1. Date of Birth:
      May 14, 1965
    2. Place of Birth:
      Waterford City, County Waterford, Republic of Ireland
    1. Education:
      Bachelor of Education, 1986; Education Diploma, 1987
    2. Website:

Read an Excerpt

CHAPTER 1

THE GREAT STEPHEN KING ONCE WROTE DON’T SWEAT THE small stuff, which I mulled over for long enough to realize that I don’t entirely agree with it. I get what he means: we all have enough major sorrow in our lives without freaking out over the day-to-day hangnails and such, but sometimes sweating the small stuff helps you make it through the big stuff. Take me, for example; I have had enough earth-shattering events happen to me, beside me and underneath me to have most people dribbling in a psych ward, but what I do is try not to think about it. Let it fester inside, that’s my philosophy. It’s gotta be healthy, right? Focus on the everyday nonlethal bullshit to take your mind off the landmark psychological blows that are standing in line to grind you down. My philosophy has gotten me this far, but my soldier sense tells me that things are about to come to a head.

There isn’t much call for deep thinking in my current job in Cloisters, New Jersey. We don’t do a lot of chatting about philosophical issues or natural phenomena in the casino. I tried to talk about National Geographic one night, and Jason gave me a look like I was insulting him, so I moved on to a safer subject: which  of the girls have implants. This is one of our regular topics, so it’s familiar territory. He calmed down after a couple of swallows from his protein shake. Me talking about issues scared Jase more than a drunk with a pistol. Jason is the best doorman I have ever worked with, a rare combination of big and fast and with a lot more smarts than he lets on. Sometimes he’ll forget himself and reference a Fellini movie, then try to cover his tracks by giving the next guy through the door a hard time. Guy’s got secrets; we all do. He doesn’t feel like burdening me and I am absolutely fine with that attitude. We both pretend we’re dumb and we both suspect we aren’t as dumb as we pretend. It’s exhausting.

Most nights we have time for chit-chat out front. Everything’s quiet until ten thirty or so. Generally just a few small-time players, under-the-radar guys. The party crowd doesn’t show up until the regular bars close. The bossman, Victor, who I will describe in detail later because this guy deserves a movie of his own he is such a dick and to talk about him now would ruin the flow; anyways Vic still wants a couple of bodies out front. Sometimes it takes two to shut down a fight if there are accusations flying around on the back table. It can get pretty heated in there, especially with the little guys. I blame Joe Pesci.

So I generally do the night shift, not that there’s a day shift per se. Twice or three times a month I pull doubles. I don’t really mind. How am I going to pass the time at home? Do push-ups and listen to Mrs Delano bitch?

Tonight I get in at eight on the dot. It’s midweek so I’m looking forward to a quiet evening chewing power bars with Jason and talking surgery. Just simple distraction, which is the closest to happiness I’m expecting to get in this lifetime.

Jason and I are watching this Russian throw around kettlebells on YouTube when I get a call from Marco on my headset. I have to ask the little barman to repeat himself a couple of times before I get the message and hustle back to the casino floor. Apparently my favorite girl, Connie, leaned in to slide cocktails on to a table, and this guy  goes and licks her ass. Moron. I mean, it’s on the wall on a brass plaque. Not ass-licking specifically. Do Not Touch The Hostesses, it says. Universal club rule. Some of the hostesses will do a little touching in the booth, but the customer never gets to touch back.

When I arrive, Marco is trying to hold this guy away from Connie, which is probably more for the guy’s safety than he realizes. I once saw Connie deck a college footballer with her serving tray. Guy’s face was in the metal, like a cartoon.

‘Okay, folks,’ I say, doing my booming doorman voice. ‘Let’s get this handled professionally.’

This announcement is met with a couple of boos from the regulars, who were praying for a little drama. I grip Marco’s head like a basketball and steer him behind the bar, then loom over the offender.

The licker has his hands on his hips like he’s Peter Pan, and Connie’s fingers have left red stripes on his cheek.

‘Why don’t we take this into the back room,’ I say, giving him five seconds of eye contact. ‘Before things get out of hand.’

‘This bitch hit me,’ he says, pointing in case there’s some doubt about which bitch he’s talking about.

His finger is coated with the remains of a basket of buffalo wings, and sauce on fingers is something that has always irritated me more than it reasonably should.

‘We got a time-out room just back here,’ I say, not looking at the brown gunk under his nails. What is wrong with people? You eat, you keep your mouth closed, you wipe your fingers. How hard is that? ‘Why don’t we discuss your issues back there?’

Connie is quiet, trying to hold her anger in, chewing on some nicotine gum like it’s one of the guy’s balls. Connie has a temper, but she won’t slap without good reason. She’s got two kids in a crèche over on Cypress, so she needs the paycheck.

‘Okay, Dan,’ she says. ‘But can we move it along? I got people dying to tip me. This is an open-and-shut case.’

The pointer laughs, like it’s funny she should use that terminology.

I shepherd them into the time-out room, which is barely more than a broom closet; in fact there are a couple of mops growing like dreadlocked palms out of a cardboard box island in the corner.

‘You okay?’ I ask Connie, glad to see she’s not smoking. Six months and counting.

She nods, sitting on a ratty sofa. ‘Dude licked my ass. Licked it. You got any wipes, Daniel?’

I hand her a slim pack. You always carry a pack of antiseptic wipes working a bottom-rung New Jersey casino like Slotz. There’s all sorts of stuff you can catch just hanging around.

I look away while Connie is wiping the barbecue sauce off her behind. You can’t help noticing cleavage in this place, but I figure you can avoid the lower regions. I try to keep my eyes above the waist; leaves everybody with something. So while she’s cleaning up, I turn to the guy. The licker.

‘What were you thinking, sir? There’s no touching. Can’t you read?’

The guy is going to rub me the wrong way. I can tell just by his hair, a red frizz sitting on his head like a nest fell off a roof.

‘I saw the plaque, Daniel,’ he says, pointing towards the casino floor. This guy is a pointing machine. ‘It says do nottouch.’

‘And what did you do? You touched.’

‘No,’ says the guy, switching his pointing finger over to me, so close I can smell the sauce, which is putting me off barbecue for a month at least. Except ribs. ‘I didn’t touch. You touch with your hands. I tasted.’

He stops talking then, like I need a second for this brilliant argument to sink in.

‘You think I never heard that stupid shit before? You seriously think you’re the first guy to try that on?’

‘I think I’m the first attorney to try it on.’ His face lights up  with smugness. I hate that look, maybe because I get it a lot.

‘You’re an attorney?’

More pointing. I’m tempted to snap this arsehole’s finger right off. ‘You’re goddamn right I’m an attorney. You try anything with me and I’ll shut this shithole down. You’ll be working for me.’

‘I’ll be working for you, sir?’

Sometimes I repeat stuff. People think it’s because I’m stupid, but really it’s because I can’t believe what I’m hearing.

The guy goes for option A.

‘What are you? A parrot? A fucking retarded Oirish parrot? Kee-rist almighty.’

This is probably the way it goes in the office for this guy. He doles out garbage and people take it. I’m guessing he’s the boss, or close to it. Only the boss or the mail guy can not give a shit how they look to this extent and get away with it. Suit and spectacles that could have been stolen from Michael Caine circa 1972, and of course the Styrofoam ring of ginger hair.

‘No, sir. I’m not a parrot,’ I say, nice and calm, like I learned in doorman school. ‘I’m the head of security and you touched the hostess, whatever way you want to dress it up.’

The guy laughs, like he’s got an audience. ‘Dressing things up is what I do, Mister Daniel Head of Security. That’s my motherfucking business.’

He says motherfucking all wrong, like he learned it from the TV. It doesn’t sound right coming out of his attorney’s face.

‘It’s your motherfucking business?’ I say, saying the word like it should be said. I learned it from a Romanian mercenary working for the Christian militia in Tibnin. Anghel and his boys would tool past our camp most days in their beat-up VW, stopping to strike deals for long-life milk or pasta we’d traded from the French garçons. I liked Anghel okay; he never shot at me specifically, his whole head was a beard and I appreciated the way he said motherfucking.

Only one carton, Paddy? I give you perfect good mozzerfokken hairdryer.

Made it sound real; the double z. So sometimes if I want to make an impression I say it the Romanian way. Often it’s enough to confuse a guy, put him off his stride.

But not this guy. The ginger monkey is seriously unimpressed by my double z and proceeds to make his second mistake of the evening that I know about. He steps up to me, cock of the walk, like I don’t have eight inches and fifty pounds on him.

‘What is this parrot shit?’ he says, and believe it or believe it not, he taps me on the forehead. ‘You got a goddamn plate in your head? Kee-rist almighty.’

I am surprised by this tap on the head but also happy, because the guy has touched me now.

‘You shouldn’t have touched me, sir,’ I say sadly. ‘That’s assault. Now I got to defend myself.’

This takes the wind out of his sails. Being an attorney this jackass knows the letter of the law regarding assault. He is aware that now I got the right to put a little hurt on him and claim I felt threatened. I practice my threatened face so he can visualize how it will look in court.

His pointing finger curls up like a dried turd, and he takes a couple of steps back.

‘Now listen. You lay one hand on me . . .’

He can’t finish the threat, because I got a free shot and he knows it. At this point I would dearly love to take that shot and put this attorney out of everyone’s misery. But Connie’s got her kids in the crèche and the last thing she needs is a court appearance hanging over her head. Plus the courtroom is this guy’s arena. Before the judge he’s a gladiator. I can just see him, jumping around like a little ginger monkey, pointing like there’s no tomorrow. And in all honesty, my threatened face ain’t all that hot.

So I say, ‘How much money you got in your wallet?’

The guy tries a little bluster, but I’m giving him an out and he knows it. ‘I don’t know. Couple hundred maybe.’

Bullshit he doesn’t know. Attorneys and accountants always know. Generally they stash little wads of notes all over, in case they get stuck with a pushy dancer or hooker later in the evening. This guy probably knows how much cash his sick momma has rolled into her tooth jar.

‘Gimme three,’ I say. ‘Gimme three hundred for the hostess and I won’t have to act in self-defense.’

The attorney physically flinches. ‘Three hundred! For a lick. Kee-rist almighty.’

He’ll go for it. I know he will. The alternative is explaining to his high-roller clients how he got his face rearranged in a dump like Slotz, where we got mold on the carpet corners and toilets with chains.

The guy is fumbling with his wallet, like the bills are putting up a struggle, so I grab it, making sure to squash his soft attorney’s fingers a little.

‘Here, let me count that, sir. You’re shaking.’

He’s not shaking, but I want to plant the idea that he should be. This is not a tip I picked up in doorman school. The army shrink gave me a few conflict tips before my second tour.

It’s true I snag the wallet to hurry this whole thing along, but I also want to help myself to one of this guy’s business cards. It’s good to have details about troublesome customers. Let them know there’s no place to hide. Once I have his card, I can find his wife, and I’d like to see him try the taste defense at home. His monkey head would be on a plate and no jury would convict.

I count out six fifties and toss him his wallet.

‘Okay, Mister Jaryd Faber,’ I say, consulting the card. ‘You are hereby barred from Slotz.’

Faber mutters something about not giving a shit, and I can’t really blame him.

‘We thank you for your business and urge you to seek counseling for your various issues.’ Standard get out and don’t come back spiel.

‘You’re making a big mistake, Daniel,’ says Faber, something I hear so often they should carve it on my tombstone. ‘I got serious friends in this town.’

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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4.5
( 53 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(39)

4 Star

(7)

3 Star

(5)

2 Star

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 53 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted August 23, 2012

    I love colfers work but......

    This is not a chat room so stop the HP talk and talk plugged. I love hp but come on

    1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted August 18, 2011

    Can't miss this one!

    So how does an Irish guy end up as a down-and-out bouncer in Cloisters, NJ? Beats me, but Colfer's penned a fast-paced, hilarious, dark story about it. I was lucky enough to get an early listening copy of the audiobook, and it's great. John Keating reads, so you definitely get that Irish flavor, and his accent is easy to listen to. The best way to describe this book is a "dark caper" - it's witty, smart, dark, seedy & AWESOME! Forget what you know of Colfer as a young adult author, and dive into this book/audiobook!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted November 15, 2014

    Good

    Fast, interesting, and a great read. Not your usual story that starts in a strip club - a welcome change. I recommend..

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted October 1, 2014

    Lorrie

    Enjoyable book

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 19, 2013

    Johnny

    Waits for Mya.

    0 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted May 1, 2013

    Hi im jenny i a sixth year

    Im a sixth year in slytherin and my patronus is a cat and im really good at DADA and potiotions spesficslly love potions

    0 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted April 6, 2013

    To the Host

    A lot of people sterotype California as a sunny place with countless beaches and tons of surfers. So wrong! But I know how you feel....Sort of. It doesnt matter whether one state is better than the other; all states are unique. Are Texas and Alaska the same? Of course not! The differences between states are a good thing, not a bad thing. But you are sterotyping states, as well! Not all Texans think Alaska is full of igloos and polar bears. I understand you may be offended by the sterotyping, but YOU ARE STEROTYPING, TOO! Please reconsider.

    0 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 6, 2013

    The Host

    Ok. Sooooooooo.......

    0 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 6, 2013

    An I mean

    Send them to 740 first result.

    0 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted February 24, 2013

    I love colfers work but...

    I agree. Talk about the book not stupid harty potter. Go to the reviews on hp for that. I dont know if i should buy this book and im trying to see everyone elses opinion but instead i get stupid harry potter stuff. Just go away.

    0 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 15, 2013

    Ravenclaw- 3rd year

    Im ravenclaw and my patronus is a dalek! My favorite subject is Defense against the dark arts. Im a 3rd year and my name is charlie and im a girl.

    0 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 27, 2012

    Can I talk to the minister of magic?

    F

    0 out of 6 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 28, 2012

    F

    Fxffa

    0 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 29, 2012

    Hermione Granger

    When is the next yule ball? Victor and I had an amazing time!

    0 out of 6 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted November 13, 2012

    ANYONE ALIVE!?!?!

    BEEN WAITING FOR FOREVER FOR SOMEONE TO ACTUALLY TALK TO ME!!!!! DID Y'ALL DIE OR SOMETHIN???? Sunrise is impatiant... *usually sparkling green eyes cloud over resembling a storm*

    0 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 29, 2012

    To matt

    Of course, but how is the student a minister? Whatever. I will help.

    0 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 1, 2012

    Moonlight

    House - Gryffindor
    Year - second
    Favorite class - Magical Creatures
    Favorite teacher - Hagrid
    Least favorite teacher - Umbridge or Snape(depending upon whether Umbridge is teaching at the time)
    Animal/pet - black cat with violet eyes by the name of Nyra
    Patronus - a wolf
    Magick ability - natural spellcaster

    0 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted August 28, 2012

    Help

    Im new to this so can someone help me? Btw im a ravenclawhatever tht means

    0 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 15, 2012

    To celia

    Wut school r u in?

    0 out of 6 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted August 15, 2012

    Isaac to celia

    Can you teach me how to knit?

    0 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

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