Real Influence: Persuade Without Pushing and Gain Without Giving In

Real Influence: Persuade Without Pushing and Gain Without Giving In

5.0 1
by Mark Goulston, John Ullmen
     
 

View All Available Formats & Editions

Millions of people have read How to Win Friends and Influence People; and while much of the 1930s wisdom of Dale Carnegie’s seminal book still rings true, it also reflects a very different age. Today we live in a more sophisticated and far less trusting world, where good intentions are rarely assumed, manipulative tactics

See more details below

Overview

Millions of people have read How to Win Friends and Influence People; and while much of the 1930s wisdom of Dale Carnegie’s seminal book still rings true, it also reflects a very different age. Today we live in a more sophisticated and far less trusting world, where good intentions are rarely assumed, manipulative tactics are readily detected, and even subtle persuasion efforts are suspect. This makes influencing much more difficult.

In this post-pushing, post-selling world, influence can no longer be viewed as something you do to someone to get what you want. In fact, real influence isn’t even about what you want. It’s about forging strong connections by focusing on other people’s viewpoints, and, quite simply, giving before asking for anything, and always striving for win-win outcomes.

Now master communicator and bestselling author Mark Goulston teams with esteemed executive coach John Ullmen to show why this kind of “connected” influence is the secret to achieving not only short-term gains, but long-term success. Mark’s popular book Just Listen offered insights into getting through to hard-to-reach people, and it laid the groundwork for the more far-reaching scope of Real Influence. Here the authors provide a blueprint for getting buy-in, agreement, and enduring loyalty from anyone by using authentic communication, empathy, and engagement.

Packed with enlightening stories from the authors’ extensive interviews with high-level influencers—people in business, government, non­profits, sports, the arts, and more—the book shows the remarkable power of real influence and offers insights for tapping into it, including:

• How to get past the “blind spot” in our brains that makes connecting and influencing impossible

• The simple four-step model that will help you connect with people you thought were unreachable

• Bad influence habits that can disconnect you from your team, your clients, your family, and others

• How listening with a real motive to learn and understand will change a relationship instantly

• Ways to repair a reputation damaged by trying to influence via manipulation

• Why one of the biggest factors in becoming a power influencer is gratitude

Real Influence is a game-changer, helping you build deep connections and lasting influence by using positive, authentic practices that rise above people’s typically self-centered, short-term focus. Its message has the power to transform your outlook, your relationships, your career, and, ultimately, your life.

Mark Goulston, MD, is a business psychiatrist, consultant, Chairman and Cofounder of Heartfelt Leadership, and the author of the bestselling Just Listen and Get Out of Your Own Way. He also writes a Tribune syndicated career column; blogs for Fast Company, Business Insider, Huffington Post, and Psychology Today; and is featured frequently in major media, including the Wall Street Journal, Harvard Business Review, Fortune, Newsweek, CNN, NPR, and Fox News. He lives in Los Angeles.

John Ullmen, Ph.D., is an acclaimed executive coach whose clients include dozens of leading international firms. He oversees Motivation­Rules.com, conducts popular feedback-based seminars on influence in organizations, and teaches at the UCLA Anderson School of Management. He lives in Los Angeles.

Read More

Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher

"[Real Influence] offers a full course banquet of fresh ideas for the price of a modest dinner." --Inland Empire Business Journal

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9780814420157
Publisher:
AMACOM Books
Publication date:
01/02/2013
Pages:
272
Sales rank:
657,137
Product dimensions:
6.00(w) x 9.10(h) x 0.90(d)
Age Range:
18 Years

Meet the Author

MARK GOULSTON, M.D., is a business psychiatrist, consultant, Chairman and Co-Founder of Heartfelt Leadership and the author of Just Listen, Get Out of Your Own Way, and Get Out of Your Own Way at Work. He writes a Tribune syndicated career column; blogs for Fast Company, Business Insider, Huffington Post, and Psychology Today; and is featured frequently in major media including The Wall Street Journal, Harvard Business Review, Fortune, Newsweek, CNN, NPR, and Fox News. He lives in Los Angeles.

JOHN ULLMEN, PH.D., is an acclaimed executive coach whose clients include dozens of leading international firms. He oversees MotivationRules.com, conducts popular feedback-based seminars on influence in organizations, and teaches at the UCLA Anderson School of Management.

Read an Excerpt

INTRODUCTION

Are you frustrated because you fail to get people to buy into your

great ideas, can’t close the deal on tough sales, or constantly hit

the wall when you try to influence people?

If so, you’re not alone. As executive coaches, we know that it’s

harder than ever to influence people because the old rules of per-

suasion no longer work.

Today, we live in a postselling and postpushing world. As people

grow more aware of manipulative tactics, their guard goes up. The

Internet, television advertising, and wall-to-wall marketing have

made us cynical about deceptive tricks and hard-sell approaches.

Your customers, your coworkers, and even your kids can all recog-

nize “pushy” influence . . . and when you use it, they’ll push back

twice as hard.

Yet most of the books and business school courses that teach

persuasion skills emphasize manipulative tactics and techniques.

They conceive of influence as something that you “do” to some-

one else to get your way. And they focus on short-term gains

rather than long-term consequences.

We call this outdated strategy disconnected influence. It’s a short-

sighted strategy that sometimes creates momentary “buy-in” but

often at the expense of your relationships and reputation. And it

keeps you from making the deep, transformational connections

that lead to great outcomes in your career and in your life.

To influence people in powerful ways that can change your future,

you need to move from disconnected to connected influence.

When you make this transition, you’ll set the stage for strong, sus-

tained influence by becoming the kind of person other people are

eager to follow. These people won’t just agree to support you.

They’ll line up to champion your causes, and they’ll have your back

whenever you need their help.

In this book, we’ve distilled the elements of connected influence

into a simple four-step model for becoming wildly successful by

being both influential and “influenceable.” We’ve helped thousands

of people master these four steps—and in the process, we’ve em-

powered them to save their companies, increase their sales, achieve

business goals they thought were impossible, and take their personal

relationships to an entirely new level.

But this book isn’t just about our own experiences. In addition,

we’ve interviewed more than one hundred remarkable influencers

who are putting these same steps into action in their own lives.

These people are using their powers of persuasion to change the

world every day. They head international corporations, raise millions

for charities, help kids with cancer, and work to save the planet. They

personify success, and their stories illustrate the astonishing power

of connected influence.

As you read these stories, here is what we want you to remember:

No matter who you are and where you are in life, you can do

what these people have done. In fact, the most powerful lesson the

stories in this book illustrate is that anyone can positively influence

anyone else, regardless of their differences in experience, status,

age, income, or power. The people we talked with didn’t start out with

powerful connections, but they knew how to earn these connections

and how to solidify and expand them. Their message is that there is

no need—ever—to set limits in your influence potential. When you

master the steps we outline in this book, you can influence anyone,

even someone who “has it all.”

This book won’t tell you what you can accomplish by tricking

people, manipulating them, or stepping on them. Instead, it will

teach you how to be the kind of influencer that you and the people

in your life want you to be. That’s because as you build deeper rela-

tionships, you’ll drive stronger results. And when you approach rela-

tionships by thinking about giving rather than getting, and about

adding value before seeking value, you’ll be amazed at the return

you see on your investment.

When you put the ideas in this book to work in your own life,

you’ll learn what all the masters of influence in this book know.

Connected infl uence pays off—and it pays forward. Connected in-

fluence multiplies, and as it multiplies, it leads to amazing outcomes.

Here's to yours.

Read More

Customer Reviews

Average Review:

Write a Review

and post it to your social network

     

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

See all customer reviews >