The Porn Trap: The Essential Guide to Overcoming Problems Caused by Pornography [NOOK Book]

Overview

Breaking the silence, removing the shame

In this highly acclaimed recovery guide, renowned sex and relationship therapists Wendy and Larry Maltz shed new light on the compelling nature and destructive power of today’s instantly available pornography. Weaving together poignant real-life stories with innovative exercises, checklists, and expert advice, this groundbreaking resource provides a comprehensive ...

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The Porn Trap: The Essential Guide to Overcoming Problems Caused by Pornography

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Overview

Breaking the silence, removing the shame

In this highly acclaimed recovery guide, renowned sex and relationship therapists Wendy and Larry Maltz shed new light on the compelling nature and destructive power of today’s instantly available pornography. Weaving together poignant real-life stories with innovative exercises, checklists, and expert advice, this groundbreaking resource provides a comprehensive program for understanding and healing porn addiction and other serious consequences of porn use.

The Porn Trap will help you to:

  • Decide whether it’s time to quit using porn
  • Learn how to stop using porn and deal with cravings
  • Improve self-esteem and personal integrity
  • Heal an intimate relationship harmed by porn use
  • Develop a healthy sex life
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Editorial Reviews

Patrick Carnes
“An excellent, thoughtful, and hopeful guide providing effective help for those who struggle with our newest and most challenging mental health problem—pornography addiction.”
Doctor - Ted Roberts
"Larry and Wendy have done a masterful job of defining the problem of porn and giving the reader a marvelous plethora of treatment options. This is a must read for anyone who cares about someone hurt by porn addiction. For those struggling themselves, this book is a lifesaver!"
Harville Hendrix
“An extremely helpful and much needed resource for a very destructive addiction. The Porn Trap includes clear and practical guidance for healing the emptiness caused by porn. I highly recommend it.”
Gina Ogden
“This intelligent book brings a healing voice to an issue that too often divides and devastates partners-it goes way beyond ‘just say no,’ to offer heart-opening guidance that will help you explore new dimensions of sexual desire and intimacy.”
Charlotte Sophia Kasl
“With clarity, compassion, and understanding, Wendy and Larry Maltz help readers comprehend the magnitude of the problem and porn’s highly addictive nature. Their vast knowledge of healing and regaining a healthy sexuality embedded in a true relationship, provides readers with a wise and helpful guide.”
Barry McCarthy
“Groundbreaking. This is the best book on the market to help compulsive porn users and the people who love them to confront and change this destructive pattern.”
Dr. Ted Roberts
“Larry and Wendy have done a masterful job of defining the problem of porn and giving the reader a marvelous plethora of treatment options. This is a must read for anyone who cares about someone hurt by porn addiction. For those struggling themselves, this book is a lifesaver!”
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780061736629
  • Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
  • Publication date: 10/13/2009
  • Sold by: HARPERCOLLINS
  • Format: eBook
  • Pages: 304
  • Sales rank: 108,809
  • File size: 2 MB

Meet the Author

WENDY MALTZ, LCSW, DST, is an internationally recognized sex and relationship therapist in private practice in Eugene, Oregon. She is a frequent lecturer and media guest, and her books include The Porn Trap, Private Thoughts, Passionate Hearts, and Intimate Kisses.

Larry Maltz is an experienced therapist and the executive director of Maltz Counseling Associates in Eugene, Oregon.

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Read an Excerpt

The Porn Trap
The Essential Guide to Overcoming Problems Caused by Pornography

Chapter One

The Hidden Power of Porn

Tony, a twenty-five-year-old grad student, stared out the window and shook his head in disbelief at how quickly he had sunk into the porn trap. "My live-in girlfriend and I were going through a rough time in our relationship. She left town for a few days and I decided to look at porn on the Internet to satisfy me. Up 'til then I'd never been interested in porn. I began on a Friday afternoon looking at the free peeks. By Saturday I was into the sex chats, and by Sunday I had joined a swinger site. One thing led to another—a domino effect. Two weeks later my girlfriend looked in our computer log and saw what I'd been up to. I lied to her about it, said I had been doing government research of all things. A month later she left me. I never realized that porn had the power to upend my life the way that it did."

Marie, a forty-three-year-old accountant and single mother of two, was surprised by the physical power porn seemed to have over her. "For a long time porn was boring to me. I'd sneak a peek at magazines and videos on rare occasions. Then I discovered masturbating to porn. It was a lot more thrilling than just looking at it. I started craving porn constantly, like a drug. Not wanting my kids to find my porn I switched over to using the Internet. That was a big mistake. On the Internet I could find porn in an instant. The faster I would click the mouse, the more I could see. One night my brain went on overload with the visual stimulation. Next thing I knew, I climaxed. No hands. The computer had control of my mindand body. It was frightening how much power porn had over me."

Dave is a pastor in his fifties, who despite being married to a woman he loves, defines himself as a porn addict. He is still struggling to come to terms with the power porn had over his life, costing him his former job as a school counselor. "Porn was the best sex I ever had. Tremendous rush. I didn't have to emotionally connect. I could pick and choose. I chased the golden-haired Eve. It was all very attractive, very mysterious, very cool. But it wasn't cool when I got caught. Porn has a destructive side. I lost my job and nearly my wife. If you keep doing porn long enough it will ruin your life. I don't think the power of porn is really understood by most -people."

For many years, using porn has been the shameful secret many of us have shared in common but no one has talked about. Most women are terrified to admit to using porn. Most men assume that other men do it at least occasionally. After all, "it's a guy thing," since at least three out of four porn users are men. But porn still has a sleaziness about it. It's not something you tell someone on a first or even a fifteenth date. Definitely no one talks about it in a job interview. You certainly can't tell your mother, although if you are a male your father might expect it. You may bring it up with your friends, but probably only in a joking manner.

Most of us would be loathe to think of ourselves as porn addicts or even porn users. After all, we all have a picture in our minds of the typical porn user, and he (or she) doesn't look or act like us. On the other hand, chances are we probably wouldn't picture a grad student, an accountant, or a pastor as a porn user either. But that's who uses porn. Regular -people. -People like you and me and the person sitting next to you on the plane and your doctor and your mechanic.

Despite their differences, what Tony, Marie, and Dave share, as do most of the -people we have interviewed for this book, is their shock at the destructive power of pornography, something they originally got involved in because it seemed simply to promise a harmless good time. "How," they wonder, "can something that isn't a drug, isn't an extramarital affair, isn't actually sex with someone else, cause such devastating problems as divorce, getting fired, and not being able to get sexually aroused by a real live partner?"

The truth is, using pornography can make you go blind—blind to the power and control it can eventually have over your life. Though we might stare intensely at it, we don't see, often can't see, how and why it is so powerful. Did you know that porn can actually rewire your brain? That's one reason why some -people who use porn become preoccupied with sex, develop problematic sexual desires, and experience sexual functioning problems. And if your brain has been changed, it can be difficult to see clearly exactly what is happening and how it's affecting your life.

Porn is an extremely alluring and compelling "product," capable of delivering sexual pleasure while at the same time setting one up for great pain. Porn is like other controlled substances, such as alcohol and cigarettes, that promise good times, sometimes deliver them, but can end up causing much more damage than pleasure. And unlike booze and tobacco, no one warns us of the potential side effects.

Most of us come to porn unprepared. In school, they teach us about the dangers of alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, even overeating. But chances are, you've never heard a teacher discuss the problems associated with using porn. Porn magazines, books, videos, and Web sites do not come with a list of ingredients educating us about their production standards or potency. When's the last time you saw a Surgeon General's warning on a porn product?

The Porn Trap
The Essential Guide to Overcoming Problems Caused by Pornography
. Copyright © by Wendy Maltz. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.
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Table of Contents

Acknowledgments ix

Introduction 1

Part 1 Becoming Aaware

1 The Hidden Power of Porn 11

2 First Encounters 25

3 The Porn Relationship 43

4 To See or Not to See- The Consequences of Porn 69

5 Partners in Pain 96

6 Hitting Bottom 120

Part 2 Healing

7 Getting Motivated to Quit Porn 139

8 Six Basic Action Steps 157

9 Handling and Preventing Relapses 185

10 Healing as a Couple 209

11 A New Approach to Sex 231

12 True Freedom and Fulfillment 255

Resources 267

Index 279

About the Authors 289

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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 3.5
( 43 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(21)

4 Star

(6)

3 Star

(5)

2 Star

(6)

1 Star

(5)

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 42 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted May 7, 2008

    The Porn Trap - A Superb Recovery Book

    As someone who knows the ravages porn addiction can inflict on a person's life, and on the lives of others, I¿m SO GRATEFUL this book has come along. At last there's a clear, compassionate, open-minded guide for people who identify themselves as having a porn problem, and for their intimate partners and families. Step by step, this book helps you evaluate your own situation, understand how you or someone you love got into porn, and see your way clear to making changes if and when you're ready. There are questionnaires throughout to help you relate your own particular situation to what's being discussed. I liked the book's everyday language and clear organization. It maps everything out for you and gives you a plan of action with many alternatives. That's very comforting when you're in distress and things are falling apart or could at any minute. The authors interviewed real people as the basis for their research. These stories, often in the people's own words, helped me feel less alone. They ring true, and cover a wide range of situations and personalities. Both men and women can relate to this book, and so can people of any religion or those with a secular perspective. I found the chapters on Partners in Pain and Healing as a Couple especially helpful. I think the authors really understand the dynamics of intimate relationships. They walk you through a multi-step approach for addressing these painful challenges. You realize you have a shot at healing your relationship. And I was glad to find chapters on preventing relapses and approaching sex in new ways, again with very specific suggestions. I never got the impression that the authors were anti-sex or against all forms of erotica, and they certainly weren¿t shaming or blaming. What came through instead was simply a desire to help people who¿ve become unhappily caught up in pornography. They give options for improving the quality of your life in ways of your own choosing. I've read a couple of other books by Wendy Maltz, including one on the joyful exploration of women's sexual fantasies, and she's by no means a prude. Her writings underscore the importance of sexual pleasure. All in all, The Porn Trap helped me understand the nature of porn addiction and gave me hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, without one's family relationships and self-esteem being destroyed forever. It¿s a SUPERB RECOVERY BOOK and I highly recommend it.

    11 out of 11 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted January 19, 2010

    A VERY USEFUL AND COMPREHENSIVE RESOURCE

    As a sex-addiction therapist, this book has been immensely useful to me in my practice, but it is also an easy, pleasant and informative read for the layperson. If you work in the field of addictions and/or think that you may have a problem yourself then this book will definitely help you.

    5 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 19, 2010

    I Also Recommend:

    This is the best book out there for those dealing with porn addiction either directly or indirectly; it provides a thorough presentation of the porn epidemic in our society and what we need to do to fix the problem.

    I have rated this book with five stars for each category because this is the most comprehensive book out there on the market that presents the problem of porn addiction in an honest and direct way, and that fully explores the repercussions of this addiction on each individual and our society as a whole. I commend Wendy and Larry Maltz for this book; it is powerful. If you have not read this book, I highly recommend it. And if you are a social worker, psychologist, etc...it is essential that you read this book!

    4 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted January 18, 2010

    A book for both individuals and professionals

    As a counseling professional I found this book to be an intelligent and healing investigation of a very challenging subject. It is excellent and written as a hopeful guide to those who struggle with pornography addiction. I recommend it to all professionals and to any individual who faces the challenges of this addiction, or anyone who cares for them. Thank you Wendy and Larry!

    3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 17, 2010

    This book was pivotal in my recovery from porn addiction

    This book cuts to the chase and addresses the difficult issues head-on. I was able to follow the directions of the book and end my porn problem in three months. This book saved my marriage.

    3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted January 28, 2010

    Great Resource for Clients

    As a mental health professional and one who has worked with clients with sexual addictions I found the Maltz's book very helpful and one that I have recommended to client's struggling with pornography addiction. Well researched and easy to read for clients.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 27, 2010

    EXCELLENT, THOUGHTFUL, SENSITIVE AND EYE-OPENING INFORMATION!!!

    I unequivocally recommend this book to:
    . Therapists so they can better help their clients. As a counselor myself, I observe that most therapists are not trained adequately, if at all, in this area. Yet it can cause such deep & divisive problems for their clients. The very nature of addiction implies great difficulty in stopping a behavior. This book's description of how and why porn addiction can be so compellingly gripping is enlightening. Additionally, the book helps with understanding why the addict ultimately may face significant problems in their own sexuality and with a real life person.

    . Individuals and families dealing with porn. This book is nonjudgmental, informative, kind and written in an easy to understand, respectful manner. Its practical steps for disengaging from porn very useful.

    . Anyone interested and/or concerned about the effects of this unprecedented cultural phenomenon.

    . Parents who want to be aware of what their children may be exposed to way too young and without their knowledge.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 18, 2010

    A Comprehensive Review of the Diagnosis and Treatment of Pornography Addiction

    As a Psychotherapy Professional, I found this book very useful in the consideration of pornography use by my clients. It was a great mix of real cases and relevant information. Since then, I have recommended the book to clients, who also have found it useful in their recovery from pornography problems.

    2 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 18, 2010

    Wendy Maltz consistently deals with the toughest areas of sexual problems with clarity and accuracy and the Porn Trap is another example of her fine work.

    Now more than ever as a culture and especially as parents we must face the role that porn plays in corrupting the minds of our young people. Wendy Maltz has been an unflagging spokesperson for women and men who have been sexually abused and now she and her husband have confronted the issue which many of us find the most difficult--what is the line between depictions of sexuality as healthy models and those that defile sexuality. She speaks for many therapists who were lulled into believing "anything goes" and who now realize there need to be lines drawn. I highly recommend this book.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted January 13, 2012

    Highly recommended

    this has been a struggle for me for over a decade and once i read this book, it was almost instantly that i stopped. I don't want to spoil the book for anybody but with any addiction, it is never the addiction itself. please remember that this issue is very common and to admit that this is a burden in your life shows no weakness in your character whatsoever. With some self-reflecting while reading this book, you will be good to go.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted January 18, 2010

    Excellent reference on a challenging subject ...

    I highly recommend this book to patients and colleagues alike!

    Dr. Sandra Scantling
    Author of Extraordinary Sex Now: A Couples Guide to Intimacy

    1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 22, 2010

    I Also Recommend:

    Great Book, For the Addict...

    I am grateful for this book. It was difficult to find information that was current enough to meet the societal changes our technology has brought to the topic of sexual addiction. Most of my internet searches led me to costly recovery programs for the addict. I am afraid though, it has still left me somewhat searching. My problem is that I am a partner, a FORMER partner. The subtitle is Overcoming Problems Caused by Addiction. I overlooked the band on the top of the book: Strategies for Recovery & RELATIONSHIP healing. So while I was able to get an enormous amount of understanding for the addict's point of view, as a person not interested in being within a relationship with an addict, I had little information to recover from the problems it caused ME. Still, I continued to read every page. The chapter on Partners in Pain described me in some regards, Being in the Dark, The Shock of Discovery, Emotional Wound, but not at the final blow, Trying to Cope, when a partner realizes that her loved one has an addiction to pornography...Yuck, I'm out of there! I pray for the recovery of my loved one, and that I am able to reach forgiveness, but I don't need to go to counseling and a twelve step program to go beyond what the books says are the typical reactions: to be a porn cop or to compete with porn! Women, (as it usually is women, yet not always, who are the partner of a porn addict) get a back bone! Our society is a stay by your man world. Look at all the current events that depict the expectations of women to stay in relationships of sexually addicted men. Read the book! Internet pornography is a powerful, addictive habit that affects the addict on a brain chemistry level. It distorts the ability to relate to an intimate partner, his/her environment, and his/her core values! (And some of the readers are mothers.) I would never risk my own emotional well being and future, and I know I am NOT alone! The book omitted people like me. I suspect it is because of business networking that offers hope for some. While the empathy and research on the addict is useful, and there could be hope for a recovering addict, don't get carried away with advice for the partner.

    0 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 28, 2010

    Professionally useful

    Wendy really knows her stuff.

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted January 26, 2010

    Very relevant for me, even as a gay man

    While the book is not focused on my passion / arch enemy of gay porn, the book provided me with valuable insight on keeping my life together. I had no problem adapting the principles spelled out in the book. While I am still tempted to search out porn, I find that my life is far more focused on enjoying my real relationships.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted January 21, 2010

    Excellent & Informative

    This is an important book for everyone who is affected by this issue and professionals helping couples face the "porn trap". Has lots of useful exercises and worksheets too. I highly recommend!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 19, 2010

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted March 24, 2011

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted November 1, 2011

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted January 27, 2010

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted August 19, 2009

    No text was provided for this review.

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