Pregnancy Sucks: What to Do When Your Miracle Makes You Miserable

Pregnancy Sucks: What to Do When Your Miracle Makes You Miserable

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by Joanne Kimes, Sanford A. Tisherman
     
 

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Pregnancy Sucks, by Joanne Kimes and Sanford A. Tisherman, M.D., gives you real solutions to all the annoying and somewhat awkward situations that can unexpectedly arise during your pregnancy.

Did you know that:

  • Farm-fresh butter, or petroleum jelly, works just as well for your itchy belly as a fancy and overpriced "pregnancy"

…  See more details below

Overview

Pregnancy Sucks, by Joanne Kimes and Sanford A. Tisherman, M.D., gives you real solutions to all the annoying and somewhat awkward situations that can unexpectedly arise during your pregnancy.

Did you know that:

  • Farm-fresh butter, or petroleum jelly, works just as well for your itchy belly as a fancy and overpriced "pregnancy" product?
  • If you're put on bedrest, walkie-talkies will allow you to yell at your husband-no matter where he is in the house!
  • Surrounding yourself with regular pillows (don't forget to swipe your husband's) is just as good as buying a special large "pregnancy pillow"-and more adaptable to giving support where you personally need it?
  • Doing the hokey pokey, or taking a warm shower, can ease Braxton Hicks contractions?

Full of insight, hilarity, and practical solutions on every page, Pregnancy Sucks shows how, through it all, you can survive with your health, dignity, and sanity intact!

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Editorial Reviews

Library Journal
As the title indicates, Kimes wanted a child, but she did not enjoy pregnancy. Using the month-by-month format common to pregnancy books, she emphasizes the discomforts associated with impending motherhood rather than fetal development and newborn care. Morning sickness, gas, mood swings, and back pain are among the "joys" awaiting pregnant women. The author offers a few hints for dealing with these along with advice about choosing a physician: find one with good magazines in the waiting room and a liberal attitude about using medications. She does provide a resource list that is current. Women will learn more and get better advice from two classics: Heidi Murkoff and others' What To Expect When You're Expecting or Dr. Miriam Stoppard's Conception, Pregnancy, and Birth. This is an optional purchase unless your collection needs a book about whining.-Barbara M. Bibel, Oakland P.L. Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information.

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9781580629348
Publisher:
Adams Media
Publication date:
10/28/2003
Pages:
272
Product dimensions:
5.48(w) x 8.42(h) x 0.72(d)

Read an Excerpt

CHAPTER TWOThe Second Month

One down, eight more to go! I know that one month isn't much in terms of gestation, but it was plenty of time for me to learn the number one rule of pregnancy: Don't complain! I remember my second month as a blur of nausea. But whenever I uttered a word of despair, people glared at me with eyes filled with disappointment and shock. I learned my lesson quickly that discussing pregnancy misery is thought to be unwomanly. Maybe even sinful.
I know what they were thinking. That here I was, being given one of the greatest gifts a woman can receive, and all I could do was complain. Well...they were right. But just because you're given a nice gift doesn't mean that it's necessarily "you". Don't get me wrong. I know how lucky I was to be able to give birth to a healthy beautiful baby. I don't take that for granted for one minute. But I learned an important lesson from Mike Brady, who told Jan: "Find something that you're good at, and be good at it", and the thing that I'm quite good at doing is complaining. And being pregnant gave me so many opportunities to use my God given talent.
Whenever I discussed my bodies' increased state of woe, people said "Aw, c'mon, it's not really that bad. Besides, look what you're getting in return."
Yes, I knew that I was getting a baby in return for all of this agony. But it still didn't seem right. How come being blessed with a child meant having to suffer through so much discomfort? It's like being offered a great promotion at work that's conditional on a bout of Montezuma's Revenge. Sure, you're grateful for the promotion, but should one be expected to enjoy the cramping and diarrhea?
In the scheme of things, I didn't have that unusual a pregnancy. I was never hospitalized for morning sickness. I wasn't bedridden for months at a time. I never got hemorrhoids or toxemia. I didn't even poop on the delivery room table (or so I choose to believe). But even without these experiences, I consider my pregnancy to be a miserable journey, and this first trimester to be the worst trek.
If you're not feeling sick by now, chances are that you're not going to be. For whatever cosmic reason, your body will bypass this horrific aspect of pregnancy. You are the gold medal winner of the Olympics games of procreation. But be warned, there are many more games to be played. And, in the words of Caesar, "Let the games begin!"

HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMAN WITH CHILD

We've all seen the stereotypical pregnant woman portrayed in movies. She can go from angel to devil with one fallopian tube tied behind her back. In real life, things are much different. There is no "angel" stage of a mood swing. At least there wasn't for me. It's pretty safe to assume that whenever a mood hits, you'll become quite an unpleasant person. It's not surprising though. It's hard to feel all warm and fuzzy when you lie in bed moaning in morning sickness agony. Just like morning sickness, the mood swings that hit during pregnancy hit hard and fast. They're very similar to PMS in that they're both caused by hormones. But if PMS is like the irritating sound of a jack hammer, pregnancy mood swings are like that jack hammer pounding away during a Metallica concert.
As sick as you are with morning sickness, you'll no doubt manage to have enough energy to pull off several mood swings. You'll probably get upset with your husband over anything and everything. Either he isn't being considerate, or he's being too considerate, which is even worse.

"I didn't know I was pregnant. All I knew was that everything my husband did bugged the hell out of me. When I found out, I was so happy to be pregnant and not headed for divorce court." Beverly

I have a two bits of advice, one for you and one for the horrid beast you may now consider your husband to be. For you, I suggest that you make a blanket apology to cover any atrocious words that may spew from your lips in the upcoming months. For him: leave her alone whenever possible. And for God's sake, don't just discount your wife's attitude as a mood swing. Remember what used to happen when you told her she was cranky because she had PMS? It's going to get her even madder now. If you feel you must speak, don't argue, don't react, don't say anything at all except, "Yes, dear" or "Whatever you say, dear". My husband repeated these phrases so often that it became second nature. I'm tempted to tell him that he doesn't have say them so often anymore, but then again, why ruin a good thing.

YOUR SUPERHERO NOSE

A funny thing happened to me on my way to becoming pregnant. I became a super hero. Or at least I developed a super hero sense of smell. Just as Superman can leap tall buildings in a single bound, I could smell small bulldogs at the local pound. One day, I opened my front door and was able to smell Chinese food cooking from a restaurant several blocks away. Same restaurant. Same location. Super hero nose.
I don't know why it happens, but for some strange reason, every pregnant woman develops a super human sense of smell. It's like the "Gilligan's Island" episode where the castaways eat radioactive food that intensified their senses. One of them ate carrots and could see a ship miles off shore. If I had been on the island, I could have smelled the varnish on the poop deck.
It may sound like a cool thing to experience, sort of like being able to lift a car over your head during an emergency, but most times, this talent wasn't at all enjoyable. It was actually quite awful. You take a woman who is nauseated by the mere thought of food, and give her the power to smell every meal cooking in the neighborhood. It was yet another cruel trick of Mother Nature.

"I thought my husband was having an affair because he'd come home smelling of perfume. He's a high school teacher and said that his students were wearing it. Even though I believed him, he made his kids promise never to wear it in class again." Allison

I have no advice on how to lessen your sense of smell (short of clamping a clothes hook on your nose), but I will point out some interesting advantages.
1. You can kiss your husband hello when he comes home from work, and tell him what he had for lunch that day.
2. You can walk past your coworker and notice that she's changed her brand of fabric softener.
3. You could get a job sniffing luggage for drugs at your local international airport.
4. You can offer your assistance to rescue teams scaling mountains and hillsides looking for missing hikers.

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Meet the Author


Joanne Kimes has written for a number of children's and comedy television shows.

Sanford A. Tisherman, M.D., has been a practicing OB/GYN since 1966. He is the Senior Attending Physician at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center and serves as Associate Clinical Professor of Obstetrics and Gynecology at UCLA.

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Pregnancy Sucks 4.1 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 28 reviews.
Guest More than 1 year ago
THIS IS A GREAT BOOK. I'm not sure but either the reviewer has never been pregnant, or is someone that goes around saying 'I just love being pregnant'. I had been given the typical books, including What to Expect When You're Expecting. When I flipped that particular book open, it opened to nutrition (which is of course very important)... I went to tears. The first line I read was 'eat with effiency. With every bite ask 'is this the best bite i can give my baby'' At that point in my pregnancy I had felt good to just put something in my mouth (anything, that day being McDonald's hamburger) and keep it down. As I looked at the last bite of my burger, I went to tears, thinking I am already a bad mother. I eventually took it upon myself to find my own pregnancy book...something not sugar-coating things happening to my body and constantly reminding me of the blessed miracle in my belly. While at my local Barnes & Nobel I was scanning titles in the pregnancy/baby section. Pregnancy Sucks caught my attention. That's how I had been feeling for weeks now. I flipped it open and starting reading a section on drool. Yes, I too have been waking up with a soaked pillow lately. I looked to my husband and said 'this is my book.' I read about half of it that night. I laughed and felt like maybe I'm not such a bad person for feeling so miserable. My miracle is still making me miserable, but at least I'm not feeling even worse for feeling so bad.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I was online looking for a book to help me with all my pregnancy symptoms when I came across this book. I bought it and it's partner 'Pregnancy Sucks for Men'. My husband and I have read them both a few times now and roll on the floor laughing at how familiar our lives are in relation to the book. It made me feel good to know that it's ok to not like being pregnant, and it's ok to complain about it. Never once through this whole book did I ever feel guilty or feel like a bad mother for not liking pregnancy. It doesn't sugar coat the symptoms, and gives it to you in full force. I will give this book to all pregnant friends and family members in the future.
AnneDroid More than 1 year ago
Most books i have read on being pregnant while pregnant do have an air of earth mother, 'the Glow', these pains will pass and everyone will admire you about them. Reading Pregnancy Sucks while pregnant made me feel a lot better about my aches and pains and commiserated with me. It was okay not to feel beautiful and everyone has their moments of doubt. It allowed me to relax, laugh a little at all the nonsense but move on and know that all of this is crazy difficult, but I was not alone.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I like how light-hearted and easy it was to read this book. It gave good month by month not so lovely details about pregnancy that you may not hear about from others. Sometimes the author seems a bit dramatic, but that's what makes the book flow. I chose this over The Girlfriend's Guide because I heard that book was overly negative.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
It seems like a lot of medical advice and technology has changed since this book was originally published. The author mentions taking a vhs to record the ultrasound.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Pregnancy is horrible. I wake up achy and then I throw up all morning. I know, I have a miracle but ughhh. My husband has been so understanding. The worst thing was i found out a month ago and i was already a month and a half along. This boik has a tiny bit of sugarcoating to ease the migranes I see in my future. This book makes everything clear. It tells you the bad stuff with some humor. I have at least 6 more months but this book is ny lifesaver. I was freaking out at first but now this book made me non catonic. Thank god. Ideas for baby names, anyone?
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
EmmysDaddy More than 1 year ago
As mothers to be your made to lie and act like being pregnant is just super and this book showed the many ways it is not.....and was super funny about it
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
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Guest More than 1 year ago
This book tells the truth about how you are feeling and will feel and makes you feel normal for it! It addresses concerns and events that other books skim over. It's a fantastic source for information and laughs!!!
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book was absolutely WONDERFUL! For once, I was happy to find a book on pregnancy that showed that it isn't a bucket of roses. Not only did it mention the fact that pregnancy can be MISERABLE, but with humor. I read this book over and over with my second pregnancy, and I would laugh so hard at times, I would acutally pee my pants(that just happens to be a point in her book, haha.)Even my husband found it to be amusing. The quotes in the top of the pages were the best. I think every mother to be, or just mothers out there should read this book.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Pregnancy is miracle but being pregnant isn't all it is cracked up to be! I found this book when trying to decide what to get at the Starbucks at Barnes & Noble. I could no longer drink coffee as it was on the list of items I should limit (or rather cut from my diet), I lost the taste for it anyway. I went through all the things the author did, this book was a bible for me. It made me laugh out loud, it comforted me when I felt scared. I have several friends who are now pregnant and this is the book I get for them. Great book!
Guest More than 1 year ago
I had a miserable first pregnancy. I am now 6 weeks along with our 2nd little miracle...and you don't want to be any where near me...I am, once again, miserable with nausea, sciatica, migraines, mood swings, constipation, etc., etc. I bought this book today and am already half way through it. This is by far, one of THE BEST BOOKS I have ever read...about pregnancy or anything else for that matter. It has made me laugh out loud, cry and finally feel OK with the fact that I hate being pregnant. Her blunt, dry sarcasm and honest facts (at least for some of us) is truely a wonderful thing and I am thankful that this book came out before I got pregnant this time around.
Guest More than 1 year ago
It may not be for everyone but I loved it. I thought it was very funny and laughed out loud many times while reading it. For some women pregnancy isn't a fantastic joy ride. I can relate to a lot of what the author talks about. I have been remarkably moody and irritable through a good portion of my pregnancy. It's nice to know you're not alone. Reading these reviews has inspired me to read the book again while I'm in the home stretch.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I also felt the critics review was way off. First of all, the title of the book pretty much gives you an indication that it's not an academic reference book. Hello, why would you even pick it up if you were just looking to hear the rosy, everything is so happy version of pregnancy. That's precisely why I like this book so much. It described exactly how I was feeling. Just because it talks about the unpleasant things about pregnancy doesn't mean it's negative at all, in fact, I found the humor very uplifting. I took great comfort in realizing that I wasn't alone in the way I felt and it made me feel much better about all my annoying ailments. People just need to be honest and instead of pushing the 'you should be so happy' attitude around, just be able to accept how a pregnant person really feels. It shouldn't be a social taboo not to feel well during pregnancy.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Finally a book that recognizes the reality of being pregnant and working at that same time. Being pregnant is a magical time, but its also a time full of aches and pains and all-day sickness. I enjoyed her sense of humor, and the honesty with which she talked about different symptoms. No need to sugar coat things as many other books do.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I've read every pregnancy book I could get my hands on and Pregnancy Sucks is the best one out there by far. It's funny and compassionate and makes it okay to not love being pregnant. I highly recommend it.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I felt compelled to write because the review of this book totally missed the mark. It should be ok to whine during pregancy, especially if you have a great sense of humor, which this author does. More importantly though, this book is full of useful information told by a very real, and very funny woman. No dry medical text here. A must have!!!!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I think this is a great book. Unlike the other pregnancy books I've seen this book is really from the perspective of someone who has gone through pregnancy instead of a doctor. There are so many symptoms that you may go through during your pregnancy that no one ever seems to tell you about. And although pregnacy is this miracle and blessing it does still suck and you might as well know what lies ahead of you. I think this is a great book to supplement the traditional preganacy books that people typically get. I gives you an insight and a different perspective on pregnancy that I think most pregnant women would appreciate.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I thought this book had alot of good information but it was written in a depressing way. The entire book made me feel that the author was totally depressed and upset throughout the entire pregnancy. I realize that many of the subjects are an unpleasant reality of pregnancy, but it seemed to be telling you that you will wake up each day of your pregnancy hating yourself, your partner and anyone that comes within 10 feet of you. There has to be some good aspect to the process or everyone would be an only child. Again, I thought it was informative but a little too pushy.