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A Practical Handbook for the Boyfriend: For Every Guy Who Wants to Be One/For Every Girl Who Wants to Build One
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Most dating books are written for women — what a mistake that is. Women know how to date . . . It's men who need the help! At last: a blithe, bold, and bawdy guide to building a better boyfriend
At some point, every guy — player, geek, mama's boy, "regular Joe" — meets a woman who makes him want to be a boyfriend. A good boyfriend. Problem is, unless he's had some first-rate training (by a previous girlfriend, a sister, a mom), he probably doesnt even know what that means. Felicity Huffman and Patricia Wolff come to the rescue with a rollicking — and whip-smart — handbook to navigating the minefield of male-female relationships.
Directed at men (though of course it's women wholl buy it, then leave it at their boyfriend's place — accidentally on purpose), A Practical Handbook for the Boyfriend lays out the many steps involved in becoming a good boyfriend, while still maintaining guy-dignity. It covers issues like:
-Who decides when you become a boyfriend (answer: She does.) -How to look like youre listening, even when youre not (If youre busted, just say "Youre so pretty, Im distracted.") -Ten things never to say on the first date (#4: "I just did that to freak you out.") -Finding the middle ground between too cool (think third grade) and too eager (think surprise visits) -Why becoming a good boyfriend is a lot like training for the A team
Filled with humor, ribaldry, common sense, and assorted outdoor skills, A Practical Handbook for the Boyfriend is the next dating guide to dominate the bestseller lists.
Think of this as your AAA guide to love, a decoder ring, a relationship road map, and your very own GPS-Girlfriend Positioning System. We'll steer you toward the right turns and help you avoid the wrong ones so that you don't ever have to change a flat in A Town Called Lame, population one. In addition to offering interesting recipes for the holidays (okay, not really), this book will give tasty tips on the following:
How to apologize without really apologizing
How to look like you're listening while you're thinking about other things (keep eye contact at all times, but if busted, repeat the phrase "You're so pretty, I'm distracted")
How to tell if her "no" means "yes," or her "yes" means "no"
How to avoid long phone conversations
How to survive her driving
How to buy the last-minute present
How to charm the pants off of her (literally)
How to avoid talking about your"feelings"
How to pretend you have "feelings"
How to pretend you're deep
How to talk dirty (a beginner's guide)
How to convince her farting in bed is a sign of your commitment
How to have sex without intimacy (Oops, forgot who we were talking to. Never mind.)
You may think that you're the first guy to try to understand women and come up empty- handed, but you're not. Men have been scratching their heads about the fairer sex since the beginning of time.
Think of the first boyfriend, Adam. You think he wasn't baffled by his girlfriend? You bet he was. Now, there's a guy who could have used this book. You may not think he needed it-after all, he was alone in paradise, had some snacks, and Eve was already naked. But we beg to differ.
Their problems weren't over money, getting out of dinner with her parents, or his addiction to online poker. No, their issues revolved around a small piece of red fruit. God said, "Don't eat it." Eve said, "If you love me you'll bite." The poor guy had God on one side and Eve on the other; talk about a rock and a hard place. Adam tried to reason with his girl, warning her of the dangers of breaking the one rule God had made, but she wouldn't listen. From her point of view it wasn't about the apple or God (she wasn't hungry and had never even met the Big Guy in the sky), it was about whether her boyfriend took her seriously and understood her feelings. Sound familiar? In her mind, Adam was trying to control her ... again. Talk about a power trip. Who died and left him in charge? There he was telling her what to eat, what not to eat, and by the way, was this "don't eat the apple" thing his way of letting her know he thought she was fat? Great. But maybe Adam was just a regular guy, trying to toe the line with The Man and trying to keep his girlfriend happy. It couldn't have been easy. We girlfriends can be a lot to handle. We demand intimacy. We ask a lot of questions: "What are you thinking about?" "Do you love me?" "How come we never talk?" And the transitions are murder. One minute we're lying around happy and naked (think Eve), and the next minute we're dressed to kill, goose-stepping all over your heart (think Eva Braun).
Or maybe what happened that day was just a moment of profound miscommunication:
"I thought you said take a bite!"
"No, I said let's not fight!"
And afterward they found themselves thrown out of paradise and faced with having to find a new place to live (and in terms of stress levels, moving is second only to death in how it can affect a couple).
Biblical scholars have offered various interpretations of the story of Adam and Eve, but we'll never know what really happened. Still we are certain of one thing: Men and women will never see, hear, or feel things in just the same way. That was as true in the Garden of Eden as it is in the Garden State of New Jersey or anywhere else on God's Green Earth.
So what's a guy to do? Unfortunately, there is no perfect answer. We can't teach you what to expect from your GF because she will never be the same from one day to the next, or even from one moment to the next. Being with a woman can be like living in a time machine where you are zapped every few hours into another female mood without warning. We can't change that, but we can help demystify some of your girlfriend's behavior so that when the woman you love transports you once again to a galaxy far, far away, you'll have the skills you need to quickly orient yourself and deftly master the situation. Our job is to make sure you are prepared.
* * *
Now, you may not be interested in being a boyfriend, and that's fine. But there may come a day when you want to be thought of as Mr. Right, and not Mr. Right Now. When you do, you'll want this book in your back pocket, right next to your wallet and that ribbed-for-pleasure condom. Read it from cover to cover or jump to the chapter you need.
Become an expert in a couple of hours. Or just look like one.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from HANDBOOK FOR THE BOYFRIEND by Felicity Huffman Patricia Wolff Copyright © 2007 by Velocity, Ltd and Patricia Wolff. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
My boyfriend and I found this on a discount table and began to read it in the store. By the time we were 5 pages in we were holding our sides with laughter! We decided that we had to get it and promptly bought it. Since then we have read it and passed it on to many friends. It may take a humorous tone but some of the things are actually informative too! Whether you need a good handbook or just a good laugh, pick this up.
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted January 1, 2012
Is this book good for girls?
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted April 9, 2010
ok so i bought this book for my boyfriend jokingly although i was serious on the inside. This book is funny and gives you plenty to talk about in a relationship. It has little charts which I enjoyed going over with my boyfriend. Its not something to take overly serious but can be fun and enjoyable between a couple.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted June 6, 2009
I bought this book for a recently divorced friend who had not been in the dating game for 13 years, thinking he could probably use it. Turned out he could and did - with great results. Unfortunately or fortunately, it looks like it worked so well he'll be getting his ex-wife back. But in the interim he had some really impressive companions! He credits it to what he read in the Handbook.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.AgnusSheppard
Posted January 21, 2009
I picked this book up at Bargain Price as a gag gift for my boyfriend and ended up recommending it to a clueless guy friend. It was so much fun to read and many of the points made by the authors are very true. It gives men an insight into girlspeak. Something many men can't figure out. Some men my find this book insulting because they THINK they have us figured out, this assumption would in most cases be incorrect. My boyfriend and I read it together and had a nice laugh, though he did pick up a few pointers ;) It's a great conversation starter. One of my friends saw it on my book case and ended up flipping through it. If you are looking for a fun, light read or a bit of information to give you an edge in the dating world this book could help, but as with anything you read, take it with a grain of salt. Nothing is full-proof. Not everything in the book is "perfect" it won't make you a God among Men in the dating world, just make you a better BF to your GF.
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Posted December 22, 2010
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Posted September 14, 2010
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Posted May 24, 2011
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Overview
Most dating books are written for women — what a mistake that is. Women know how to date . . . It's men who need the help! At last: a blithe, bold, and bawdy guide to building a better boyfriend
At some point, every guy — player, geek, mama's boy, "regular Joe" — meets a woman who makes him want to be a boyfriend. A good boyfriend. Problem is, unless he's had some first-rate training (by a previous girlfriend, a sister, a mom), he probably doesnt even know what that means. Felicity Huffman and Patricia Wolff come to the rescue with a rollicking — and whip-smart — handbook to navigating the minefield of male-female ...