Prime: Adventures and Advice on Sex, Love, and the Sensual Yearsby Pepper Schwartz
"Sex can be just gorgeous—and sometimes it is the most beautiful thing that can happen between a man and a woman. But don't you also think that it can be just practical? Like when you're hungry and don't want a three-course meal with wine, music, and ambience; you just want a sandwich. You don't love the sandwich. You don't hate the sandwich. You
"Sex can be just gorgeous—and sometimes it is the most beautiful thing that can happen between a man and a woman. But don't you also think that it can be just practical? Like when you're hungry and don't want a three-course meal with wine, music, and ambience; you just want a sandwich. You don't love the sandwich. You don't hate the sandwich. You just want to eat the sandwich and feel satisfied."
Dr. Pepper Schwartz has always encouraged women to embrace their sexual appetites. After three decades of answering people's questions about their emotional, sexual, and romantic lives; after writing several books on sex and relationships; after thirty-five years as a sociology professor at the University of Washington, she has formed firm opinions about sex and relationships. However, when her own situation changes, when she becomes a single woman after twenty-three years of marriage, she has to reevaluate and discover how sex and dating can work for her at this unique time in her life.
Masters and Johnson, the famous sex researchers concluded that you can have sex, and want sex, way into old age, if you never stop doing it. And Pepper is very sure that she never wants to stop doing it. Now, she must make the effort to put herself in the running—getting in shape physically, emotionally, and spiritually—and figure out ways to meet worthy and available men. Ideally, she would like to have a serious relationship, but if that isn't in the cards, she still wants sex and companionship. And while she may feel as sexually alive as she did when she was twenty-five, the number and availability of men has changed.
So, how do you look for a life partner after fifty and enjoy sexual adventures along the way?
Prime is Dr. Pepper's response to this question. It's her story of exploration—sex, adventure, and romance—spread out like a road map for women of every age, because even as she is telling her own tale, she doesn't forget to exercise her talent for advice. Whether you're looking to wake up a tired sex life, start a new relationship, explore cyber-dating, indulge in a four-hand massage, flirt with gigolos on vacation, or commit to the love of your life, you can find tempting tips and genuinely helpful guidance.
The prime of life has lengthened and as Dr. Pepper's experiences show, it would be wrong not to live every moment to the fullest. Calling for a brave and creative reevaluation of what is possible in the second half of women's lives, Prime invites every woman to relish her sexuality, take risks, and go after what she really wants—whether it's a sandwich or something substantially more satisfying. . . .
- HarperCollins Publishers
- Publication date:
- Sold by:
- NOOK Book
- Sales rank:
- File size:
- 500 KB
Read an Excerpt
Adventures and Advice on Sex, Love, and the Sensual Years
How Did I Get Here?
Dear Dr. Pepper:
I am a single woman, divorced after 23 years of marriage, with my kids off to college. Ideally, I would like to have a serious relationship, but if that isn't around the corner, I still want sex and companionship. I find myself in a world of chat-room hookups, cybermatchmaking, and coconut-flavored glow-in-the-dark condoms. I feel as sexually alive as I did when I was 25, but the number and availability of men for me has changed. How do I look for a life partner and enjoy sexual adventures along the way? Oh, yes, and did I mention that I really enjoy sex?
A Single Sexologist in Seattle
After three decades of answering people's questions about their emotional, sexual, and romantic lives, after writing numerous books on sex and relationships, after thirty-five years as a professor of sociology at the University of Washington, you would think I could come up with an easy answer to my own question. The situation was at least humorous and in no small part ironic.
I had plenty of good advice for women in my situation based on solid scientific research. But I had not always followed what I knew to be the best course since my own divorce. Still, I am five years older than when I left my husband, and I think a wiser person than the woman who reentered the singles scene after almost a quarter of a century as a married woman.
A Special Time, Place, and Situation
Here I am on a teak lounge chair,west of Kuta Beach on Bali, which is one of the most romantic islands on earth. I am thinking about what I want out of my life and from men. Bali is my muse for this reverie and she never ceases to inspire me. This is an island that celebrates the senses. Hospitality and massage are honed to fine arts. Perhaps most important, the island is enduringly attractive and easy to live on, at least in part because it's a place where a single woman can feel safe strolling the beaches and villages. I can even banter and flirt with local men of all ages and not worry that anything unwanted is going to happen.
On this island, if my last two trips here were any indication, I will soon find myself in a place I rarely get to spend much my time—the reflective, contemplative present. I'm usually speeding through life, juggling appointments, putting out fires, and scheduling for the near and far future. The prospect of trimming away all of that for a while is exciting.
My friend interrupts my soul-searching.
"Enjoying the guide book?" asks the tall, trim man with salt-and-pepper hair.
Dom has returned from his postlunch stroll down the beach. He is a welcome break from my what am I doing with my life? train of thought. Dominic is in the top tier of my favorite traveling companions. When I told him I needed support for the book I was writing, he suggested that he was the man for the job. I agreed and he signed up to accompany me to Bali for two weeks while I finished it. My first thought as I look at him striding toward me is that he has come to get me to take a walk with him. That's usually fun since we are quite the sight together: He is about six-foot-four and I don't quite reach five feet. But Dom is worried that I have been rushing around too much and he is on a program to slow me down.
"It's so good to finally be here at the same time," Dom says. He looks rested and tan, and I can see that his week on Bali prior to my arrival has been calming and rejuvenating.
"I'm going to get us some cold water. I'll be right back," Dom says. "I want you to enjoy this peaceful afternoon and just unwind after your long flight. By tomorrow you'll feel fantastic."
My friend the Zen Buddhist was always trying to get me to be more peaceful—which was usually a very hard thing for me to do. This time, however, I had signed up for the program. Bali was going to be different.
"Relaxing is going to be easy," I say. "I think counting waves would be a fine activity for today. I've had my head down, eyes on the finish line for this book for a little too long. It's got to be done by September, but I can see the end and I'm less nervous now."
"Well, it looks like you have the perfect afternoon. Just remember you have your appointment for the four-hand massage at Antique Spa at four thirty. And I want a full report on what those two men actually do."
I laugh at Dom's alternate mothering and voyeurism. "Hey, Dom, if I ever forget I have an appointment for two guys to work on my body, just shoot me right then! Anyhow, I promise to reveal all over our sunset drink."
Dom turns to me, sporting a mischievous grin. "And Pepper, please promise me you will tuck away your laptop, cell phone, and Blackberry and just unwind for a few hours, okay?"
I smile. Dom knows me well.
My tall friend heads up to the vendor stands. The sun is high in the sky and I return to my Bali guidebook, shifting my chair a bit so I catch some shade. I turn to a page Dom has bookmarked for me about typical travelers' dos and don'ts. A special warning for women catches my eye. The guidebook cautions "female tourists in the beach town of Kuta (Koo-tah)" need to be on the alert for a special breed of gigolo called a "Kuta cowboy." I laugh. I find it humorous that the author is worried about . . .Prime
Adventures and Advice on Sex, Love, and the Sensual Years. Copyright © by Pepper Schwartz. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.
Meet the Author
Dr. Pepper Schwartz is the industry's leading relationship authority. She has contributed regularly to Glamour and has appeared repeatedly on Oprah, the Today show, and numerous national news shows. She is currently the relationship expert for PerfectMatch.com and a professor of sociology at the University of Washington in Seattle.
and post it to your social network
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
See all customer reviews >
My current lover recommended this book to me abot four years ago after reading a review and we have, indeed, discussed many aspects of it and learned from it. If you have loved and lost or reentered the dating market, it is a good summary of what can await you.
This book was recommended to me by my new lover after he read a review of it in The Oregonian, and he thought I might enjoy it! Well, he was right. Pepper Schwartz gives not only a narrative of her own situation and her own reasons for proceding with each decision, but validates the reasoning and actions of many other boomer females, including myself. She shows us that it's perfectly acceptable to seek out the man first, discarding him as needed along the way, and moving on in life and love. I found the chapter on 'Ted' especially disconcerting, but won't go into specific details other than 'I saw it coming' and wondered why she had the reaction she did when she seemed so secure and in control of her previous situations until this one. I would have jettisoned 'Ted' much sooner, for a number of reasons. Dr. Schwartz covers everything a woman can feel in the search for a new lover and/or permanent mate, exploring not only the ups but the downs of the search, but her motives for doing what she did even if it hurts later. It's amusing, sad, and envigorating. She is very open about her own sexuality and that of her lovers. I personally felt more secure in my new relationship after reading the chapter on love and the married man, and she sure was on target in observations about being dumped! Therapeutic reading for any women 'of a certain age', whether in a monogamous relationship or starting to shop around, with good, first-hand info on how to avoid men who are 'projects', and how to move on from the 'project' we're leaving or who left us. Don't let a man make you miserable or wear you down - do it to him first! Just put on your sexiest shoes, kick him to the curb, and keep walking! And remember, the best way to get over one man is to get under another!
Getting back into the world of dating after a divorce, I found this book to be very insightful and after actually dating a little, I am planning on re-reading a few chapters! It's really a jungle out there!
Shut your piehole megatron, unless you want to say something beneficial...
Optimus sheathed his BB and went to the firs result. Deathcharge snarled "Mega-creep..."
She looks at u. U dont remember me do u megatron.? I was the little rat. U used for experaments? The on that got away with all ur secrets and this. She holds up a black and purple glowing spark.
Suddenly she felt a surge of energy in her. She grabbed the antidote from Megatron after she pulled the dagger from her shoulder. She healed herself, then fled to result one.
Their you go.