Prime: Adventures and Advice on Sex, Love, and the Sensual Years

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Overview

Dr. Pepper Schwartz has spent the past three decades encouraging women to embrace their sexual appetites. But when she became a single woman after 23 years of marriage, she had to take her own advice and discover how sex and dating could work for her at this unique time in her life.

Prime is her story of exploration—sex, adventure, and romance—spread out like a road map for women of every age. Whether you're looking to wake up a tired sex life, start a new relationship, or ...

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Overview

Dr. Pepper Schwartz has spent the past three decades encouraging women to embrace their sexual appetites. But when she became a single woman after 23 years of marriage, she had to take her own advice and discover how sex and dating could work for her at this unique time in her life.

Prime is her story of exploration—sex, adventure, and romance—spread out like a road map for women of every age. Whether you're looking to wake up a tired sex life, start a new relationship, or commit to the love of your life, you can find tempting tips and genuinely helpful guidance. Prime invites every woman to relish her sexuality, take risks, and go after what she really wants.

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Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly
Schwartz, a sociologist at the University of Washington and sex and relationship adviser (The Great Sex Weekend) starts off with a question she had to ask herself: what should a woman do when she's suddenly single again after 23 years of marriage, hoping for another long-term relationship, or at least sex and companionship? "I feel as sexually alive as I did when I was 25, but the number and availability of men for me has changed," Schwartz writes. Her candid and sexy memoir, targeted toward women in their 40s, 50s and 60s, is both a highly entertaining sexual autobiography and an account of her romantic liaisons in the five years after her divorce. The book is an unusual and appealing mixture of realistic dating tips and shrewd relationship advice interspersed with cautionary tales of Schwartz's rocky relationships with a succession of alpha males Despite the continuing thud of her romantic disappointments, Schwartz doesn't regret the risks she took. Ultimately, she learns to savor the pleasure of just being alive in her own body. For someone who admits that she can let her "hormones create fake intimacy" in her relationships, it's nice to see Schwartz finally enjoying an authentic relationship with herself. (June)

Copyright 2007 Reed Business Information
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780061173592
  • Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
  • Publication date: 6/10/2008
  • Edition description: Reprint
  • Pages: 272
  • Sales rank: 573,413
  • Product dimensions: 5.30 (w) x 7.90 (h) x 0.70 (d)

Meet the Author

Dr. Pepper Schwartz is the industry's leading relationship authority. She has contributed regularly to Glamour and has appeared repeatedly on Oprah, the Today show, and numerous national news shows. She is currently the relationship expert for PerfectMatch.com and a professor of sociology at the University of Washington in Seattle.

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Read an Excerpt

Prime
Adventures and Advice on Sex, Love, and the Sensual Years

Chapter One

How Did I Get Here?

Asking Questions

Dear Dr. Pepper:
I am a single woman, divorced after 23 years of marriage, with my kids off to college. Ideally, I would like to have a serious relationship, but if that isn't around the corner, I still want sex and companionship. I find myself in a world of chat-room hookups, cybermatchmaking, and coconut-flavored glow-in-the-dark condoms. I feel as sexually alive as I did when I was 25, but the number and availability of men for me has changed. How do I look for a life partner and enjoy sexual adventures along the way? Oh, yes, and did I mention that I really enjoy sex?
Advice, please.
Sincerely,
A Single Sexologist in Seattle

After three decades of answering people's questions about their emotional, sexual, and romantic lives, after writing numerous books on sex and relationships, after thirty-five years as a professor of sociology at the University of Washington, you would think I could come up with an easy answer to my own question. The situation was at least humorous and in no small part ironic.

I had plenty of good advice for women in my situation based on solid scientific research. But I had not always followed what I knew to be the best course since my own divorce. Still, I am five years older than when I left my husband, and I think a wiser person than the woman who reentered the singles scene after almost a quarter of a century as a married woman.

A Special Time, Place, and Situation

Here I am on a teak lounge chair,west of Kuta Beach on Bali, which is one of the most romantic islands on earth. I am thinking about what I want out of my life and from men. Bali is my muse for this reverie and she never ceases to inspire me. This is an island that celebrates the senses. Hospitality and massage are honed to fine arts. Perhaps most important, the island is enduringly attractive and easy to live on, at least in part because it's a place where a single woman can feel safe strolling the beaches and villages. I can even banter and flirt with local men of all ages and not worry that anything unwanted is going to happen.

On this island, if my last two trips here were any indication, I will soon find myself in a place I rarely get to spend much my time—the reflective, contemplative present. I'm usually speeding through life, juggling appointments, putting out fires, and scheduling for the near and far future. The prospect of trimming away all of that for a while is exciting.

My friend interrupts my soul-searching.

"Enjoying the guide book?" asks the tall, trim man with salt-and-pepper hair.

Dom has returned from his postlunch stroll down the beach. He is a welcome break from my what am I doing with my life? train of thought. Dominic is in the top tier of my favorite traveling companions. When I told him I needed support for the book I was writing, he suggested that he was the man for the job. I agreed and he signed up to accompany me to Bali for two weeks while I finished it. My first thought as I look at him striding toward me is that he has come to get me to take a walk with him. That's usually fun since we are quite the sight together: He is about six-foot-four and I don't quite reach five feet. But Dom is worried that I have been rushing around too much and he is on a program to slow me down.

"It's so good to finally be here at the same time," Dom says. He looks rested and tan, and I can see that his week on Bali prior to my arrival has been calming and rejuvenating.

"I'm going to get us some cold water. I'll be right back," Dom says. "I want you to enjoy this peaceful afternoon and just unwind after your long flight. By tomorrow you'll feel fantastic."

My friend the Zen Buddhist was always trying to get me to be more peaceful—which was usually a very hard thing for me to do. This time, however, I had signed up for the program. Bali was going to be different.

"Relaxing is going to be easy," I say. "I think counting waves would be a fine activity for today. I've had my head down, eyes on the finish line for this book for a little too long. It's got to be done by September, but I can see the end and I'm less nervous now."

"Well, it looks like you have the perfect afternoon. Just remember you have your appointment for the four-hand massage at Antique Spa at four thirty. And I want a full report on what those two men actually do."

I laugh at Dom's alternate mothering and voyeurism. "Hey, Dom, if I ever forget I have an appointment for two guys to work on my body, just shoot me right then! Anyhow, I promise to reveal all over our sunset drink."

Dom turns to me, sporting a mischievous grin. "And Pepper, please promise me you will tuck away your laptop, cell phone, and Blackberry and just unwind for a few hours, okay?"

I smile. Dom knows me well.

A Warning

My tall friend heads up to the vendor stands. The sun is high in the sky and I return to my Bali guidebook, shifting my chair a bit so I catch some shade. I turn to a page Dom has bookmarked for me about typical travelers' dos and don'ts. A special warning for women catches my eye. The guidebook cautions "female tourists in the beach town of Kuta (Koo-tah)" need to be on the alert for a special breed of gigolo called a "Kuta cowboy." I laugh. I find it humorous that the author is worried about . . .

Prime
Adventures and Advice on Sex, Love, and the Sensual Years
. Copyright © by Pepper Schwartz. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.
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Table of Contents


How Did I Get Here?: Asking Questions     1
Being Single: Is Sex a Sandwich?     7
Discovering Sex and Sexology: Reflecting on the Past     27
The Man Who Made Animal Noises: Who's Out There?     56
The Lover: Intensity and Passion     78
Huge Hands: Seductive Toxic Relationships     132
The Commitment: Love and Compromise     155
A Special Friendship (with Benefits): Same Time Next Year     192
Dancing with a Balinese Cowboy: Trying Things One Might Not Try at Home     220
The Pineapple: About Risks and Rewards     255
Not Too Long Afterward     261
Acknowledgments     263
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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4
( 9 )
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Sort by: Showing all of 11 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted June 4, 2012

    Insightful for women of a certain age!

    My current lover recommended this book to me abot four years ago after reading a review and we have, indeed, discussed many aspects of it and learned from it. If you have loved and lost or reentered the dating market, it is a good summary of what can await you.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted October 23, 2007

    Validation for Boomer Females!

    This book was recommended to me by my new lover after he read a review of it in The Oregonian, and he thought I might enjoy it! Well, he was right. Pepper Schwartz gives not only a narrative of her own situation and her own reasons for proceding with each decision, but validates the reasoning and actions of many other boomer females, including myself. She shows us that it's perfectly acceptable to seek out the man first, discarding him as needed along the way, and moving on in life and love. I found the chapter on 'Ted' especially disconcerting, but won't go into specific details other than 'I saw it coming' and wondered why she had the reaction she did when she seemed so secure and in control of her previous situations until this one. I would have jettisoned 'Ted' much sooner, for a number of reasons. Dr. Schwartz covers everything a woman can feel in the search for a new lover and/or permanent mate, exploring not only the ups but the downs of the search, but her motives for doing what she did even if it hurts later. It's amusing, sad, and envigorating. She is very open about her own sexuality and that of her lovers. I personally felt more secure in my new relationship after reading the chapter on love and the married man, and she sure was on target in observations about being dumped! Therapeutic reading for any women 'of a certain age', whether in a monogamous relationship or starting to shop around, with good, first-hand info on how to avoid men who are 'projects', and how to move on from the 'project' we're leaving or who left us. Don't let a man make you miserable or wear you down - do it to him first! Just put on your sexiest shoes, kick him to the curb, and keep walking! And remember, the best way to get over one man is to get under another!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 6, 2012

    Alita1

    Shut your piehole megatron, unless you want to say something beneficial...

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 5, 2012

    Bloodshot

    She looks at u. U dont remember me do u megatron.? I was the little rat. U used for experaments? The on that got away with all ur secrets and this. She holds up a black and purple glowing spark.

    0 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 7, 2012

    Silverbullet

    Suddenly she felt a surge of energy in her. She grabbed the antidote from Megatron after she pulled the dagger from her shoulder. She healed herself, then fled to result one.

    0 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 6, 2012

    Optimus/Deathcharge

    Optimus sheathed his BB and went to the firs result. Deathcharge snarled "Mega-creep..."

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 4, 2012

    Transformers

    The four bots stood compleatly still.

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 6, 2012

    Megatron

    Their you go.

    0 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 8, 2012

    Hi

    Hi

    0 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 9, 2009

    Good Information!

    Getting back into the world of dating after a divorce, I found this book to be very insightful and after actually dating a little, I am planning on re-reading a few chapters! It's really a jungle out there!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted September 26, 2010

    No text was provided for this review.

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