Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

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Overview

At least one-third of the people we know are introverts. They are the ones who prefer listening to speaking, reading to partying; who innovate and create but dislike self-promotion; who favor working on their own over brainstorming in teams. Although they are often labeled "quiet," it is to introverts that we owe many of the great contributions to society--from van Gogh’s sunflowers to the invention of the personal computer.

Passionately argued, impressively researched, and filled with indelible stories of real people, Quiet shows how dramatically we undervalue introverts, and how much we lose in doing so. Taking the reader on a journey from Dale Carnegie’s birthplace to Harvard Business School, from a Tony Robbins seminar to an evangelical megachurch, Susan Cain charts the rise of the Extrovert Ideal in the twentieth century and explores its far-reaching effects. She talks to Asian-American students who feel alienated from the brash, backslapping atmosphere of American schools. She questions the dominant values of American business culture, where forced collaboration can stand in the way of innovation, and where the leadership potential of introverts is often overlooked. And she draws on cutting-edge research in psychology and neuroscience to reveal the surprising differences between extroverts and introverts.

Perhaps most inspiring, she introduces us to successful introverts--from a witty, high-octane public speaker who recharges in solitude after his talks, to a record-breaking salesman who quietly taps into the power of questions. Finally, she offers invaluable advice on everything from how to better negotiate differences in introvert-extrovert relationships to how to empower an introverted child to when it makes sense to be a "pretend extrovert."

This extraordinary book has the power to permanently change how we see introverts and, equally important, how introverts see themselves.

What People Are Saying

Elaine Aron

"Susan Cain has done a superb job of sifting through decades of complex research... . This book will be a boon for the many highly sensitive people who are also introverts." --(Elaine Aron, author of The Highly Sensitive Person )

Gretchen Rubin

"A superbly researched, deeply insightful, and fascinating book that will change forever the way society views introverts." --(Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project)

Guy Kawasaki

"Think Malcolm Gladwell for people who don't take themselves too seriously. Mark my words, this book will be a bestseller." --(Guy Kawasaki, author of Enchantment )

Naomi Wolf

"Susan Cain is the definer of a new and valuable paradigm. In this moving and original argument, she makes the case that we are losing immense reserves of talent and vision because of our culture's overvaluation of extroversion. A startling, important and readable page-turner that will make quiet people see themselves in a whole new light." --(Naomi Wolf, author of The Beauty Myth )

Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly

While American culture and business tend to be dominated by extroverts, business consultant Cain explores and champions the one-third to one-half of the population who are introverts. She defines the term broadly, including “solitude-seeking” and “contemplative,” but also “sensitive,” “humble,” and “risk-averse.” Such individuals, she claims (though with insufficient evidence), are “disproportionately represented among the ranks of the spectacularly creative.” Yet the American school and workplace make it difficult for those who draw strength from solitary musing by over-emphasizing teamwork and what she calls “the new Groupthink.” Cain gives excellent portraits of a number of introverts and shatters misconceptions. For example, she notes, introverts can negotiate as well as, or better than, alpha males and females because they can take a firm stand “without inflaming counterpart’s ego.” Cain provides tips to parents and teachers of children who are introverted or seem socially awkward and isolated. She suggests, for instance, exposing them gradually to new experiences that are otherwise overstimulating. Cain consistently holds the reader’s interest by presenting individual profiles, looking at places dominated by extroverts (Harvard Business School) and introverts (a West Coast retreat center), and reporting on the latest studies. Her diligence, research, and passion for this important topic has richly paid off. (Jan.)

Library Journal

The introvert/extrovert dichotomy is easily stereotyped in psychological literature: extroverts are buoyant and loud, introverts are shy and nerdy. Here, former corporate lawyer and negotiations consultant Cain gives a more nuanced portrait of introversion. Introverts are by nature more pensive, quiet, and solitary, but they can also act extroverted for the pursuit of their passions. Cain describes and explicates the introvert personality by citing much research (at times so much that readers may be confused about what she is explaining) and going undercover, at one point immersing herself at a Harvard Business School student center and, in a very amusing chapter, at a Tony Robbins seminar, among other case studies. Cain's conclusion is that the introversion or extroversion personality trait is not as simple as an on/off switch but a much more complex expression of a personality. VERDICT This book is a pleasure to read and will make introverts and extroverts alike think twice about the best ways to be themselves and interact with differing personality types. Recommended to all readers.—Maryse Breton, Bibliothèque et Archives nationales du Québec, Montreal

More Reviews (1) Fewer Reviews

Kirkus Reviews

An enlightened Wall Street survivor exhorts wallflowers everywhere to embrace their solitude-seeking souls and fully appreciate the power of the lone wolf. Could up to one-half of a nation obsessed with Jersey Shore narcissism and American Idol fame really be inhabited by reserved, sensitive types? According to Cain, yes--and we better start valuing their insight. Extroverts have their place, but things can quickly go haywire when we start confusing assertiveness with competence--the economic meltdown on Wall Street was the most stunning recent example. Had there been a few more conscientious, contemplative introverts in the boardroom (and had they made themselves heard), Cain writes, the country's fortunes would now be decidedly different. But today's prevailing susceptibility to "reward sensitivity," as embodied by alpha-dog Wall Street types, wasn't always the norm. Cain provides fascinating insight into how the United States shifted from an introvert-leaning "cult of character" to an extrovert-leaning "cult of personality" ruled by the larger-than-life Tony Robbinses of the world. Readers will learn that the tendency for some to be reserved is actually hardwired, and as every evolutionary biologist will tell you, innate characteristics are there for a reason--to help humans survive and thrive. The author also boldly tackles introverts themselves, as well as the ambivalence many often feel about being relegated to the corner. "Stick to your guns," writes fellow introvert Cain. The author's insights are so rich that she could pen two separate books: one about parenting an introverted child, and another about how to make an introvert/extrovert relationship work. An intriguing and potentially life-altering examination of the human psyche that is sure to benefit both introverts and extroverts alike.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780307352149
Publisher: Crown Publishing Group
Publication date: 1/24/2012
Pages: 352
Sales rank: 118
Product dimensions: 6.50 (w) x 9.74 (h) x 1.19 (d)

Meet the Author

SUSAN CAIN is the author of the instant New York Times bestseller QUIET: The Power of Introverts in A World That Can’t Stop Talking which has been translated into more than 20 languages. Her writing on introversion and shyness has appeared in the New York Times; the Dallas Morning News; O, The Oprah Magazine; Time.com; and PsychologyToday.com. Cain has also spoken at Microsoft, Google, the U.S. Treasury, and at TED 2012. Since her TED talk was posted online, it has been viewed more than one million times. She has appeared on national broadcast television and radio including CBS This Morning, NPR’s All Things Considered, and NPR’s The Diane Rehm Show, and her work has been featured on the cover of Time magazine, in The Atlantic, Wired, Fast Company, Real Simple, Fortune, Forbes, USA Today, the Washington Post, CNN, Slate.com, and many other publications. She is an honors graduate of Princeton and Harvard Law School. She lives in the Hudson River Valley with her husband and two sons.

Read an Excerpt

Quiet

The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

By Susan Cain

Crown

Copyright © 2012 Susan Cain
All right reserved.
ISBN: 9780307352149

Today we make room for a remarkably narrow range of personality styles. We’re told that to be great is to be bold, to be happy is to be sociable. We see ourselves as a nation of extroverts—which means that we’ve lost sight of who we really are. Depending on which study you consult, one third to one half of Americans are introverts—in other words, one out of every two or three people you know. (Given that the United States is among the most extroverted of nations, the number must be at least as high in other parts of the world.) If you’re not an introvert yourself, you are surely raising, managing, married to, or coupled with one.

If these statistics surprise you, that’s probably because so many people pretend to be extroverts. Closet introverts pass undetected on playgrounds, in high school locker rooms, and in the corridors of corporate America. Some fool even themselves, until some life event—a layoff, an empty nest, an inheritance that frees them to spend time as they like— jolts them into taking stock of their true natures. You have only to raise the subject of this book with your friends and acquaintances to find that the most unlikely people consider themselves introverts.

It makes sense that so many introverts hide even from themselves. We live with a value system that I call the Extrovert Ideal—the omnipresent belief that the ideal self is gregarious, alpha, and comfortable in the spotlight. The archetypal extrovert prefers action to contemplation, risk- taking to heed-taking, certainty to doubt. He favors quick decisions, even at the risk of being wrong. She works well in teams and socializes in groups. We like to think that we value individuality, but all too often we admire one type of individual—the kind who’s comfortable “putting himself out there.” Sure, we allow technologically gifted loners who launch companies in garages to have any personality they please, but they are the exceptions, not the rule, and our tolerance extends mainly to those who get fabulously wealthy or hold the promise of doing so.

Introversion—along with its cousins sensitivity, seriousness, and shyness—is now a second- class personality trait, somewhere between a disappointment and a pathology. Introverts living under the Extrovert Ideal are like women in a man’s world, discounted because of a trait that goes to the core of who they are. Extroversion is an enormously appealing personality style, but we’ve turned it into an oppressive standard to which most of us feel we must conform.

The Extrovert Ideal has been documented in many studies, though this research has never been grouped under a single name. Talkative people, for example, are rated as smarter, better- looking, more interesting, and more desirable as friends. Velocity of speech counts as well as volume: we rank fast talkers as more competent and likable than slow ones. The same dynamics apply in groups, where research shows that the voluble are considered smarter than the reticent—even though there’s zero correlation between the gift of gab and good ideas. Even the word introvert is stigmatized—one informal study, by psychologist Laurie Helgoe, found that introverts described their own physical appearance in vivid language ( “green- blue eyes,” “exotic,” “high cheekbones”), but when asked to describe generic introverts they drew a bland and distasteful picture (“ungainly,” “neutral colors,” “skin problems”).

But we make a grave mistake to embrace the Extrovert Ideal so unthinkingly. Some of our greatest ideas, art, and inventions—from the theory of evolution to van Gogh’s sunflowers to the personal computer— came from quiet and cerebral people who knew how to tune in to their inner worlds and the treasures to be found there.

Copyright © 2012 by Susan Cain. From the book QUIET: The Power Of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain, published by Crown, a division of Random House, Inc. Reprinted with permission.

Continues...

Excerpted from Quiet by Susan Cain Copyright © 2012 by Susan Cain. Excerpted by permission of Crown, a division of Random House, Inc.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Author's Note xi

Introduction: The North and South of Temperament 1

Part 1 The Extrovert Ideal

1 The Rise of the "Mighty Likeable Fellow": How Extroversion Became the Cultural Ideal 19

2 The Myth of Charismatic Leadership: The Culture of Personality, a Hundred Years Later 34

3 When Collaboration Kills Creativity: The Rise of the New Groupthink and the Power of Working Alone 71

Part 2 Your Biology, Your Self?

4 Is Temperament Destiny?: Nature, Nurture, and the Orchid Hypothesis 97

5 Beyond Temperament: The Role of Free Will (and the Secret of Public Speaking for Introverts) 115

6 "Franklin was a Politician, But Eleanor Spoke Out of Conscience": Why Cool Is Overrated 130

7 Why Did Wall Street Crash and Warren Buffett Prosper?: How Introverts and Extroverts Think (and Process Dopamine) Differently 155

Part 3 Do All Cultures Have an Extrovert Ideal?

8 Soft Power: Asian-Americans and the Extrovert Ideal 181

Part 4 How to Love, How to Work

9 When Should You Act More Extroverted Than You Really Are? 205

10 The Communication Gap: How to Talk to Members of the Opposite Type 224

11 On Cobblers and Generals: How to Cultivate Quiet Kids in a World That Can't Hear Them 241

Conclusion: Wonderland 264

A Note on the Dedication 267

A Note on the Words Introvert and Extrovert 269

Acknowledgments 273

Notes 277

Index 325

Interviews & Essays

SUSAN CAIN ON QUIET FOR BARNES AND NOBLE (followed with a Quiz and Q & A afterward)

Are you an introvert yourself? And if so, how are you handling the tremendous publicity?

Yup, I'm an introvert — and this can make my jam-packed publicity schedule a challenge. There was one day where I gave 21 radio and TV interviews!

But the publicity is also a great gift. I am so passionate about this book that my excitement helps me transcend my normal dislike of the spotlight. I also draw inspiration from the introverted leaders I profiled in QUIET. From Rosa Parks to Eleanor Roosevelt to Gandhi, many of the transformative leaders of the 20th century were shy or quiet people who achieved what they did because they cared so much about their cause. I think that we can all draw strength from their examples.

Who do you see as your ideal reader? Just self-described introverts, or business folks and educators who may be stifling creativity with their insistence on "GroupThink"?

First and foremost, I want to reach introverts whose psyches may have been buffeted by living in a world that favors extroverts. I've received thousands of notes from readers who say that after reading the book they are letting go of a lifetime of guilt and shame. I'm so grateful when readers take the time to write and tell me this, because that has always been my important goal.

But I also hope that QUIET will inspire educators, managers, and clergypeople to rethink some of their standard practices. Our schools, workplaces, and religious institutions are increasingly organized in hyper-stimulating ways that favor groupwork and an extoverted approach. This leads to a colossal waste of talent, energy, and happiness. This is a great problem for introverts, but really it's a problem for us all.

Join the conversation with Susan Cain at her blog, thepowerofintroverts.com.

Quiz:
Are you an introvert?

Take this quiz to find out where you fall on the introvert-extrovert spectrum. Answer each question True or False, choosing the answer that applies to you more often than not.

1. ______ I prefer one-on-one conversations to group activities.
2. ______ I often prefer to express myself in writing.
3. ______ I enjoy solitude.
4. ______ I seem to care about wealth, fame, and status less than my peers.
5. ______ People tell me that I'm a good listener.
6. ______ I'm not a big risk-taker.
7. ______ I enjoy work that allows me to "dive in" with few interruptions.
8. ______ I like to celebrate birthdays on a small scale, with only one or two close friends or family members.
9. ______ People describe me as "soft-spoken" or "mellow."
10. ______ I prefer not to show or discuss my work with others until it's finished.
11. ______ I tend to think before I speak.
12. ______ I often let calls go through to voice-mail.

The more often you answered True, the more introverted you are. If you found yourself with a roughly equal number of True and False answers, then you may be an be an ambivert—yes, there really is such a word. Note: This is an informal quiz, excerpted from Quiet, based on characteristics of introversion commonly accepted by contemporary researchers.

Q & A with Susan Cain, Author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

Q: Why did you write the book?
A: For the same reason that Betty Friedan published The Feminine Mystique in 1963. Introverts are to extroverts what women were to men at that time—second-class citizens with gigantic amounts of untapped talent. Our schools, workplaces, and religious institutions are designed for extroverts, and many introverts believe that there is something wrong with them and that they should try to "pass" as extroverts. The bias against introversion leads to a colossal waste of talent, energy, and, ultimately, happiness.

Q: What personal significance does the subject have for you?
A: When I was in my twenties, I started practicing corporate law on Wall Street. At first I thought I was taking on an enormous challenge, because in my mind, the successful lawyer was comfortable in the spotlight, whereas I was introverted and occasionally shy. But I soon realized that my nature had a lot of advantages: I was good at building loyal alliances, one-on-one, behind the scenes; I could close my door, concentrate, and get the work done well; and like many introverts, I tended to ask a lot of questions and listen intently to the answers, which is an invaluable tool in negotiation. I started to realize that there's a lot more going on here than the cultural stereotype of the introvert-as-unfortunate would have you believe. I had to know more, so I spent the past five years researching the powers of introversion.

Q: Was there ever a time when American society valued introverts more highly?
A: In the nation's earlier years it was easier for introverts to earn respect. America once embodied what the cultural historian Warren Susman called a "Culture of Character," which valued inner strength, integrity, and the good deeds you performed when no one was looking. You could cut an impressive figure by being quiet, reserved, and dignified. Abraham Lincoln was revered as a man who did not "offend by superiority," as Emerson put it.

Q: You discuss how we can better embrace introverts in the workplace. Can you explain?
A: Introverts thrive in environments that are not overstimulating—surroundings in which they can think (deeply) before they speak. This has many implications. Here are two to consider: (1) Introverts perform best in quiet, private workspaces—but unfortunately we're trending in precisely the opposite direction, toward open-plan offices. (2) If you want to get the best of all your employees' brains, don't simply throw them into a meeting and assume you're hearing everyone's ideas. You're not; you're hearing from the most vocally assertive people. Ask people to put their ideas in writing before the meeting, and make sure you give everyone time to speak.

Q: Quiet offers some terrific insights for the parents of introverted children. What environment do introverted kids need in order to thrive, whether it's at home or at school?
A: The best thing parents and teachers can do for introverted kids is to treasure them for who they are, and encourage their passions. This means: (1) Giving them the space they need. If they need to recharge alone in their room after school instead of plunging into extracurricular activities, that's okay. (2) Letting them master new skills at their own pace. If they're not learning to swim in group settings, for example, teach them privately. (3) Not calling them "shy"—they'll believe the label and experience their nervousness as a fixed trait rather than an emotion they can learn to control.

Q: What are the advantages to being an introvert?
A: There are too many to list in this short space, but here are two seemingly contradictory qualities that benefit introverts: introverts like to be alone—and introverts enjoy being cooperative. Studies suggest that many of the most creative people are introverts, and this is partly because of their capacity for quiet. Introverts are careful, reflective thinkers who can tolerate the solitude that idea-generation requires. On the other hand, implementing good ideas requires cooperation, and introverts are more likely to prefer cooperative environments, while extroverts favor competitive ones.

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Valca85

Posted October 20, 2011

Fabulous

As an introvert myself, this book drew me in just from the title, and I can truly say this is a fascinating study of what being an introvert means.
With a mixture of anecdotes and scientific research, Cain explores how introverts function, what makes us act the way we do, and why in this day and age it is such a difficult thing to be respected as someone who is different. Most of us have faced all of the things she mentions, from teachers who think that there is something wrong with children who prefer to read than play, to the minutia like making small talk that can drain some of us of all energy. She does a fantastic job of explaining why we function in this manner, and she manages to show us that we are not wrong in the way we act; we are just different.
The narrative is always interesting, keeping the reader engaged all the way through the book. Although this is a serious research book, it never bores, on the contrary, it is hard to put down. There is a wonderful section on how to take care and nurture an introverted child, which can be a challenge since most of society is geared towards extroverts.
Introverts need different things, and modern life refuses to provide those things, with its constant rewards for those who speak the loudest, whether they have the right answer or not. If you are an introvert, or if you know an introvert, this is a great read. I highly, highly recommend it.

109 out of 110 people found this review helpful.
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Anonymous

Posted January 25, 2012

I want another copy! (Maybe even two!)

I purchased the Nookbook version this morning. I finished the Introduction and I am ordering another copy (the Book book). I am going to give the extra copy to my best friend. It reads beautifully! I am planning on reading it out loud to my non-bookreading husband who has always struggled with shyness (which is related to introversion). As I read I realized I was an introvert surrounded by introverts trying to pretend I wasn't one. And worse, I realized I have always tried to force my children to be extroverts in such an extrovert centered culture. Now if I have only read the introduction and have figured all this out, imagine what you will know after reading the entire book! I also want to help raise the rating of a good book that was pulled down by a single disgruntled person and one star.

51 out of 51 people found this review helpful.
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Anonymous

Posted January 25, 2012

Good Book

This is for the stupid person who wrote a review with a low rating because they had not read the book!!! So you brought the rating down with no valid information at all. If you have no actual input, don't write a review.

33 out of 45 people found this review helpful.
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Anonymous

Posted January 31, 2012

Amazing

This book amazed me. After so many years of hearing "come out of your shell, be more assertive, socialize more, ect.", it was stunning to be told I am, in fact, ok how I am. Even normal. I don't normally write reviews but I feel like this book deserved the highest praise.

25 out of 26 people found this review helpful.
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Anonymous

Posted January 25, 2012

Great Read

For the person who gave it 1 star even though they took no time to read or research it, you should probably find better ways to spend your time. This is a website where people purchase and discuss works of literature that people worked very hard on. As this book was released yesterday, it comes as no surprise that you have no yet recieved it if you ordered it. This is a wonderful book on a subject that is very near and dear to my heart. I hoghly recommnended for ant shy adult who has felt overwhelmed by our ever increasing fast paced society.

24 out of 27 people found this review helpful.
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KrittersRamblings

Posted February 4, 2012

Kritters Ramblings

After reading this book, I feel I must say, Yes, I admit I am an extrovert and I like it. I have moments where I need to take a break from it all and hibernate, but in my heart, I love to be out and around people. I am surrounded by introverts on a daily basis and maybe I don't quite understand what makes them tick and what they need on a daily basis.

This book not only shows what introverts need in relationships, but also at the workplace. The final chapter is a complete source for parents and teachers on how to interact with introverted children. I think the author does a great job of making valid points and using interesting research to back up and explain each point. Although this is non-fiction and has a little bit of an academic approach, it reads much easier than a textbook and is a worthy read.

I would recommend this book to both introverts and extroverts. I think the extroverts need to learn how to adapt around introverts, while the introverts need to find the confidence in their own personality traits.

10 out of 13 people found this review helpful.
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Anonymous

Posted February 9, 2012

Helping Me Understand My Husband

My husband is an introvert and I am not... I've learned through the years who he is and what his action's mean, but this book has helped me understand his personality even more!

It has also made me reflect on my day to day life... the people I come in contact with... and rethink what someone's actions might mean.

3 out of 4 people found this review helpful.
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Anonymous

Posted March 27, 2012

This book is FABULOUS! Thank you Susan Cain. Like other reviewer

This book is FABULOUS! Thank you Susan Cain. Like other reviewers, I have spent most of my life feeling as though my parents, my teachers, my siblings, relatives, co-workers, etc. thought I needed "fixed". I am regarded as the trustworthy, smart, and creative one. I'm the one that is in charge of everyone's spare house key, but somehow deficient because I prefer to be alone or in small gatherings. I was constantly referrred to as shy and needing to come out of my shell as I grew up. It stigmatized me. My mother still tries to "fix" me. I am nearly 50 years old now. Reading this book made me feel like I was OK. I spent many years believing that I needed to constantly put myself in situations I dreaded because I felt pressure to be what others thought I should be. I am perfectly fine just as God made me. What really blows my mind is that i was stunned to see this book in the first place. I couldn't believe there was an entire book written about people just like me! It felt great to read about people I could identify with. I highly recommend this book to anyone who is an introvert. Before I read this book i would have felt that was a negatvie trait. Now, I say embrace it! Excellent book!

2 out of 3 people found this review helpful.
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Petiesteve

Posted March 23, 2012

I Also Recommend:

Our culture does not appreciate quiet. We tend to equate social

Our culture does not appreciate quiet. We tend to equate social power with social prowess. The outspoken people seen are as the leaders in our culture. Susan Cain, however, seeks to dispel this notion that people with a quiet nature cannot be major influencers or leaders. She opens her book Quiet by discussing one of the most influential figures in the civil rights movement. Rosa Parks made an impact in the civil rights movement through her quietness. She chose to take a quiet stand instead of being outspoken. In doing so, she became a symbol of strength in the movement. This is the first of many examples of introverts that Cain offers to show the power of quiet in a world that likes to talk.

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking is a great book. Susan Cain does a good job of presenting how our culture favors extroversion and looks down on introverts. It may seem at first that Cain is trying to say that introverts are better than extroverts, but reading through the whole work she does a wonderful job of challenging introverts to grow in certain areas. She also challenges extroverts to consider the benefits that introverts are able bring. As an introvert myself I most appreciated the second and fourth sections of the book. I was very interested to learn about myself and why I am the way I am. The second section does a good job of explaining many the biological factors of introversion and extroversion. The fourth section is very helpful because of the helpful advice for living with extroverts and raising and teaching introverted children.

I would recommend this book to just about anyone. If you are an introverted, you will find this book very helpful and encouraging. If you are an extrovert, you can learn why your introverted friends are the way they are and how to best interact with them. I would highly recommend this book to anyone in a business situation, this book can be really helpful in learning how to get the most out of the introverts in your office. I would also recommend it to my friends in the ministry along with Adam S. McHugh’s book Introverts in the Church. I hope that Cain’s book will help people change their understanding of introversion. Introversion is not a weakness. There may be areas where introverts are weak, but there are always areas where introverts tend to be stronger than extroverts.

I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.

2 out of 3 people found this review helpful.
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Anonymous

Posted March 8, 2012

True Validation for Introverts

This book excited me since I saw the overview prior to the book's release. It is refreshing to have myself explained to me after years of misunderstanding from coworkers and family and even myself. It was also nice to not feel like it is a trait that needs to be "fixed", just understood and optimized. There were times I broke down in tears because it was so nice to have someone TRULY understand why I hide in the bathroom after a long meeting, or why after a seven month deployment when I'm constantly surrounded by people I would rather be alone than surrounded by family.

Thank you Susan Cain for helping all of us.

2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.
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tirofiban

Posted February 26, 2012

A huge eye-opener for a life-long introvert

I'm only a third of the way through the book, but this book is an eye-opener. It explains introvert and extrovert tendencies. The part of the book on how society has placed such an emphasis on being extroverted over the past 100 years due to the rise of cities, makes so much sense. Also the big business push on being extroverted along with pointing out all the flaws of that way of thinking is amazing. Everything I do in business makes so much more sense after reading this book.
The book seems to cover everything introvert-related. In society, introverts are seen as the underdog a bit. This book is an advocate for the underdog, pointing out the seldom discussed weaknesses of the extrovert personality. This is a must read for anyone, introvert or extrovert. Although, I think the book may offend some extroverts, but I'm OK with that.

2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.
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Anonymous

Posted February 14, 2012

Great Book

I need to have my husband (an extrovert) read this to help understand why I am the way I am. I feel like now I can admit I am an extrovert and not feel bad about it. Thank you Susan.

2 out of 3 people found this review helpful.
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bjdoureaux

Posted April 23, 2012

Wonderfully researched!

Do you feel uncomfortable in large groups, preferring intimate one-on-one discussions? Would you rather be home with a good book on Friday night while others are out at clubs? If so, there’s a good chance you’re an introvert. The bad news: this world has become increasingly extroverted, especially in the west. The good news: there are more introverts out there than you may think. You are not alone, although you may feel like it sometimes. In “Quiet,” Susan Cain presents what it’s like for introverts to live in a world dominated by an extrovert culture. She focuses on research that has been done to test levels of introversion/extroversion, the differences in how these groups think and interact, and the best ways to overcome these traits that seem to hold us back (when the need arises). Overall, she encourages the world to embrace its introverted citizens, often asking how the world (schools/work places/economy) would be different if both extroversion and introversion were embraced equally.

I’ve known for years that I am an introvert. I’ve come to embrace it as an adult. I don’t like public speaking, I don’t like the spotlight, I tend to blend into the crowd (very happily), and I enjoy solitude and doing things on my own such as reading and studying things that interest me. I’ve learned to love my “Geek”-side. So, this book confirmed some things for me that I already knew, but there were things about myself that I actually learned from this book. Why did I feel so uncomfortable in that situation? Why couldn’t I express my thoughts better during that conversation? This book opened my eyes to a lot of the “whys” behind my behaviors that I’ve just learned to accept and embrace. It’s also very comforting to know that there are so many others out there who feel the same way, even if they’ve become good at hiding it.

“Quiet” is very well researched. Cain definitely did her homework for this one. I’m considering giving this to my friends, co-workers, and family who don’t always “get” me. Maybe it will help them understand.

I received a complimentary copy of this book for review purposes from WaterBrook Multnomah.

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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LK_Hunsaker

Posted April 21, 2012

more from this reviewer

I have always thought more psychology basics should be taught at

I have always thought more psychology basics should be taught at the high school level. Understanding each other better helps us get along better and be more productive and happier.

Introversion is very much misunderstood and Cain's book clarifies the difference in personality types of the naturally outgoing and the naturally reserved. Unlike most who would call shyness or introversion neurotic and something to be "cured" if at all possible, Cain points out the benefits to our society, if we will only listen. Although full of psychological terms and studies (part of which can be skipped over to get to the main points), this is a book for laymen, for non-psychologists who want insight into human nature.

Cain is not a psychologist/psychiatrist. She was a law student and is an introvert. That gives the book a different feel than most psychological texts. She's looking at it as an "outsider" to the field, reporting what she found as she searched for her own inner workings.

My biggest complaint would have to be the political one-sidedness that didn't belong in this kind of work and too much focus on one culture without enough on others. Since I have a psychology degree with training in statistics and research methods, I did see where she missed here and there with minor points and overgeneralized at times.

Still, the main message in this book is valid: we have an underlying personality structure that makes us much of who we are and we need to learn to use that to not only our advantage, but to society's advantage. Introversion is not a disorder. It is a necessary balance that others need to accept and embrace, and that we introverts need to accept and embrace.

To extroverts: LISTEN when we speak quietly, allow us to share information in our own way, and please do not point out how quiet we're being in public situations. We know we are. Don't make us feel that it's wrong.

To introverts: Use it well, appreciate what it gives you that others don't have, and by all means, learn how to hiss now and then.

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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insightTX

Posted April 5, 2012

It's OK to be "weird"

It's about time that someone realized that "the quiet ones" really do have something to say.

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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Anonymous

Posted February 26, 2012

Revealing

Cain provides a very balanced alternative to the "extrovert ideal." Without diminishing extrovert traits, she explores and celebrates those of introverts and sheds light on the full spectrum of introvert behavior. I found it revealing on a personal level but also couldn't help but think of people in my life with each witty and engaging example

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
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another_Pen_Name

Posted May 24, 2012

Powerful Insight Into The World of Introverts

If you're plagued by remarks like "you're too quiet" or "you need to be more outgoing" all your life (as I am), chances are, you're an introvert and this book's for you.

In Quiet, Author Cain, an introvert herself, counters the misconceptions about introversion. Introverts, she says, are not people with a personality flaw. Rather, they are people who "recharge their batteries" by being alone (while extroverts recharge theirs by socializing). And contrary to prevailing notions about introverts, introverts _can_ be gregarious while extroverts, on the other hand, _can_ be shy (if you find such assertions counterintuitive, you have the idea of introversion all wrong).

Cain submits that misconceptions on introversion creates a problem not only for introverts themselves but for society as a whole. Introverts are often passed up for promotion because they are generally perceived as less competent than their extroverted peers. At a societal level, Cain says such biases can have some serious socioeconomic ramifications (she cites, among other examples, the 2008 credit crunch and the 2000 "dot-bomb" crises -- both of which, she contends, would have been averted had the financial elite been introverts).

Further, Cain says introversion (and often an accompanying "constellation" of traits such as perseverance and the ability of stay focused for long periods) is an absolutely vital quality in the men who have made some of the biggest contributions to the world. Without introverts, she points out, there would be no theory of relativity, no W.B. Yeats' "The Second Coming," no Chopin's nocturnes, no Proust's "In Search of Lost Time," no Peter Pan, no Orwell's 1984 and Animal Farm, no Google, etc. I would add to that list of no's the iPhone and iPad (the late Steve Jobs was described as an introvert and a recluse).

Cain backs up her premise with a good deal of ground-breaking neuroscience research, which includes those done by Jerome Kagan (longitudinal studies on personality and high reactivity of introverts), Hans Eysenck (arousal theory of extraversion), and Elaine Aron (work on highly sensitive person (HSP)). The studies rely heavily on fMRI scans of different parts of the brain such as the Limbic system (primarily the amygdala) and the neocortex (primarily the frontal lobe). While far from being conclusive, these studies strongly suggest that introversion is a heritable trait. They also offer some revealing and fascinating insights into functional differences between the brains of introverts and those of extroverts. These and other findings are presented in a way that even a layperson such as myself can easily understand.

Well-written and rigorously backed by a wealth of scientific research, Quiet is easily one of the best books I've ever read on neuroscience. For the guilt-ridden introvert who has subscribed to the belief that being an introvert is a bad thing, this book offers some measure of absolution. For the rest of us, it's a validation of what we've known all along -- which is why I find Quiet a truly empowering book for the introvert. *Highly* recommended.
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Anonymous

Posted May 17, 2012

I want to make this book required reading for becoming my boss,

I want to make this book required reading for becoming my boss, friend, or airplane row sharer. It definitely should have been required for all of those camp counselors who made it their 'project' to try to 'fix' the shy, quiet girl who wanted to read sometimes instead of playing team-building games. This book was tough to read sometimes because it brought back some painful memories, but it ultimately made me realize that part of me still thinks I'm that 7-year-old who needs fixing, and it's time to just become really great at being myself.
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Paula_Greene

Posted April 26, 2012

Changed my life!

Why are some people more talkative while others measure their words? Why do some people burrow into their work while others organize office parties? Susan Cain shows that our lives are shaped as profoundly by personality as by gender or race. Where we fall on the introvert-extrovert spectrum influences every aspect of our lives from our likelihood for exercise to our choice of friends. If you are an introvert you MUST read this book! Contemporary American culture glorifies the extrovert. Even in the evangelical culture, faithfulness is tied to the “virtue” of extroversion with its emphasis on community, programs, meetings, and meeting more people. But it hasn’t always been that way. Susan Cain takes us back in American history over 100 years to show that the preference for extroversion in our culture is socially determined rather than natural. In addition, she compares the American value of extroversion to the Asian value of introversion. After 41 years of wrestling with disappointment in my God-given personality, Susan Cain showed me I am entitled to be who I am instead of trying to force myself into an extrovert mold. I know this doesn’t mean I can use my introversion as an excuse not to stretch myself where I am weak; rather, I need to recognize that what I thought was my weakness may actually be a strength. After reading this book, I appreciate being an introvert! And I also understand my extrovert friends much better. Whether you are an introvert or an extrovert, if you are married to an introvert or have colleagues, friends or family members that are introverts , I highly recommend this book to help understand and relate to all kinds of people across the personality spectrum. Disclaimer: I was provided a complimentary copy of this book from Waterbook Multnomah Publishing in exchange for my honest review.
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Anonymous

Posted April 9, 2012

This book was very informative. Susan Cain did a good amount of

This book was very informative. Susan Cain did a good amount of research and asked the right questions. The book is also a breeze to read, very engaging. I found that it was part research and an academic can use it and reference it as well as use it for more research as the author includes notes at the end of the book. I also found that it was part self help for someone like me. I always wondered why I want to leave parties after a while, stay in rather than go out most of the time and don't feel weird sitting alone at restaurants and going to movies by myself. This book made me stop feeling guilty for liking to do things by myself, odd as that may sound. It also made work easier. I'm very glad i picked up this book and recommended it to my friend.
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