The Rules: Time Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right

( 110 )


You are a creature unlike any other (Rule #1)—that's why you need . . . The Rules. A simple set of dos and don'ts, The Rules will lead you to where you want to be: in a healthy, committed relationship. Unlike today's haphazard dating customs, The Rules recognizes certain facts of life. That men know what they want. That a man is either attracted to you—or not! That men want a challenge, not an instant or easy victory. When you follow these commonsense guidelines, you treat yourself with respect and dignity—and ...

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You are a creature unlike any other (Rule #1)—that's why you need . . . The Rules. A simple set of dos and don'ts, The Rules will lead you to where you want to be: in a healthy, committed relationship. Unlike today's haphazard dating customs, The Rules recognizes certain facts of life. That men know what they want. That a man is either attracted to you—or not! That men want a challenge, not an instant or easy victory. When you follow these commonsense guidelines, you treat yourself with respect and dignity—and demand that men do likewise. Although they sound old-fashioned ("Don't see him more than once or twice a week"), they encourage you to lead a full, satisfying, busy life—outside of romance. Although they seem tough ("Don't talk to a man first"), they will teach you how to accept occasional defeat and move on. And although they require discipline ("No more than casual kissing on the first date"), they will bring out the best in you and in the men you date. The goal? Marriage, in the shortest time possible, to a man you love, who loves you even more than you love him.

A simple set of dos and don'ts, this book will lead readers where they want to be--in a healthy, committed relationship. Whether the reader is 18 or 80, a beauty queen or a woman with ordinary looks, The Rules will work for her. As seen in Cosmopolitan, American Woman and Woman's Own magazines.

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780446518130
  • Publisher: Grand Central Publishing
  • Publication date: 3/19/1994
  • Edition description: New Edition
  • Edition number: 1
  • Pages: 188
  • Sales rank: 329,694
  • Product dimensions: 5.60 (w) x 8.60 (h) x 0.70 (d)

Table of Contents

Chapter I The History of The Rules 1
Chapter II What Are The Rules? 5
Chapter III Meet a Rules Girl 11
Chapter IV But First the Product--You! 15
Rule 1 Be a "Creature Unlike Any Other" 22
Rule 2 Don't Talk to a Man First (and Don't Ask Him to Dance) 26
Rule 3 Don't Stare at Men or Talk Too Much 33
Rule 4 Don't Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date 36
Rule 5 Don't Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls 40
Rule 6 Always End Phone Calls First 45
Rule 7 Don't Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday 51
Rule 8 Fill Up Your Time before the Date 57
Rule 9 How to Act on Dates 1, 2, and 3 60
Rule 10 How to Act on Dates 4 through Commitment Time 64
Rule 11 Always End the Date First 68
Rule 12 Stop Dating Him if He Doesn't Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine's Day 70
Rule 13 Don't See Him More than Once or Twice a Week 74
Rule 14 No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date 78
Rule 15 Don't Rush into Sex and Other Rules for Intimacy 80
Rule 16 Don't Tell Him What to Do 85
Rule 17 Let Him Take the Lead 88
Rule 18 Don't Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him 90
Rule 19 Don't Open Up Too Fast 94
Rule 20 Be Honest but Mysterious 99
Rule 21 Accentuate the Positive and Other Rules for Personal Ads 102
Rule 22 Don't Live with a Man (or Leave Your Things in His Apartment) 108
Rule 23 Don't Date a Married Man 112
Rule 24 Slowly Involve Him in Your Family and Other Rules for Women with Children 115
Rule 25 Practice, Practice, Practice! (or, Getting Good at The Rules) 118
Rule 26 Even if You're Engaged or Married, You Still Need The Rules 125
Rule 27 Do The Rules, Even when Your Friends and Parents Think It's Nuts 130
Rule 28 Be Smart and Other Rules for Dating in High School 134
Rule 29 Take Care of Yourself and Other Rules for Dating in College 138
Rule 30 Next! and Other Rules for Dealing with Rejection 141
Rule 31 Don't Discuss The Rules with Your Therapist 144
Rule 32 Don't Break The Rules 147
Rule 33 Do The Rules and You'll Live Happily Ever After! 155
Rule 34 Love Only Those Who Love You 160
Rule 35 Be Easy to Live With 163
Last But: Not Least--12 Extra Hints 169
The Rules-at-a-Glance 172
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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 3.5
( 110 )
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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 111 Customer Reviews
  • Posted November 22, 2010

    more from this reviewer

    Highly Recommended

    I did not "Highly Recommend" this book for reasons one might think. Living in the information age, it is important to be duly informed in the social & behavioral sciences. This book is designed for, and intended to turn women into materialistic, insecure, and manipulative beasts. The only men who will like women like the ones who use "The Rules" are the one's that Barbara De'Angeles describes in "The Real Rules," as being the kind of guys any emotionally healthy, self-actualized, powerful woman would NOT want to date in the first place. So, do read this book, but also read "The Real Rules" by Barbara De' Angelis. On a final note...would anyone walk up to a stranger and ask them to marry them? When you follow "The Rules" it is the equivalent of two strangers getting married, and this is one reason why the divorce rate is so high.
    As a man who is very enlightened, self-actualized, deeply spiritual, self-empowered, and emotionally healthy I do not desire women who are mysterious and manipulative. I desire women who are self-actualized, confident in their sexuality, monogamous, highly intelligent, and aggressive...without being abusive. When I get a hint that a woman is using this ridiculous junk on me, I bail quick after I look down the road, and see divorce coming before I even start learning about her. This book only works on men who are weak and stupid. When a man gains a decent degree of control over his sex drive, this book, and any one like it, becomes obsolete.
    A word of advice to all of my fellow men: the less you know about a woman, the faster you need to run from matter how fine she looks. Just think, there are women out there who are just as fine, but are also emotionally healthy and emotionally honest. Take the time to learn about a woman's character, intelligence, and spiritual center. Do you want an unintelligent, gutless, and non-spiritual woman raising yours and hers children? How will you know any of this, unless you get to know her on a deep level? How can you get to know her if she's acting mysterious and manipulative? I am not afraid to show the world who I am, so I will not hide my pen name. Peace out.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted April 6, 2010


    I bought this book 10 years ago for several of my friends. ALL of them got married to the man they were dating. I for one didn't follow the rules. I did marry the man i was dating but am now divorced. Men have to feel like they are using their animal instint. Now, 4 years after divorce I am going to buy this book and FOLLOW IT. I remember the book saying "treat men like the ones you don't like". Well, I was dating a few guys and always available and waiting for one of them to call and ask me out. well, as soon as I met a guy i was VERY attracted to I quit sitting around waiting and those other guys are now calling and texting constantly. So YES it is very hard to not just be available when the man you like calls- SO STAY BUSY and keep dating until he is BEGGING you to stop. If he doesn't beg you - he's not the one!
    Also, girls- DON'T SLEEP WITH THEM RIGHT AWAY!!!! I see so many girls do this and all the guy does is try to get more off of you adn then tell his friends and then they try and hit on you! ESPECIALY, if you like the badf boy types- like me! DON't do it! Every bad boy wants a prim and proper lady, sexy with class and style and yes a tiger in the bedroom, but Wait TO DO THIS!!!
    Another good book is Men are from Mars and Women from Venus! Men really do not think like we think and we start spilling our guts and get emotional they RUN!!!!! FAST!!!!!! Play the rules and it is not a game persay- it is being confident in yourself and only doing what a man really is attracted to by his animal instinct! Good Luck- we all deserve to be happy!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 12, 2007

    the rules r awesome!

    Are you the really nice, doormat girl, who is always getting hurt? I sympathize. I was one of those people who didn't want the rules to be true. I thought, oh, how ridiculous, this is all about manipulation and playing games. Well, that was before I realized that that is EXACTLY what men want, no matter how much they may try to deny it. It's funny how all men say that they want a 'nice girl who is honest and doesn't play games'. Please!! It's always the not so nice girls who play games who end up with the guys who treat them like gold and the 'nice girls', who do nice things for him and don't play games always ends up hurt and rejected. I always thought that playing games was stupid but now I know better and believe otherwise. I can look at every failed relationship of mine and my friends and see where we broke the rules and how that affected it. The only reason some men hate this book is b/c it puts the truth out there. It gives away their secrets and how they really are. And the only reason women hate this book is b/c like myself in the beginning, they do not want to believe it is true. It amuses me that the authors get so much **** for encouraging women to play games. Oh yeah, as if men neeeeever do that to us! Please! How many woman have been strung along and lied to? How many guys have lied to women and led them to believe something just so they could get what they really wanted? i.e. easy sex or convenience. THE RULES prevents women from making those mistakes, and from hanging around where they are not wanted. It also keeps them from dumping all of their problems on one guy, it or not...we do have to play games ladies. When we don't , we end up hurt. Men seceretly want us to play games. Think about it. How many times have you seen a nice guy with a girl that wasn't exactly real appreciative or nice to him? She didn't go out of her way and yet she is treated like a queen whereas the nice, understanding girls are treated like dirt and taken advantage of. In fact, I have several guy friends who have even admitted to me that when they treat their girlfriends badly, it is ON PURPOSE! They are trying to make HER break up with them so that they won't be the 'bad guy'. They are doing that on purpose! Instead of just being mature and ending things, they play games like that b/c that is how men are. That's the truth! I have treated my bf's sooooo great and guess what? None of them appreciated it, in fact, it seemed the nicer I treated them , the worse they would treat me. Same thing with my girlfirends and their boyfriends. So ladies, if a man is not treating you right, don't stick around. And that is the true message of the rules. These women(Ellen & Sherrie) have done alot to help other women not waste their time. The Rules saves women from being unnecessarily hurt, rejected, or ignored. Alot of women will try to come up with excuses as to why the rules don't work, but they do! The Rules work whether some people want to admit it or not. For a long time I didn't want to admit the rules worked but they do! The guys that I have been real nice to and showed interest too ran off quickly, the guys I was not interested in or pretended to not be interested in were the ones I couldn't get rid of so, I no longer feel bad or deceotive about doing the rules. It is necessary!! good luck ladies, and believe in the rules!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted May 27, 2006

    Be a DreamGirl not a NightMare!

    A Rules Girl is a woman who has her own life, doesn't nag or whine for three hours on the phone. Nor does she dump all of her problems on her poor date, five minutes after meeting him. She dresses like a lady and is emotionally healthy, happy and fun. She doesn't sleep around, isn't a clingy leech and if you don't want to marry her, she moves on instead of standing outside of your house in the rain begging you to take her back. And the problem with this is...? Heaven forbid a book that teaches women and young girls NOT to sleep with men on a first date! Ladies, please read this book and try to see the real message behind the Rules. Good luck! :)

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted August 29, 2005



    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 1, 2003

    Manipulative my foot!

    I have just bought and read 'The Rules'. Whoever says that they're manipulative, either don't understand how much women can obsess over men, or the fact that for some odd reason, distance does make mens' hearts grow fonder. I have had two extremely serious relationships that have started out by me using 'The Rules' and not even knowing it! When you start to become obsessive about them, they cease to think about you. It's a fact. 'The Rules' are NOT about becoming something you're not, it's about putting your best foot forward and not settling! What woman does not want to do that?

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted January 31, 2014

    Not a believer

    These rules are too rigid. I believe in being honest, open, and authentic. I'm not a game player. I understand the man's need for the hunt, chase or whatever you want to call it. Once in a relationship though, I believe the rules go out the window otherwise your foundation is not solid.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 2, 2013

    The rules

    I havent read this book yet but by the rating o this thing and the posts this looks like a good book

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  • Posted December 16, 2012

    This book is truly dedicated to all the girls who wants happy en

    This book is truly dedicated to all the girls who wants happy ending on their love problems.I admit,all the rules inside this book is truly
    hard to follow at first but as you go used to it,you'll find the rules soooo easy to follow.

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  • Posted January 5, 2011

    Read it Love it Works Sending it as Gifts

    I was complaining about attracting the incorrect type of men, or the ones who would not stay and would disrespect me. I decided to get educated. Searched the internet and found the rules. I began implementing right away. One reviewer did say that you MUST implement with care and skill and class or else it still wont work. Also, need to STICK to it like the book says. I have a wonderful relationship with a great man now. The type of situation I've been looking for. The authors GUARANTEE it if followed to a T. I love the real life examples.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 15, 2008

    men have gotten wise to the rules

    I have both read the book and been subjected to these silly manipulative techniques. Unfortunately, if you're not sincere and kind and implement them with respect and care, they will not work for you. Men these days know about them and can recognize them when they are applied like a robot is doing them. And, men have come up with countermeasures, their own rules to screw up the rules and cause them to fall apart fast. My favorite, is don't call them, hardly return their calls. What do I do? I leave a message to say... aww, sorry I couldn't reach you, I have tickets to this really great show 'fill in your favorite of favorites'. I get the reservations and without fail, they return that phone call right away and all other ones from there out. Why? Because now I am manipulating them. But why bother playing games with someone's heart and emotions. Sure, they CAN work if you know how to artfully apply them, mix them up, don't follow them like a robot. Be sincere about it. Basically they are advising you to look like you have a busy life. But if we find out you didn't have a good reason to do the stuff you did, you're history. Men don't like to be artificially manipulated. If we find out, it's over. Both authors failed in their marraiges, that should be proof they don't work perfectly. In the end, it is the connection that matters.

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 29, 2006



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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 17, 2006

    The Rules- What every woman needs in her life.

    This book has saved my sanity. Before I purchased this book, I was constantly doing the opposite of what the book suggested and I had ALOT of stress in my life. Now when I date, I just take it for what it is-dating. I just have fun and focus less on rushing into a relationship. What we women need to realize is this book is basic common sense. What man would want to deal with a naggy, clingy woman? This book is not teaching woman to be a prospective 'Stepford Wife'. It teaches self-respect and to live your life to the fullest and not revolve your life around a man.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 10, 2006

    This book changed my life

    When this book was initially published, I heard quotes from it and saw news stories about it and thought, ¿What sexist, petty, backwards garbage.¿ I had recently graduated from an Ivy League women¿s college, was working at the top women¿s center in the U.S., and was on my way to dominating the world. I happened to come across the book years later (along with Rules II), in another country, and in another reality for me except for the fact that I was still single and had (again) come out of what had started out as a promising relationship with an egalitarian, ¿progressive¿ man that had crashed and burned because I had done every single thing the book says not to do. What had made the relationship promising initially was the fact that I had done certain things by chance that the book does say to do (without realizing it at the time), but it wasn¿t until it was all over and I would finally listen to advice that I actually read it. When a year later I met the man whom I would later marry, a highly educated gentleman who was very shy with women as a result of failed past relationships, every last thing that the book had said proved to be true. There is no doubt in my mind that if I had not read it before meeting him, any relationship with him would have met the same fate as the others (and I would probably not have met him in the first place, since I had made a point of joining activities through which I could meet men, as the book suggests doing). When I first read the book, the suggestions that it makes took me about six weeks to digest before I realized that they were valid. They turned everything I had ever read in print about relationships or had heard from (single) friends on its head. And fortunately, unlike most of the other men who had left me, this last one spoke up about why he had done it, confirming most of the authors¿ observations. Later, in discussing the book with people, there were those who agreed with it, and those who didn¿t, just like the reviewers here who give the book five stars and those who give it one. Like certain friends and the negative reviewers, there are those who say that it advocates manipulation and mind-games, but those are for the beginning of the relationship (if that is in fact what they are, and not just concrete suggestions for behavior, as one might follow for a job interview or a sales presentation, while always remaining truthful and respectful) and are more about how not to scare a potentially good partner away. When you¿ve met the ¿right¿ partner and the relationship has solidified, based on mutual love and respect, there is not much need for manipulation anymore (or almost, anyway¿read on). In the almost seven years I¿ve been with my husband, the only low point came at the time that I didn¿t think I needed to do the rules anymore, and began living with him. From then on, the relationship plodded along until I left him alone to go on vacation with my family. Then, because the mutual love and respect were there, (and because, unwittingly, I had done the rules again) the marriage proposal followed, and with that security, the happiness ever since. Years later now, I don¿t think about the rules too much anymore or go around touting them, but I can only say that the only friends I have known who believe in them are happily married to (desirable) men like I am, and those who don¿t (usually women who haven¿t read all of the book or who go by what has been quoted out of context, and loser men) are still clueless as to why they¿re still unhappily single or being jerked around. Do I know any relationships that have worked even though the woman approached the man first, or slept with him right away, or lived with him before marriage? Of course I do! But the point of the book is to save time in the search for a mate by focusing on the actions that keep a man interested because they were done, not in spite of the fact that they were done, particularly at the most critical time in the relatio

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 21, 2006

    In agreement 21 years old

    I totally love the book i made some mistakes but I have learned a few things like if he doesn't call you by wenesday for the date and tries to schedule one for friday on friday it taught me to be less clingy and more wanted. It also taught me not to call him he should call me if he likes me he will call. This is a good book for any girl who starts to date because they don't need to be hurt and it's good to read the book to freshen up on the skills you're taught.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted May 30, 2006

    A Guidelines for Life

    You don't invest time in unfulfilling relationships or give people who aren't really interested in you the time of day. This is by far the best book ever and should be applied to all relatinships...especially men...they will remember the girl who didn't chase and call them before they remember the girl who called and stared and reassured them to0 much....BELIEVE IN THE RULES..ITS TO0 TRUE TO BE IGNORED! Girls you are a creature unlike any other..believe that you are enough and the rules are easy to follow! The less you care the more HE will! Indifference is the key! Why do you think all the guys you don't care for keep coming back?!Theres a message in there somewhere...THE RULES WORK!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 2, 2006

    The Rules Work!

    Hey GirlsS! THESE RULES WORK! They should be deemed a guidelines for life and throughout all your relationships!!! You don't invest time and energy into unfulfilling people and relationships..follow the rules no matter how hard it may seem!! Believe me..think longevity not short term gratification! The initial discomfort u may experience does not even come close to how great you feel once the advantages start sh0wing...hang in there! JUST DO THE RULES AND YOU WILL BE A BELIEVER!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted May 24, 2006

    How to score ZERO in finding your Heart's True Hero

    I feel sorry for the trees that were sacrificed to make this thing! I was tipped off when I read the line 'First the product -- YOU.' PRODUCT? What kind of nonsense is that? Products are THINGS. A can of food. A package of meat. A car. A chair. I thought human beings were just that. Human beings. These immature twits tell you how to land a man who enjoys the chase and the thrill of the hunt. I'd rather have a man who enjoys ME. Animals in wild habitats hunt and chase their FOOD. When a cheetah chases a zebra, he doesn't want to partner with it. he wants to kill and eat it. For crying in Manhattan, we're civilized human beings. Why would we want to emulate BEASTS? 'Make sure you're busy doing your own thing so your Dream Hero will feel he's landing the Prom Queen.' Give me a break! Prom queens belong in high school -- and playing stupid games belongs in seventh grade! If you're TOO wrapped up in your own thing, your Dream Hero will think you don't care enough about him to make time for him, and he'll disappear faster than a speeding bullet! And this stuff that these nitwits spout about limiting phone convos and not returning phone calls! Not returning phone calls -- from anyone -- doesn't make you seem alluring and glamorous. It makes you seem RUDE. And limiting conversation time will make the dashing caballero you're eyeing, once more, think you don't care enough about him to take some time out from your oh-so-busy day to make time for him. Gee, i thought men liked to feel cared for. Dump him if he doesn't give you jewelry on Feb14 -- materialism turns guys on -- NOT! See him PLUS a lot of oher guys and only see him once a week. That's adolescent socializing, not an adult relationship. The message of this book is -- be a doll, not a person. Be an adolescent, not a grown-up. Pretend you don't have feelings or thoughts about anything besides trips, parties, and pretty clothes. Hubby had a hard day at work -- the copier jammed, and they ran out of glazed donuts at coffee break -- so please don t tell him about about having lost your job or Junior getting an F in math or your Uncle Gordon having cancer. Interesting thing is -- one of the dimwitted duo who authored this contemptible piece of stupidity underwent an ugly, messy, dirty divorce, Hmmmm, I wonder why? I gave this piece of nonsense ONE star because I couldn't give it ZERO

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 8, 2006

    Great Book and a Fast Read

    I finished this book shortly after Christmas and it has changed my life... not only in how I deal with men but how I feel about myself. I have recommended all my close friends read it! I actually started to pass it on and my friends and I now say 'You are breaking The Rules!'

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 9, 2005

    My Best Friends

    Talk about relief. I am newly single. I purchased both of these books and my whole attitude has changed about life, love and even about myself. These books are my new best friends because the advice they give is realistic. Let's face it, men do what they want to do. Now, we have to teach them what they want, and that is to be with us! These books have given me a new self confidence. I can no longer settle for mediocre, tedious, precarious relationships. I would rather be alone than with some yahoo that doesn't respect me and value me. Let the rules begin!And guess what Mr? If you want to find me bad enough, you will!

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