Rickles' Lettersby Don Rickles
RICKLES TO MRS. LINCOLN: "Sorry you had problems at Ford's Theatre last night, but could you get me a couple of aisle tickets for the/i>
Along with collected letters of Ralph Waldo Emerson, Thomas Jefferson and Wendell Willkie, Rickles' Letters illustrates the power of eloquent correspondence and offers universal wisdom for the ages. For example:
RICKLES TO MRS. LINCOLN: "Sorry you had problems at Ford's Theatre last night, but could you get me a couple of aisle tickets for the Saturday matinee?"
RICKLES TO ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER: "Lose the cigar. It's hard enough to understand you without it."
RICKLES TO CLINT EASTWOOD: "How many guys could do a movie about Iwo Jima from the Japanese point of view? I got nervous; I thought you were going to let them win!"
RICKLES TO SANTA CLAUS: "Kiss my jingle bells."
RICKLES TO PRESIDENT CARTER: "Forget your hammers and nails and Habitat House and read my book."
RICKLES TO QUEEN ELIZABETH: "Is it true your husband has a day job working at a sword factory?"
RICKLES TO BENJAMIN FRANKLIN: "Cousin Herbie was doing great selling candles until you came up with the stupid idea of flying a kite."
RICKLES TO MAYOR BLOOMBERG: "What do I have to do to get a cab around here?"
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Read an Excerpt
From the desk of Don Rickles
Just when I was ready to tear up my high school library card, here I am trying to write a new book.
Unlike my first one, Rickles' Book, this one isn't fact. On the other hand, I wouldn't exactly call it fiction. Truth is, I don't know what to call it. So I'm calling it Rickles' Letters. Okay, so I haven't mailed any of 'em -- go tell it to the FBI.
They're just crazy letters that let me express myself. After all, I'm an artist.
Besides, I'm in my eighties, so what can they do to me? Take away my milk and cookies?
What else do I have to do except write letters? How many Indian casinos can you play in one year? How many Dodgers games can one man watch?
I gotta entertain myself and, in the process, I hope to entertain you. Example: I enjoy writing kidnap letters to myself, then letting the cops figure out who's missing.
I want to reach out and write to my close friends -- as in the ones who send me a card every New Year's to see if I'm still alive. I also want to reach people who aren't so crazy about me -- as in the ones who've seen my act and didn't bother to applaud.
I want to get more involved in American history. Like, "Dear Mrs. Lincoln, Sorry the show at Ford's Theatre didn't go well last night. But could you get me a couple of aisle seats for the Saturday matinee?"
I want to write to a lot of the stars I've known over the years, so they won't forget how I contributed to their success, and ask them to leave me something before they die -- like their estates.
One last thing: None of these letters were written on a computer. I've been writing letters since before they put erasers on pencils -- and that's still good enough for me.
I'm grabbing my yellow pad and getting started.
So start reading. Fasten your seat belt. Rickles is writing again.
Copyright © 2008 by Wynnefield Productions, Inc.
Meet the Author
Don Rickles is looking for his first big break in show business. If you have a gig for him, contact his agent (as soon as he gets one).
David Ritz is the only four-time winner of the Gleason Music Book Award.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
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This book was hilarious. You can almost hear Rickles biting humor in every line. The book is a collection of letters Don Rickles had written to relatives, celebrity friends, and even total strangers that he wanted to comment on. It was enjoyable and can appeal to a variety of people.
A great look into some good joke telling. These letters show you how a comedic genius like Mr. Rickles thinks. He is unabashed in going after anyone in anyway!