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Real Influence: Persuade Without Pushing and Gain Without Giving In

Real Influence: Persuade Without Pushing and Gain Without Giving In

5.0 1
by Mark Goulston, John Ullmen, Keith Ferrazzi (Foreword by)

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People won’t put up with being “sold” anymore. If they sense they are being pushed, their guard goes up—and even if they do comply, lingering resentment undermines the relationship...maybe forever.

Yet, most books on influence still portray it as something you “do to” someone else to get your


People won’t put up with being “sold” anymore. If they sense they are being pushed, their guard goes up—and even if they do comply, lingering resentment undermines the relationship...maybe forever.

Yet, most books on influence still portray it as something you “do to” someone else to get your way. That out-of-date approach invites resistance or cynicism from those who recognize the techniques. Manipulative tactics might occasionally wear down a colleague’s or client’s resistance, but they fail to produce the mutual trust that sustains successful relationships. In short, they just won’t work in our sophisticated, post-selling world.

In this groundbreaking book, authors Mark Goulston and John Ullmen reveal a new model for authentic influence—the kind that creates a strong initial connection and survives long after agreement has been reached. Based on listening, genuine engagement and commitment to win-win outcomes, Real Influence provides a powerful four-step method you can use to:

• Examine your priorities

• Learn about the key players and what they need

• Earn their attention and motivate them to hear more

• Add value with your questions and actions

Complete with examples of the steps in action and insights from real-world “power influencers,” this one-of-a-kind guide shows that being straight with everyone means winning for all.


Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher

"[Real Influence] offers a full course banquet of fresh ideas for the price of a modest dinner." --Inland Empire Business Journal

Product Details

Publication date:
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Product dimensions:
6.00(w) x 9.10(h) x 0.90(d)
Age Range:
18 Years

Read an Excerpt


Are you frustrated because you fail to get people to buy into your

great ideas, can’t close the deal on tough sales, or constantly hit

the wall when you try to influence people?

If so, you’re not alone. As executive coaches, we know that it’s

harder than ever to influence people because the old rules of per-

suasion no longer work.

Today, we live in a postselling and postpushing world. As people

grow more aware of manipulative tactics, their guard goes up. The

Internet, television advertising, and wall-to-wall marketing have

made us cynical about deceptive tricks and hard-sell approaches.

Your customers, your coworkers, and even your kids can all recog-

nize “pushy” influence . . . and when you use it, they’ll push back

twice as hard.

Yet most of the books and business school courses that teach

persuasion skills emphasize manipulative tactics and techniques.

They conceive of influence as something that you “do” to some-

one else to get your way. And they focus on short-term gains

rather than long-term consequences.

We call this outdated strategy disconnected influence. It’s a short-

sighted strategy that sometimes creates momentary “buy-in” but

often at the expense of your relationships and reputation. And it

keeps you from making the deep, transformational connections

that lead to great outcomes in your career and in your life.

To influence people in powerful ways that can change your future,

you need to move from disconnected to connected influence.

When you make this transition, you’ll set the stage for strong, sus-

tained influence by becoming the kind of person other people are

eager to follow. These people won’t just agree to support you.

They’ll line up to champion your causes, and they’ll have your back

whenever you need their help.

In this book, we’ve distilled the elements of connected influence

into a simple four-step model for becoming wildly successful by

being both influential and “influenceable.” We’ve helped thousands

of people master these four steps—and in the process, we’ve em-

powered them to save their companies, increase their sales, achieve

business goals they thought were impossible, and take their personal

relationships to an entirely new level.

But this book isn’t just about our own experiences. In addition,

we’ve interviewed more than one hundred remarkable influencers

who are putting these same steps into action in their own lives.

These people are using their powers of persuasion to change the

world every day. They head international corporations, raise millions

for charities, help kids with cancer, and work to save the planet. They

personify success, and their stories illustrate the astonishing power

of connected influence.

As you read these stories, here is what we want you to remember:

No matter who you are and where you are in life, you can do

what these people have done. In fact, the most powerful lesson the

stories in this book illustrate is that anyone can positively influence

anyone else, regardless of their differences in experience, status,

age, income, or power. The people we talked with didn’t start out with

powerful connections, but they knew how to earn these connections

and how to solidify and expand them. Their message is that there is

no need—ever—to set limits in your influence potential. When you

master the steps we outline in this book, you can influence anyone,

even someone who “has it all.”

This book won’t tell you what you can accomplish by tricking

people, manipulating them, or stepping on them. Instead, it will

teach you how to be the kind of influencer that you and the people

in your life want you to be. That’s because as you build deeper rela-

tionships, you’ll drive stronger results. And when you approach rela-

tionships by thinking about giving rather than getting, and about

adding value before seeking value, you’ll be amazed at the return

you see on your investment.

When you put the ideas in this book to work in your own life,

you’ll learn what all the masters of influence in this book know.

Connected infl uence pays off—and it pays forward. Connected in-

fluence multiplies, and as it multiplies, it leads to amazing outcomes.

Here's to yours.

Meet the Author

MARK GOULSTON, M.D., is a business psychiatrist, consultant, Chairman and Co-Founder of Heartfelt Leadership and the author of Just Listen, Get Out of Your Own Way, and Get Out of Your Own Way at Work. He writes a Tribune syndicated career column; blogs for Fast Company, Business Insider, Huffington Post, and Psychology Today; and is featured frequently in major media including The Wall Street Journal, Harvard Business Review, Fortune, Newsweek, CNN, NPR, and Fox News. He lives in Los Angeles.

JOHN ULLMEN, PH.D., is an acclaimed executive coach whose clients include dozens of leading international firms. He oversees MotivationRules.com, conducts popular feedback-based seminars on influence in organizations, and teaches at the UCLA Anderson School of Management.

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Real Influence: Persuade Without Pushing and Gain Without Giving In 5 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 1 reviews.
Ljkellman More than 1 year ago
In a world of sound bites, instant gratification and speed dating, this book is a breath of fresh air. The book helped to immediately change my filters and behavior for the better. The book is pleasure to read with real examples that articulate and illustrate every key point. Regardless of your background this book will help. It changed my perspective from the quick win to the long view, helped to reinforce the importance of relationships and transformed my interaction with others via better listening skills. Just a great book, read it.