Relationship Sabotage: Unconscious Factors that Destroy Couples, Marriages, and Family [NOOK Book]

Overview

Hidden forces--memories of past poor or hurtful relationships--drive repressed feelings and emotions that are often outside our awareness. Though we want to love and be loved, to nurture and be nurtured, those forces can wreak havoc and sabotage relationships, destroying couples and even whole families. The scenario is so common, explains therapist Matta, that often people get divorced "without even fully understanding why," or knowing what is ...
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Relationship Sabotage: Unconscious Factors that Destroy Couples, Marriages, and Family

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Overview

Hidden forces--memories of past poor or hurtful relationships--drive repressed feelings and emotions that are often outside our awareness. Though we want to love and be loved, to nurture and be nurtured, those forces can wreak havoc and sabotage relationships, destroying couples and even whole families. The scenario is so common, explains therapist Matta, that often people get divorced "without even fully understanding why," or knowing what is was that came between them.

In many cases, what it was were lingering but unconscious memories of lessons learned as far back as childhood. These lessons may have no true bearing or justification in the current relationship, yet they can strongly affect it, fueling marital games, extra-marital affairs, addictions, poor parenting practices and a host of other harmful actions.

This disturbing, yet fascinating text shows us why some people carry a psychological need to sabotage their intimate relationships. It reveals how, in cases where children are involved during marital sabotage, it is the most sensitive child who bears the symptoms of the unhealthy family, showing behaviors from acting-out to developing mental illness. Perhaps more frightening, these hidden forces and unconscious factors can be passed from generation to generation, creating a trail of failed relationships. Matta argues that we can learn to recognize these "imprints" and move past them to build or keep rewarding relationships. His book makes us aware, and gives us the tools to break the cycle.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780313064074
  • Publisher: ABC-CLIO, Incorporated
  • Publication date: 7/30/2006
  • Series: Sex, Love, and Psychology
  • Sold by: Barnes & Noble
  • Format: eBook
  • Sales rank: 1,395,953
  • File size: 441 KB

Meet the Author

WILLIAM J. MATTA is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice. He has served as an adjunct professor at several colleges over the past two decades. He is included on the list of "America's Best Therapists" published by Psychology Today magazine.

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Table of Contents

1 What people bring to counseling is often not the real problem 1
2 The unconscious mind - friend or foe? 9
3 The mixture of unconscious forces and childhood wounds can be lethal to a marriage 15
4 Your family problems may have started back in medieval times 23
5 Unconscious forces can destroy not only relationships, but whole families 33
6 People who feel divorced but are still married 43
7 Games people play in relationships 53
8 Organizing problem-solving conversations 65
9 Extramarital affairs - silence, secrets, and self-disclosure 85
10 Addictions - a vain attempt to make us feel whole 103
11 Our nervous systems and relational problems 119
12 Emotional detachment - the ultimate relational destroyer 127
13 So what now? 135
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