- Shopping Bag ( 0 items )
Retail Hell - Special eBook Edition: How I Sold My Soul to the Store [NOOK Book]
Available on NOOK devices and apps
Need a NOOK? Explore Now
Need a NOOK? Explore Now
Introduction: Freeman's Inferno ix
Act 1 The Big Fancy Underworld 1
Hell in a Handbag 3
Free-Spirit Personality 11
Climbing Mount Fancy 17
Sunshine from Satan's Ass 25
The P-Word 33
Angels and Demons in My Head 45
Can I Interest You in a Dead Animal Hide Hobo Named Lucifer? 55
Falling Down Mount Fancy 63
Guns and Toilets 69
I'm Not Ready to Rumble 73
Polly Wants to Talk 83
Big Nightmare #1 87
Act 2 Sinners, Serpents, and the Craziest Crazy-Lady Customers 97
Queer-Eye Handbag Guy 99
Shoposaurus Carnotaurus 107
Monique Jonesworthy, Nasty-Ass Thief 123
Is Deescount? 133
The Two Virginias 143
This Little Piggy 161
One Picky Bitch 165
The Vampire Bavaro 173
Big Nightmare #2 181
Act 3 Misfire and Brimstone at The Big Fancy 193
Sale Smack-Down 195
Babysitting the Devil's Spawn 203
Hot Stuff on Mount Fancy 209
The Shitting Room 219
Merry Strep Throat and a Happy New Flu 227
Cock in a Box 233
Full Moon Fancy 239
Big Nightmare #3 247
Conclusion: Satan's Superstar 253
Free Gift with Purchase! Bonus Section
Branded by Numbers 259
The Customer Is Always Right 263
The Do's and Don'ts of Shopping 267
Retail Hell Readers' Discussion Guide 271
Cisley
Posted December 26, 2009
I Also Recommend:
I have never worked in retail and until I read this book I really never thought that much about what the job entailed. I certainly do now. The author not only let the public in on what goes on before the doors open at Big Fancy, but taught us that there is no such thing as a purse, it's a handbag.
The author also introduced us to some of his customers ~ in detail ~ and many of them were laugh out loud funny. I had no idea there were customers who came to department stores on a daily basis, customers who requested discounts on top of discounts, or there were "customers" that returned items incognito as their handbags were never purchased at the Big Fancy or in some cases, at all...
This book, although meant to be funny, has given me a new respect for those who serve the public. I don't envy them.
3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.I just finished this one, and it made me laugh out loud during my breaks at work (which IS retail, albeit much less horrifying than Mr. Hall makes his job out to be). I have to believe that some of these anecdotes were exaggerated because if I had snapped back at any of my customers as he did, I would be in serious trouble! But either way, this book is hilarious and easily relatable for anyone who's worked in retail. Returns, cranky customers, psychotic coworkers...it's all there. Took me about 2 days to finish. Read for a good laugh!
2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.crystal77
Posted April 27, 2011
So I have always worked retail....I have been the low man on totem pole and the General manager ...This book is a MUST READ for anyone who has ever worked retail... I never laughed soooo hard from a book before...I am glad someone put into writing, what we, in retail, deal with every day!!
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.TeresaPDX
Posted January 18, 2010
Some stories were laugh out loud funny. The things described are real and sometimes gross. I'm glad Freeman wrote this book. I did get tired of the f word mid way thru the book. Better editing next time - several wrong words used.
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted November 15, 2009
I found this book quite recently. Being relatively new to retail (approx 2 years) my department is next to 'handbags' and I found this book quite a revelation. Hilarious, yet sad in places . I found the language a bit strong and not entirely necessary in some parts but haven't we all experienced some of these scenes in our own lives? Purchased copies for my team and we can all relate to some parts of this book. Very witty and well written. Recommend for all those in retail, especially high end handbags!!
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Avid-Reader19
Posted October 28, 2009
I read this book on my flight to Hawaii and couldn't put it down. I was laughing out loud. The passengers around me were dieing to know what I was reading, including the Flight Attendant. I have to give Retail Hell 5 stars for its humor and originality. I look forward to book 2!
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted October 16, 2009
I have a feeling the people who didn't like this have never worked retail. If you've worked retail there's no way you can't relate to at least some of this. Its easy to read, fast and if you want to laugh out loud definitely give it a try. For those of you who have never worked retail and think it can't possibly be true, oh yeah, it is. People are pigs.
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.I have been in retail since I was 16, and have encountered almost everything that Freeman has described, excluding the 9000 steps of hell. I think that everyone should read this book, if for no other reason than to understand the real crap that retail workers endure every day. Perhaps the entitlement complex that most customers feel might diminish in the slightest bit. Good luck, Freeman. I hope you meet a cute boy who needs his inseam measured!
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted September 1, 2009
Im sure at some point in everyones lives we work in some type of retail.... This book just speaks for all of us who are a slave to the store. I was rolling on the floor in laughter through the whole thing. This book needs to be passed out at all retail stores to get us through the day! Thank you Freeman Hall for making me smile!
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted December 4, 2011
Freeman is hilarious, and so relatable for those of us who work in retail!
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.FuzzyCoffeeBooks
Posted September 20, 2011
I find that most books I buy are impulse buys. I rarely go into a bookstore looking for something specific. On this occasion, however, I was in the biography section in search of a birthday gift for my Grandmother. That's where I spotted this little gem.
When I read the back of the book, I thought it would be an interesting read. One of my best friends has a retail job and I loathe it, because we work very conflicting schedules and rarely get to hang out. So I thought reading a no-holds barred confessional by experienced sales associate Freeman Hall would give me some insight into her job.
I don't mean to say that I think a retail job is easy. I worked retail in high school, and I know it isn't easy. But Mr. Hall's account takes it to a whole new level.
I positively devoured this book. The reactions I had while reading ranged from mildly amused to utter disbelief. The antics he describes sometimes sound a little exaggerated, but it makes it even more fun to imagine that they happened exactly as delineated. If I hadn't picked the book up in the biographies, I would swear it was fiction. I laughed my way through this book, and can't imagine anyone not having a similar reaction. Mr. Hall displays obvious talent as a writer - it's fresh and fun, and his characters (real people?!) are larger than life. He describes them, and then, if they deserve it, he properly eviscerates them. Yet all the while, you can't help but want to be his best friend! Anyway, if you're looking for some fun non-fiction, I'd suggest hitting up your local bookstore for this one. I can't remember non-fiction ever making me laugh this much.
Anonymous
Posted August 8, 2011
As a formal "retail slave" I had been looking forward to reading this book as soon as I heard about it. Unfortunately the author manages to make what should be funny relatable stories...uninteresting and filled with whiny dribble.
What had the potential to be a laugh out loud funny read turned out to be 277 pages of listening to a man complain and whine like a immature baby. If I wanted to listen to that I would have stayed in retail and listened to my co-workers.
5469816
Posted July 13, 2011
I laughed all the way to the end. Great fast read.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.nerdymama
Posted July 12, 2011
Laugh out loud funny. So relatable, must read for any current or former retail slave!
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.It has its funny parts. But overall, not that captivating. If you're really bored... and it's free. Read it. But don't buy it. I made that mistake.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.luvnonfiction
Posted October 26, 2009
Freeman describes the perils of working in a high-end retail environment with such wit and humor that you won't be able to put this book down. A good friend of mine worked for a high end retailer in their China and Crystal Department--excuse me--Fine Gift Gallery, and would share horror stories similar to the ones that Hall shares. The characters and stories have to be true, because it would be impossible to make them up. Hall is a vivid and colorful storyteller. I read this gem in three days. A great gift for anyone who has had the endure the horrors of waiting on the public.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted October 20, 2009
I work professionally in the Film/Television Industry. In the past, I also had to work a variety of odd jobs to supplement my income..jobs that I sometimes did not enjoy...RETAIL SALES being one of many...ARTISTS,like myself, have gone down this path more than once!
RETAIL HELL,through my own experiences, is a TRUTH BE TOLD scenario of life behind the counter. SOME people may be content with their retail jobs and may find this book a bad read. Others,like myself who had other dreams and destiny's to fulfill will love it and relate to it.
I have seen books,read articles and watched news stories about retail customers and retail corporations BUT I have never seen any article in print or in book form talk about this... Retail employees day-to day work experiences!
Why has this RETAIL STORY not been told before?
The book RETAIL HELL sounds so obvious but it is a fresh 'original' subject matter that is lived by many!
I liked Halls book a lot and I highly recommend it to everyone... Laugh out loud shocking customer encounters and scenarios! If you cannot relate to the retail side,you will be able to relate to the off-the-wall characters in this book... many could be our own family members!(LOL)
I will be telling my friends and colleagues about this book!
In closing, I see a sitcom in the making or a reality show about HALLS 'RETAIL HELL' EXPERIENCES. You can bet for sure that I would be first in line for a one way ticket to RETAIL HELL!
cottonwood
Posted September 27, 2009
This is the most poorly written book I have ever seen. I wrote "seen" instead of "read" because I just could not finish it.
0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Those who worked there will love it - especially as it is it's own special hell on earth: and sadly, it is a dead on impression down to the Mr. in front of the name of the CEO's first name in an odd way. All that being said, it is only crash and burn funny if you've worked there....otherwise, it's pointless drivel. But if you've worked at hell on earth, or silver bag with a smile, it's oh to funny. Down to the screaming pep rallys instead of doing work, not having ac on and illegal returns of stolen merchandise. But the writing? Sigh.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.READERINTX
Posted September 25, 2009
THIS BOOK IS STUPID STUPID STUPID. DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME OR YOUR MONEY. I'M IRRITATED AT THE CLERKS AT B&N FOR RECOMMENDING THIS BOOK. POORLY WRITTEN & POINTLESS.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Overview
"[Freeman is] a retail-centric Perez Hilton."--Publishers Weekly. As the token male sales associate in the handbag department, Freeman Hall knows a thing or two about the ready-to-wear chaos. Lured by the temptation of a high-end store discount, here he unleashes some of his most absurd retail experiences at The Big Fancy--featuring everything from unruly children, shoplifters, and bitchy customers to overly demanding managers, sale insanity, and crazy corporate quotas. Speaking for every wage slave who has ever handled a bogus return, Freeman throws open the gates of Retail Hell, revealing stories from his twenty years of experience working "on the floor" in this laugh-out-loud memoir that delivers designer-brand retail