Real Mermaids Don't Wear Toe Rings

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More About This Book

Overview

Freak of nature takes on a whole new meaning...

If she hadn't been so clueless, she might have seen it coming. But really, who expects to get into a relaxing bathtub after a stressful day of shopping for tankinis and come out with scales and a tail?

Most. Embarrassing. Moment. Ever.

Jade soon discovers she inherited her mermaid tendencies from her mom. But if Mom was a mermaid, how did she drown?

Jade is determined to find out. So how does a plus-size, aqua-phobic mer-girl go about doing that exactly? And how will Jade ever be able to explain her secret to her best friend, Cori, and to her crush, Luke?

This summer is about to get a lot more interesting...

"Absolutely fresh and sweet, a quirky coming of age story."
-The YA-5

Editorial Reviews

School Library Journal
Gr 5–8—Jade, 14, finally gets her first period—in the dressing room at the mall. She shoves napkins in her panties and makes a beeline to the drugstore, where her dad Googles "menstruation" on his Blackberry and fills up a shopping cart with feminine hygiene products, pain pills, and bath salts. Embarrassed and blushing, Jade runs into handsome Luke Martin and can't put a sentence together. When she gets home, she takes a bath and grows a tail. Her dad explains that her mother, who went missing a year ago, was a mermaid. A few days later, Jade eats lunch by the lake and hears her mother's voice from the water. She enters the lake and transforms into a mermaid. Jade learns that her mother was kidnapped by convict merfolk and tortured in fresh water and is determined to find her. Jade is a likeable, sarcastic, plus-sized teen dealing with human and mermaid emotions in this fantasy (Sourcebooks Jabberwocky, pap. 2010) by Helene Boudreau. Jen Taylor's vocal characterization is a perfect match for of Jade's rollercoaster of emotions. This suspenseful and slightly romantic audiobook will garner fans.—Samantha Larsen Hastings, Riverton Library, UT
Kirkus Reviews
An appealing heroine, zippy prose and a preposterous plot make entertainment for young teens. Jade, nearly 14 and a bit on the chunky side, finally experiences her first period—but also discovers that she's part mermaid when she gets too comfy in her bath. Dad knew that Jade's mom was a mermaid, and no one understands how Mom could have drowned last year—until Jade discovers that she is being held hostage by an evil mer-couple in the local lake. Boudreau's characterizations ring nicely true, as Jade juggles her fight to free her mom with her own friendships and the unlikely interest of a popular, handsome boy. A nice sprinkling of wry humor keeps spirits up, but even for a fantasy, the plot conjures the term "eye rolling." A good fantasy makes readers believe; this one has enough dei ex machinae to populate Mount Olympus. However, the author keeps suspense high and her prose moving while tapping straight into young teens' angst about friends, enemies and boys. A talented writer aims too low but nevertheless produces light fun. (Fantasy. 10-14)

Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781402244124
  • Publisher: Sourcebooks, Incorporated
  • Publication date: 12/1/2010
  • Pages: 224
  • Sales rank: 130,439
  • Age range: 10 - 13 Years
  • Lexile: 670L (what's this?)
  • Product dimensions: 7.68 (w) x 11.70 (h) x 0.61 (d)

Meet the Author

Hélène Boudreau writes fiction and non-fiction for children and young adults from her home in Ontario. Her debut middle grade novel, Acadian Star, was released last fall and was recently nominated for the 2009/2010 Hackmatack Children's Choice Book Award.

Read an Excerpt

Chapter One

I bolted upright in the bathtub and hacked a mouthful of water. A wave sloshed onto the tile floor.

"Jade?" Dad's knock sounded from the other side of the bathroom door. "You okay, honey?"

"Yea...yeah," I managed to say between coughs, embar­rassed that I'd fallen asleep in the tub, freaked out that I must have slipped underwater. I took a long, shaky breath. "I'm fine, Dad. Thanks."

A shiver ran along my damp arm as I pulled a strand of hair from my mouth. What would have happened if I hadn't woken up? My thoughts turned instantly to Mom.

No. I couldn't go there...

"Can I get you anything?" Dad asked.

I rubbed my eyes and instantly regretted it. Epsom salt. Tear ducts. Ye-owch. Real smooth, Jade. But at least the cramps were gone.

"No, I'm good." I blinked through the haze to the coun­ter where Dad's drugstore bag spilled over with Super Maxi 32-packs and extra-long panty liners. Hadn't I tortured the poor guy enough for one day?

"Call if you need me." Dad's footsteps moved away from the door and continued down the hall.

"I will."

But I wouldn't. I shouldn't.

Yes, getting my first period was a big deal, but I was al­most fourteen, for crying out loud. I didn't need to run to daddy every time I had a puberty crisis. It had been a year since Mom drowned; it was time for me to start figuring things out on my own. Dad had enough to deal with.

Dim light from the streetlamp shone through the peb­bled glass of the bathroom window. My eyes burned, plus my legs had gone numb and felt like they'd been set in a block of cement. It was late. I should get dried off, head to bed, and finally put an end to this cruddy day.

I braced my hands on the side of the tub and shook my legs to get the blood flowing, but the sight that broke through the foamy surface of the water made me forget the pep talk I'd just given myself about not bothering...

"Dad!"

The world tipped on its axis as I worked to make sense of what I was seeing. I blinked, trying to focus. What the heck had happened while I'd been asleep? Was I having some kind of allergic reaction to Epsom salt? Had someone slipped hallucinogenic drugs into that Slurpee at the mall?

Those and other crazy thoughts shuffled through my brain as I struggled to understand why, instead of legs, the lower half of my body was now encased in a shimmering tail of iridescent scales.

"Ohmigod! Dad!!" I shrank back against the tub, dis­gusted by what I saw, but the tail moved with me. A sharp breath threw me into another fit of coughing. I shook my head.
Hard.

Dad's footsteps clattered along the wooden floor in the hall.

"What is it?" His voice rang through the door.

"Call 911!" The words escaped between coughs.

The knob rattled. "Unlock the door, Jade! Let me in!"

I tried to haul myself over the side of the tub to stretch my hand toward the door, but my lower half flickered use­lessly in the water.
"I can't..."

Dad jiggled something in the lock, no doubt one of his trillion Swiss Army knife attachments, but it proved use­less judging by the curse words he muttered. Finally, he rammed his weight against the door. A rush of air filled the room as the door flew open and slammed against the wall.

I pulled a towel to my chest from the towel bar above the tub as Dad stumbled into the bathroom.

"Look!" I lifted the tail from the water and struggled to catch my breath.

Dad's whole body jerked as he took in the blue-green scales shining from the tail. He collapsed onto the toilet seat and leaned heavily against the vanity.

"Do something!" I wailed.

Dad sat, frozen in place. He stared, mouth open, at my half-girl, half-fish body. After what seemed like forever, he spoke.

"Oh, Jade...I'm so sorry..." He ran a hand through his hair. "Your mom and I were always afraid something like this might happen to you."

Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4.5
( 86 )

Rating Distribution

5 Star

(64)

4 Star

(13)

3 Star

(6)

2 Star

(1)

1 Star

(2)

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 87 Customer Reviews

  • Anonymous

    Posted December 12, 2011

    What a book

    I thought this book about this young girl was great. It was filled with twist and turns and action and adventire. I moslty reccomend this book for girls who are about 8 to 14. I i truly thouht it was great when i read it to my daaughter.

    8 out of 8 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 11, 2011

    Great book

    This book is a yes to me, i liked it very much. I stayed up to finish the book last night. And i love fantasy, so this book clicked well, i reccomend it highly to whoever likes fantasy.

    4 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted January 26, 2011

    more from this reviewer

    review taken from One Book At A Time

    I really liked the idea of this one. But, once again worried that book might come across as to young. I was both right and wrong, which always manages to surprise me. It's another one of those books I will put away for when my girls get a little older.

    I liked Jade. She a young teen who's going through a lot. She's dealing with those awful young teen years without her mom. First crushes, first friend conflicts, first periods, and all of a sudden comes that mermaid's tale. Some of the aspects of the story that are very much a part of everyday real life are what made the story a little juvenile for me. Although I have to admit the first time she gets her period makes me both laugh out loud and cringe with the memory of my first time. It's all really perfect for the age group this is intended for. I did like her relationship with her dad, her best friends, and her crush. It was cute and seemed very real.

    I really liked the mermaid elements of this story. How her mother came to land and developed legs was an interesting story. Plus the thought of a mermaid drowning was interesting. Add it what really happened to her mom and I was hooked. It was fun and I really loved the courage and ingenuity that Jade showed to help her mom.

    I'm hoping this is going to be a series, because the problem wasn't really resolved. I can't wait to see what happens next.

    4 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 29, 2012

    Girlsread2!!!

    This was a great book! Perfect mix of fantasy, suspense, and a little romance. So, READ READ READ!!!

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 19, 2012

    Amazing

    This is one of the best books I have ever read! I loved how it was a mystery and nonfiction at the sane time! I would deffinitly recommend this book!

    2 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted July 8, 2011

    AWESOME!!!!

    I read the sample, and couldn't put it down. I highly recromend you to buy the book if you enjoy reading mermaid stories.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted June 1, 2011

    Awesome

    I love this book and I just started reading it! I would highly recommand this book but it is not for kids.

    2 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 1, 2012

    Lilly

    Best book ever!!! Jades an awsome person.it woul have been cool to have a mermaid fir a mother!!!!!!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 20, 2012

    Amazing

    I loved this book!!!!!!!!! Amazing, buy it!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 13, 2012

    Great storyline!!!

    This book is a classic romantic story that includes merfolk and adventure a must read!!!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 6, 2012

    Great book alert!!!!!

    Great book. Definitely consider reading. Even if you dont like mermaids and mythical sea creatures you will still love this book. It is great and so is the author.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 2, 2012

    Very good book!

    This book was very nice, I would reccomend it for ages 10 and up.

    1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted September 26, 2011

    To: should i but it

    Im 12 in 7th grade and its a really good book. I finished it in 2 days though.. its really great

    1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted September 19, 2011

    Nice work of Fantasy......

    I thought it was awesome! I wish you would come out with a different fantastical-creature book. I have an idea for a title: real vampires dont wear braces. Keep writing! DTAstudent

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted August 6, 2011

    Liked it

    I liked it. It was intereating and i cud relate to the main character a little. Not that im half mermaid. :))

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted August 2, 2011

    Gotta read it!

    Lovvvvve it! Come out with a second one please!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted July 25, 2011

    I like this book

    I like this book alot because i like mermaids!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted July 12, 2011

    H20

    If u like this, watch h20

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted March 30, 2011

    love it

    it was a great book and i wonder if there is going to be a second because we still dont know about her mother or how far herrelationship with luke will go

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted November 20, 2011

    Good

    This book rocked my socks. I luv luv luv Mermaids i would kill to be one but this book was the mext best thing.See Jade is a mermaid who goes through real life GIRL things. I recomened this book for GIRLS ages 10-16

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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