Regret Free Parenting: Raise Good Kids and Know You're Doing It Right
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Regret Free Parenting: Raise Good Kids and Know You're Doing It Right

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by Catherine Hickem
     
 

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Are my kids ready for the world? Did I teach them the right things? What if I made a bad decision that affects them forever? What could I have done differently?

Moms have a list of worries a mile long about their parenting. They fear they’ll spend twenty years raising children—only to discover they missed investing in and teaching the things that

Overview

Are my kids ready for the world? Did I teach them the right things? What if I made a bad decision that affects them forever? What could I have done differently?

Moms have a list of worries a mile long about their parenting. They fear they’ll spend twenty years raising children—only to discover they missed investing in and teaching the things that mattered. How can any parent be sure she won’t have regrets?

Now an acclaimed motherhood expert teaches the principles every mother needs to confidently raise her children. Catherine Hickem shows you how to:

  • Build companionship and trust
  • Live peacefully in the teen years
  • Maintain your position as the parent
  • Develop emotional intelligence
  • Know the difference between control and intention
  • And much, much more.

Most importantly, Hickem shows how to achieve intentional parenting. Everything important in life requires planning. And every mom knows her greatest legacy, the truest expression of her heart and hope for the world, is bound up in the way she raises her child. With a perspective rich in faith and tested by life, join Hickem and learn how you can achieve regret-free parenting!

“While mothering is the hardest job we’ll ever undertake, our Creator designed it to be the most rewarding, most powerful, and closest to grasping God’s heart.” —CATHERINE HICKEM, LCSW

Endorsements:

"Have you ever picked up a book and as you read it became aware that this is more than just a great book, it's a gift from God at the perfect moment? That's how I feel about Catherine's book on parenting. If you are like me, you long to love your children well through all the ages and stages of their lives. But at times, the path ahead gets a little foggy….Regret Free Parenting reminds us of what we know to be true. I am grateful for this book, I believe you will be too." ?Sheila Walsh, Women of Faith Speaker and Author of The Shelter of God's Promises and Gigi, God's Little Princess.

"Catherine Hickem, wisely reminds us that as parents of teens that 'they need us to be our best when they are at their worst.' Her advice to be the 'Keeper of the Vision' and to provide affirmation to our children during the difficult teen years is exactly the right message. Regret Free Parenting is an excellent resource for all parents! ?Elayne Bennett, President and Founder of Best Friends Foundation and future author of Saving Our Daughters (Thomas Nelson 2012). Elayne is married to bestselling author, former Secretary of Education and Morning in America host, Bill Bennett.

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9781595553232
Publisher:
Nelson, Thomas, Inc.
Publication date:
03/01/2011
Pages:
214
Sales rank:
1,279,553
Product dimensions:
5.40(w) x 8.20(h) x 0.80(d)

Read an Excerpt

Regret Free Parenting

Raise Good Kids and Know You're Doing It Right
By Catherine Hickem

Thomas Nelson

Copyright © 2011 Catherine Hickem
All right reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-59555-323-2


Chapter One

Why Well-Meaning Moms Raise Insecure Kids

Principle 1: Be Intentional About Understanding Your Purpose

During my early years as a pastor's wife, I often volunteered in the church nursery. I saw every possible type of new mom walk through those nursery doors, and I learned a few things.

New moms don't realize it, but they can set up their little ones for later anxiety issues simply by how they leave their young ones in the nursery—or the day care, or with a friend or family member. Let me explain.

Every child initially experiences separation anxiety. It's a natural transition with babies. When infants are separated from Mom, they may be unhappy about being left with someone they don't know well. They will cling, cry, and scream. But the truth is, they won't be damaged, traumatized, or permanently scarred. Nine times out of ten, they calm down once they're distracted or comforted. The lessons they learn are:

• that they're safe, • that Mommy will come back, and • that they can trust Mommy to leave them with someone who will take care of them.

If a mother's own anxiety surfaces about leaving her child, I can assure you that the child senses it. Children are born sensors, so they know when Mom is upset. This inadvertently sends a message to the little one: If Mommy is nervous, maybe I'm not safe.

Nothing is wrong with moms keeping an eye on their children's adjustment to change or new environments. However, the real issue isn't the child's ability to adjust but the mom's own discomfort, fear, and anxiety, which her child senses.

Are these well-meaning moms? Absolutely! Are they wonderful, terrific people? No doubt! Will they contribute to making their children insecure or anxious about trying new things in the future? Yes! Is that their heart? Not at all.

Mom, that's why this first principle—purpose—is more about you than your children. So I have to get personal. And because nothing is more personal than being a mother, let's hit the issue head-on so you can be the mom your children deserve.

Now, no pressure, but you are the single most significant female your child will ever know. Regardless of how you feel about your importance, you must begin immediately to recognize your value in your child's eyes. Failure to grasp this has a cost: It will cost your child his or her self-worth. It will cost you peace of mind and heart. It will cost the Kingdom the opportunity to be as blessed as God intended. That's a high price to pay simply because we wander through motherhood instead of moving with purpose.

Over the years, a mother's importance has become obscured. I've often compared the awareness of motherhood to the roof on a house—no one thinks about it being there until there's a leak or until it's gone altogether. Yet as the significance of motherhood fell into obscurity, our role became more complex, with greater demands. Every mother at one time or another feels the burden that comes with those expectations. Often mothers give so much with so little regard.

Cultural assumptions add to the stress. It seems society equates our biological ability to give birth with the ability to be a good mother. The truth is, thousands of women successfully bring children into the world every day. But it takes a special woman with focus and intention to successfully raise her children.

Unfortunately for our children, we mothers have bought into our culture's diminished view of our role because we underestimate our importance to our children. If we were truly conscious of our influence, many of the critical issues in the lives of today's kids would not exist, and I wouldn't be writing this book.

What Is a Mom's Purpose?

I want you to stop reading for a moment and go get a sheet of paper and a pencil. Now take a few minutes to write down what you believe your purpose is in being a mother. Give yourself some time to reflect. Make it a sentence or two, and remember: this isn't a test. When you're done, lay it aside. I'll see you in a few minutes.

* * *

That was difficult, wasn't it?

Asking you to state your purpose as a mother is like asking you to give the history of the world in thirty words or less. Motherhood is a concept everyone believes in but few can articulate. One of the reasons we struggle with its description is that the list of roles within the title never ends. A mom is a nurse, teacher, protector, and chauffeur. She is comfort in times of distress, disciplinarian in times of disobedience, and a cheerleader in the moments her children are stretched. And she's always a walking Walgreens with a purse full of snacks, Band-Aids, and toys.

The other problem is that while we can describe the tasks of our position, we struggle to articulate the intangible heart of mothering. And if we can't express our purpose, even to ourselves, the likelihood of living it out is slim.

A 2005 study on motherhood surveyed 2,009 moms across all demographic lines, with surprisingly similar responses in many areas. When asked if being a mother was "the most important thing I do," 81 percent said it was, and the remaining 19 percent said it was "one of several important things I do." These moms also universally found satisfaction in being a mom (81 percent were very satisfied, and 16 percent were somewhat satisfied), despite variance in their socioeconomic circumstances.

The mothers surveyed obviously feel a strong sense of purpose in their role. So if we find such satisfaction and significance as moms, shouldn't we be confident in what our purpose is? Let's start by defining purpose.

A purpose is a reason, principle, or rationale for accomplishing something with meaning or value. It indicates that something has significance and depth and will require thought and attention to fulfill. A mother's purpose is influenced by background, history, and personality. It's also impacted by a woman's own personal journey with her mother. Therefore our definition of "normal motherhood" is based on how we were raised, because our mothers are our individual definitions of "normal." (I'm not saying every mother is healthy and worthy of modeling. What I am saying is that how we're raised as children defines "normal" for us until we learn what behaviors might not be normal after all.) Even later, as mothers themselves, women look to their own mothers for emotional support. The study on motherhood just mentioned also found that while "mothers most often named their spouse as their primary source of emotional support [48 percent] ... 20 percent named their own mother."

Think about this: You represent what "normal" is to your children. Your daughters likely will mother as you mother. Your sons likely will expect their wives to mother the way you did.

In addition to the gratification and challenge of motherhood is a multigenerational responsibility. If you are a mother, you are impacting untold generations.

A mother's purpose is to give all of herself to uniquely impart values, faith, beliefs, and love into the children with whom she's been entrusted. Embrace the journey of motherhood with the belief that you will empower your children to fulfill the purpose for their creation. Mothering with purpose is recognizing that your very existence defines love, gives life, protects innocence, believes in the impossible, and views life's struggles as opportunities to enrich your children's lives.

The motherhood study confirms that mothers sense the significance of this support and nurture in the lives of their children: "Many women talked about mothers as the foundation of a child's sense of security and trust." A mother knows she is the emotional floor her children will build their lives on until they can transfer that foundation onto God. This definition is overwhelming.

Some of you may think, I may as well give up now because there's no way I can be this kind of purposeful mom. Guess what? You're right. There's absolutely no way any woman can possibly meet this definition of a purposeful mother.

The good news is that God doesn't expect you to pull this off alone. He knows you're in over your head from the start. After all, He created you for this purpose. He wants you to understand the significance of your journey and not take it for granted. He wants you to catch a glimmer of the importance of this job you have undertaken; after all, you will symbolize God to your children. Their lives depend on your getting clued in so you can see the awesome responsibility, honor, and significance of your place in their lives.

When a mother knows her purpose, her children will know theirs. They will develop an inner sense that gives them internal and external confidence. They will be comfortable in their own skin and free to walk to the drummer's beat inside their hearts; and hopefully that beat will come from God. They won't be so vulnerable to the demands of our culture because they will be less likely to view their peers as the definition of success. They will be grounded by the foundation of a mother's purposeful love and not pounded by the world's ruthless expectations.

Isn't this what you want for your children? Having a purpose in your mothering will achieve this kind of life for them.

So what does a purposeful mother look like? How do you become a mother who knows where she is going?

Trust Your Intuition

When we begin the journey of motherhood, we're often anxious. Do you remember how it felt the first time you became a mother? I do.

We were adopting our first child and had been waiting for our son to be born. Our attorney was concerned the birth mother might not go through with the adoption. Until the papers were signed, we knew that at any moment we might be left with empty arms and broken hearts.

Can you say, "nerve-racking"?

Finally we took home our new adopted son, Taylor. I was both scared and excited. My husband, Neil, and I had waited a long time for a child, and I wanted to do things right. I look back now and see how overly protective I was for the first several weeks, especially since it appeared we might have a few medical concerns.

As time went on, I felt normal again. (I know. Normal has a broad definition.)

You can probably relate. The normal experience of being initially anxious as a new mom quickly disappears as we become increasingly familiar with our children. In those early years, we seem to manage pretty well as long as our offspring are strolling along normal paths of development. We hold on to our influence and position with relative ease. The only time we typically relinquish it is to a pediatrician or close family member.

However, as our child enters formal education in kindergarten or first grade, we increasingly relinquish our instincts, observations, and knowledge. The process begins slowly, but by the time our child has reached middle school, our exasperation with them at this age fans the flames of inadequacy, further causing us to check our brains at the door of anyone who appears to know more than we do. By the time this has occurred, our confidence is shaken, and we are vulnerable to doubt and criticism.

We wonder if we know what we're doing. We have trouble discerning between normal middle-school behavior and problem behavior. We think, Maybe my child has a bigger issue than I'm equipped to handle. We quietly question our own judgment about our children and think others might be able to do for them what we can't. As a result, our children respond with increased insecurity.

Sound familiar? Do you see how easily the transition from confident to shaky can take place? Do you see how our children's confidence is also affected? This happens because moms get caught up in what others think instead of what they know. This is one of the first major traps to avoid. We don't want to unknowingly slip into insecurity. And we won't if we are purposeful.

A purposeful mother understands that she doesn't possess all wisdom and knowledge about motherhood, children, and parenting.

However, what you do possess is the heart knowledge about your children, which will help you do what needs to be done when the time comes. As a purposeful mother, you know you are truly the expert on your children, and no one can replace you.

Do you get that? You are the expert on your child!

When you seek outside counsel, it should be with the intent of seeking other options, answers, and possibilities to supplement, not replace, your own understanding. Listen to the wisdom of others with an intuitive heart and discerning mind. Trust that you will have peace when you have found the answer to your question. Then you will live with a quiet confidence that says you and God will get through the challenge of motherhood together. Trust your instincts as God's way of whispering in your ear His wisdom for your child.

Let me be clear about something here. Though we listen to and apply God's wisdom for our children, they still might make mistakes from time to time. Our children make choices that may go against our hearts' desire for them, but that doesn't diminish our motherhood. And it doesn't mean that we're not listening to God or that He's not listening to us. God is bigger than our children's choices.

I recently counseled a Christian mother I had met years before when working part-time as an elementary school guidance counselor. I had observed her oldest daughter in the third grade, and she seemed a little unique. Yet I kept these thoughts to myself because the girl was performing well in class and behaved well. Her mother never mentioned anything to me, so I didn't feel it was appropriate to point out her child's differences when there didn't seem to be a problem.

Fast-forward five years to this mother sitting in my office. Her daughter is about to enter high school, but the remainder of her eighth-grade year bodes disaster. The mother is a wreck. The daughter is disconnected. No one is happy!

"I've had this kid in therapy for years, and she's been on medication for five years," Jean5 began. "Something is wrong, but I can't put my finger on it. No one seems to hear me when I say that something is missing. Am I nuts, or do you see what I mean?"

This was a mother in full-blown crisis mode. I proceeded to tell Jean my observations about her daughter years before, and I assured Jean I did not think she was crazy. I didn't have a diagnosis for her daughter at the time, but I absolutely knew this mother's instincts for her child were right on target.

Jean knew her daughter. She also knew something wasn't right.

Jean had experienced a difficult relationship with her own mother, having been abandoned during her prepubescent years. She worked diligently not to repeat her mom's mistakes and was doing many wonderful things as a mother with her children. Most important, Jean lived in integrity as a mother. She was engaged, paid attention, and responded appropriately to her children's needs. She was a tender, spiritually minded woman who sought God's heart throughout her journey. Jean's problem is similar to that of many mothers. She sought help but didn't listen to the right voice. She believed God wanted the best for her daughter, but she didn't always trust the wisdom she received from Him. She had an unavoidable sense known as "mother's intuition" that she should have heeded. Had Jean listened to God's Spirit within her, she would have found the help her daughter needed earlier.

After Jean and I talked, she went on to have her daughter evaluated by a professional I respected. The results validated Jean's gnawing instincts. Something was indeed abnormal about her daughter. If it had been properly diagnosed years earlier, the treatment intervention would have been less intense and the damage to her daughter less severe. Yet in the midst of this difficult news, Jean felt restored and relieved. "I'm so grateful to know the truth," she said. "All these years I didn't have the answers I needed to meet my daughter's issues, so I thought it was just me. Now that I know, I can throw my heart and soul into giving my daughter what she needs."

(Continues...)



Excerpted from Regret Free Parenting by Catherine Hickem Copyright © 2011 by Catherine Hickem. Excerpted by permission of Thomas Nelson. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Meet the Author

Catherine Hickem, LCSW, a licensed psychotherapist with three decades of experience, is a relationship expert who has made it her life’s mission to equip women for every facet of their lives. She is an author, speaker, coach, and counselor who received a BA in Education and a MS in Social Work from University of Louisville. Hickem lives in Delray Beach, Florida, with her husband, Neil. They have two adult children, Taylor and Tiffany.

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Regret Free Parenting: Raise Good Kids and Know You're Doing It Right 4.3 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 24 reviews.
mumwrites More than 1 year ago
I requested a copy of this book from Booksneeze in February + it actually took awhile for me to receive it + write about it. When I received this book, I realized that it was such a good decision to request a copy of it as it is chockfull of invaluable insights about motherhood + parenting. I think each parent should get a copy of it. The son of the author, Taylor, sums of this book by saying "kids start off as clay: they're very impressionable. Moms don't get second chances; they have to do it right the first time. I'm grateful my mom got it right." Like so many things in our lives, we do not get a second shot at mothering + we ought to do it right the first time as a lot is at stake with it, our children's psyche, their future + their complete view of themselves + the world around them. I know, just the sound of it makes you want to take a few steps back + ponder whether being a parent is actually a job that you want + if it is something that you can do right. In this book, Catherine, a mother of two, talks about how we ought to be intentional mothers with clear goals. These goals will set as your compass or your guide to determine what type of parenting technique you would like to adapt. She also enthused that motherhood is more than just a feeling + teaching our children the basics in life. She also laid out the Principles of Intentional Motherhood, which includes the following: Be intentional about your purpose Be intentional about knowing your children + your vision for your children Help your child develop emotional intelligence Maintaining your position {authority/influence} Addressing your fears properly Be God-dependent Do not fight the differences or difficulties No matter what type of child you have {which can be easy, challenging or difficult}, your job as a mom is to know each individual child you raise by studying your kids To be clear with your purpose and goals, she also encouraged mothers to jot down their purpose in being a mother. This way you can always have a tangible reminder of your goals and aspirations for your children, making them more manageable + ultimately, achievable. You can also include the non-negotiable qualities that you want your children to manifest as an adult. Place this list in a prominent place so you will be reminded daily of the goals that you are working toward. Motherhood is the best job I've taken so far + I would love to make it right the first time as there would be no take-two's or second shots. Therefore, I am glad that I came across this book, I give it my 2 thumbs up + pray that every mother anywhere in the world start to become intentional mothers, too!
mom2girlsnboy More than 1 year ago
I was so excited to get this book. I am always thinking that what I am doing parenting wise I will regret later. While the book is easy to read and fairly well written, I was overall disappointed. Overall, I like the main ideas: work toward a goal for your children and consider the goal with each step. The book advocates considering which character traits and strengths you want your child to demonstrate and then keeping those in mind as you teach and discipline. The word "intention" and its variations are over-used, and treated as a cure-all; if you are intentional about parenting, you will do it "right, with no regrets." However, one of my major dislikes about this book is the lack of application. The book gives an example for many of the points, but it glosses over how a parent can actually apply anything the author is saying. A lot of the points are just discussion, so hard to apply in real life. With some work, perhaps you could come up with an application, but it is not clear and it is certainly not covered in the book. My other major dislike is the unbelievable amount of Christian-centered advice and points. I have no problem with faith-based books, but they should be identified as faith-based. This one doesn't have much written, if anything, about the Christian orientation, and it is a really a centerpiece of the book. There are "faithpoints" throughout the book, Bible verses, and a LOT of discussion about how God does this or Christ does that. It feels sneaky and for those who are not Christian, I would guess that literally a third of the book will be skipped over.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
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justmeWY More than 1 year ago
This review has been a long time coming. I read the book a few months ago, but have struggled with actually writing my thoughts and opinions about it. I truly enjoyed reading it. It confirmed to me that a lot of what I am doing as a mother is "right", but that is where the struggle for me comes. Is there a "right" and a "wrong" way to parent? If parenting was cookie-cutter, wouldn't everyone be able to do it well? Maybe the author's children are different then mine or yours and they perhaps respond to methods and practices that other children would not. I am a very intentional mother. I try to always think long-term where my children are concerned. I rarely react in anger to something they do or say. I try to explain to them why I do things so they know that I have reasons for making decisions. I try to explain the lessons they are learning about life, etc. But that does not mean my way is right and your way is wrong, and that is almost the attitude I felt the author conveyed in her book. I also have to question the fact that she used her own children for most of her examples. There were a few instances where she used another family in a story, but it was mainly her experience with her children that made up the bulk of the text. I do feel that she is a very effective mother. It appears that her children have grown into well-adjusted and productive members of society. She obviously did a terrific job in parenting them. But there are times when, no matter how "intentional" you are, and no matter how involved and loving and Christ-like you are, our children don't choose the path to where we've led them. Sometimes children even make choices and decisions to live their lives in a way that we have intentionally steered them away from, but that doesn't mean their parents weren't attentive, loving, and well-meaning. With all of that said, I would recommend this book. I feel it would best be utilized by parents of younger children, who still have time to put into practice the things the author discusses, but I also feel any parent would benefit from reading it.
swt_angel_79 More than 1 year ago
Regret Free Parenting is a wonderful read for parents. In this book, you will learn how to be an intentional parent, putting discipline first while still being your child's friend. Catherine Hickem provides seven principles for parenting based on decades of parenting skill. She is the founder of Intentional Moms and has put answers to the usual, negative questions of parenting. If you're looking for a different approach to today's parenting ideas, this is definitely the book for you! Purchase your copy of Regret Free Parenting today!!
CTilburt More than 1 year ago
I have a 7 year old son & truly think this was a very good book. The author gives 7 principles to guide one on the path of parenthood. I have many opinions on parenting, many of them could be wrong. But I think I will save this book so I can refer to it in the future as my son gets older. The book conveys rational, thought-provoking ideas to integrate into parenting. I learned a lot of things from this book. I learned that I need to teach my son all of the important lessons in life rather then try to make him happy about obeying. I need to teach my son that happiness in not about what toys he has, but it is truly about a content state of mind that will give his life meaning & security. I am so thankful that Catherine Hickem wrote this book. I will be re-reading it many, many times as the years go by!! Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255 : "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."
Xaivier More than 1 year ago
From this book, I have learnt that parent should invest in the areas of the greatest impact on their children's quality of life (e.g. using their authority to teach children the important lessons of life), instead of try to make children happy about obeying them. For example, parent should teach their children that happiness is not about what they posses but is a contented state of mind that gives meaning and security to their lives. Besides, the author reminds me that no one is constantly happy, so parent should not try to create this unattainable to their children. I agree that "children don't possess higher levels of thinking until they are older" due to their lives experiences. Therefore, the idea of being "intentional mums" is definitely vital in parenting, i.e. to intentionally let your children know what you want they to know instead of assuming they will understand or know about it spontaneously. The result of this bad assumption is "good kids often go unnoticed and unappreciated". Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255 : "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising
Aline_Kaehler More than 1 year ago
Regret Free Parenting - Raise Good Kids and Know You're Doing it Right by Catherine Hickem, LCSW, founder of Intentional Moms Raise Good Kids and Know You're Doing it Right! - What a promise!!! I´m not a mom - yet. I´m not a parenting expert - and probably never will be. I want, I really really want, to be a good mom in a hopefully near future. So I chose this book because why not learn something in advance? And I did learn! A lot! It seems like to much of a promise, but Catherine doesn´t put you on a guilt trip, she doesn´t accuse. She doesn´t tell you you haven´t or won´t make mistakes. She does tell us that, just like in all important things in our life, we should be intentional about raising children. We should think about it, plan, dedicate. Raising children (yes, I already has this opinion, but I have to say I know many people who have never thought of it!) should not be random, surviving through the day. Raising children is part of a grander plan, and being intentional will raise better children and make us better parents. She offers insight, suggestions and advice that will help us to do the best we can to raise the best children we can, with God´s grace and help. I can´t wait to practice what I learned. :D
TStephens More than 1 year ago
Parenting with no regrets seems like a dream but can be achieved. Catherine Hickem, LCSW, a mother herself, has taken her experience and written Regret Free Parenting: Raise Your Kids and Know You're Doing it Right. The book aims to equip moms raise children from a Christian perspective, which can be hard given how much our world has changed over the years. "While mothering is the hardest job we'll ever undertake, our Creator designed it to be the most rewarding, most powerful, and closest to grasping God's heart." - Catherine Hickem, LCSW The book is based on the 7 principles the author finds that works best when raising Christian children, all of which begin with the parents and their relationship with God. Through these, the author brings to light the differences in what and how we may have been taught as a child and the approaches that we should use to teach our children. This book guides me in the right direction to achieve that. There are also "Faith Points" throughout the book of Bible verses to inspire and comfort you. I enjoyed reading the great information and tools in this book and hope to guide my children to be the person God wants them to be. Hickem has written an excellent work that can be enjoyed by parents, soon to be parents or anyone considering children. Disclosure: I have been provided a copy of this book without charge by the publisher. All opinions are mine.
ministerdoc More than 1 year ago
Regret Free Parenting Raise Good Kids and Know You're Doing It Righ By Catherine Hickem i wanted to wait to review this book ,so i took my time to review it. i wanted to see if the methods would work on y children ,so i put it to the test. and it works ! i was amazed at how easy it was .Mrs.Hickem does a wonderful job writing this basically step by step guide to raising your kids up to be leaders and sucessful people in society. that you as a parent can be proud of . i recommend this book to any parent but especially mothers this is a great read.
Jessi0805 More than 1 year ago
Usually, any book that pertains to parenting tends to be very big. This book is surprisingly slimmer than excepted. This book looks into the concept of parenting and helps the parent to understand whether or not they are doing the best job that they can do for their child. I would say that the main point of this book is to know that no one is perfect and that you only have your children for a limited amount of time so enjoy it while you can! I have not had the gift of being a mother yet, still waiting on God's timing for that, but my husband and I wish to start a family soon through adoption. I feel this book will be a great resource for me becoming a first time mom, especially to an adopted child. I would recommend this book to anyone who wants to get confidence in their parenting abilities, but I must say that if a parent is worried about their abilities they should look to God's word first to know what God's guidelines for parenting are (in my opinion) before seeking secularized information. Please note that I received this book from Book Sneeze and was not required to give a positive review.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I start by saying, I do not have any children. However, my spouse and I have been discussing the possibility, so I thought this book might be good to read before-hand. This was a very good book. The author gives 7 principles to guide one on the path of parenthood. Even though I have not had experience with children, the principles made sense to me as I read them. I could see how they would be beneficial in parenting. I have many opinions on parenting, many of them could be wrong. But I think I will save this book so I can refer to it in the future if I do have children. The book conveys rational, thought-provoking ideas to integrate into parenting. Overall, a great read.
I-love-to-read More than 1 year ago
Regret Free Parenting-Regretfully Posted on March 24, 2011 by Brenda J. Wood Oh how I wish I'd had this book, Regret Free Parenting, by Catherine Hickem, LCSW, when I was raising my own children. The author caught my attention immediately by quoting "The Dash" by Linda Ellis. It speaks to what we will do between our birth and our death. Ms. Hickem takes it one step farther. She says Who' we influence is more important than our do. I especially liked chapter 6 because it addresses the difference between control and intention, or addressing our fears. I was a control mom, simply because I lived in fear. I learned lots about myself in this chapter. And I am grateful that I learned early on to give everything over to faith. Whew! This is a quick read, easy to understand book, full of helpful examples and clear explanations. Highly recommend it. Brenda J Wood
Mom_Having_Fun More than 1 year ago
I honestly loved this book. I have read many parenting books, and generally there seems to be a common theme amongst them. Also, I have found it difficult sometimes to get through parenting books. I felt this book not only provided very insightful information on how being an intentional mom can build better relationships with your children, but also how to be a better Christian with your children. I, for one, have found parenting to be very anxiety producing at times...especially since the arrival of our twins. I have struggled with finding inner peace but have found Catherine's reminders throughout the book that God is really the one who we should look to for wisdom, hope and inspiration, as well as, rely on to take the burden of our struggles has brought me some peace of mind. I love that each chapter ends with Faith Points (Bible verse with questions and actions) and the end of the book includes a Parenting Plan for you to fill out. I highly recommend adding this book to your "must reads" list for parenting books. I will be re-reading this book with my highlighter in hand! I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
DeannaM More than 1 year ago
Over the past several months I have received complimentary copies of several books from BookSneeze on behalf of Thomas Nelson Publishing that I have thoroughly enjoyed reading. The latest book I received was Regret Free Parenting by Catherine Hickem, LCSW. I was pleasantly surprised by this newest book on my shelf. Mrs. Hickem passes over the to-do list of parenting, instead opting to give you seven principles and guidelines in applying them as you raise your children. She gives a fresh insight into motherhood, being a proponent of "intentional mothering." I had heard of this concept before and completely agree. Mothering does not just happen as some mistakenly think. Mothering is a God-given responsibility that we have the duty and honor as mothers in carrying that out. Hickem guides the reader in an in-depth look at their parenting purpose. If we are to raise secure children we must build trust and give respect to them as little human beings. As I read Regret Free Parenting I became aware of what I have been doing correctly, though not in a black-and-white sense, but rather I recognized certain principles that I do carry out as a parent. I gained perspective of my children's preferences and our mother-child interactions as I never thought thoroughly about some things. My eldest son loves to call my name randomly throughout the day. I answer him wondering what he wants. He always says, "I just wanted to know where you were. Love you." Then he continues to play or continue in whatever current engagement he is involved in. Well, I never labeled that as my son wanting my presence. I have always been there for my kids. In my life it is a given. I am certainly not a perfect parent. Mrs. Hickem highlighted some areas in my mind that I will give much more awareness to now that I see them. Regret Free Parenting is not a one-size fits all book. It is an all-inclusive approach book that you can tailor and apply to your life as you see fit. It won't make you a perfect mother overnight, but it will help you define yourself as a God-ordained mother and set you on a better path.
Shydub More than 1 year ago
Parenting and motherhood is a tough job. Regret Free Parenting by Catherine Hickem is by far the best parenting book I can recommend especially to first time mom. You will learn a lot and be inspired to be an intentional mother.
Donna_R More than 1 year ago
This book is an excellent tool for helping mothers learn about themselves, their children, and how to raise their children well. Catherine Hickem explains seven principles of intentional motherhood and gives you information to understand yourself and your children so that you can be an intentional mother. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders because now I know that I don't need to be a perfect parent and I don't have to do it alone. I plan to continue to refer to this book as my children get older.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
PJtheEMT4 More than 1 year ago
Regret Free Parenting: Raise Good Kids and Know You're Doing it Right by Catherine Hickem, LCSW is an effective parenting guide for moms- dispelling popular child rearing myths. Hickem speaks directly with empathy and authority to the reader, providing sound guidlines based on biblical principals for raising children. Nevertheless, this book is just as appropriate for the secular parent as well. Well organised, each essential parenting principal has its own dedicated chapter. Through the use of real life personal stories and anecdotes, Hickem, objectively addresses common parenting issues and misconceptions about raising childre. For example, there is a chapter "Respect Is Necessary, Happiness Is Not" which seemingly is a direct contradition in today's permissive, feel good society- which is devoid of morals. Nevertheless, this guide teachers the value of respect, and honor, in contrast to permissive feel good parenting practices which in the long run, do nothing to empower children and their parents. Biblical principals are woven throughout this child raising guide. The last chapter includes a parenting guide for the reader to complete and work on over the course of four weeks. As a blogger for Thomas Nelson's booksneeze blogger program I recieved this book for the purpose of writing a review. The opinions expressed are my own.
freesamplequeen More than 1 year ago
A seemingly insurmountable task... raising good children without question of doing it right. Catherine Hickem gives 7 applicable principles in her book to help parents raise their child and know they are doing a good job. Based on the idea that a parent must have a goal and a plan all along, Hickem provides stories and ideas to help. With chapters specifically geared for each major age group and it's challenges, including adolescence, the reader can begin with an infant and use this book for years to come as a reference, guide and encouragement. A well written and easily read book. Geared mostly toward mothers, the content is mostly intended for women and seemingly more even for those who stay home, although not stated. Fathers can also glean bits of information from this book and use the ideas and principles along with their wives. A concept that seems overwhelming and homework like at first, Hickem relieves the pressure by encouraging readers that one day at a time with goals and plans in mind make it easier. While the principles seem good, as the book covers an entire childhood, it is difficult to say if they are successful for others as they were for the reader. A good read with plenty of thought filled parenting ideas, but in the end, a book, not a fix it plan. Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze . com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I too am looking for real life ways to apply good parenting skills and i dont want to waste time reading bible verses that could not possibly apply to raising a child in 2012. So thanks for the heads up. Oma :-)