Rickles' Letters

( 4 )


Along with collected letters of Ralph Waldo Emerson, Thomas Jefferson and Wendell Willkie, Rickles' Letters illustrates the power of eloquent correspondence and offers universal wisdom for the ages. For example:

RICKLES TO MRS. LINCOLN: "Sorry you had problems at Ford's Theatre last night, but could you get me a couple of aisle tickets for the Saturday matinee?"


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Rickles' Letters

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Along with collected letters of Ralph Waldo Emerson, Thomas Jefferson and Wendell Willkie, Rickles' Letters illustrates the power of eloquent correspondence and offers universal wisdom for the ages. For example:

RICKLES TO MRS. LINCOLN: "Sorry you had problems at Ford's Theatre last night, but could you get me a couple of aisle tickets for the Saturday matinee?"

RICKLES TO ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER: "Lose the cigar. It's hard enough to understand you without it."

RICKLES TO CLINT EASTWOOD: "How many guys could do a movie about Iwo Jima from the Japanese point of view? I got nervous; I thought you were going to let them win!"

RICKLES TO SANTA CLAUS: "Kiss my jingle bells."

RICKLES TO PRESIDENT CARTER: "Forget your hammers and nails and Habitat House and read my book."

RICKLES TO QUEEN ELIZABETH: "Is it true your husband has a day job working at a sword factory?"

RICKLES TO BENJAMIN FRANKLIN: "Cousin Herbie was doing great selling candles until you came up with the stupid idea of flying a kite."

RICKLES TO MAYOR BLOOMBERG: "What do I have to do to get a cab around here?"

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Editorial Reviews

From Barnes & Noble
Don Rickles is the most beloved insult comic of all time. Now an octogenarian and still adamantly opposed to retirement, the bad boy stand-up from Jackson Heights, Queens, continues to delight audiences with his acid commentary about celebrities' foibles and vanity. Throughout his long career, the man Johnny Carson nicknamed "Mr. Warmth" has maintained a prolific correspondence, regaling his friends with not only his satiric barbs but also his insights about comedy and entertainment. This collection of misanthropic missive will entertain baby boomers and several generations beyond.
Publishers Weekly
Legendary comedian Rickles is at his funniest when he's insulting people in front of an audience, and-as illustrated by his memoir Rickles' Book-at his most sentimental when reminiscing over old friends. This volume has a little of both, but not enough of either; a collection of open letters to fellow celebrities and other notable figures, it only hints at Rickles' uproarious comedic gifts. Most missives are strictly one-note: a letter to the American Academy of Dramatic Arts, where Rickles once studied, requests a statue in his honor; Fidel Castro gets joshed about his retirement; Jesus gets congratulations for starting a new religion, but chastised for Easter. Those waiting for the gloves to come off will be disappointed in his gentle treatment of longtime friends like Bob Newhart, Steve and Eydie Gorme and Frank Sinatra. Perhaps most puzzling is his temerity with those who could use the full Rickles barrage, like Osama Bin Laden: "You're becoming a real pain in my ass, way up there in the mountains. Just let me find you a nice condo in downtown Tel Aviv already." Longtime fans and comedy completists will want this in their collection, but they'll find it doesn't live up to Rickles' considerable talents.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781416596646
  • Publisher: Simon & Schuster
  • Publication date: 11/15/2010
  • Pages: 224
  • Sales rank: 791,303
  • Product dimensions: 5.50 (w) x 8.40 (h) x 0.60 (d)

Meet the Author

Don Rickles is looking for his first big break in show business. If you have a gig for him, contact his agent (as soon as he gets one).

David Ritz is the only four-time winner of the Gleason Music Book Award. He has collaborated with Ray Charles, Marvin Gaye, B.B. King, Aretha Franklin, Etta James, Smokey Robinson, and Don Rickles. He also cowrote, with Gaye, the song “Sexual Healing.”

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Read an Excerpt

From the desk of Don Rickles

Hi gang,

Just when I was ready to tear up my high school library card, here I am trying to write a new book.

Unlike my first one, Rickles' Book, this one isn't fact. On the other hand, I wouldn't exactly call it fiction. Truth is, I don't know what to call it. So I'm calling it Rickles' Letters. Okay, so I haven't mailed any of 'em — go tell it to the FBI.

They're just crazy letters that let me express myself. After all, I'm an artist.

Besides, I'm in my eighties, so what can they do to me? Take away my milk and cookies?

What else do I have to do except write letters? How many Indian casinos can you play in one year? How many Dodgers games can one man watch?

I gotta entertain myself and, in the process, I hope to entertain you. Example: I enjoy writing kidnap letters to myself, then letting the cops figure out who's missing.

I want to reach out and write to my close friends — as in the ones who send me a card every New Year's to see if I'm still alive. I also want to reach people who aren't so crazy about me — as in the ones who've seen my act and didn't bother to applaud.

I want to get more involved in American history. Like, "Dear Mrs. Lincoln, Sorry the show at Ford's Theatre didn't go well last night. But could you get me a couple of aisle seats for the Saturday matinee?"

I want to write to a lot of the stars I've known over the years, so they won't forget how I contributed to their success, and ask them to leave me something before they die — like their estates.

One last thing: None of these letters were written on a computer. I've been writing letters since before they put erasers on pencils — and that's still good enough for me.

I'm grabbing my yellow pad and getting started.

So start reading. Fasten your seat belt. Rickles is writing again.

Copyright © 2008 by Wynnefield Productions, Inc.

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Table of Contents

1. Letters to My Friends

2. Letters to People I Don't Know but Who Need My Advice

3. Letters to People Who Are Important but Don't Want to Know Me

4. Letters to My Friends in Heaven

5. Letters from My Travels Around the World

6. Letters About Things I Need to Get Off My Chest

7. Letters to My Friends Who Talk Too Much

8. A Letter to Me

9. A Letter to My Commander in Chief

10. Letters to My Loved Ones

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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4
( 4 )
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Sort by: Showing all of 4 Customer Reviews
  • Posted July 19, 2010

    Rickles is a riot

    This book was hilarious. You can almost hear Rickles biting humor in every line. The book is a collection of letters Don Rickles had written to relatives, celebrity friends, and even total strangers that he wanted to comment on. It was enjoyable and can appeal to a variety of people.

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  • Posted February 16, 2009

    Funny, funny, man!

    A great look into some good joke telling. These letters show you how a comedic genius like Mr. Rickles thinks. He is unabashed in going after anyone in anyway!

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted May 20, 2011

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted January 8, 2009

    No text was provided for this review.

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