Reconcilable Differences

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Reconcilable Differences (New Edition) Pub. Date: 5/28/2002 Publisher: Guilford Publications, Inc.
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Reconcilable Differences Pub. Date: 10/6/1999 Publisher: Guilford Publications, Inc.

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Overview

This practical guide offers new solutions for couples frustrated by continual attempts to make each other change. In their decades of clinical practice and research in the field of couple therapy, Drs. Andrew Christensen and Neil S. Jacobson developed a therapeutic approach for couples based on one simple truth: no matter how much two people love each other, their differences will eventually cause conflict. But this reality does not have to get in the way of healthy, happy, and long-lasting romance. In fact, learning to accept your differences in an atmosphere of empathy and understanding not only can help you recover from arguments more quickly--it also can lead to greater intimacy in your relationship.

Every couple has arguments, but what happens when recurring battles begin to feel like full-scale war? Do you retreat in hurt and angry silence, hoping that a spouse who "just doesn't get it" will eventually see things your way? Spend the time between skirmishes gathering evidence that you're right? Demand some immediate changes:or else? Whether due to innate personality traits or emotional vulnerabilities, there are some aspects of our behavior that are difficult to alter. But these differences do not have to get in the way of healthy, happy, and long-lasting romance. This practical guide offers new solutions for couples frustrated by continual attempts to make each other change. Aided by thought-provoking exercises and lots of real-life examples, readers will learn why they keep having the same fights again and again; how to keep small incompatibilities from causing big problems; and how true acceptance can restore health to their relationships.

Editorial Reviews

Booknews

Developers of Integrative Couple Therapy offer solutions for couples frustrated by continual attempts to make each other change, centering on accepting differences, and cultivating compassion and respect. They dissect typical relationship conflicts, and give examples of ways to acknowledge each other's emotional vulnerabilities and personality differences. For general readers. Christensen is a professor of psychology at UCLA. Jacobson was a professor of psychology at the University of Washington. Annotation c. Book News, Inc., Portland, OR (booknews.com)

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781572305090
Publisher: Guilford Publications, Inc.
Publication date: 5/28/2002
Edition description: New Edition
Edition number: 1
Pages: 332
Sales rank: 353,648
Product dimensions: 5.90 (w) x 8.80 (h) x 1.00 (d)

Meet the Author

Andrew Christensen, PhD, is Professor of Psychology at the University of California, Los Angeles. His research, sponsored by the National Institute of Mental Health, examines the effects of couple therapy. He has published widely on couple conflict and therapy.

Neil S. Jacobson, PhD, was Professor of Psychology at the University of Washington until his death in 1999. The author or editor of numerous publications, Dr. Jacobson was one of the world's most widely cited family therapists.

	Acknowledgments	ix
	Preface	xiii
Chapter 1.	Three Sides to Every Story	1
Part I.	The Anatomy of an Argument
Chapter 2.	"You're Wrong!": Relationship Problems as Faults	17
Chapter 3.	"How Can You Be That Way?": Relationship Problems as Incompatibilities	32
Chapter 4.	"Can I Give to You Without Losing Me?": Incompatibilities over Love and Power	48
Chapter 5.	"I Do but I Don't": Confusing Incompatibilities	63
Chapter 6.	"You Know How to Hurt Me": Relationship Problems as Vulnerabilities	76
Chapter 7.	A Cure Worse Than the Disease: Relationship Problems as Solutions	98
Part II.	From Argument to Acceptance
Chapter 8.	The Delicate Balance: Acceptance and Change	123
Chapter 9.	A Story of Our Own: Acceptance through Understanding	140
Chapter 10.	Walking in Your Partner's Shoes: Acceptance through Compassion	156
Chapter 11.	Getting Some Perspective on the Conflict: Acceptance through Tolerant Distance	175
Part III.	Deliberate Change through Acceptance
Chapter 12.	The Dilemmas of Deliberate Change	193
Chapter 13.	How Good Advice Can Be Bad for Your Relationship: Accepting the Foibles of Rules	212
Chapter 14.	Why a New Approach Can Lead to the Same Old Thing: Using Your Own Story to Make Genuine Change	233
Chapter 15.	Lost Battles Can Win the War: How Change and Intimacy Can Emerge from Defeat	249
Part IV.	When Acceptance Is Not Enough
Chapter 16.	"Don't Do That to Me!": Violence, Verbal Abuse, and Infidelity	273
Chapter 17.	Call in the Professionals!: Couple and Individual Therapy	297
Appendix.	Internet Resources	315
	Bibliography	317
	Index	321
	About the Authors	333

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