The Purpose of Boys: Helping Our Sons Find Meaning, Significance, and Direction in Their Lives

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More About This Book

Overview

The final and conclusive book in the groundbreaking series on boys and their development

In this climax to his series of landmark books about boys, Michael Gurian offers a powerful new program to help us give our sons a core purpose–a program based on building morality, character, career goals, the ability to form intimate relationships, selflessness, personal and community responsibility, and an accelerated process of developmental maturity. Gurian reveals how important purpose is for the success and happiness of boys and explains how a boy's core personality, nature, and genetic predisposition functions to create both strengths and weaknesses in their journey towards maturity.

  • Includes an innovative program for support and interventions according to the unique needs, weaknesses, and strengths of each individual young man.
  • This book is the follow-up to Gurian's bestselling The Minds of Boys
  • Draws on the latest science and field research on how boys develop neurologically
  • Gurian explores the unique issues boys must confront, and shows how their strategy for moral development and success in life is predicated on their nature and genetic predispositions.

Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly

Family therapist, author and boy advocate Gurian (The Wonder of Boys; The Minds of Boys) observes that many boys are struggling to find a sense of purpose, and society has not sufficiently stepped up to the plate to help. Gurian paints a grim picture of boys who have lost their footing; many are failing in school; turning to drugs, alcohol or gangs; and engaging in violent behavior. Gurian attributes this disturbing trend to a lack of purpose and urges parents to help their male offspring channel their energies into productive lives. By employing a three-family system, Gurian argues, parents can join together with other adults-leaders, mentors, coaches-and such institutions as schools and churches, to help boys refocus and get back on track. The author offers practical suggestions for helping parents address boys' needs, tackling such issues as sexuality, work and overuse of electronic media. Particularly useful are Gurian's boxed questions for discussion, which will help parents and educators communicate directly with boys themselves. He also includes suggestions to help boys succeed in academic settings, for example, using movement, project-driven curricula and debate. Gurian's team approach to raising a son gives parents the tools and encouragement they need to help boys find direction and fulfillment. (Apr.)

Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780470243374
  • Publisher: Wiley, John & Sons, Incorporated
  • Publication date: 4/6/2009
  • Edition number: 1
  • Pages: 272
  • Sales rank: 844,668
  • Product dimensions: 6.30 (w) x 9.10 (h) x 1.10 (d)

Meet the Author

Michael Gurian is a family therapist, educator, consultant, and the New York Times best-selling author of twenty-five books, including The Minds of Boys, Leadership and the Sexes, The Wonder of Girls, Boys and Girls Learn Differently! and The Wonder of Boys. Cofounder of the Gurian Institute, he has spearheaded an international effort to provide families, communities, and corporations with an understanding of brain-based gender issues.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments ix

Introduction: What do you want to be, son? 1

Competing Purposes 3

What is the Purpose of Boys? 4

We Who Care for Boys and Men 9

Part 1 Understanding the Purpose of Boys 11

1 The Loss of Purpose in American Boyhood 13

Why Parents Want to Provide Purpose for Boys 15

Moving Forward with New Vision 22

2 How Little Boys Develop their Sense of Purpose 25

The Empathy of Boys 26

Brain Differences Between Boys and Girls 30

How Boys and Girls Need Purpose Differently 33

Your Little Boy's Need to Save the World 36

Asking the Deep Questions of Boys 42

3 How Adolescent Boys Seek Their Purpose in Life 43

The Young Seeker Among the Primitive and the Civilized 45

How Adolescent Boys and Girls Seek and Develop Purpose Differently 48

What Motivates Different Boys 57

Helping Our Sons Seek Respect in Adolescence 59

Moving Forward with a Map in Hand 62

4 Son, You Are My Hero 63

The Heroic Son 64

The Story of Joseph 66

The Story Ends, for Now 86

Part 2 Helping Our Sons Find Their Purpose in Life 89

5 Creating Families of Purpose for Boys 91

Creating a Three-Family System: The Parent-Led Team 92

The Development of a Boy's Sense of Destiny in the Family System 96

The Ten Values Tool 97

The Value of Teaching Sexual Purpose 109

Helping Our Sons Find Purposeful Work 115

Helping Boys Find Purpose in Their Media Use 121

A Boy's Search for Freedom 128

6 Creating Communities of Purpose for Boys 130

The Loss of Communities of Purpose for Boys 131

What the Community Can do for Our Sons 134

Forming Purposeful Communities for African American Boys 141

Changing Helping Professions to Focus on Boys' Needs 151

Enjoying Communities of Purpose with Boys 153

7 Changing schools Toward Relevance and Purpose for Boys 155

How Boys Are Struggling for Purpose in School 156

Fixing the Mismatch Between Schools and the Purpose of Boys 158

Investing in Schools of Purpose 178

8 Creating and Providing Rites of Passage for Your Son 179

Guiding a Son Through Male Adolescence 180

Developing Your Own Rite-of-Passage Programs 184

The "Here I Am" Rite-of-Passage Program 189

The Power of Purposeful Men 205

Epilogue: Coming Together to Advocate for Boys 207

Notes and Resources 211

Bibliography 225

Appendix: Rite-of-Passage Programs 229

The Gurian Institute 235

The Author 237

Index 239

Customer Reviews

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Sort by: Showing 1 – 8 of 5 Customer Reviews

  • Posted September 12, 2011

    Every dad should read this

    I wish I would have had a book like this when my son was born. My son is a grown man now. As a divorced father I failed to recognize what my son needed most. I read this book and bought one for my son as he will be a new father very soon. The material in this book is so relevant to what is happening to boys today. Boys today are spoiled, feel entitled to what ever they want and have a disrespectful attitude to the adults that are present in their everyday lives. Fathers, Dads, what ever you want to call yourselves, face it, our boys will be the men that will become the care takers of this country, and they don't have a clue nor do they care.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted August 4, 2011

    Great understanding

    Author shows great understanding into the purpose driven life. I've benefitted greatly from reading this book; it articulates ideas well and is easily transferrable into life choices when working with boys.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  NoThank you for your feedback.   Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.

  • Anonymous

    Posted May 22, 2009

    A Call to Action

    A pat on the back.a nudge in the ribs..a kick in the pants.a 2 x 4 along the side of the head all motivated me as I read Michael Gurian's latest (and I think greatest) book about and in behalf of boys. Thank you Michael!

    His reminders about the importance of the extended family, community and other guarantors brought back fond memories of my own youth and the way all these critically committed influencers contributed to helping me become a man, a father, a grandfather, a great-grandfather and now grateful gad-about in the lives of many children in my community.

    THE PURPOSE OF BOYS, I think, provides the essential launching pad from which one can find hope and direction in helping our challenged young males find their way. I will be using the material to do a better job in both my educational activities and volunteer relationships.not the least of which will be the seven young men in my own family!

    For the past 20 years I have been pleading with my elder-peers to take seriously our role as mentors and grandfriends to the children within our arenas of activity. Much of my plea has been without evidence and context, beyond my own observation. I have worked my way through all of Michael's writing and appreciated the thoughts, experiences and teaching of his many colleagues through careful attention to footnotes and bibliographies! The last few years have seen a lot of improvement in my arguments and invitations.

    I will use the clear and compelling teaching of THE PURPOSE OF BOYS as I renew my efforts to make a difference, both in the lives of the several "families" boys need as well as a personal provider to the needs of boys.

    Early in my career I sat at the feet of Lakota leaders whose descriptive term for older tribal members translated to "Wisdom Keepers". It was the traditional task of these elders to be the nurturers of the young. Late in my career I now stand before urban elders whose most common refrain is that of disassociation with children, including their own grandchildren, and it's corollary terminal loneliness.

    How wonderful to have this carefully considered and marvelously communicated call to action for all of us to share!

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    Posted August 18, 2009

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    Posted July 27, 2010

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