The Politically Incorrect Wife: God's Plan for Marriage Still Works Today

The Politically Incorrect Wife: God's Plan for Marriage Still Works Today

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by Connie Grigsby, Nancy Cobb

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Just what is a politically incorrect wife? She is a woman who is married to her husband and not to popular American culture. The politically incorrect wife does not buy into the stifling modern-day thinking that says, "Look out for number one. Treat your husband no better than he treats you." Instead, she cultivates a joyful marriage using transformational spiritual… See more details below


Just what is a politically incorrect wife? She is a woman who is married to her husband and not to popular American culture. The politically incorrect wife does not buy into the stifling modern-day thinking that says, "Look out for number one. Treat your husband no better than he treats you." Instead, she cultivates a joyful marriage using transformational spiritual principles. As formerly politically correct wives with miserable marriages, popular speakers and authors Nancy Cobb and Connie Grigsby lead readers confidently beyond the picket lines of the politically correct -- into a warm, rewarding marriage.

From the Trade Paperback edition.

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The Crown Publishing Group
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Random House
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What Is a Politically
Incorrect Wife?

You’re probably wondering that right now, aren’t you? The politically incorrect wife is a woman who is married to her husband—and not married to popular American culture.
How she views her husband and how she treats him are not determined by society’s widely accepted ideologies. In fact, she firmly refuses to bend to mind-sets that would ultimately damage her marriage. It’s not that she doesn’t hold herself to a set of standards;
she does. But her standards are different—higher, actually—
than standards considered politically correct because they do not offend people who hold to commonly agreed-upon thought.

The politically incorrect wife does not buy into modern-day thinking that says:

1. You are in control of your own life.
2. Marriage is a fifty-fifty proposition.
3. You should treat your husband like he treats you.
4. Your feelings are your guide.
5. Your husband needs to earn your respect.
6. You should make him pay for your forgiveness.
7. There’s no such thing as a happy marriage anymore.
8. Your husband’s job is to make you happy.

The politically incorrect wife does hold to these spiritual principles,
which transform from the inside out:

1. Doing things God’s way is the key to having a joyful life.
2. I am 100 percent responsible to God for my behavior as a wife.
3. I’ll love my husband unconditionally.
4. I will act the way I want to feel.
5. Respecting my husband brings glory to God.
6. Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling.
7. A Source of power is readily available to help me!
8. My joy is not determined by another human being.

When it comes to both of these approaches to being a wife, you can be confident that we (Nancy and Connie) speak with voices of experience. Between the two of us, we bought into modern-day thinking regarding marriage for nearly forty years! During that very long and arduous time, we flowed right along with emerging cultural values and became more entrenched in the idea that our husbands had to earn their way to our hearts. Over the years we became stingier about how much love, affection, care, and concern we doled out to our husbands. In our minds, it made perfect sense for us to suspiciously measure the amount of love we thought our husbands were giving us and then treat them accordingly.

Our modus operandi was faulty for a number of reasons. For one thing, we were clueless to the fact that our measuring tools did not take into account that a man’s way of showing love to a woman oftentimes does not directly correspond to how a woman perceives love. Because we were using the wrong measuring tools, we didn’t realize that our husbands had been expressing their love to us all along—but from their male perspectives (imagine that!).

And we held it against them!

Of course, looking back now, it’s easy to see just how selfish and self-centered our idea of love really was. It’s also easy to see how our mind-sets were molded by society’s present-day messages, which basically say, “I only do something for you if I can get something out of it.”

Until we discovered God’s plan for marriage and began to follow
His set of standards, our husbands felt like they couldn’t win no matter what they did.

So they stopped trying.

And so did we!

Being politically correct kept our marriages in “stuck” position for years—so much so that if you had taken a snapshot of our marriages during that time, you would have found cold hearts and unhappy husbands who were resigned to living with emotionally distant and often angry wives.

By God’s grace, we discovered a life-changing truth: Political correctness doesn’t work in a marriage. We were shocked to learn this! After all, we had spent years shaping our lives around this faulty view. Now, however, we consider that view to be utter foolishness and thank God every day for showing us the spiritual principles in His plan for marriage.


Not long after discovering God’s scriptural “job description” for wives, I (Nancy) realized that if I wanted to have a passionate rela-
tionship with Christ, I needed to do what He said. Since that’s what
I wanted, I began being a wife God’s way—a wife empowered by the very One who created marriage. This turned my world upside down! Within weeks, God changed my heart of stone into a heart of love for my husband, Ray. I now have the best of both worlds. I
love the Lord with all my heart and have never loved Ray more!

For me (Connie), becoming politically incorrect in this area changed not only my marriage, but my life as well. I developed a genuine love for my husband, and I no longer treated him in an inkind manner. This liberated him to love me in a fresh way. It softened his heart toward me beyond description. Our daughters comment on this regularly. Most of all, becoming a politically incorrect wife opened the door to an intimate relationship with God. I
believe my treatment of Wes stood in the way of that for years. Why would God shower His blessings on a stony heart? He didn’t!
Before, I loved God in a casual sense. Now, I love Him with a passion.

After we (Nancy and Connie) met and got to know each other,
we discovered that each of our lives had been radically transformed when we began to follow God’s ways in the area of marriage. We also discovered that we have a similar passion for helping women develop an intimate love relationship with Jesus and walk in the freedom of having their primary ministry—their marriage—in order.


So how did we come up with the concept of the politically incorrect wife? Not long ago, we were talking with a woman who was unhappy in her marriage. She wanted to know what she could do to get her husband to change. After all, she mused, aren’t husbands the ones who need changing the most?

We began to share our thoughts and ideas about what fulfills a woman in marriage. And to her amazement, it had nothing to do with changing her husband.

She grew quiet and mulled over our words for quite some time.
Finally she announced, “You know, the trouble with what you’re saying is that it’s so politically incorrect to act that way.”

“Certainly it is that,” we agreed. “But the real problem isn’t that it’s politically incorrect. The problem is that political correctness simply doesn’t work in a marriage.”

We then challenged her to consider becoming a politically incorrect wife. She said she just didn’t know if she could do it because her way made so much more sense to her.

“Tell us again how well your way is working,” we responded,
with a bit of amusement in our voices.

She burst into laughter! Obviously her way wasn’t working at all, for her answer began with the words, “I’m so unhappy in my marriage I could die.” (To say it wasn’t working was a huge understatement!)

So the woman agreed to consider changing her course. We seriously wondered if she’d forsake the familiar for the unfamiliar.
However, she was so unhappy in her marriage that we thought she might.

Then, two weeks later, one of us received a call from her.

“I can’t believe it,” she exclaimed. “I’m happier than I’ve been in years. We still have a long way to go, but I feel as if a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I feel like the five-hundredpound gorilla is no longer sitting on my back. I feel like I’m becoming me again—I’d lost me for such a long time.”

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