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Redneck Extreme Mobile Home Makeover
     

Redneck Extreme Mobile Home Makeover

by Jeff Foxworthy, David Boyd (Illustrator)
 

Everyone knows the phrase "A man's home is his castle." Does that statement ring true even if:

You removed your bathroom door so you could watch TV from the commode?

The directions to your house include 'turn off the paved road'?

You spray painted your dead shrubbery green?

Any redneck will tell you that, of course, it is true. So whether you live in a

Overview

Everyone knows the phrase "A man's home is his castle." Does that statement ring true even if:

You removed your bathroom door so you could watch TV from the commode?

The directions to your house include 'turn off the paved road'?

You spray painted your dead shrubbery green?

Any redneck will tell you that, of course, it is true. So whether you live in a double wide or have hit the big time with a ranch with one and a half baths, Redneck Extreme Mobile Home Makeover will make you laugh at the way some of us, I mean, some of you live such as:

You Might Be A Redneck if…

  • You flush the toilet and the dog thinks you're giving him fresh water.
  • Your front yard is on more than one prayer list.
  • Your living room sofa came out of a Chevrolet.
  • You have a bug light inside your house.
  • Your best china traces the career of Loretta Lynn

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9781401602253
Publisher:
Nelson, Thomas, Inc.
Publication date:
09/29/2005
Pages:
160
Product dimensions:
8.14(w) x 8.98(h) x 0.40(d)

Read an Excerpt

Redneck EXTREME MOBILE HOME MAKEOVER


By Jeff Foxworthy

Rutledge Hill Press

Copyright © 2007 Jeff Foxworthy
All right reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-40160-225-3


Chapter One

You Might Be a Redneck If ...

Your front yard is on more than one prayer list.

* * *

You have a Bud Light pool-table light hanging over your dining room table. * * *

Hail hits your house and you have to take it to the body shop for an estimate.

* * *

Your security system is the latch on your screen door.

* * *

All your home electronics have the serial numbers filed off.

* * *

You've unstopped a sink with a shotgun.

You think a Web site is that corner in your kitchen near the ceiling.

* * *

The Orkin man tells you, "Give up! You've lost."

* * *

Your daughter's Barbie Dream House has a clothesline in the front yard.

* * *

Any of your front room furniture is inflatable. * * *

Your outdoor light used to be in a mall parking lot.

* * *

You get new yard furniture every time the creek floods.

* * *

The crack in your toilet seat is named in a lawsuit.

A tree falls through your roof and you decide to leave it.

The flood history of your area can be seen on your living room walls.

Your best china traces the career of Loretta Lynn.

* * *

Tidying your yard involves calling a tow truck.

* * *

You received rattraps as a wedding present.

* * *

You've ever carved a turkey with hedge clippers.

* * *

There are hubcap wind chimes anywhere on your block.

* * *

Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.

You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.

There are more than six vehicles under tarps in your yard.

* * *

Your central heating system consists of leaving the oven door open.

* * *

You think people with grass in their yards are uppity.

* * *

The diploma hanging in your den includes the words "Trucking Institute."

* * *

Your coffee table is also a cooler.

* * *

Your answering machine message begins, "If you're calling about the free puppies ..."

Your old bed is now the kids' trampoline.

* * *

You refer to your beer gut as "the old tool shed."

* * *

All of your kids' toys came free with hamburgers.

* * *

You've ever peed your name in the snow.

* * *

Getting a package from the post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.

* * *

You think you're from a "broken home" because the AC and shower never work.

Your dog doubles as your dishwasher.

Your lawnmower says, "Moo."

* * *

Your toenail clippers say Craftsman on the side.

* * *

It's impossible to pick up your key chain with just one hand.

* * *

You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.

* * *

Nothing in your refrigerator was purchased at a store.

* * *

You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

You've ever made a Christmas wreath out of a tire.

You think millennium is what goes on your mama's kitchen floor.

Your chest of drawers used to be a roll-around toolbox.

* * *

You've ever used a shop vac to vacuum your pool.

* * *

There are crawfish in your home aquarium.

* * *

You've stolen turf from a golf course.

* * *

When you say, "Let's hit the hay," you mean it literally.

* * *

You have two big-screen TVs, but no running water.

(Continues...)



Excerpted from Redneck EXTREME MOBILE HOME MAKEOVER by Jeff Foxworthy Copyright © 2007 by Jeff Foxworthy. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Meet the Author

Jeff Foxworthy is a New York Times best-selling author and one of the most respected and successful comedians in the country. He is the largest-selling comedy-recording artist in history and is the star and executive producer of the television series Blue Collar TV, which he created for the WB network. His Blue Collar Comedy Tour DVDs have sold more than 5.5 million copies.

David Boyd is a cartoonist, the job reserved for opinionated people who can't write but have a better than average ability to doodle. His daft pen and keen wit leave no sacred cow standing as he comments about Jeff Foxworthy's rednecks and their glorious lack of sophistication.

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