Redneck Boy in the Promised Land: The Confessions of "Crazy Cooter" [NOOK Book]

Overview

Redneck Boy in the Promised Land is Ben Jones’s hilarious, uplifting life story of escaping the rail yards and finding success in the unlikeliest places. As a child, Jones called a dingy railroad shack with no electricity or indoor plumbing home. An unabashed Southern redneck from a "likker drinkin’, hell-raisin’" family, Jones grew up in the depressed railroad docks outside of Portsmouth, Virginia, and spent most of his days dreaming about where the tracks out of town could take him. That he would go on to ...
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Overview

Redneck Boy in the Promised Land is Ben Jones’s hilarious, uplifting life story of escaping the rail yards and finding success in the unlikeliest places. As a child, Jones called a dingy railroad shack with no electricity or indoor plumbing home. An unabashed Southern redneck from a "likker drinkin’, hell-raisin’" family, Jones grew up in the depressed railroad docks outside of Portsmouth, Virginia, and spent most of his days dreaming about where the tracks out of town could take him. That he would go on to become a beloved television icon on The Dukes of Hazzard and a firebrand two-term Congressman is a story that no one could have ever seen coming . . . least of all ol’ "Cooter" himself.

Written with naked honesty and wry humor, Redneck Boy in the Promised Land is one good ol’ boy’s remarkable tale of falling flat on his face, picking himself up, and finding his way to the American dream-while fighting for civil rights, the plight of the working class, "real" Southern culture, and the rights of rednecks everywhere.


From the Hardcover edition.
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Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly

A former congressman from Georgia, Jones earlier portrayed grease-covered garage owner Cooter Davenport on the early-1980s TV show Dukes of Hazzard. Now Jones and his wife, Alma Viator, own the Cooter's Place museums in Nashville and Gatlinburg, Tenn.; they also stage Dukesfest, an annual Nashville gathering of Dukes fans. Looking back at his hardscrabble childhood, he recalls his "barefoot days" growing up in a Virginia railroad shack minus electricity and hot water. He studied TV-radio at the University of North Carolina, but graduated as a "likker drinkin', hell raisin', dope smokin', fist-fightin', womanizin' jailbird wild man." During the 1960s he participated in civil rights sit-ins, established a theatrical career and kept on drinking. At 36, after "three disastrous marriages and countless fractured relationships," he went on the road to recovery. When the Dukes ratings soared, he became a heartland hero, and Jones's congressional career fills the final chapters. Capturing Southern culture in a burlap bag full of funny anecdotes, Jones covers miles and memories: "In the vastness of America, I have never found a road that wasn't interesting." Observing life from his porch in the Blue Ridge Mountains, this modern-day Will Rogers writes with a mix of humor, pathos and passion in a rip-roarin' book with a down-home flavor. (June 3)

Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
Kirkus Reviews
Lowbrow TV-actor-turned-congressman relates his strange life and times. No, it's not Sonny Bono, or even Fred Grandy. Surely no one was clamoring for a memoir from Jones, semi-famous for portraying the begrimed mechanic "Cooter" on The Dukes of Hazzard before serving two terms as a Democratic U.S. congressman from Georgia. So this modest tome is a pleasant surprise, as he relates the events of his unlikely life with appealingly low-key charm and easy humor. Born in crushing poverty to an alcoholic railroad man and his defeated wife, the author grew up in a shack in Virginia, following in his dissolute father's footsteps while racking up failed marriages and stints in jail. But he yearned for something better, haphazardly cultivating an interest in literature and theater between blackouts, eventually finding sobriety and gainful employment maintaining the Duke boys' General Lee on network television. Jones's account of his dark years is perhaps too restrained; he alludes to various categories of bad behavior and leaves it at that. The book really picks up steam with his post-Dukes congressional career, a development that surprised Jones as much as anyone. He dishes freely, delightedly reporting on the crookedness and venality of the party machinery that opposed him. The case for campaign-finance reform has seldom been made so entertainingly as in his account of an underfunded and idealistic outsider running afoul of institutionalized graft, corruption and hypocrisy. (Newt Gingrich won't be providing a blurb.) A late highlight of the narrative is Jones's trip to Tiananmen Square, where he violated diplomatic protocol and staged a small protest in the name of the murdered student protestors,infuriating the Chinese brass. That gesture sums up his public life: small-scale, sincere and sympathetic to the little guy. Jones currently curates a phenomenally successful annual Dukes of Hazzard fan festival at which "Crazy Cooter" remains a major draw. God bless America. A warm, witty portrait of a quietly extraordinary American life.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780307449481
  • Publisher: Crown Publishing Group
  • Publication date: 6/3/2008
  • Sold by: Random House
  • Format: eBook
  • Pages: 304
  • Sales rank: 463,620
  • File size: 510 KB

Meet the Author

BEN JONES is an actor, writer, musician, and political pundit who lives with his wife, Alma Viator, in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia. They are the proprietors of the Cooter’s Place museums in Tennessee and the creators of DukesFest, the annual celebration of The Dukes of Hazzard. Visit him at CootersPlace.com.


From the Hardcover edition.
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Read an Excerpt

Chapter 1

Everything Is Purple and Gray and Covered with Soot Hey, what the hell kinda deal is this?! Everything is painted purple and gray, there is soot and cinders all over everything, and overhead gigantic silver dirigibles are flying around. There are freight trains clanging and banging in the front yard, and ships the size of skyscrapers are cruising by. Most folks I see have darker skin than mine. It smells like collards and sweat and cigars, and what’s that I hear? Off somewhere, across the water that is all around me, a bugler is playing “Taps.” I live in the country in the middle of cotton and peanuts and corn, but this is all surrounded by a city of eighty thousand people. I’m two years old and I’m asking you: What the hell kinda deal is this?!

Well, it really was that way for us. We lived in a railroad section house that looked out to a busy freight yard on the docks of Portsmouth, Virginia. But where we lived there was no neighborhood, no sidewalks, and no busy city streets; instead there were scrubby woods and plowed fields and marsh grass. You see, my father was the cigar smokin’, tobacco chewin’, whiskey drinkin’ section foreman there for the Atlantic Coast Line Railroad, and my mama raised four boys in that big ol’ shack.

Large railroads are divided into sections. The section foreman is responsible for the maintenance of a particular section of track. In those days, most railroads provided company houses on company land by the tracks for their employees. These were called “section houses.” Most were well constructed, though many were quite old. But all of them lacked “conveniences.”

Well, if it was primitive, my brothers and I didn’t know it. You don’t miss what you never had.

The one-lane road that ran along the tracks was called Harper Street. It was made of burnt cinders from the coal-fired steam locomotives around the rail yard. The engines produced clouds of thick black smoke all day long, and that soot settled everywhere: in the yard, on the house, and on Mama’s wash out on the clothesline.

The house seemed to have been plopped from above into a field between the freight yard and Scott’s Creek, a tidal inlet off of Hampton Roads, down where the James River meets the Chesapeake Bay and the Atlantic. The place was perched atop ten stacks of bricks about two feet off the ground. When Atlantic storms came on their howling visits, the old shack would sway and creak like a boat at sea, but would always settle back soft and easy on the brick piles. At one time, there were two scraggly Chinaberry trees in the yard. After a hurricane came through once, there was only one very scraggly Chinaberry tree in the yard. The rusting tin roof always hung on tight.

The only plumbing in the house was a cold-water spigot in the kitchen. Our bathroom was a “double-seater” outhouse over the creek, reached by a short bridge, and flushed by the outgoing tide. Two seats hardly did the job for my parents and me and my two older brothers, “Buck” and “Bubba.” They called me “Buster.”

We had no electricity then. Our world was lit by kerosene, and our entertainment was provided by battery-powered radios, windup Victrolas, and above all by Mama’s beautiful singing voice. Royal Purple and Silver Gray were the official colors of the Atlantic Coast Line Railroad. The section houses were all painted purple and gray, as were the depots, station houses, yard towers, toolsheds, roundhouses, shops, and as I could daily verify, so were the outhouses.

The paint crew appeared every five years or so to slap on another coat of gray over the sooty outer walls, trim it with purple, and seal the whole deal with a large black stencil next to the front porch marking the date of their work: 8/44.

Across the tracks, on the north side of the train yard, was the now vanished dockside community of Pinners Point. But our nearest neighbors lived in Sugar Hill, a black neighborhood just up the road on “our side of the tracks.” The men who made up my father’s “section gang” lived in Sugar Hill.

The world I came into was at war, and Hampton Roads was crucially vital to the Allied effort. After Pearl Harbor, tens of thousands of Americans poured into Norfolk and Portsmouth to work at the Naval Shipyard in Portsmouth, the Norfolk Naval Base, and the Oceana Naval Air Station. The Atlantic Fleet was stationed at the Naval Base, and the world’s largest warships cruised past Pinners Point on their way to the Shipyard. The streets of Norfolk and Portsmouth were filled with young sailors in their bell bottom whites, raising a little hell before their next deployment into the North Atlantic.

German U-Boats posed a constant threat off the Virginia coast, and mammoth U.S. Navy blimps floated overhead on a constant lookout for the Nazi submarines.

Troop trains shuttled through the freight yards as military personnel shipped out of Hampton Roads for the European front. P-38 fighters, B-25 bombers, and enormous cargo planes called “flying boxcars” crisscrossed the Tidewater skies.

“Us boys” studied silhouettes of all the aircraft and considered it our duty to identify and report any suspicious shapes in the sky. I was a four-year-old plane spotter.

And on quiet evenings, just at dusk, the sound of “Taps” would waft on the salt breezes of Scott’s Creek as the bugler on the Naval Hospital grounds across the way sounded the sunset call. Then, at nine p.m. every night, the whole town would shake to the sound of the “Nine O’Clock Gun,” a traditional cannon firing by the Marines at the Shipyard.

I have a vivid early memory of a Sears and Roebuck truck delivering a new Silvertone Console Battery Radio to our place. When I mentioned that to my mama in the 1970s she seemed surprised because I was not quite three years old when that happened. But she knew the exact date of the delivery. How could she have forgotten June 6, 1944? That was D-Day.

I also have memories of the coastal blackouts. With the German subs off the coast silently watching the movement of Allied shipping, every few weeks the Civil Defense whistles would call for “all lights out!” My father would go out into the dark with his best flashlight in hand and report to his railroad position. With the shades pulled down and the lamps blown out, we would wait in the orange glow of the round dial on that Silvertone Radio for the “all clear” signal.

Chapter 2

Mama an’ ’Nim

There is an expression that you will hear in the American South and nowhere else on the planet. A person will tell you that they are going to see “Mama an’ ’Nim.” The translation for Yankees and others is that they are going home to visit family; they are going to see “Mama and them.” It comes out as one word, mama-annim. This is about mama-annim.

I took my first train ride at the age of three weeks, away from Tarboro, North Carolina, where I was born, up to Sugar Hill, which was to be home for nineteen years. Railroading is a family tradition with us. My father started working on his father’s track gang when he was thirteen, carrying water and kegs of spikes to the crew. My mother’s father, Daniel Stephens, was also an Atlantic Coast Line track man, as was one of her older brothers.

By the time my father was fifteen, he was the size of a bear and damn near as strong, and he was working on the railroad full-time, putting down crossties, swinging a twelve-pound sledge-hammer, driving spikes, laying in the rail, and building a reputation as one of the toughest steel-driving men on the Coast Line. They called him “Big Buck.” In the South, the track gangs were made up almost entirely of black men, but among those giants of strength and fortitude, my father was a legend in his time. He also started drinking cheap whiskey when he was thirteen, and I heard tales from some of the old railroad men that after the evening whistle blew, he won many a drink by wagering that he could lift a pair of boxcar wheels up off the track by himself. My old man loved his whiskey so much that he never lost that bet. Within a few years he was made foreman, and the section gang that he supervised called him “Cap’n.” They knew that he had come up the hard way, as they had, and for that he always had their loyalty.

He was old school. His father had been born in rural North Carolina before the Civil War, and when my dad was born in Nansemond County, Virginia, in 1909, little had changed since 1860. The South had reacted to its bitter defeat and the Reconstruction period by passing Jim Crow laws, establishing a strict code of “white supremacy,” and resisting any sort of social progress. Yes, slavery had been abolished, but most blacks and many whites lived in a kind of economic slavery, where the ceiling of aspiration was set very low. The war had devastated the South, and when it was over there was no Marshall Plan for rebuilding the defeated nation. As my Uncle Hamp Stephens told me, “Nobody had nothing back then.”

Daddy’s rules were simple. He was the boss, he was never wrong, when he wanted something it should be brought to him, and if he were displeased there could be psychic hell to pay. Around the house, he was King Baby, ruling with scowls and grunts. None of us dared cross him and risk his wrath. Like a lot of men of his generation, he thought the expression of tender emotions to be a great sign of weakness, and he had great difficulty communicating any sensitivity. The funny thing was we could sense his kinder feelings, even as we could sense him simultaneously trying to stifle them.

His past was a great mystery to me. And so was most of his

present. He never spoke of his childhood, his parents, his schooling, his early years on the railroad, and certainly never of his feelings toward his wife and children. There were no old letters from family. There were no stories that began “One time me and a friend of mine . . .”

He did have an old tattoo on his left forearm that simply said “M.T.” I asked him once what that meant. “Like your head,” he said. “EMM-TEE.”

He could be funny like that. He had a sense of irony and a brittle dry wit, but Daddy had a “no trespassing” sign in his head. He was the least forthcoming man I’ve ever known.

That was the sober father. The drunk father was another story. Booze was daddy’s greatest pleasure, and his favorite pastime. My father was what is called a “weekend” alcoholic. His drinking habits changed over the years, but back in the 1940s and the early 1950s the pattern was consistent. He wouldn’t touch a drop during the week, and made sure that everyone knew that. But we could tell that he couldn’t wait for that whistle to blow on Friday afternoon so he could catch up for lost time. He then drank pint after pint of Four Roses blended whiskey, and chased it down with High Rock Ginger Ale. And right before us his personality would change as inevitably as Dr. Jekyll would become Mr. Hyde.

Then, as night fell, he would often throw a temper tantrum and storm out to do some serious drinking with friends. We never knew where he was going, but we were all relieved to see him go. A brief silence would settle in while we recovered from his verbal assaults, but soon the house would hum with the sounds of the Silvertone bringing us the world. We were big on Jack Benny, Amos and Andy, Fibber McGee and Molly, The Great Gildersleeve, and Spike Jones.

Saturday morning Daddy was up and at it early. By the time us younguns were up, he was already schnockered, Mama was already completely stressed out, and we all went into the automatic bunker mentality of our survival instincts. Saturdays were the worst.

A flashback: It is a Saturday morning in 1945, maybe 1946. I am four or five years old. I follow my father to the back porch, where there is an icebox. The iceman comes by once or twice a week and checks the ice sign in our kitchen window. It is a square placard with a number on each of the square’s four sides: 10, 25, 50, 100. The number turned to the top is the amount he leaves. In summer a block of at least 50 pounds sits in the bottom of the icebox.

I cannot remember a time when my father did not chase his whiskey with High Rock Ginger Ale. But on this particular morning, after he pulls a slug from the pint of Four Roses, he lifts a large clear bottle of golden liquid and chases the whiskey with that. It is bubbly, it is foamy, it is beautiful. There is a picture of a lovely girl on the bottle; she sits in a swing. I am fascinated by this new thing. My father sees my interest and jokingly says, “You want a sip?” “Yessir!” I take the quart bottle of Miller High Life Beer and drink. My father expects me to spit it out as bitter, or at least to make a disgusted frown. I do neither. I smile and say, “That was good. Thank you, Daddy!”

That was sixty years ago, and I remember the moment and the taste with great clarity. I think I understood even then that it might have something to do with destiny.

On Sunday mornings us boys had our weekly bath. Mama would heat up some water on the woodstove and pour it in a galvanized washtub and we would take turns. Buck was the oldest, so he went first. Bubba went next and he was usually the dirtiest. Being the youngest, I went last and by the time it was my turn the water was a muddy brown. I dreaded Mama scrubbing out my filthy ears with a washrag. But that was a regular part of the drill.


From the Hardcover edition.
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Table of Contents


Prologue: Miracle on the Mall     1
The Singing Cowboy of Sugar Hill
Everything Is Purple and Gray and Covered with Soot     7
Mama an' 'Nim     11
The Geography of the Boxcars     17
Where Rail Meets Sail by the City Jail     20
We Few, We Precious Few, We Band of Brothers, Us Boys     26
The Water Is Wide     28
The Boys Who Came Home from the War     31
Me and Stan the Man     38
But Most of All, I Remember Mama     44
King Arthur and the Knights of the Double Holer     48
Orville and Wilbur and Sir Walter Raleigh     50
High Tide     52
The Story I Don't Want to Tell     55
Lost in the Fifties: One Slightly Damaged Redneck Boy     57
One Drink Is Too Many, a Thousand Isn't Enough     61
Rebel Without a Clue     63
Way Down Drunk in Dixie
Camelot Comin' in the Tobacco Fields     75
Redneck Boy in the Promised Land     82
Railroad Days     90
That Was Not a Chip on My Shoulder, It Was a Crosstie     96
What Is Wrong with "Buster"?     98
Acting Naturally, Naturally     100
A Sign of the Times Comes Down     104
SheTalked a Lot About Texas     108
And Before I'll Be a Slave, I'll Be Buried in My Grave     111
Getting Paid to Show Off     117
The Return of the Welcome Wagon     119
The Ol' Die Had Been Cast and Had Done Come Up Snake Eyes     123
Hooray for Hollywood     126
Please Don't Throw Me in Dat Briarpatch     132
Somebody Stole My Moral Compass     139
The Death of a Rebel Soldier     142
Day Is a' Breakin' in My Soul     145
Out of the Horrible Pit, Out of the Miry Clay
I Meet a Man Named Howard     151
Ticket to Hazzard County     157
"Hang On to Your Hats, Y'all"     159
Trouble in Hazzard     165
The Cabin in the Pines     169
Integrating Hazzard County     172
Now What? Again     182
The Most Unlikely Candidate
An Old Alky Versus Ken and Barbie     187
The Honorable Cooter     209
The Monkey Wrapped His Tail Around the Flagpole     219
Things Come Undone     229
Good Guys Gone     231
The Little Man in the Tan Cap     235
Laws and Sausage     242
Cooter Tries to Neuter the Newtster     246
Here Be Dragons     255
Going Back to Hazzard County     258
Paradise Found
South Toward Home     265
Hazzard Nation     269
The Little Girl Without Any Shoes     273
The Belly of the Whale     275
A Really Big Show     279
This Is My Own, My Native Land     284
These Days     288
Acknowledgments     291
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Sort by: Showing all of 3 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted November 21, 2013

    Cooter

    I love the dukes of hazzard exspexially crazy cooter i really love it when bo n luke get in fights they r so sexy lol


    Tori M?

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 21, 2008

    Great writing and story telling!

    spellbinding, felt like you were there with him every step of the way. Just a great uplifting read!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted July 11, 2008

    An Inspiring American Story..a real page turner

    an inspiring funny laugh out loud story of a great American. A story of hope and possibility told with wonderful insights into human nature, Southern history, and politics.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
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