Recovering My Kid: Parenting Young Adults in Treatment and Beyond

by Joseph Lee M.D.

Overview

National expert Dr. Joseph Lee explains the nature of youth addiction and treatment, and how families can create a safe and supportive environment for their loved ones during treatment and throughout their recovery.

Raising a child is tough as it is, but when your kid becomes addicted to alcohol or other drugs, it can feel as if you’re living a nightmare. You’re not alone. In Recovering My Kid, Dr. Joseph Lee, a leading youth addiction specialist, takes worried, confused, and angry parents by the hand and addresses their most pressing questions and fears: What is addiction? What happens when my child returns home from treatment? How can my family support his or her recovery? What if my child relapses? How can my family get well again? Getting your child and your family well again requires the support and understanding of the whole family, even if feelings and trust were damaged. In his engaging and straightforward style, Lee explains the difficult concepts of addiction, treatment, and recovery in a way parents and families can understand and gives them concrete strategies they can put into practice.This book will help family members begin to understand what their loved one is going through and how they can help the addict adjust to a clean-and-sober life while still taking care of themselves.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781616492649
Publisher:	Hazelden Publishing
Publication date:	10/31/2012
Pages:	250
Product dimensions:	5.40(w) x 8.30(h) x 0.80(d)

About the Author

Dr. Joseph Lee is the Medical Director for Hazelden’s Youth and Young Adult Services. A popular public speaker and commentator in the national media, Dr. Lee has been featured on The Dr. Oz Show, NPR, CNN and the Wall Street Journal. In addition to his board certification in addiction medicine, Dr. Lee completed his adult psychiatric training at Duke University and his child psychiatry fellowship at Johns Hopkins Hospital.Dr. Lee lives in Center City, Minnesota.

Read an Excerpt

Preface

Out of Love for Our Children

Nothing makes parents’ hearts sink faster than the thought of their child suffering. And addiction is a uniquely dark and deep form of suffering. Over years of addiction, families are worn down, trust is lost, and relationships are strained. No logic or science can adequately explain how the disease mutates the afflicted, how they no longer resemble the loved ones who once seemed so familiar. All too often, this is the tragic lens through which society views the young who lose their way. But that is a book and a story for another time. This book is about something much more hopeful. In medicine, I have been a humble witness to humanity’s enormous capacity for compassion and sacrifice. Whether on an oncology unit or on a psychiatric floor, I have rarely experienced a virtue more profoundly awe-inspiring than the love that parents have for their children. (A child’s love for a parent, on the other hand, can be surprisingly conditional.) The lengths to which families will go to help their children give me faith, at least momentarily, in a greater potential for all of us. Of course, it is delusional not to take note of the strife that accompanies young people in treatment for addiction. Often they are irritable, physically worn, resistant, and lashing out at the world. It can be hard to maintain a sense of emotional objectivity when working with this group. With all of that in mind, however, we need to make a point to see more than the disease in these youth. When we relate to young addicts at Hazelden, we also remember the wonderment and promise they possessed as small children. We envision them on their first day of school. We remember the thrill of their most memorable achievements and the nostalgic times spent in the company of loved ones. In them lie the collective hopes and dreams of generations past that spark so haltingly now—and the yearning of families to see those dreams rekindled once more. Our children are our greatest treasures. There is nothing of greater value, nobody for whom we’d sacrifice more. We recognize and celebrate their changes and their maturity from adolescence into young adulthood. And yet our children always remain our children—not because we are naïve, but because we see them through this beautiful capacity for unconditional love. It is in this spirit that I want to connect with you, the reader, in helping those most precious to us.

Table of Contents

Preface: Out of Love for Our Children ix

Acknowledgments xi

Introduction: The Culture of Families xiii

Part 1 Frameworks for Emotional Objectivity

Chapter 1 The Pendulum and the Case for Emotional Objectivity 3

Chapter 2 Happiness-Is That All There Is? 7

Chapter 3 The Roles We Play for One Another 13

Chapter 4 You're Not the Buddha-Understanding Your Emotions 17

Chapter 5 A Fortune Cookie a Day; or, Emotions Matter More Than Logic 21

Chapter 6 Checking In with Your Emotions Is Like Taking Out the Trash 27

Chapter 7 One Dollar a Day-Your Emotional Budget 35

Chapter 8 The Difference between Knowing and Accepting 39

Chapter 9 "I Told You Not to Put Ketchup on My Fries"- the Importance of Setting Boundaries 43

Chapter 10 Codependency, Dependency, Trees, and Vines 47

Part 2 Frameworks for Leadership

Chapter 11 Your House Is Not a Democracy 53

Chapter 12 If Your House Is Not a Democracy, Then What Is It? 59

Chapter 13 Don't Rewrite the Constitution-Setting Clear Expectations 67

Chapter 14 Exit the Boxing Ring-the Top Signs of Power Struggles and How to Avoid Them 71

Chapter 15 Present Your Child with a United Front 75

Chapter 16 The Danger of Bleeding Emotions 79

Chapter 17 Investing for the Long Term-Preparing for the Ups and Downs of Recovery 83

Chapter 18 More on Boundaries: The Under-Invested and Over-Invested Parent 87

Chapter 19 Do I Kick My Kid Out of the House? Your Values Are Your Bottom Line 93

Chapter 20 Extinction Burst and the Case for Consistency 97

Chapter 21 Comparisons Are Odious; or, It's Okay That Your Family Is Different 101

Chapter 22 Motivate Your Child with the Bullshit Scale 105

Part 3 Frameworks for Understanding Mental Health

Chapter 23 Understanding Mental Health Issues in the Context of Addiction-Which Comes First? 111

Chapter 24 Basic Facts about the Developing Brain; or, Why Teens Can Have Good Logic and Poor Judgment 115

Chapter 25 Your Child Does Not Fit into a Bin-Keeping Diagnoses in Perspective 121

Chapter 26 Disease Process + Personal Factors = Holistic Care 127

Chapter 27 Attribution in Mental Health Treatment 133

Chapter 28 Symbolism in Mental Health Treatment 141

Chapter 29 Drags Are Not Just Drugs-Attribution and Symbolism Regarding Medication 145

Chapter 30 Medications Don't Punch Back-Keeping Fair Expectations for Treatment 149

Chapter 31 Medication versus Other Treatments-Why the Conflict? 155

Chapter 32 The "Chicken or the Egg" Dilemma-Giving Up the Desire for a Linear Story Line 159

Chapter 33 Going Beyond Split Attribution-the Power of And Statements 165

Chapter 34 The Potential Perils of Digging Up the Past 169

Chapter 35 Trauma Can Become a Trump Card 175

Chapter 36 When Admissions Are Too Much to Take 179

Chapter 37 The Difference between Personality and Character 183

Chapter 38 Let's Talk about Personality 187

Chapter 39 Balancing "Nature" and "Nurture" in Personality 191

Chapter 40 The Difference between Guilt and Shame 195

Chapter 41 Emotional Hyperalgesia: When Depression Isn't Depression and Anxiety Isn't Anxiety 199

Chapter 42 Looks Like "Whac-A-Mole" to Me-Conservation of Energy in Addiction 203

Chapter 43 For Whom the Bell Tolls, It Tolls for Those with ADHD 207

Chapter 44 Sobriety Is Not a Ticket to Nirvana 215

Chapter 45 Hope for Change 219

About the Author 223