Retail Hell: How I Sold My Soul to the Store Confessions of a Tortured Sales Associate

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Overview

'I think you left these behind,' I said, handing them to her. This happens all the time when women try to return bags they've used. Tampons, lipstick, coins, Tic Tacs, and condoms are the top treasures found.

• Greasy? let out a sigh, as if I were the problem. 'I was just trying my things in it. I really don't see what the problem is here. It's none of your business what I keep in my handbag.'

It is when my commission is at stake! I'm not your Designer Handbag Rental Service! My name is not BagBorrowOrSteal.com!

Enter Freeman Hall, an aspiring screenwriter who sets out to realize his Hollywood dream, but instead plunges into the seventh circle of Retail ...

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More About This Book

Overview

'I think you left these behind,' I said, handing them to her. This happens all the time when women try to return bags they've used. Tampons, lipstick, coins, Tic Tacs, and condoms are the top treasures found.

• Greasy? let out a sigh, as if I were the problem. 'I was just trying my things in it. I really don't see what the problem is here. It's none of your business what I keep in my handbag.'

It is when my commission is at stake! I'm not your Designer Handbag Rental Service! My name is not BagBorrowOrSteal.com!

Enter Freeman Hall, an aspiring screenwriter who sets out to realize his Hollywood dream, but instead plunges into the seventh circle of Retail Hell when the rent comes due, selling animal-hide Hobos and overpriced clutches to Lookie-Loos and Picky Bitches-but always with a sunshiny smile.

Freeman toils in the handbag (that's handbag, NOT purse) department of the Big Fancy department store, where he sees, hears, smells (and unfortunately, feels) it all! Here, he provides a true-and truly shocking-account of life from the other side of the handbag display. From early-morning RA-RA RALLIES to the craziest crazy-lady customers, Freeman's horrific and hilarious workday tales redefine Juicy Couture.

As Freeman begins to plots his escape, he realizes that despite the Big Fancy's lax return policy, for him, there really may be no returns . . . no exchanges . . . no way out.

Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly
For Hall, retail was destiny, for he came from a family of retail workers, including his great-grandfather, who owned a furniture-and-appliance store in his hometown of Reno, Nev. But Hall, as he explains, had a different dream: he wanted to be a screenwriter. He didn't give up those aspirations, despite having retail jobs during his growing-up years. When he moved to California to get closer to the film industry, he looked for a job that could help him pay the bills and look fabulous at the same time. He landed a job at a department store he calls “The Big Fancy,” an upscale emporium known for its customer service. Those who've worked on the front lines of the service industry will relate to Hall's bitter memoir (and recognize the retailer as Nordstrom, where he spent 15 years as a handbag salesman). Hall's memoir chronicles wacky training exercises, sleep-inducing staff meetings and, of course, the customers. Every nutty client becomes a character, from foul-mouthed Lorraine, aka Shoposaurus Carnivoarus, to more generic Serpents and Bloodsuckers. Screenplaylike renderings of Hall's dreams pop up throughout the book, as do rants about co-workers, customers' endless capacity for lying in the service of returning obviously used items and more. Hall's voice is sharp and sometimes funny, not unlike a retail-centric Perez Hilton—but the book will leave readers wondering why Hall stayed in retail for decades if he hated it so much. (Oct.)

Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781605501024
  • Publisher: Adams Media Corporation
  • Publication date: 9/18/2009
  • Pages: 272
  • Sales rank: 826,760
  • Product dimensions: 5.80 (w) x 8.50 (h) x 1.10 (d)

Meet the Author

Freeman Hall (Los Angeles, CA) is a retail survivor who began slaving in retail at the age of twenty at Macy's. His most notable retailicious experience was with specialty clothing store Nordstrom, where he spent fifteen years as an award-winning handbag manager and salesperson. Check out RetailHelltheBook.com for his blog, videos, sounding board, and more.

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 30 Customer Reviews

  • Posted December 26, 2009

    I Also Recommend:

    9780578007779 9780553807868 9780316557887 9781402765896 9781416592181

    Quirky in a Good Way

    I have never worked in retail and until I read this book I really never thought that much about what the job entailed. I certainly do now. The author not only let the public in on what goes on before the doors open at Big Fancy, but taught us that there is no such thing as a purse, it's a handbag.

    The author also introduced us to some of his customers ~ in detail ~ and many of them were laugh out loud funny. I had no idea there were customers who came to department stores on a daily basis, customers who requested discounts on top of discounts, or there were "customers" that returned items incognito as their handbags were never purchased at the Big Fancy or in some cases, at all...

    This book, although meant to be funny, has given me a new respect for those who serve the public. I don't envy them.

    3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 16, 2009

    Been there!

    I have a feeling the people who didn't like this have never worked retail. If you've worked retail there's no way you can't relate to at least some of this. Its easy to read, fast and if you want to laugh out loud definitely give it a try. For those of you who have never worked retail and think it can't possibly be true, oh yeah, it is. People are pigs.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted August 24, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    Great for anyone who's ever worked retail!

    I just finished this one, and it made me laugh out loud during my breaks at work (which IS retail, albeit much less horrifying than Mr. Hall makes his job out to be). I have to believe that some of these anecdotes were exaggerated because if I had snapped back at any of my customers as he did, I would be in serious trouble! But either way, this book is hilarious and easily relatable for anyone who's worked in retail. Returns, cranky customers, psychotic coworkers...it's all there. Took me about 2 days to finish. Read for a good laugh!

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted January 18, 2010

    Retail Hilarious

    Some stories were laugh out loud funny. The things described are real and sometimes gross. I'm glad Freeman wrote this book. I did get tired of the f word mid way thru the book. Better editing next time - several wrong words used.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted November 15, 2009

    Who Would Ever Choose to Work In Retail?

    I found this book quite recently. Being relatively new to retail (approx 2 years) my department is next to 'handbags' and I found this book quite a revelation. Hilarious, yet sad in places . I found the language a bit strong and not entirely necessary in some parts but haven't we all experienced some of these scenes in our own lives? Purchased copies for my team and we can all relate to some parts of this book. Very witty and well written. Recommend for all those in retail, especially high end handbags!!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted October 28, 2009

    I Love This Book!

    I read this book on my flight to Hawaii and couldn't put it down. I was laughing out loud. The passengers around me were dieing to know what I was reading, including the Flight Attendant. I have to give Retail Hell 5 stars for its humor and originality. I look forward to book 2!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted October 15, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    I Also Recommend:

    9780061256691

    SO delicious

    I have been in retail since I was 16, and have encountered almost everything that Freeman has described, excluding the 9000 steps of hell. I think that everyone should read this book, if for no other reason than to understand the real crap that retail workers endure every day. Perhaps the entitlement complex that most customers feel might diminish in the slightest bit. Good luck, Freeman. I hope you meet a cute boy who needs his inseam measured!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 1, 2009

    Everyone needs to read this book!!!!

    Im sure at some point in everyones lives we work in some type of retail.... This book just speaks for all of us who are a slave to the store. I was rolling on the floor in laughter through the whole thing. This book needs to be passed out at all retail stores to get us through the day! Thank you Freeman Hall for making me smile!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted July 22, 2010

    more from this reviewer

    Read As A Last Resort.

    It has its funny parts. But overall, not that captivating. If you're really bored... and it's free. Read it. But don't buy it. I made that mistake.

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  • Posted October 26, 2009

    If you have ever worked in retail, this book is for you

    Freeman describes the perils of working in a high-end retail environment with such wit and humor that you won't be able to put this book down. A good friend of mine worked for a high end retailer in their China and Crystal Department--excuse me--Fine Gift Gallery, and would share horror stories similar to the ones that Hall shares. The characters and stories have to be true, because it would be impossible to make them up. Hall is a vivid and colorful storyteller. I read this gem in three days. A great gift for anyone who has had the endure the horrors of waiting on the public.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 20, 2009

    RETAIL HELL... LIGHTS,CAMERA,ACTION...A BIG THUMBS UP!

    I work professionally in the Film/Television Industry. In the past, I also had to work a variety of odd jobs to supplement my income..jobs that I sometimes did not enjoy...RETAIL SALES being one of many...ARTISTS,like myself, have gone down this path more than once!

    RETAIL HELL,through my own experiences, is a TRUTH BE TOLD scenario of life behind the counter. SOME people may be content with their retail jobs and may find this book a bad read. Others,like myself who had other dreams and destiny's to fulfill will love it and relate to it.

    I have seen books,read articles and watched news stories about retail customers and retail corporations BUT I have never seen any article in print or in book form talk about this... Retail employees day-to day work experiences!

    Why has this RETAIL STORY not been told before?

    The book RETAIL HELL sounds so obvious but it is a fresh 'original' subject matter that is lived by many!

    I liked Halls book a lot and I highly recommend it to everyone... Laugh out loud shocking customer encounters and scenarios! If you cannot relate to the retail side,you will be able to relate to the off-the-wall characters in this book... many could be our own family members!(LOL)

    I will be telling my friends and colleagues about this book!

    In closing, I see a sitcom in the making or a reality show about HALLS 'RETAIL HELL' EXPERIENCES. You can bet for sure that I would be first in line for a one way ticket to RETAIL HELL!

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  • Posted September 27, 2009

    avoid

    This is the most poorly written book I have ever seen. I wrote "seen" instead of "read" because I just could not finish it.

    0 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted September 26, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    Perfect for those who worked for the company....

    Those who worked there will love it - especially as it is it's own special hell on earth: and sadly, it is a dead on impression down to the Mr. in front of the name of the CEO's first name in an odd way. All that being said, it is only crash and burn funny if you've worked there....otherwise, it's pointless drivel. But if you've worked at hell on earth, or silver bag with a smile, it's oh to funny. Down to the screaming pep rallys instead of doing work, not having ac on and illegal returns of stolen merchandise. But the writing? Sigh.

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  • Posted September 25, 2009

    IS IT POSSIBLE TO GIVE ZERO STARS?

    THIS BOOK IS STUPID STUPID STUPID. DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME OR YOUR MONEY. I'M IRRITATED AT THE CLERKS AT B&N FOR RECOMMENDING THIS BOOK. POORLY WRITTEN & POINTLESS.

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted September 9, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    I Also Recommend:

    717951002716

    Twenty years and that's all you've got?

    Hall's wannabe upscale Clerks falls sadly short of its mark - if this is hell, it's only the first circle. In the first 24 hours of my retail career, I accumulated funnier stories than these. And I tell them better. In fact, one suspects that the author's 20 year stint in retail on the way to becoming a screenwriter might have less to do with being ground down by The Store and more to do with his being a weak writer. Those outside the business might find a few shocked laughs here. Those inside will roll their eyes at his kvetching.

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 25, 2009

    No text was provided for this review.

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    Posted November 29, 2009

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted October 8, 2009

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted October 18, 2009

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted December 19, 2009

    No text was provided for this review.

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