- Shopping Bag ( 0 items )
In Christopher Moore's ingenious debut novel, we meet one of the most memorably mismatched pairs in the annals of literature. The good-looking one is one-hundred-year-old ex-seminarian and "roads" scholar Travis O'Hearn. The green one is Catch, a demon with a nasty habit of eating most of the people he meets. Behind the fake Tudor façade of Pine Cove, California, Catch sees a four-star buffet. Travis, on the other hand, thinks he sees a way of ridding himself of his toothy traveling companion. The winos, ...
In Christopher Moore's ingenious debut novel, we meet one of the most memorably mismatched pairs in the annals of literature. The good-looking one is one-hundred-year-old ex-seminarian and "roads" scholar Travis O'Hearn. The green one is Catch, a demon with a nasty habit of eating most of the people he meets. Behind the fake Tudor façade of Pine Cove, California, Catch sees a four-star buffet. Travis, on the other hand, thinks he sees a way of ridding himself of his toothy traveling companion. The winos, neo-pagans, and deadbeat Lotharios of Pine Cove, meanwhile, have other ideas. And none of them is quite prepared when all hell breaks loose.
Though he appears to be 20 years old, Travis O'Hearn is really 90--and he has been trying to get rid of Catch, his demon companion, for the last 70 years. He would enjoy the eternal youth granted him by the demon, except Catch has a nasty habit of eating humans for dinner. Martin's.
The Breeze blew into San Junipero in the shotgun seat of Billy Winston's Pinto wagon. The Pinto lurched dangerously from shoulder to centerline, the result of Billy trying to roll a joint one-handed while balancing a Coors tallboy and bopping to the Bob Marley song that crackled through the stereo.
"We be jammin' now, mon!" Billy said, toasting The Breeze with a slosh of the Coors.
The Breeze shook his head balefully. "Keep the can down, watch the road, let me roll the doobie," he said.
"Sorry, Breeze," Billy said. "I'm just stoked that we're on the road. "
Billy's admiration for The Breeze was boundless. The Breeze was truly cool, a party renaissance man. He spent his days at the beach and his nights in a cloud of sinsemilla. The Breeze could smoke all night, polish off a bottle of tequila, maintain well enough to drive the forty miles back to Pine Cove without arousing the suspicion of a single cop, and be on the beach by nine the next morning acting as if the term hangover were too abstract to be considered. On Billy Winston's private fist of personal heroes The Breeze ranked second only to David Bowie.
The Breeze twisted the joint, fit it, and handed it to Billy for the first hit.
"What are we celebrating?" Billy croaked, trying to hold in the smoke.
The Breeze held up a finger to mark the question, while he dug the Dionysian Book of Days: An Occasion for Every Party from the pocket of his Hawaiian shirt. He flipped through the pages until he found the correct date. "Nambian Independence Day, " he announced.
"Bitchin'," Billy said. "Party down forNambian Independence."
"It says," The Breeze continued, "that the Nambians celebrate their independence by roasting and eating a whole giraffe and drinking a mixture of fermented guava juice and the extract of certain tree frogs that are thought to have magical powers. At the height of the celebration, all the boys who have come of age are circumcised with a sharp stone."
"Maybe we can circumcise a few Techies tonight if it gets boring," Billy said.
Techies was the term The Breeze used to refer to the male students of San Junipero Technical College. For the most part, they were ultraconservative, crew-cut youths who were perfectly satisfied with their role as bulk stock to be turned into tools for industrial America by the rigid curricular lathe of San Junipero Tech.
To The Breeze, the Techies' way of thinking was so foreign that he couldn't even muster a healthy loathing for them. They were simply nonentities. On the other hand, the coeds of S.J. Tech occupied a special place in The Breeze's heart. In fact, finding a few moments of blissful escape between the legs of a nubile coed was the only reason he was subjecting himself to a forty-mile sojourn in the company of Billy Winston.
Billy Winston was tall, painfully thin, ugly, smelled bad, and had a particular talent for saying the wrong thing in almost any situation. On top of it all, The Breeze suspected that Billy was gay.
The idea had been reinforced one night when he dropped in on Billy at his job as night desk clerk at the Rooms-R-Us motel and found him leafing through a Playgirl magazine. In Breeze's business one got used to running across the skeletons in people's closets. If Billy's skeleton wore women's underwear, it didn't really matter. Homosexuality on Billy Winston was like acne on a leper.
The up side of Billy Winston was that he had a car that ran and would take The Breeze anywhere he wanted to go. The Breeze's van was currently being held by some Big Sur growers as collateral against the forty pounds of sinsemilla buds he had stashed in a suitcase at his trailer.
"The way I see it," said Billy, "we hit the Mad Bull first. Do a pitcher of margaritas at Jose's, dance a little at the Nuked Whale, and if we don't find any nookie, we head back home for a nightcap at the Slug. "
"Let's hit the Whale first and see what's shakin'," The Breeze said.
The Nuked Whale was San Junipero's premier college dance club. If The Breeze was going to find a coed to cuddle, it would be at the Whale. He had no intention of making the drive with Billy back to Pine Cove for a nightcap at the Head of the Slug. Closing up the Slug was tantamount to having a losing night, and The Breeze was through with being a loser. Tomorrow when he sold the forty pounds of grass he would pocket twenty grand. After twenty years blowing up and down the coast, living on nickle-dime deals to make rent, The Breeze was, at last, stepping into the winners' circle, and there was no room for a loser like Billy Winston.
Billy parked the Pinto in a yellow zone a block away from the Nuked Whale. From the sidewalk they could hear the throbbing rhythms of the latest techno-pop dance music.
The unlikely pair covered the block in a few seconds, Billy striding ahead while The Breeze brought up the rear with a laid-back shuffle. As Billy slipped under the neon whale tail and into the club, the doorman-a fresh-faced slab of muscle and crew cut-caught him by the arm.
"Let's see some I.D."
Billy flashed an expired driver's license as Breeze caught up to him and began digging into the pocket of his Day-Glo green surf shorts for his wallet.
The doorman raised a hand in dismissal. "That's okay, buddy, with that hairline you don't need any."
The Breeze ran his hand over his forehead self-consciously. Last month he had turned forty, a dubious achievement for a man who had once vowed never to trust anyone over thirty.
Billy reached around him and slapped two dollar bills into the doorman's hand. "Here," he said, "buy yourself a night with an Inflate-A-Date. "
"What!" The doorman vaulted off his stool and puffed himself up for combat, but Billy had already scampered away into the crowded club. The Breeze stepped in front of the doorman and raised his hands in surrender.
"Cut him some slack, man. He's got problems."
"He's going to have some problems," the doorman bristled.
"No, really, " The Breeze continued, wishing that Billy had spared him the loyal gesture and therefore the responsibility of pacifying this collegiate cave man. "He's on medication. Psychological problems. "
The doorman was unsure. "If this guy is dangerous, get him out of here."
"Not dangerous, just a little squirrelly--he's bipolar Oedipal, The Breeze said with uncharacteristic pomposity.
"Oh, " the doorman said, as if it had all become clear. "Well, keep him in line or you're both out."
"No problem." The Breeze turned and joined Billy at the bar amid a crunch of beer-drinking students. Billy handed him a Heineken.
Billy said, "What did you say to that asshole to calm him down?"
"I told him you wanted to fuck your mom and kill your dad."
"Cool. Thanks, Breeze. "
"No charge." The Breeze tipped his beer in salute.
Things were not going well for him. Somehow he had been snared into this male-bonding bullshit with Billy Winston, when all he wanted to do was ditch him and get laid.Practical Demonkeeping. Copyright © by Christopher Moore. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.
Discover Chris Moore's ingenious debut novel, in which we meet one of the most memorably mismatched pairs in the annals of literature. The good-looking one is one-hundred-year-old seminarian and "roads" scholar Travis O'Hearn. The green one is Catch, a demon with a nasty habit of eating most of the people he meets. Behind the faux Tudor façade of Pine Cove, California, Catch sees a four-star buffet. Travis, on the other hand, thinks he sees a way of ridding himself of his toothy traveling companion.
The winos, Neo-pagans, and deadbeat Lotharios of Pine Cove, meanwhile, have other ideas. And none of them is quite prepared when all hell breaks loose ...
Topics for Discussion
About the author
Christopher Moore is the author of Fluke, Lamb, Practical Demonkeeping, Coyote Blue, Bloodsucking Fiends, Island of the Sequined Love Nun, and The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove.
Posted May 14, 2010
I have loved every piece of Christopher Moore's work I have read, until this. Here, in Practical Demonkeeping, you can really see how much Moore has evolved into the comedic story telling master that he is now. In this novel he needed more room to let these characters take more shape. The comedy was there but it was much more subtle as opposed to his next novel taking place in Pine Cove (Lust Lizard Of Melancholy Cove). Overall it was a good book but the author has spoiled me with his later and funnier works. This is a good place to start but not where I started!
2 out of 3 people found this review helpful.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted April 10, 2013
Shadenight woke up . This is true story . Shadekit wokd up to Nightkit tugging her . Moms leaving . She said . Youre going with her . I lept to my paws . Nightkit im so sorry . I meowed . I have to stay here in boring cloudclan . She screamed . Russetpoppy is taking you to Roseclan . When i arived in Roseclan i quickly made friends with lightningkit . We promised we would be mates . Lilykit was jelous and rainkit had thunderkit . We were made apprentices then warriors . Then we moved to Mistclan . Rosestar was already running the huge clan and her smallerclan joined . Lightningbolt and I were active . Then the clan shut down and i had kits in a twoleg barn as an loner . Goldenkit Rainkit Darkkit Foggykit Starkit and Emraldkit . Wr found Horseclan . Then Darkkit died and i was overwhelmed with grief . They were made apprentices and then it came . The battle against goa . Rainpaw died that day . Then we were attacked by goa again and i sacrfieced myself for Thunderstar . Then goldenfur and Foggytail died . Emraldheart is hving kits and her new name is lepordstream . She has sucseeded in countung our legacyWas this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted April 10, 2013
Posted April 10, 2013
"Come on slowpoke!!!" Lionkit said to thornkit "your so slow!!" "Not my falt im slow your just too fast!!" "Well stop fussing till we get there" Hollykit teased them "im hungry!!" Whined Askkit "i wanna big fat juicy mouse!" "Well wat if you want t get there!!" Said dapplekit they padded to the stream to drink they herd a twig snap "what was that?" They all hid ina bush it was a few warriors from shadowclan!! Since Askkit made so much noise they herd them and looked inside they saw the kits then the kits all jumped on the enemy warrior sqealing biting and scratching the warrior only stumbled and flicked off the sqealing ball f fur off then they attacked them and for a awhile Shadowclanwas winning in the end all the kits dd and their moms die too and teah the end :)Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted April 10, 2013
HAIL:i was overjoyed to be back to, CLOUD 6A-149!!!! THATS NOT RIGHT!! I looked around. New home. New cloud. New everything. I mean i was even different! The only one who diddent change was rain. Uh...guys i said were not at cloud 1B-485. Were r we than?said sleet. Not at home dumb-o said snow. Apperently were at cloud 6A-149. DEFANATLY not home! Said rain. Wow! I said i was begining the proses of turning into hail. Witch can take seconds to hours. I took about a minit. Snows and sleets transformation was quicker. And they diddent throw up. Well mr. Pesimest how was your puke snow said. Shut u p. I told her. Yeah. Said rain. Its not his fault! And u werent thrown up and down and up and down i said. So what said sleet. That guy did it without spuing. Who i said him. The "him" turend out to be a girl. Hi in lucky! She was nice and beautiful and nice and beuitful and. Well u get it. Im hail i said. She laughed. I saw u. Well...yeah. i know i said sheepishly. Can i hang with u? YES i blurted. RAIN: when i saw lucky it was unbeliveable! Then i saw hail and it took every bit i had to not laugh. He was hopelessly in love. Hey i asked lucky. Were trying to get home. Do u know were cloud 1B-85 is? Lucky nodded. Just past the one left of us. Thanks i said camon guys i said. Sleet and snow came but hail stayed behind holding luckys hands. Your the prettyest hailball in the history of clouds. COMON HAIL! I said hail said il miss u then turand and followed us. WAIT!!! She called. Can i come? Sur- i started than hail yelled no! Its to dangerus! Il visut u! We started walking away and suddenly snow fell down. SNOW: i scearemed. That was it. It was bad. They pulled me back up. I was alive. I haddent fell far. I was ok. Heh heh i said guss i found the end. R u ok said rain? Im fine i said. Hail started to hug me and he actualy tryed to kiss me. I was like EWW HAIL WHAT R U DOING?! He snaped out of it but he droped me. I landed with a thud. Ow i said. Rain asked r u alright. I laughed and said what am i goin to do? Break a bone? Rain looked embarrest. Hey i asked weres sleet? Over here u dopes said sleet she as already home! SLEET: i made it acrosd in one peace. Haha i though to myself. First over. I called to the others and said i was over. U waited for them. When they got there i braged about it.sheesh snow said. You dont have to brag. It was hardest on hail cause es the heavest. Ah i said cloud sweet cloud.we walked a little way and saw the wise raindrop. Hello youngsters. Your the last to return. Yeah. I said we ended up in the wrong cloud. Though we met a hailball said hail. She was pretty an hail dronedvon and on about lucky wile we told the wise raindrop the whole story. He was impressed. Good job he said. Very good indeed.hail fainaly stoped and scearmed LUCKY!!!!! We all turend around and saw a happy hail hugging an even happier lucky. It was nuts! LUCKY: i folled u i told hail. Nothing would have stopped me. Hail was overjoyed. Can i join the group? I asked. Hail replyed instintly. Yes! He said. Later im happy to say we got married and had a set of twin hail balls. The end. Book the will come soon!Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted April 11, 2013
Posted April 9, 2013
Part 1 at Gem res 2... Honeypaw watched the cats and then and apprentice the same age as her came over with a rabbit and gave it to her she ate hungerly. Then the leader came over "you better get settled in you will be here a long while" she meowed and Honeypaw did as she was told the leader went over to Hawkclan and told them what to do. And at the next gathering Honeypaw went with her new clan Mythclan and heard the announcement luckily the leaders gave time for chatting afterword and Honeypaw rushed over to her sister now honeypaw in Hawkclan "Hi sis" she meowed and honeypaw gave her a big hug "We all thought you were dead" she whispered then the leaders said it was time to go and the sibling seperated and went to their own camps. Honeypaw went to sleep and slept well into the morning when Smokypaw the only other apprentice woke her up "come on its time to get your mentor" Honeypaw got up and padded out of the den and sat under High Tree her mentor is a cat named FallenGold. FallenGold didnt like how his apprentice was brought here so he started to plan with her and they finally decided that she would "fall" into the nearby river and be "washed away" when really she would be running for her life far away from here to a clan in the mountains she thought she wouldnt see either of her sisters again but she was wrong. Honeypaw made a new friend in Waterclan her name was Dawnpaw thr apprentice was the same age as her 7 moons. Honeypaws mentor was Enderheart whom had met her at the entrance and had been her first friend here. She learned how to fight and hunt and how to gaurd the mountains. Then one day on her mountain patrol for her final test she was with Dawnpaw and Dawnpaw suddenly yelled "Intruders!" And they ran down the mountain path to intercept them. Honeypaw now 10 moons thought she reconised the cats but shook her head she knew no cats but the ones in her clan. "Who are you?" Asked Honeypaw "I am Honeyleaf" meowed a honey she cat "Im Smokyheart" meowed the grey one "and im Jaywing" meowed the blind one "Wait.." meowed Honeypaw "Honeyleaf Jaywing who are your parents?" "Goldenleaf and MusicNote why" replied Honeyleaf "because im your lost sister Honeypaw!" "HONEYPAW NO WAY!" "Yes way my mentor in Mythclan didnt like how i was treated and helped me escape and i came here" "Well good for you Honeypaw" meowed the 3 of them "Come with use we will take you to Jetstar" meowed Honeypaw and she and Dawnpaw lead them to their camp~End of Part 2. Part 3 coming soon ~HoneystarWas this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted April 9, 2013
The moon was covered by clouds as a cat black as the darkest night stalked stealthily through the rows of sleeping cats until comeing to stand over one in paticular cat. A small gray shecat. Her chest rose and fell steadily in deep sleep. The cat raised a paw claws unsheathed ready to kill. Right before bring his claws down ans giveing her a deadly blow something squirmed near her belly. 'Kits?' He thought to himself. 'Im a father!' He thought turning to pad away. " Mask?" The shecat had woken and said quietly. Mask turned to face her once more before running out. Far away from his old clan, his old life. A tear welled in his eyes as he ran through the woods. Soon he found a cave curling up he slept instently.-- six moons earlier-- Maskclaw lept on the cat who was shredding Bluefires ear. Tearing him off his mate he slashed at the cqts face blood welling from its muzzle as Maskckaw raked his claws down the cats belly. The cat was screaming for mercy. As quickly as it had started the fight ended Nightclan had won! Maskclaw nudged his mate, Bluefire checking her for wounds. Looking around at his clanmates they looked very beat up.-- once they entered the camp Ashfoot rushed toward them searching despratly around for her kit Badgerpaw. Maskclaw had just rwalized his apprentice wasnt with them... Ashfoots worry turned into anger as she turned to glare at Maskclaw. She gave a hiss of hatred and leaped on Maskclaw sliceing his belly. Anger surged through Maskclaw. He pushed her off then pinned her ripping into her neck holding on told she went limp. Maskclaw stood suddenly shocked by his behavior. Backing up he darted out running and running till he was far from his former clanmates hearing Bluefires distressed voice behind him. " wait come back i need you!!!" ( this story is written by HollyclawWas this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted April 11, 2013
Posted March 11, 2013
Posted May 29, 2012
Posted April 11, 2012
If you like Christopher Moore, which I do, you will enjoy this book. If you don't know Christopher Moore and you like quirky, off beat and dark humor you should really read this book.
0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted August 22, 2011
I wanted to start with this book after finding out it was Moore's first - I look forward to reading more of his work and being able to see him progress as a writer - I loved this book! - It was def laugh out loud =) - Editing could be a little better but it wasnt a big deal at all.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted April 18, 2011
Posted January 21, 2011
Posted January 1, 2011
I read this book before any of the rest of his work because this is the first book Moore wrote. I love it - however, it was lacking something, and Im excited to continue to read his work and see him envolve as a writer; filling in that something lacking. I really do recommend this book as a quick fun read. I can see how it would be a let down for someone who has started with more of his evolved books, however, its still laugh out loud fun.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted August 6, 2010
I have never read a bad book by Christopher Moore. He's always unique and funny. The characters are original and believable despite their unbelievable nature. This is a great little escape.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted July 13, 2010
I Also Recommend:
I very much enjoyed this. It was funny and had me interested from start to finish. I love Pine Cove and all the crazy characters in it. This is a great book to start with that has anything to do with Pine Cove. I followed this with The Stupidest Angel and loved that one even more!Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted May 2, 2010
Posted February 22, 2010