The Reformed Vampire Support Group

( 62 )

Overview

Think vampires are romantic, sexy, and powerful? Think again. Vampires are dead. And unless they want to end up staked, they have to give up fanging people, admit their addiction, join a support group, and reform themselves.
   Nina Harrison, fanged at fifteen and still living with her mother, hates the Reformed Vampire Support Group meetings every Tuesday night. Even if she does appreciate Dave, who was in a punk band when he was alive, nothing exciting ever ...

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The Reformed Vampire Support Group

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Overview

Think vampires are romantic, sexy, and powerful? Think again. Vampires are dead. And unless they want to end up staked, they have to give up fanging people, admit their addiction, join a support group, and reform themselves.
   Nina Harrison, fanged at fifteen and still living with her mother, hates the Reformed Vampire Support Group meetings every Tuesday night. Even if she does appreciate Dave, who was in a punk band when he was alive, nothing exciting ever happens. That is, until one of group members is mysteriously destroyed by a silver bullet. With Nina (determined to prove that vamps aren't useless or weak) and Dave (secretly in love with Nina) at the helm, the misfit vampires soon band together to track down the hunter, save a werewolf, and keep the world safe from the likes of themselves.
   The perfect anecdote to slick vampire novels, this murder-mystery comedy of errors will thrill fans of Evil Genius.

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Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher

"Jinks’s signature facility with plot and character development is intact as she turns to the topic of vampires . . . Throwing in delicious details and aperçus, the author works her way from the murder of one of the vampires to suspense and adventure of the sinister yet daffy variety beloved by readers of Evil Genius. The plot twists, more ornate than in previous works, ramp up the giddiness—and, perhaps, camouflage the corpses, blood and other byproducts of the genre."  —Publishers Weekly, starred review

"Support Group is truly like no other vampire story. It is witty, cunning, and humorous, with numerous plot twists and turns. Jinks has conjured up an eccentric but believable cast of characters in a story full of action and adventure."  —School Library Journal

"Jinks offers some wry vampire-centric twists on mystery conventions . . . laugh-out-loud funny."
  —Booklist

"Jinks's quirky sense of humor will appeal to fans of her Evil Genius series. Those tired of torrid bloodsucker stories or looking for a comic riff on the trend will feel refreshed by the vomitous, guinea-pig-drinking accidental heroics of Nina and her pals."  —Kirkus Reviews

"Jinks draws her characters and their unique challenges in great detail . . . there’s plenty of blood and guts (both types) to go around. One part problem novel, one part comedy, and one part murder-mystery, this alternative vampire story is for outsiders of all kinds, underground or otherwise." —Horn Book

“Jinks takes readers on a wild ride, poking wicked fun at vampire enthusiasts of all stripes with her wryly clinical take . . . a first-rate comedy with equal appeal for avid vampire fans and those who wouldn’t be caught dead with a copy of Twilight.”  —The Bulletin

"With this budding heroine in her own right at the forefront, this ensemble of eccentric characters gives a wry spin to the ever-popular vampire tales."  —BookPage

Praise for Evil Genius:

"Jinks fills out the cast with brilliantly conceived friends and adversaries."  —Kirkus Reviews, starred review

Praise for Genius Squad:

"Gripping, devilish and wonderfully dark"  —Publishers Weekly, starred review

"[Jinks's] ability to craft vivid characters and engrossing action scenes continues unabated."  —Kirkus Reviews, starred review

Publishers Weekly

Jinks's signature facility with plot and character development is intact as she turns to the topic of vampires-as fans can anticipate, hers are not the romantic superheroes of the Stephenie Meyers books. Hers are a ragtag bunch: anemic, whiny, unattractive, they feed on guinea pigs (because they're small, "their drained cadavers can be concealed without much effort," and they breed quickly), and they turn for support to an idealistic priest. Nina, the narrator, is in her 50s, but was "infected" at 15 and chafes at being treated like an adolescent; she writes a sensational vampire series with a seductive, powerful heroine totally unlike herself, giving Jinks opportunity for comic contrasts. Throwing in delicious details and aperçus, the author works her way from the murder of one of the vampires to suspense and adventure of the sinister yet daffy variety beloved by readers of Evil Genius. The plot twists, more ornate than in previous works, ramp up the giddiness-and, perhaps, camouflage the corpses, blood and other byproducts of the genre. Ages 12-up. (Apr.)

Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
Children's Literature - Anita Barnes Lowen
The life of a vampire is anything but easy or glamorous. Just ask Nina, who was "infected" years ago at age fifteen. It means living with your mother, reluctantly attending a weekly vampire support group and draining guinea pigs for dinner (messy and better left behind the bathroom door). All in all, it is a tedious and wearisome existence. Then, one of their own is discovered...dead...destroyed...his coffin filled with ashes, a wooden stake and a silver bullet. The silver bullet is their only clue, but it leads them not only to the nerdy vampire slayer responsible for Casimir's death but to a bloody and lucrative father-and-son enterprise. This is a thoroughly entertaining read filled with eccentric characters who navigate the twists and turns of a clever plot to discover that their lives may have more meaning than they ever thought possible. And despite all the "blooding, and vomiting, and dead guinea pigs, and bad breath, and hemorrhages, and dizzy spells," the characters here are doing their best. What more can be expected from any normal human beings? Recommended. Reviewer: Anita Barnes Lowen
VOYA - Hilary Crew
Nina, fanged by Casimir when she was fifteen years old, knows that vampires are nothing like Zadia Bloodstone, heroine of the vampire romances she writes. Nina, now fifty-one, lives in fear of vampire slayers and belongs to Father Ramon's reform group. Vowing to eschew human blood—a pledge made possible by their ingestion of an enzyme supplement—Nina and the motley crew of vampires feed on guinea pigs. Nina's boring life in her mother's house changes when Casimir's ashes are found, along with a silver bullet, and she takes part in tracking down his murderer. The trail leads the vampires to the Australian outback where they become embroiled with the McKinnons who are operating werewolf fights. In the midst of saving teenage werewolf Reuben and dealing with slayer Nefly who becomes an ally, one of the vampires, Horace, breaks his vow and infects two more humans. Jink's romance has an action-packed, fastmoving plot that becomes increasingly complicated. The novel's strength is in the diverse vampire characters, including Horace with his ridiculous vampire outfit; Sanford, a doctor and organizer; and Dave, a former band musician who is in love with Nina and turns into a hero. Nina's long-suffering, non-vampire mother is well drawn, but Father Ramon is unbelievably saintly. Nina's first-person narration provides, in a mix of humor and the grotesque, details of the physiological changes (intestinal) and necessary adjustments that she makes in accepting her life as a vampire. This one is sure to be popular among vampire fans. Reviewer: Hilary Crew
School Library Journal

Gr 7 Up

Nina Harrison has been 15 years old since 1973. That's because she is a vampire. She and the members of the Reformed Vampire Support Group break the mold when compared to the accepted vampire lore that has been around since the time of Count Dracula. They are not beautiful, strong, powerful, rich, or in control. Instead they are sickly, struggling just to stay alive, living on the blood of the guinea pigs they keep, and making the best of their affliction. They have vowed not to drink human blood or be responsible for the creation of another vampire. Nina hates her boring, uneventful life, which changes drastically when Casimir is staked and the group, realizing that the killer knows who and where they are, all move in with Nina and her mother, a nonvampire. With only a silver bullet as a clue to track the vampire slayer, Nina, Dave, and Father Ramon, who sponsors the group, set out on a dangerous journey. Along the way they rescue a werewolf from an illegal fight ring, deal with a villainous father/son team, and discover that their immortal lives might have more to offer than they ever thought. Support Group is truly like no other vampire story. It is witty, cunning, and humorous, with numerous plot twists and turns. Jinks has conjured up an eccentric but believable cast of characters in a story full of action and adventure.-Donna Rosenblum, Floral Park Memorial High School, NY

Kirkus Reviews
Narrator Nina, "fanged" 35 years ago at age 15, supports herself by writing sexy vampire novels, but in fact she and her fellow Australian vampires (all seven of them) suffer from chronic nausea and extreme light sensitivity (which results in frequent eye hemorrhages), and subsist on animal blood and supplements devised by the 19th-century doctor in the group. When the barely reformed vampire who infected Nina is killed, she, rocker-vamp Dave (the liveliest of the bunch) and their human priest set off to find the killer but instead find a captive werewolf, a nerdy vampire slayer and-for Nina and Dave-a chance at love. Nina's whininess may be off-putting but her growth rings true for a stunted adolescent, and Jinks's quirky sense of humor will appeal to fans of her Evil Genius series. Those tired of torrid bloodsucker stories or looking for a comic riff on the trend will feel refreshed by the vomitous, guinea-pig-drinking accidental heroics of Nina and her pals. (Fantasy. 12 & up)
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780547411668
  • Publisher: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt
  • Publication date: 9/6/2010
  • Pages: 362
  • Sales rank: 665,102
  • Age range: 12 years
  • Lexile: 750L (what's this?)
  • Product dimensions: 5.50 (w) x 8.10 (h) x 1.00 (d)

Meet the Author

Catherine Jinks, author of more than thirty books for children and adults, is a three-time winner of the Children’s Book Council of Australia Book of the Year Award. She has received many American accolades such as Publishers' Weekly Best Book of the Year and School Library Journal Best Book of the Year for Evil Genius, which was also a Book Sense Children's Pick and a New York Public Library Book for the Teen Age. In 2001 she was presented with a Centenary Medal for her contribution to Australian children’s literature. Catherine lives in Leura, Australia.  www.catherinejinks.com

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Read an Excerpt

Chapter One

Nina was stuck. She didn’t know what to write next.
   So far, her teenage love interest had been dragged into a refrigerated meat locker by two thugs armed with a gun and a boning knife. But Zadia Bloodstone was already waiting for them. Hanging upside-down from a meat hook, wrapped in a long black cape and covered by a thin layer of frost, Zadia had cleverly disguised herself as a harmless side of beef. Only when she’d spread her arms wide had the crackle of breaking ice announced her presence.
   Bang-bang! Two bullets had promptly smashed into her rib cage. But Zadia wasn’t troubled by bullets, because her vital organs could regenerate themselves at lightning speed. Somersaulting to the floor, she’d walked straight up to the bigger thug and kicked the gun from his hand. Then she’d whirled around to fight off his friend. Within seconds, the two baddies had been knocked out—leaving a very important question unanswered.
   What would the rescued boy do?
   Obviously, he would be grateful. He might even be dazzled by Zadia’s flawless face and perfect figure. But if he saw her sink her fangs into anyone’s neck, he would also be frightened. He would realize instantly that she was a vampire and run for the door.
   He would be unaware, at this point, that Zadia was a heroic crime-fighting vampire who preyed only on lowlife scum.
   Nina chewed away at a lock of her hair, thinking hard. She was in the middle of chapter eight. The room in which she sat was illumined solely by the glow of her computer screen; barely visible in the dimness were her brass bedstead, her Indian cushions, and her lava lamp. A poster of David Bowie hung on the wall, curling at the corners. A small bookshelf contained multiple copies of Youngblood (book two of the Bloodstone Chronicles), by someone called N. E. Harris.
   Splashed across the cover of Youngblood was a glamorous, slinky young girl with white skin, black hair, and ruby-red lips. She wore high-heeled boots and lots of black leather, as well as an ammunition belt. Her canine teeth were long and pointed, but she was stunningly beautiful nonetheless.
   She appeared to be leaping from rooftop to rooftop, her black cape streaming out behind her.
   "Nina!" somebody shouted from beyond the closed bedroom door. Nina didn’t respond. She stared unblinkingly at the computer screen, still gnawing at her hair—which was thick and dark, and cut in a heavy, clumsy, old-fashioned style that didn’t suit her bony little face.
   It was about time, she decided, that Zadia made friends with the boy she’d rescued.
   Zadia hesitated, Nina wrote, torn between her desire to punish the wicked and her need to reassure the tall, pale, handsome teenager with the big brown eyes.
   "Nina!" a distant voice called again. Ignoring it, Nina deleted the word pale. Her hands on the keyboard were like chickens’ feet, all scaly and dry. Her skin was the color of a maggot’s, and her legs were so thin that her tights were wrinkled around the knees.
   Her boots had flat heels on them.
   "Nina!" The door burst open to admit a withered old woman in a quilted nylon dressing gown. "For God’s sake, are you deaf ? Father Ramon’s outside—you want to keep him waiting?"
   Nina sighed. She shut her laptop, moving sluggishly.
   "All right," she murmured. "I’m on my way."
   "Aren’t you feeling well?" the old woman wanted to know. She had the hoarse rasp and yellowed fingertips of a chronic smoker, her hair looked like a frayed clump of steel wool, and her scarlet lipstick was bleeding into the cracks around her mouth. "Because if you’re sick," she said, "you shouldn’t be going."
   "I’m not sick, Mum. I’m fine."
   "That’s what you always say, and you never are. Is your head giving you trouble?"
   "No!"
   "What about your stomach?"
   Nina didn’t reply. Instead she rose, reaching for her sunglasses—which shared the cluttered surface of her desk with a Pet Rock, a pile of vintage vampire comics, and a volleyball trophy awarded to the "Junior Regional Interschool Champions" of 1971. Pinned on a notice board hanging above the desk lamp were various faded photographs of laughing teenage girls.
   If any of these girls was Nina, it wasn’t immediately apparent. They were so sleek and glossy and bright-eyed that they could have belonged to an entirely different species.
   "Are you nauseous?" her mother nagged. "You are, aren’t you?"
   "There’s nothing wrong," said Nina on her way out of the room. It was a lie of course. There was always something wrong.
   And her mother knew it.
   "If you get sick, I want you to come straight home," the old woman advised as they descended a narrow wooden staircase together. "Dave won’t mind bringing you back early, if you can’t stay to the end. And don’t leave it till the last minute, the way you did before. Dave won’t want you throwing up all over his sheepskin seat covers again . . ."
   Nina winced. It was true. She had ruined Dave’s precious seat covers. Was it any wonder that he didn’t exactly beat a path to her door? Was it any wonder that she spent so much of her time in imaginary meat lockers with the stylish and vigorous Zadia Bloodstone? At least there were no uncontrollable bouts of vomiting in Zadia’s world.
   Nina pulled open the heavy front door of her mother’s row house. Outside, the darkness was relieved only by the soft glow of a nearby street lamp; stars were scattered like sequins across a coal-black sky. Yet Nina had already donned her sunglasses, which were big, heavy, wraparound things that made her pinched face look smaller than ever . . .
   You know what? This isn’t going to work. I can’t write about myself the way I write about Zadia. It’s too weird. It’s confusing. Next thing I’ll get mixed up and start making me do things that I can’t actually do. Like turn into a bat, for instance. Zadia can do that, but I can’t. No one can.
   The plain fact is, I can’t do anything much. That’s part of the problem. Vampires are meant to be so glamorous and powerful, but I’m here to inform you that being a vampire is nothing like that. Not one bit. On the contrary, it’s like being stuck indoors with the flu watching daytime television, forever and ever.
   If being a vampire were easy, there wouldn’t have to be a Reformed Vampire Support Group.
   As a matter of fact, I was going to a group meeting that very night. Father Ramon had come to pick me up. It was a Tuesday, because all our meetings are held on Tuesdays, at nine thirty p.m., in St. Agatha’s church hall. And in case you’re wondering why I couldn’t have driven myself to St. Agatha’s . . . well, that’s just one of my many problems. I still look fifteen, you see. I still am fifteen, when all’s said and done, since I stopped aging back in 1973, when I was infected. So I’d attract far too much attention behind a steering wheel. (Besides which, Mum doesn’t have a car.)
   As for the public transport option, Sanford Plackett has ruled that out. He’s always ruling things out; you’d think he was our lord and master, the way he carries on. He’s forbidden any of us to travel around Sydney on buses or trains, for instance, in case we stumble across something that Father Ramon would probably describe as "an occasion of sin." I suppose Sanford’s worried that we might encounter a bleeding junkie rolling around on a station platform, and won’t be able to stop ourselves from pouncing.
   "You think you’ll never succumb," he once said to me, "because you can’t come to terms with your true nature. You refuse to concede that you’re really a vampire, with a vampire’s weakness. But you are, Nina. We all are. That’s why we have to be careful."
   And being careful means not catching cabs. According to Sanford staring at the back of a cab driver’s exposed neck would be quite stressful for most of us—especially if someone’s been bleeding onto the seats beforehand. Sanford also insists that no one in our group should go wandering the streets all alone. He says that we wouldn’t stand a chance against the drunks and addicts and muggers on the loose out there. He says that everyone should follow his advice, because he’s been around for so long and has so much experience, and because, although Father Ramon might be our group facilitator, even a priest with counseling experience can’t be its leader. Not if he isn’t a vampire himself.
   That’s Sanford’s opinion, anyway. He’s got a lot of opinions, let me tell you. And he’s never shy about airing them, whether asked to or not.
   He was already in the car when I reached it, because he can’t drive either. People who grew up before the First World War rarely can. Back then, even doctors like Sanford didn’t own cars—and he certainly couldn’t risk learning to drive now. None of us could. We’d be exposing ourselves to the kind of official scrutiny that you need to avoid at all costs when you’re toting fake IDs.
   Most of the vampires I know have changed their identities at least once, and Sanford has done it twice, owing to the fact that he doesn’t look his age (believe it or not). Despite his bald
   ing scalp and clipped mustache—despite his preference for three-piece suits and fob watches—you’d never guess that he was a hundred and forty years old. The very fact that he’s not six feet underground is a dead giveaway. And he’s no different from the rest of our group, which is full of people living precarious lives, under assumed names, with forged papers.
   It’s a real drag, believe me.
   "Hello, Nina," he said as I slid into the back seat of the waiting Nissan Pulsar.
   "Hello, Sanford."
   "How are you, Nina?" Father Ramon inquired, pulling out from the curb.
   "Oh—you know. Nauseous. As usual."
   I didn’t want to complain too much, because that’s what vampires do. They complain too much. But I needn’t have worried. Gladys did the complaining for me.
   "I bet you’re not as nauseous as I was last night," she said, moving over to give me some space. "I was trying to sell a time-share, and I spewed all over the phone. At least a cupful of blood. It no sooner went down than it came back up again. I lost the sale and everything—didn’t I, Bridget?"
   "Oh, yes," said Bridget, who was knitting. Bridget’s always knitting. She was eighty-two when she was infected, so she can’t do much else. Even climbing stairs can be a problem for Bridget because of her hip joints.
   There’s only one thing worse than being a vampire, and that’s being an elderly vampire with bad hips.
   "Have you been taking your enzymes, Gladys?" asked Sanford, from the front seat. He craned around to peer at her. "Every morning, before you go to bed?"
   "Of course I have!"
   "What about other treatments? Have you been drinking those herbal concoctions again?"
   "No!" Gladys exclaimed, sounding defensive, though it was a perfectly reasonable question. Gladys smells like a hippie, because she’s always treating her manifold health problems with miraculous new oils or exercises or meditation techniques. She even looks like a hippie, in her beads and her shawls and her long, flowing skirts. Having been infected back in 1908, she can’t bear to expose her legs; ladies didn’t do that sort of thing in the old days, and Gladys likes to think of herself as a lady—even though she was actually a common streetwalker. She also likes to think of herself as a young lady, despite her old-lady obsession with bowels and feet and joint pain, because she was only twenty-four when she first got infected. But I’m here to tell you, she’s about as young as a fossilized dinosaur egg.
   "I haven’t even been burning scented candles," she whined, "and I’m still getting that rash I told you about. The one on my stomach."
   "It might be a bad response to the supplements," Sanford mused. "I could adjust your levels a bit, I suppose. Have you had any dizzy spells?"
   "Yes! This morning!"
   "What about headaches?"
   "Not since last week. But the other night one of my toenails fell off in the bath—"
   At this point I could restrain myself no longer.
   "Hey! Here’s an idea!" I growled, my voice dripping with sarcasm. "Let’s all talk about our allergies for a change! That’ll be fun."
   There was a long pause. Father Ramon glanced into the rearview mirror, shooting me one of those reproachful-yet sympathetic looks in which he seems to specialize. Sanford sniffed. Gladys scowled.
   "Well, what do you want to talk about, then?" she demanded. "What have you been doing lately that’s so wonderful? Watching reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?"
   "I’ve been writing my book," I said, knowing perfectly well what sort of reaction I’d get. And when Sanford removed his sunglasses briefly, to massage the bridge of his nose, I braced myself for the usual guff about how I was putting everyone at risk (even though I write under a pseudonym and use a post office box for all my correspondence).
   "Yeah, yeah, I know what you think of my books," I added, before Sanford could butt in. "Spare me the sermon—I’ve heard it all before."
   "They’re not doing us any good, Nina," he replied. "People are scared enough already; you’re only making things worse."
   "Zadia’s not scary, Sanford. She gets fan mail. She’s a heroine."
   "She’s a symbol of your flight from reality." This was one of Sanford’s stock remarks. For at least twenty-five years he’d been telling me that I was stuck in the denial phase of the Kübler-Ross grief cycle (rather than the anger, bargaining, depression or acceptance phases), because I had refused to embrace my true identity as a vampire. "You feel compelled to invest vampires with a battery of superhuman powers," he said, making reference to Zadia Bloodstone, "just so you can tell yourself that you’re not really a vampire. You’re living in a dream world, Nina."
   "No—you’re living in a dream world." I was trying to be patient. "You talk to me like I’m still a kid, even though I’m fifty-one years old. Do you know how boring that can get?"
   He did, of course. Everyone did, because I’d mentioned it often enough. It had been a good thirty years since our group’s first meeting, so we knew each other pretty well by this time. We’d also covered every subject known to man over and over and over again. It’s something that tends to happen when you don’t mix very much with other people.
   Sometimes I look around St. Agatha’s vestry on a Tuesday night, and I think to myself, If I never see any of you ever again, I’ll be a happy vampire.
   "You might have lived for fifty-one years," Sanford chided, without even bothering to glance in my direction, "but you’re still a kid at heart. You’re stuck in a teenage time warp. You still think like a teen. You still behave like a teen."
   "What—you mean like this?" I said, and flipped him the finger. Gladys giggled. Father Ramon changed gears abruptly, though his voice remained calm.
   "Come on, now," he protested. "That’s enough. If you want to argue . . . well, you should at least wait until the meeting."
   Sanford’s cell phone began to trill. While he fumbled inside his jacket, I turned my face to the window. Street lamps were gliding past, illuminating the kind of neighborhood that I’ve always enjoyed looking at. House fronts were shoved up hard against the pavement. Through the gaps between shrunken curtains and broken cedar slats I could see flickering television screens, curling drifts of cigarette smoke, and people rushing from room to room, slamming doors.
   But I couldn’t see enough. I never can. I always get a fleeting glimpse of normal life before it’s whisked away—before I’m back in a crowded car with a bunch of vampires.
   "Oh. Hello, Dave." Sanford had found his phone, at long last. "Yes. Yes. Dear me. That is troubling. Yes, I’ll tell him." Addressing the priest, Sanford delivered Dave’s news with solemn emphasis. "Dave says that Casimir won’t answer his intercom," Sanford announced. "They’ve been trying for about ten minutes. Dave wants to know if you still have a spare key."
   "Yes, I do," said Father Ramon. He sounded worried. "Tell him I’ll swing round."
   "Did you hear that?" Sanford addressed his cell phone again. "He said we’ll swing round. Yes. Well, I hope so. All right. Yes, see you soon."
   He hung up.
   I don’t think anyone quite knew what to say, initially. Sanford appeared to be thinking. Father Ramon was obviously reassessing his planned route; he suddenly pulled into someone’s driveway and executed a rather clumsy three-point turn. Bridget was looking puzzled.
   I couldn’t even pretend to be anxious. In fact, I was downright disgusted. "Ten to one Casimir’s out on the prowl," I said at last, airing a very natural suspicion. "I bet he’s got his fangs into somebody as we speak."
   Boom! Instant uproar. If I had set fire to Gladys, I might have triggered a less impassioned response.
   "Nina!" Father Ramon seemed genuinely horrified. "That’s a dreadful thing to say!"
   "You shouldn’t talk about people like that," Bridget pro
   tested. I couldn’t see her eyes behind the dark glasses that she wore, but her face was even whiter than usual. It was almost as white as her hair.
   Sanford twisted around to admonish me.
   "Casimir Kucynski hasn’t set a foot wrong since being released," he pointed out, in frigid accents. "That was five years ago. Casimir’s reformed now."
   "Reformed?" I folded my arms. "He sleeps in a coffin, Sanford!"
   "He’s doing his best, Nina. Casimir is a victim too—just like the rest of us." Sanford’s tone became pompous. "You know you’re not the only one who was infected by Casimir. If the others have forgiven him, why can’t you?"
   "Because he’s a creep," I replied, without fear of contradiction. Casimir Kucynski was a creep. Even Sanford couldn’t deny it. Though Casimir might have called himself a reformed vampire, he was anything but. He would go on and on about "the good old days," when you could buy your very own slaves and kill them with impunity. He would do the most awful things with his tongue, which was long and blue, like one of those poisonous jellyfish. He had eyes like oysters, and teeth like tombstones.
   If you want my honest opinion, Casimir had been a vampire for so long that he wasn’t really human anymore. It’s vampires like Casimir who give other vampires a bad name. But try telling that to Sanford. Even now he maintains that it’s important not to draw any kind of distinction between what’s human and what’s vampiric. He insists that vampirism is just another form of humanity—that there’s nothing inherently
   wrong with being a vampire. And whenever I try to contradict him, he gives me a lecture about my attitude.
   "Casimir is probably sick," said Father Ramon, playing the peacemaker as usual. "He probably can’t get out of bed."
   "That’s right," Sanford agreed. "He might be having an adverse reaction to his supplements. It’s happened before."
   I could have reminded him, at this juncture, that Casimir had also suffered adverse reactions from fanging dead rats. But I didn’t speak. Instead I stared out at the passing streetscape, which was undergoing a slow transformation: the turrets, avenues, door knockers, mailboxes, and iron railings were giving way to signage, awnings, plate glass, traffic lights, and concrete barriers. Pedestrians strolled along, swaddled in winter coats. Colored lights flashed inside a corner pub.
   I lifted my sunglasses to get a better look at the festivities. It was only going to be a quick squint.
   But Sanford nearly bit my head off.
   "Nina!" he squawked. "There are headlights everywhere!
   Do you want your eyes to start bleeding again?" Welcome to my world. It’s the kind of place where you can’t do the simplest thing without risking a full-blown hemorrhage. God I’m sick of it.

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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4
( 62 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(29)

4 Star

(17)

3 Star

(7)

2 Star

(4)

1 Star

(5)

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 62 Customer Reviews
  • Posted June 26, 2010

    Great book.

    I loved this book. It's witty and a good escape from the romanticized stories of vampires that seem to show up everywhere. It started strong and finished stronger with a good cast of characters that became more and more developed throughout the book. If you're tired of the Twilight craze, read this book (I sensed a few jabs at the Twilight series...). I really hope Jinks makes this into a series.

    6 out of 6 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted September 3, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    Reviewed by Sarah Bean the Green Bean Teen Queen for TeensReadToo.com

    Forget everything you knew about vampires. They are not sexy, stylish, rich, or powerful.

    Nina has been a 15-year-old since 1973 when she was first turned into a vampire. Now she attends vampire support group meetings with her fellow vamps, who are sickly and living off the blood of guinea pigs. It's not a fancy life at all!

    Nina's life is boring (although she does use her experience as a vampire to write vampire fiction). So when Casimir, the vampire who originally turned members of the group, is found staked in his apartment, Nina's life is about to be an adventure. The killer knows who and what they are, so The Reformed Vampire Support Group sets off to save themselves and finds a dangerous journey along the way.

    This is not your typical vampire story. These vampires are grumpy, cranky, and not glamorous at all. But that's what makes them fun.

    There were a lot of characters to keep track of in the beginning and the plot started off sort of slow, but keep with it and you will have a delightful and funny mystery.

    6 out of 6 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted July 7, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    The Reformed Vampire Support Group Review

    At the begining of this book it was not that interesting. As you get into the third/fourth chapter, it starts to get much better. Things are over-explained at some points, but rarely. The characters relationships are great between one another. Some things you might think that it would never happen, some things you might. All in all, I thought it was a very good book and well written.

    3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 22, 2012

    Love it

    I love this book it is a teen book 4 shere i wood not recomend it to twilite lovers tho it is nuthing like that it is the opisit. It duss staert kinda slow i wood say tje 1st chapter is the only slow chapter but after that it is great. :)

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted July 16, 2012

    more from this reviewer

    This book.....was really bad... I hate criticizing books because

    This book.....was really bad...
    I hate criticizing books because I know i can't to any better than the author, but I really did not enjoy this book. Not one bit. It wasn't exciting, nor was it funny, or filled with surprises! I was shocked by the lack of awesomeness because the summary makes it sound like it had amazing potential to be a bestseller. I guess not. :(

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 5, 2012

    EPIC BOOK!!!! YOU MUST READ IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU MUST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Awesomely amazing book. Good for all ages above 8. Hilarious. Ill write my own summary now, for whoever is reading this. Nina is a vampire, and hates it terribly. She be.longs to a support group, and suddenly, a member of her support group is found with a stake through his heart. They must find the killer before they end up dead too.This sets the group on a wild chase, discovering a huge mystery. Awesome book. By the way, i know that theres a sequel coming out soon, and i think it is something like "the werwolf help group". I cant wait!!!!!!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 2, 2011

    Pretty good

    Was not expecting much, but it totally surprised me! I actually liked it a lot and i couldn't put the book down!

    1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted September 6, 2011

    BRINGING IT AND BRINGING IT GOOD

    The book "the Reformed Vampire Support Group," is phenominal.There's just the
    the right amont of romance,but the book is mostly adventure.I really enjoyed
    the book.Not to serious,but not completly light and fluffy either.Think
    this book will appeal to alot of people.It's also refreshing to have a good
    young book not set in america.And of course novampire book is complete without
    a werewolf so keep that in mind.
    Also I found the book having a slow start. I did enjoy this book very much. I would recommend this book to youth. It has a bit of every genre, just to name a few; Drama, Comedy, Farce, Horror and many more. Yet it is not too scary or gory. The style the author used to write the book was used in a humorous way.
    My favorite part of this book was when Nina went to the reformed vampire support group.The meetings were about how to learn not drink human blood. it is my favorite part because she is actually taking the human life into consideration. I relly liked this book and i bet anyone who reads this book will like it to.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted September 5, 2011

    i loved it

    The reformed vampire support group is a teen vampire mystery written for young adults. This book is full of sad and detailed life stories that keep the readers eyes glued to the page. The relationship between Nina and the gang and all the vampire murderers is so hectic its hard to keep up, but all that means is that there is more to read. The reason I like the book is the author reminds u that vampires are supposed to be depressed, non emotional creatures of the night. Its not the romance novels that make vampires seem hot and normal it shows vampires as tired and weak.
    The book is extremely detailed, and not in a bad way it good because if you think about it they are making it easier to image the book in your head. This book is good for anyone who wants a easy read the excessive details makes the book a simple for people like me who don't always understand all the read or have trouble visualizing stories. I would recommend this book to any one of my friends this book is officially the best fictional mystery book I've ever read. I truly believe anyone with the intention of reading a great book full of mytery and suspense will be happy.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted August 11, 2011

    more from this reviewer

    In the Dark.

    Our protagonist is quite detailed oriented; therefore you will receive an in-depth description of the gory, bloody life of a former, recovering vampire. This storyline is not for the faint of heart, it might just suck the life out of you. Ha! Ha! When one vampire "dies" the mystery and suspense begin. What is the connection between the "death" of this vampire and Cobar? What is out at Wolgaroo Corner? And who, what, and where does this search lead to? Walk into the vampire world with the protagonist and find out. Storyline really picks up once you read to page 203.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted August 8, 2011

    more from this reviewer

    Definitely different....

    ...but ultimately, a fun read. The author does tend to hit you over the head a bit with the whole "vampires are nothing like you think they are" bit, but it is nice to see a wholly different take on the genre for once. The ending has a fun little twist as well. I listened to it on audio, and the narrator's Australian accent definitely added to our enjoyment of the book. There's just something so fun about they way she said things like "cahr" and "Neener" that gave it that extra flair.

    1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted August 1, 2011

    more from this reviewer

    Honestly Disappointed

    I was very excited to read this book - a different take on vampires. I thought that it would be an exciting story about how vampires could be different than what is so mainstreamed now.

    I was disappointed. Big time.

    The story was essentially about a bunch of old people stuck in the bodies of various ages. Everything was about how weak, worthless, and pathetic each of the characters were.

    The concept is great, I just wish it would have had been presented differently or even broken up into a series. Seemed like too much was going on in the story and could have had easily been broken up a little bit more than what it was.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted December 30, 2010

    more from this reviewer

    I Also Recommend:

    Great for vampire and non-vampire lovers alike.

    This book really interested me. The first thing I do is go to the cover. If it's a good looking cover, then I read the back and a few sentences into the story. The only thing on the cover that caught my attention was the title of it. It's long and not at all catchy. It intrigued me. It started out with an out-going, ass-kicking vampire. Cool, I guess. Then, it went to bloodstains and Nina came out. I was interested. Some people wonder why they don't just drink human blood? It's better for them and it would just be a whole lot easier. These vampires seem miserable, being sick all the time. The reason is because drinking a human's blood makes that human a vampire. They work to keep the vampire population in Australia low. We also only get Nina's point of view of vampires. She might exaggerate on some aspects of a vampire's life.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted November 1, 2010

    Just to be different

    The story line is alright, but the author gives you too much information. First of all it seems like she is just making her characters the complete opposite of how vampires are today. And not just a few things here and there like other books. It's like every few pages its all like "if you think vampires are like this, let me tell you we're not. We're like this" She also gives a lot of information on people or places that aren't of much relivance of the story.

    1 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 20, 2010

    I Also Recommend:

    5 Star Review.

    I love this book ! It is exciting, and different from any other vampire book I have ever read. This story is excellent. It has an amazing twist to those Vampires one thinks they know about. I really recommend this book. I personally have not finished it, but even to the place I am at , it is great, exciting, and unforgettable.

    1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted June 29, 2009

    Fun book

    It was different then the "normal" vampire books and had a fun twist on the legend of vampires and werwolfs.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted June 12, 2009

    Great Book

    It as really interesting. Most vampire stories portray the vamps as almost human and incredibly good looking. It shows how vamps have a whole lot more problems to deal with than normal people do.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted May 8, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    I Also Recommend:

    PRETTY FUNNY!

    ITS A GOOD BOOK RELLY FUNNY BOOK! IT PUTS ON THE HOLE LOST SOUL, ROMATIC VAMPIER THING! IT HELPS MAKE VAMPIRES HAVE A BIT MORE DEPTH NOT JUST THE ROMANTIC VAMPIRE BUT A REGULAR VAMP!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted May 27, 2013

    EXCELENT BOOK!!!!!!!!

    Great book. I donot recomend it for people who are obsessed with one type of vampires or horror books/movies. Otherwise, I totally recomend thisbook. Just make sure your not really a picky reader, or else everyone who wrote a review that made the book sound great, cause it is there opinion.

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 4, 2012

    To the fellow reader below;

    TWILIGHT SUCKS IT HAS ALWAYS SUCKED AND IT WILL NEVER STOP SUCKING BECAUSE ITS GAY AND NO I DONT MEAN ITS LAME I THINK THAT EDWARD OS DYING OVER JACOB. WAY TOO MUCH HEART AND LOVE IN TWILIGHT. AND THE MOVIES ARE WORSE. THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS KICKS TWILIGHTS ASS OUT OFF THE PARK AND SO DOES THIS NOVEL! (No, i don't hate or mock homosexual,bisexual, etx. I am for them. Im merely pointing out that edward and jacob are gay)

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 62 Customer Reviews

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