The Road Less Traveled

( 58 )

Overview

Perhaps no book in this generation has had a more profound impact on our intellectual and spiritual lives than The Road Less Traveled. With sales of more than 7 million copies in the United States and Canada, and translation into more than 23 languages, it has made publishing history, with more than 10 years on The New York Times bestseller list.
Now, with a new introduction by the author, written especially for this 25th anniversary deluxe hardcover edition of the all-time ...

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The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth

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Overview

Perhaps no book in this generation has had a more profound impact on our intellectual and spiritual lives than The Road Less Traveled. With sales of more than 7 million copies in the United States and Canada, and translation into more than 23 languages, it has made publishing history, with more than 10 years on The New York Times bestseller list.
Now, with a new introduction by the author, written especially for this 25th anniversary deluxe hardcover edition of the all-time national bestseller in its field, M. Scott Peck explains the ideas that shaped this book and that continue to influence an ever-growing audience of readers.
Written in a voice that is timeless in its message of understanding, The Road Less Traveled continues to enable us to explore the nature of loving relationships and leads us toward a new serenity and fullness of life. It helps us determine how to distinguish dependency from love; how to become a more sensitive parent; and ultimately how to become one's own true self.
Recognizing that — in the famous opening line of his book — "Life is difficult" and that the journey to spiritual growth is a long one, Dr. Peck never bullies his readers, but rather gently guides them through the hard and often painful process of change toward a higher level of self-understanding.
Combining profound psychological insight and deep spirituality, this one-of-a-kind hardcover anniversary edition is a book to treasure and turn to again and again for inspiration and understanding. As Phyllis Theroux wrote in The Washington Post when the original edition of The Road Less Traveled was first published, "It is not just a book but a spontaneous act of generosity."

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Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher
Phyllis Theroux The Washington Post Not just a book, but a spontaneous act of generosity.
Publishers Weekly
Psychotherapy is all things to all people in this mega-selling pop-psychology watershed, which features a new introduction by the author in this 25th anniversary edition. His agenda in this tome, which was first published in 1978 but didn't become a bestseller until 1983, is to reconcile the psychoanalytic tradition with the conflicting cultural currents roiling the 70s. In the spirit of Me-Decade individualism and libertinism, he celebrates self-actualization as life's highest purpose and flirts with the notions of open marriage and therapeutic sex between patient and analyst. But because he is attuned to the nascent conservative backlash against the therapeutic worldview, Peck also cites Gospel passages, recruits psychotherapy to the cause of traditional religion (he even convinces a patient to sign up for divinity school) and insists that problems must be overcome through suffering, discipline and hard work (with a therapist.) Often departing from the cerebral and rationalistic bent of Freudian discourse for a mystical, Jungian tone more compatible with New Age spirituality, Peck writes of psychotherapy as an exercise in "love" and "spiritual growth," asserts that "our unconscious is God" and affirms his belief in miracles, reincarnation and telepathy. Peck's synthesis of such clashing elements (he even throws in a little thermodynamics) is held together by a warm and lucid discussion of psychiatric principles and moving accounts of his own patients' struggles and breakthroughs. Harmonizing psychoanalysis and spirituality, Christ and Buddha, Calvinist work ethic and interminable talking cures, this book is a touchstone of our contemporary religio-therapeutic culture. (Feb.) Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information.
Library Journal
This book proved a smash when it debuted in 1978, selling several million copies. This 25th-anniversary edition includes a new introduction in which the publisher claims the author "explains the ideas that shaped this book and continue to influence an expanding audience of readers." That might sound like PR, but this truly was one of the first books dealing with the psychology of spirituality and paved the way for numerous others that followed in its wake. Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780743238250
  • Publisher: Simon & Schuster
  • Publication date: 10/1/2002
  • Edition description: 25th Anniversary Edition
  • Edition number: 25
  • Pages: 320
  • Sales rank: 66,541
  • Product dimensions: 6.50 (w) x 9.40 (h) x 1.00 (d)

Meet the Author

M. Scott Peck, M.D. is the author of the New York Times best-seller The Road Less Traveled, with six million copies in print. His other books include Further Along the Road Less Traveled, The Road Less Traveled and Beyond, Meditations from the Road and Golf and the Spirit.

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Read an Excerpt

SECTION I

Discipline

Problems and Pain

Life is difficult.

This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult — once we truly understand and accept it — then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.

Most do not fully see this truth that life is difficult. Instead they moan more or less incessantly, noisily or subtly, about the enormity of their problems, their burdens, and their difficulties as if life were generally easy, as if life should be easy. They voice their belief, noisily or subtly, that their difficulties represent a unique kind of affliction that should not be and that has somehow been especially visited upon them, or else upon their families, their tribe, their class, their nation, their race or even their species, and not upon others. I know about this moaning because I have done my share.

Life is a series of problems. Do we want to moan about them or solve them? Do we want to teach our children to solve them?

Discipline is the basic set of tools we require to solve life's problems. Without discipline we can solve nothing. With only some discipline we can solve only some problems. With total discipline we can solve all problems.

What makes life difficult is that the process of confronting and solving problems is a painful one. Problems, depending upon their nature, evoke in us frustration or grief or sadness or loneliness or guilt or regret or anger or fear or anxiety or anguish or despair. These are uncomfortable feelings, often very uncomfortable, often as painful as any kind of physical pain, sometimes equaling the very worst kind of physical pain. Indeed, it is because of the pain that events or conflicts engender in us all that we call them problems. And since life poses an endless series of problems, life is always difficult and is full of pain as well as joy.

Yet it is in this whole process of meeting and solving problems that life has its meaning. Problems are the cutting edge that distinguishes between success and failure. Problems call forth our courage and our wisdom; indeed, they create our courage and our wisdom. It is only because of problems that we grow mentally and spiritually. When we desire to encourage the growth of the human spirit, we challenge and encourage the human capacity to solve problems, just as in school we deliberately set problems for our children to solve. It is through the pain of confronting and resolving problems that we learn. As Benjamin Franklin said, "Those things that hurt, instruct." It is for this reason that wise people learn not to dread but actually to welcome problems and actually to welcome the pain of problems.

Most of us are not so wise. Fearing the pain involved, almost all of us, to a greater or lesser degree, attempt to avoid problems. We procrastinate, hoping that they will go away. We ignore them, forget them, pretend they do not exist. We even take drugs to assist us in ignoring them, so that by deadening ourselves to the pain we can forget the problems that cause the pain. We attempt to skirt around problems rather than meet them head on. We attempt to get out of them rather than suffer through them.

This tendency to avoid problems and the emotional suffering inherent in them is the primary basis of all human mental illness. Since most of us have this tendency to a greater or lesser degree, most of us are mentally ill to a greater or lesser degree, lacking complete mental health. Some of us will go to quite extraordinary lengths to avoid our problems and the suffering they cause, proceeding far afield from all that is clearly good and sensible in order to try to find an easy way out, building the most elaborate fantasies in which to live, sometimes to the total exclusion of reality. In the succinctly elegant words of Carl Jung, "Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering."

But the substitute itself ultimately becomes more painful than the legitimate suffering it was designed to avoid. The neurosis itself becomes the biggest problem. True to form, many will then attempt to avoid this pain and this problem in turn, building layer upon layer of neurosis. Fortunately, however, some possess the courage to face their neuroses and begin — usually with the help of psychotherapy — to learn how to experience legitimate suffering. In any case, when we avoid the legitimate suffering that results from dealing with problems, we also avoid the growth that problems demand from us. It is for this reason that in chronic mental illness we stop growing, we become stuck. And without healing, the human spirit begins to shrivel.

Therefore let us inculcate in ourselves and in our children the means of achieving mental and spiritual health. By this I mean let us teach ourselves and our children the necessity for suffering and the value thereof, the need to face problems directly and to experience the pain involved. I have stated that discipline is the basic set of tools we require to solve life's problems. It will become clear that these tools are techniques of suffering, means by which we experience the pain of problems in such a way as to work them through and solve them successfully, learning and growing in the process. When we teach ourselves and our children discipline, we are teaching them and ourselves how to suffer and also how to grow.

What are these tools, these techniques of suffering, these means of experiencing the pain of problems constructively that I call discipline? There are four: delaying of gratification, acceptance of responsibility, dedication to truth, and balancing. As will be evident, these are not complex tools whose application demands extensive training. To the contrary, they are simple tools, and almost all children are adept in their use by the age of ten. Yet presidents and kings will often forget to use them, to their own downfall. The problem lies not in the complexity of these tools but in the will to use them. For they are tools with which pain is confronted rather than avoided, and if one seeks to avoid legitimate suffering, then one will avoid the use of these tools. Therefore, after analyzing each of these tools, we shall in the next section examine the will to use them, which is love.

Delaying Gratification

Not too long ago a thirty-year-old financial analyst was complaining to me over a period of months about her tendency to procrastinate in her job. We had worked through her feelings about her employers and how they related to feelings about authority in general, and to her parents specifically. We had examined her attitudes toward work and success and how these related to her marriage, her sexual identity, her desire to compete with her husband, and her fears of such competition. Yet despite all this standard and painstaking psychoanalytic work, she continued to procrastinate as much as ever. Finally, one day, we dared to look at the obvious. "Do you like cake?" I asked her. She replied that she did. "Which part of the cake do you like better," I went on, "the cake or the frosting?" "Oh, the frosting!" she responded enthusiastically. "And how do you eat a piece of cake?" I inquired, feeling that I must be the most inane psychiatrist that ever lived. "I eat the frosting first, of course," she replied. From her cake-eating habits we went on to examine her work habits, and, as was to be expected, discovered that on any given day she would devote the first hour to the more gratifying half of her work and the remaining six hours getting around to the objectionable remainder. I suggested that if she were to force herself to accomplish the unpleasant part of her job during the first hour, she would then be free to enjoy the other six. It seemed to me, I said, that one hour of pain followed by six of pleasure was preferable to one hour of pleasure followed by six of pain. She agreed, and, being basically a person of strong will, she no longer procrastinates.

Delaying gratification is a process of scheduling the pain and pleasure of life in such a way as to enhance the pleasure by meeting and experiencing the pain first and getting it over with. It is the only decent way to live.

This tool or process of scheduling is learned by most children quite early in life, sometimes as early as age five. For instance, occasionally a five-year-old when playing a game with a companion will suggest that the companion take first turn, so that the child might enjoy his or her turn later. At age six children may start eating their cake first and the frosting last. Throughout grammar school this early capacity to delay gratification is daily exercised, particularly through the performance of homework. By the age of twelve some children are already able to sit down on occasion without any parental prompting and complete their homework before they watch television. By the age of fifteen or sixteen such behavior is expected of the adolescent and is considered normal.

It becomes clear to their educators at this age, however, that a substantial number of adolescents fall far short of this norm. While many have a well-developed capacity to delay gratification, some fifteen- or sixteen-year-olds seem to have hardly developed this capacity at all; indeed, some seem even to lack the capacity entirely. These are the problem students. Despite average or better intelligence, their grades are poor simply because they do not work. They skip classes or skip school entirely on the whim of the moment. They are impulsive, and their impulsiveness spills over into their social life as well. They get into frequent fights, they become involved with drugs, they begin to get in trouble with the police. Play now, pay later, is their motto. So the psychologists and psychotherapists are called in. But most of the time it seems too late. These adolescents are resentful of any attempt to intervene in their life style of impulsiveness, and even when this resentment can be overcome by warmth and friendliness and a nonjudgmental attitude on the part of the therapist, their impulsiveness is often so severe that it precludes their participation in the process of psychotherapy in any meaningful way. They miss their appointments. They avoid all important and painful issues. So usually the attempt at intervention fails, and these children drop out of school, only to continue a pattern of failure that frequently lands them in disastrous marriages, in accidents, in psychiatric hospitals or in jail.

Why is this? Why do a majority develop a capacity to delay gratification while a substantial minority fail, often irretrievably, to develop this capacity. The answer is not absolutely, scientifically known. The role of genetic factors is unclear. The variables cannot be sufficiently controlled for scientific proof. But most of the signs rather clearly point to the quality of parenting as the determinant.

The Sins of the Father

It is not that the homes of these unself-disciplined children are lacking in parental discipline of a sort. More often than not these children are punished frequently and severely throughout their childhood — slapped, punched, kicked, beaten and whipped by their parents for even minor infractions. But this discipline is meaningless. Because it is undisciplined discipline.

One reason that it is meaningless is that the parents themselves are unself-disciplined, and therefore serve as undisciplined role models for their children. They are the "Do as I say, not as I do" parents. They may frequently get drunk in front of their children. They may fight with each other in front of the children without restraint, dignity or rationality. They may be slovenly. They make promises they don't keep. Their own lives are frequently and obviously in disorder and disarray, and their attempts to order the lives of their children seem therefore to make little sense to these children. If father beats up mother regularly, what sense does it make to a boy when his mother beats him up because he beat up his sister? Does it make sense when he's told that he must learn to control his temper? Since we do not have the benefit of comparison when we are young, our parents are godlike figures to our childish eyes. When parents do things a certain way, it seems to the young child the way to do them, the way they should be done. If a child sees his parents day in and day out behaving with self-discipline, restraint, dignity and a capacity to order their own lives, then the child will come to feel in the deepest fibers of his being that this is the way to live. If a child sees his parents day in and day out living without self-restraint or self-discipline, then he will come in the deepest fibers of being to believe that that is the way to live.

Yet even more important than role modeling is love. For even in chaotic and disordered homes genuine love is occasionally present, and from such homes may come self-disciplined children. And not infrequently parents who are professional people — doctors, lawyers, club women and philanthropists — who lead lives of strict orderliness and decorum but yet lack love, send children into the world who are as undisciplined and destructive and disorganized as any child from an impoverished and chaotic home.

Ultimately love is everything. The mystery of love will be examined in later portions of this work. Yet, for the sake of coherency, it may be helpful to make a brief but limited mention of it and its relationship to discipline at this point.

When we love something it is of value to us, and when something is of value to us we spend time with it, time enjoying it and time taking care of it. Observe a teenager in love with his car and note the time he will spend admiring it, polishing it, repairing it, tuning it. Or an older person with a beloved rose garden, and the time spent pruning and mulching and fertilizing and studying it. So it is when we love children; we spend time admiring them and caring for them. We give them our time.

Good discipline requires time. When we have no time to give our children, or no time that we are willing to give, we don't even observe them closely enough to become aware of when their need for our disciplinary assistance is expressed subtly. If their need for discipline is so gross as to impinge upon our consciousness, we may still ignore the need on the grounds that it's easier to let them have their own way — "I just don't have the energy to deal with them today." Or, finally, if we are impelled into action by their misdeeds and our irritation, we will impose discipline, often brutally, out of anger rather than deliberation, without examining the problem or even taking the time to consider which form of discipline is the most appropriate to that particular problem.

The parents who devote time to their children even when it is not demanded by glaring misdeeds will perceive in them subtle needs for discipline, to which they will respond with gentle urging or reprimand or structure or praise, administered with thoughtfulness and care. They will observe how their children eat cake, how they study, when they tell subtle falsehoods, when they run away from problems rather than face them. They will take the time to make these minor corrections and adjustments, listening to their children, responding to them, tightening a little here, loosening a little there, giving them little lectures, little stories, little hugs and kisses, little admonishments, little pats on the back.

So it is that the quality of discipline afforded by loving parents is superior to the discipline of unloving parents. But this is just the beginning. In taking the time to observe and to think about their children's needs, loving parents will frequently agonize over the decisions to be made, and will, in a very real sense, suffer along with their children. The children are not blind to this. They perceive it when their parents are willing to suffer with them, and although they may not respond with immediate gratitude, they will learn also to suffer. "If my parents are willing to suffer with me," they will tell themselves, "then suffering must not be so bad, and I should be willing to suffer with myself." This is the beginning of self-discipline.

The time and the quality of the time that their parents devote to them indicate to children the degree to which they are valued by their parents. Some basically unloving parents, in an attempt to cover up their lack of caring, make frequent professions of love to their children, repetitively and mechanically telling them how much they are valued, but not devoting significant time of high quality to them. Their children are never totally deceived by such hollow words. Consciously they may cling to them, wanting to believe that they are loved, but unconsciously they know that their parents' words do not match up with their deeds.

On the other hand, children who are truly loved, although in moments of pique they may consciously feel or proclaim that they are being neglected, unconsciously know themselves to be valued. This knowledge is worth more than any gold. For when children know that they are valued, when they truly feel valued in the deepest parts of themselves, then they feel valuable.

The feeling of being valuable — "I am a valuable person" — is essential to mental health and is a cornerstone of self-discipline. It is a direct product of parental love. Such a conviction must be gained in childhood; it is extremely difficult to acquire it during adulthood. Conversely, when children have learned through the love of their parents to feel valuable, it is almost impossible for the vicissitudes of adulthood to destroy their spirit.

This feeling of being valuable is a cornerstone of self-discipline because when one considers oneself valuable one will take care of oneself in all ways that are necessary. Self-discipline is self-caring. For instance — since we are discussing the process of delaying gratification, of scheduling and ordering time — let us examine the matter of time. If we feel ourselves valuable, then we will feel our time to be valuable, and if we feel our time to be valuable, then we will want to use it well. The financial analyst who procrastinated did not value her time. If she had, she would not have allowed herself to spend most of her day so unhappily and unproductively. It was not without consequence for her that throughout her childhood she was "farmed out" during all school vacations to live with paid foster parents although her parents could have taken care of her perfectly well had they wanted to. They did not value her. They did not want to care for her. So she grew up feeling herself to be of little value, not worth caring for; therefore she did not care for herself. She did not feel she was worth disciplining herself. Despite the fact that she was an intelligent and competent woman she required the most elementary instruction in self-discipline because she lacked a realistic assessment of her own worth and the value of her own time. Once she was able to perceive her time as being valuable, it naturally followed that she wanted to organize it and protect it and make maximum use of it.

As a result of the experience of consistent parental love and caring throughout childhood, such fortunate children will enter adulthood not only with a deep internal sense of their own value but also with a deep internal sense of security. All children are terrified of abandonment, and with good reason. This fear of abandonment begins around the age of six months, as soon as the child is able to perceive itself to be an individual, separate from its parents. For with this perception of itself as an individual comes the realization that as an individual it is quite helpless, totally dependent and totally at the mercy of its parents for all forms of sustenance and means of survival. To the child, abandonment by its parents is the equivalent of death. Most parents, even when they are otherwise relatively ignorant or callous, are instinctively sensitive to their children's fear of abandonment and will therefore, day in and day out, hundreds and thousands of times, offer their children needed reassurance: "You know Mommy and Daddy aren't going to leave you behind"; "Of course Mommy and Daddy will come back to get you"; "Mommy and Daddy aren't going to forget about you." If these words are matched by deeds, month in and month out, year in and year out, by the time of adolescence the child will have lost the fear of abandonment and in its stead will have a deep inner feeling that the world is a safe place in which to be and protection will be there when it is needed. With this internal sense of the consistent safety of the world, such a child is free to delay gratification of one kind or another, secure in the knowledge that the opportunity for gratification, like home and parents, is always there, available when needed.

But many are not so fortunate. A substantial number of children actually are abandoned by their parents during childhood, by death, by desertion, by sheer negligence, or, as in the case of the financial analyst, by a simple lack of caring. Others, while not abandoned in fact, fail to receive from their parents the reassurance that they will not be abandoned. There are some parents, for instance, who in their desire to enforce discipline as easily and quickly as possible, will actually use the threat of abandonment, overtly or subtly, to achieve this end. The message they give to their children is: "If you don't do exactly what I want you to do I won't love you any more, and you can figure out for yourself what that might mean." It means, of course, abandonment and death. These parents sacrifice love in their need for control and domination over their children, and their reward is children who are excessively fearful of the future. So it is that these children, abandoned either psychologically or in actuality, enter adulthood lacking any deep sense that the world is a safe and protective place. To the contrary, they perceive the world as dangerous and frightening, and they are not about to forsake any gratification or security in the present for the promise of greater gratification or security in the future, since for them the future seems dubious indeed.

In summary, for children to develop the capacity to delay gratification, it is necessary for them to have self-disciplined role models, a sense of self-worth, and a degree of trust in the safety of their existence. These "possessions" are ideally acquired through the self-discipline and consistent, genuine caring of their parents; they are the most precious gifts of themselves that mothers and fathers can bequeath. When these gifts have not been proffered by one's parents, it is possible to acquire them from other sources, but in that case the process of their acquisition is invariably an uphill struggle, often of lifelong duration and often unsuccessful.

Problem-Solving and Time

Having touched upon some of the ways in which parental love or its lack may influence the development of self-discipline in general, and the capacity to delay gratification in particular, let us examine some of the more subtle yet quite devastating ways in which difficulties in delaying gratification affect the lives of most adults. For while most of us, fortunately, develop sufficient capacity to delay gratification to make it through high school or college and embark upon adulthood without landing in jail, our development nonetheless tends to be imperfect and incomplete, with the result that our ability to solve life's problems is still imperfect and incomplete.

At the age of thirty-seven I learned how to fix things. Prior to that time almost all my attempts to make minor plumbing repairs, mend toys or assemble boxed furniture according to the accompanying hieroglyphical instruction sheet ended in confusion, failure and frustration. Despite having managed to make it through medical school and support a family as a more or less successful executive and psychiatrist, I considered myself to be a mechanical idiot. I was convinced I was deficient in some gene, or by curse of nature lacking some mystical quality responsible for mechanical ability. Then one day at the end of my thirty-seventh year, while taking a spring Sunday walk, I happened upon a neighbor in the process of repairing a lawn mower. After greeting him I remarked, "Boy, I sure admire you. I've never been able to fix those kind of things or do anything like that." My neighbor, without a moment's hesitation, shot back, "That's because you don't take the time." I resumed my walk, somehow disquieted by the gurulike simplicity, spontaneity and definitiveness of his response. "You don't suppose he could be right, do you?" I asked myself. Somehow it registered, and the next time the opportunity presented itself to make a minor repair I was able to remind myself to take my time. The parking brake was stuck on a patient's car, and she knew that there was something one could do under the dashboard to release it, but she didn't know what. I lay down on the floor below the front seat of her car. Then I took the time to make myself comfortable. Once I was comfortable, I then took the time to look at the situation. I looked for several minutes. At first all I saw was a confusing jumble of wires and tubes and rods, whose meaning I did not know. But gradually, in no hurry, I was able to focus my sight on the brake apparatus and trace its course. And then it became clear to me that there was a little latch preventing the brake from being released. I slowly studied this latch until it became clear to me that if I were to push it upward with the tip of my finger it would move easily and would release the brake. And so I did this. One single motion, one ounce of pressure from a fingertip, and the problem was solved. I was a master mechanic!

Actually, I don't begin to have the knowledge or the time to gain that knowledge to be able to fix most mechanical failures, given the fact that I choose to concentrate my time on nonmechanical matters. So I still usually go running to the nearest repairman. But I now know that this is a choice I make, and I am not cursed or genetically defective or otherwise incapacitated or impotent. And I know that I and anyone else who is not mentally defective can solve any problem if we are willing to take the time.

The issue is important, because many people simply do not take the time necessary to solve many of life's intellectual, social or spiritual problems, just as I did not take the time to solve mechanical problems. Before my mechanical enlightenment I would have awkwardly stuck my head under the dashboard of my patient's car, immediately yanked at a few wires without having the foggiest idea of what I was doing, and then, when nothing constructive resulted, would have thrown up my hands and proclaimed "It's beyond me." And this is precisely the way that so many of us approach other dilemmas of day-to-day living. The aforementioned financial analyst was a basically loving and dedicated but rather helpless mother to her two young children. She was alert and concerned enough to perceive when her children were having some sort of emotional problem or when something was not working out in her child-raising. But then she inevitably took one of two courses of action with the children: either she made the very first change that came to her mind within a matter of seconds — making them eat more breakfast or sending them to bed earlier — regardless of whether such a change had anything to do with the problem, or else she came to her next therapy session with me (the repairman), despairing: "It's beyond me. What shall I do?" This woman had a perfectly keen and analytical mind, and when she didn't procrastinate, she was quite capable of solving complex problems at work. Yet when confronted with a personal problem, she behaved as if she were totally lacking in intelligence. The issue was one of time. Once she became aware of a personal problem, she felt so discomfited that she demanded an immediate solution, and she was not willing to tolerate her discomfort long enough to analyze the problem. The solution to the problem represented gratification to her, but she was unable to delay this gratification for more than a minute or two, with the result that her solutions were usually inappropriate and her family in chronic turmoil. Fortunately, through her own perseverance in therapy she was gradually able to learn how to discipline herself to take the time necessary to analyze family problems so as to develop well-thought-out and effective solutions.

We are not talking here about esoteric defects in problem-solving associated only with people who clearly manifest psychiatric disturbances. The financial analyst is everyman. Who among us can say that they unfailingly devote sufficient time to analyzing their children's problems or tensions within the family? Who among us is so self-disciplined that he or she never says resignedly in the face of family problems, "It's beyond me"?

Actually, there is a defect in the approach to problem-solving more primitive and more destructive than impatiently inadequate attempts to find instant solutions, a defect even more ubiquitous and universal. It is the hope that problems will go away of their own accord. A thirty-year-old single salesman in group therapy in a small town began to date the recently separated wife of another group member, a banker. The salesman knew the banker to be a chronically angry man who was deeply resentful of his wife's leaving him. He knew that he was not being honest either with the group or with the banker by not confiding his relationship with the banker's wife. He also knew that it was almost inevitable that sooner or later the banker would learn about the continuing relationship. He knew that the only solution to the problem would be to confess the relationship to the group and bear the banker's anger with the group's support. But he did nothing. After three months the banker found out about the friendship, was predictably enraged, and used the incident to quit his therapy. When confronted by the group with his destructive behavior the salesman said: "I knew that talking about it would be a hassle, and I guess I felt that if I did nothing, maybe I could get away with it without the hassle. I guess I thought that if I waited long enough the problem might go away."

Problems do not go away. They must be worked through or else they remain, forever a barrier to the growth and development of the spirit.

The group made the salesman aware in no uncertain terms that his tendency to avoid problem-solving by ignoring a problem in the hope that it would go away was in itself his major problem. Four months later, in the early autumn, the salesman fulfilled a fantasy by rather suddenly quitting his sales job and starting his own furniture-repair business, which would not require him to travel. The group deplored the fact that he was putting all his eggs in one basket and also questioned the wisdom of making the move with winter coming on, but the salesman assured them he would make enough to get by in his new business. The subject was dropped. Then in early February he announced that he would have to quit the group because he could no longer pay the fee. He was dead broke and would have to start looking for another job. In five months he had repaired a total of eight pieces of furniture. Wh

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Table of Contents

Introduction to the 25th Anniversary Edition 5
Preface 11
I Discipline
Problems and Pain 15
Delaying Gratification 18
The Sins of the Father 21
Problem-Solving and Time 27
Responsibility 32
Neuroses and Character Disorders 35
Escape from Freedom 39
Dedication to Reality 44
Transference: The Outdated Map 46
Openness to Challenge 51
Withholding Truth 59
Balancing 64
The Healthiness of Depression 69
Renunciation and Rebirth 72
II Love
Love Defined 81
Falling in "Love" 84
The Myth of Romantic Love 91
More About Ego Boundaries 94
Dependency 98
Cathexis Without Love 106
"Self-Sacrifice" 111
Love Is Not a Feeling 116
The Work of Attention 120
The Risk of Loss 131
The Risk of Independence 134
The Risk of Commitment 140
The Risk of Confrontation 150
Love Is Disciplined 155
Love Is Separateness 160
Love and Psychotherapy 169
The Mystery of Love 180
III Growth and Religion
World Views and Religion 185
The Religion of Science 193
The Case of Kathy 197
The Case of Marcia 208
The Case of Theodore 210
The Baby and the Bath Water 221
Scientific Tunnel Vision 225
IV Grace
The Miracle of Health 235
The Miracle of the Unconscious 243
The Miracle of Serendipity 253
The Definition of Grace 260
The Miracle of Evolution 263
The Alpha and the Omega 268
Entropy and Original Sin 271
The Problem of Evil 277
The Evolution of Consciousness 280
The Nature of Power 284
Grace and Mental Illness: The Myth of Orestes 289
Resistance to Grace 297
The Welcoming of Grace 306
Afterword 312
Read More Show Less

Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4.5
( 58 )
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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 31 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted June 2, 2013

    No Sample!!!

    The sample wassuppose to be 40 pages and it Ended at 36 in the preface--- i didnt care to read how many people thought this writer wrote things that no one dared to write, which i am sure in my opinion that wont be true////If i ever read it since i wontbe paying 11.00 for a book thati dont know if i would care to read or not!! Disappointed in Barnes and Noble!!

    3 out of 9 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 2, 2000

    One of the best!

    I think this is a book a lot of people could benifit from. It is a very easy to read book, very informative, and very inspiring. If you like psychology, or you are just looking to understand your own life, this book will help! It is a wonderful book, and I am happy to say that it is one of the best that I have ever read!

    3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 13, 2001

    Loved the first half of the book....

    The ideas presented in this book were derived from Dr. Peck's clinical work with patients. As a psychiatrist, he believes psychotherapy provides guidance in the process of mental and spiritual growth. I found some of his ideas to be truth in it's purest form and then I was very 'disturbed' by some statements which I felt would just be immoral. I liked the idea of life being a series of challenges which evoke various feelings. I felt that perhaps a challenge could also evoke good feelings, but Dr. Peck focused on frustration, grief, sadness, loneliness, guilt, regret, anger, fear, anxiety, anguish and despair. He says that people tend to avoid problems to avoid emotional suffering. He believes this is the primary basis of all human mental illness. He says that 'discipline' is the tool you need to solve life's problems. These tools include delaying gratification, acceptance of responsibility, dedication to truth and balancing. His basic theory is that love is the motivation and energy behind the discipline. With all that I could agree. Just as I turned the 174th page, I was surprised to find a statement which I am wondering if any of the other reviewers read? I read a statement on page 175 which made me lose all the respect I had built up for Dr. Peck. He didn't just go overboard, the ship sank! This is the sentence: 'Moreover, were I ever to have a case in which I concluded after careful and judicious consideration that my patient's spiritual growth would be substantially furthered by our having sexual relations, I would proceed to have them. ' - page 175 Shocked? I sure was! This seriously makes me think that women should only see a female psychologist and men should only see a male psychologist. And on that page, I closed the book! To me, that is taking advantage of a patient and it is inexcusable! While he claims never to have done this, I was still shocked that he would even put that in his book. So, if you choose to buy this book, I loved it up to page 174...after that, I felt very uncomfortable and simply decided not to read any further. I wish I could be more positive about this book.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 31, 2013

    Why isnt the book downloading?

    I bought this on my nook but its only giving me a sample... i paid for it too.. whats going on?

    1 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted August 9, 2010

    more from this reviewer

    I Also Recommend:

    A good book on love

    Most people equate love only to emotions. This book provides another dimension of love that is often ignored - that love is volitional.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted August 14, 2009

    Wonderful Book

    I read this book when I was 17 living with two alcoholic, abusive parents and did not I guess realize what I had my hands on. Recently over 30 years later I read it again and found it to be a wonderful gift to myself reading this book. I would recommend it to everyone but especially to those who are having difficulty dealing with life from the past or present. It is simply inspiring...not really simply but inspiring the same.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 9, 2008

    A reviewer

    This book helped me through a difficult time in my life and kept me on the right track when I was likely to step-off. Since that time, I frequently visit the 'Discipline' and 'Love' sections (my favorite parts). He does not beat-around-the-bush. He gets right to the point with his first three words: life is difficult. Before I found Peck I thought life was supposed to be easy and problems were to be avoided at all costs. Now I think quite differently. Life is essentially a set of problems that must be confronted. Since my initial read eight years ago, I have gone back several times when I am faced with critical and difficult times. Not only is it extremely useful, it is also quite entertaining and well written.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 4, 2000

    This a definitive book, a classic of its kind

    When The Road Less Traveled was first published, and Scott Peck was making endless personal appearances--before the books was well known, I was corresponding with him.<P> This is a seminal work, of immense value, written by a truly sensitive man who has the background, the education, the experience and the insight into the human condition to do his subject justice.<P> He is well-respected by his peers, as well. I knew a psychiatrist who worked with him in Washington, D.C. Walter (his first name) was impressed with Scott long before he wrote of his experiences, and the conclusions he drew from them.<P> In our correspondence, I recognized a thread, and told Scott that he was a mystic. He answered that he had studied Zen, but that he was a 'Christian mystic.'<P> I recommend this book, and its author. You should read it.<P>

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted August 1, 2014

    The Road Less Traveled is my all-time favorite book. It gave me

    The Road Less Traveled is my all-time favorite book. It gave me a new perspective on faith and encouraged me to continue my study of psychology.



    Ann Brown

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 4, 2005

    Second only to the Bible

    This is truly one of greatest books ever written. This should be required reading in universities, high schools, etc. the world over. This book can take its reader to a level of maturity with the ability to love others and himself that he never thought possible. Scott Peck has given the world a true gift.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 21, 2003

    life changing

    This book has changed every single aspect of my life. It not only helped me to understand myself, but also helped me to understand everyone around me. This book is a must read for life.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 20, 2003

    A Great Book on Love and Religion

    A great book. As a 26 yr old, I especially find the section on love valuable. The author emphasizes the importance of parenting, and gives fresh insights to love and religion. Most important of all, the author encourages his readers to actively solve many life¿s problems, and to view life¿s problems as opportunities to grow mentally and spiritually.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted August 29, 2002

    The First and Best of a Genre

    This book is not just a self-help book; it is primarily the author's spiritual philosophy. M. Scott Peck, a psychiatrist, wrote this book in 1978, and it's as fresh today as it was then. The format is such that the book can be used as a reference. It is filled with stories of Peck's personal struggles and case studies from his practice, all of which serve to clarify points and to help readers overcome problems. Peck, however, has provided us with the best merger of psychology and spirituality I have ever read. He makes it clear that mental health and spiritual growth are the same thing, which is unusual considering most in his field try to condemn anything related to God. As for style and content, Peck is obviously building towards the fourth and last section titled 'Grace.' The first three sections are written in a simplistic yet thorough manner so that Peck can reach a wide audience and to ensure that all readers are on the same page. He talks about discipline, love, religion, and the tunnel vision of the scientific community. The concepts developed in these sections prepare the layman for the section on grace, which by itself is worth the price of the book. It is also where Peck gets a bit controversial. Notwithstanding, you have to admire Peck's honesty and forthrightness. He has produced a special book that should be required reading for every teenager and anyone else looking for a better understanding of life and how to live it.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 10, 2002

    This book is a must for most anyone

    This is a fabulous concept for those exploring truth, vs dogma. But again, good for those with dogma. Either know what I mean or don't. But a must read for all.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 20, 2001

    How to Return to Christianity

    This book single-handed brought me back from years of skepticism about the role of Christianity in my life. Peck writes with such clarity on love, discipline and responsibility and does a masterful job in attempting to help us make peace with God and religion. The book is not religious in nature, but spiritual and just a tad 'new age'. As a Christian counselor, I give this book to all I counsel. The Road Less Traveled will give you a new and more spiritual perspective and is practical enough to bring about real change. Highly recommended.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 27, 2001

    We should all travel the road to spiritual growth.

    Awesome. Anyone who wants to know how to grow spiritually, how to love and live a better life should read this book. If the chapters on love, discipline and responsibility were read and practiced by everyone, this would be a wonderful world. As a Christian counselor, I give this book my highest recommendation.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 30, 2001

    Profound, Readable

    Peck has that certain gift which defines a true teacher: he can take profound and complex truths, and hand them to the layman in digestible terms. This particular book is one of the most illuminating and comprehensive books on personal growth that I have ever read. It easily warrants several re-readings. He draws from his wealth of eminently successful experience in psychiatric practice, and from his vast knowledge of man as a spiritual being to craft what is, essentially, a handbook for personal development. Peck's views are not easily pigeonholed into any particular category. The liberal will likely call him too conservative, and conservatives will definitely label him a liberal. It could be, however, that his insight transcends the barriers that divide us into camps. Guaranteed to challenge the mind and inspire the soul.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 4, 2001

    Book for the Bruised and Confused

    Life is filled with pain and joy. Peck sugarcoats nothing in The Road Less Traveled. I trust what proves to be true in the real world and it is with that in mind that I think Peck's book is one of truth -- how to live a meaningful life stripped down to the true, but oft-ignored fundamentals. I reccommend this book to anyone who is going through the rough times in life. The first sentence says it all: 'Life is difficult.' How often we try to forget.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 6, 2001

    A powerful book

    The writing in this book is practical and clear and makes so much sense that at the end of each passage you will wonder how you haven't thought of it before. This is one of the few books I have read more than once, and that's because from time to time I have to remind myself of what I already know. I have recommended this book for everyone I have had a chance. It doesn't matter whether you have some knowledge of psychology or not, the language is simple for anybody to understand.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 16, 2000

    Wonderful

    As a therapist I frequently recommend this book and the book An Encounter With A Prophet to my patients

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