The Rules for Online Dating: Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right in Cyberspace

( 17 )

Overview

What the international phenomenon of The Rules did for conventional dating, The Rules for Online Dating does for the search for love on the Internet. You'll never hit the "reply" button the same way again.
Millions of women around the world are meeting men on the Internet, or they've met in person and are corresponding by e-mail. But though e-mail and Net-based dating services have revolutionized the dating landscape, they've created their own pitfalls and challenges. Women need...

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Overview

What the international phenomenon of The Rules did for conventional dating, The Rules for Online Dating does for the search for love on the Internet. You'll never hit the "reply" button the same way again.
Millions of women around the world are meeting men on the Internet, or they've met in person and are corresponding by e-mail. But though e-mail and Net-based dating services have revolutionized the dating landscape, they've created their own pitfalls and challenges. Women need new strategies that will improve their chances of capturing Mr. Right.
Boasting the same time-tested formula and romantic spirit that made The Rules an international bestseller and launched thousands of women down the path to committed relationships, The Rules for Online Dating shows all women — regardless of age, status, or computer savvy — how to use electronic communication to relate to men in a way that maintains self-esteem and leads to a healthy relationship.
Here is a comprehensive list of dos and don'ts that will help every woman conduct an e-courtship safely and successfully; find and keep the interest of suitable mates; and save time, energy, and potential heartache by weeding out dead wood. The Rules for Online Dating takes women through the process — step by step, Rule by Rule — to the ultimate goal: a relationship based on mutual attraction, interest, and respect.

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Editorial Reviews

Danny Bonaduce
My marriage is living proof that The RulesThe Rules and had me at the altar less than 12 hours after we met. Now that people are meeting online, this book is a must-read!
Cheryl Tiegs
While I have never done online dating myself, The Rules just slide from one area of your life to another, from offline to online! The Rules for Online Dating is like a mini refresher course in how to behave and handle your love life.
Enid O'Sullivan
I meet the most stunning, gorgeous and successful women at the salon where I work. I tell them that if they apply The Rules to their personal lives, they will be back to show me the ring. Now The Rules for Online Dating tells women how to post their ads and be successful with men.
Marilyn Michaels
Online dating is really just blind dates for the new millennium, and The Rules for Online Datingis your bedside guide for doing it right!
Library Journal
Fein and Schneider (The Rules, The Rules for Marriage) collaborate once again to give women a highly structured system for online dating that consists of 29 rules and 17 "Extra Hints" intended to turn them into desirable "Creatures Unlike Any Other" (CUAO). They show how to choose a screen name, sift through incoming requests, and sound "light and breezy" in ads and replies. The most troubling aspect of this book is that it works counterintuitively to the very essence of online dating. For example, the authors forbid women to take any initiative, telling them to wait 24 hours before responding to e-mail, never participate in Instant Messaging or chat rooms, answer all e-mail in three sentences or fewer of chipper-sounding rhetoric, and stop talking to a man who doesn't ask them out within four messages. Although it makes sense for a couple to go on "date zero" (meet in person) before they grow too attached, there is a lot the pair can learn from each other by openly corresponding online before dating, the authors' strictures notwithstanding. The "light and breezy" tack will work against a woman seeking a relationship built on communication and trust, and men will feel put off by this seemingly manipulative strategy. Eve Hogan's Virtual Foreplay is a more reliable choice for information on online dating. CUAO looks a lot like ciao, which is what most decent guys will say to a woman following this misguided advice. Jeanne Larkins, New York Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780743451475
  • Publisher: Gallery Books
  • Publication date: 7/1/2002
  • Edition description: Original
  • Pages: 256
  • Sales rank: 201,394
  • Product dimensions: 5.40 (w) x 0.70 (h) x 8.20 (d)

Read an Excerpt

E-mail and The Rules for Online Dating

E-mail has become a universal part of relationships these days, whether a relationship starts online or not. Millions of women around the world are "e-dating," whether they meet men online or in a local bar. In the last two years, we've seen a rapid shift in our consulting business — today about 50 to 75 percent of the calls and e-malls we get concern relationships being conducted on the Internet. And these women have been asking us for a book of Rules for dating online.

As many of you know, our first book, The Rules, spawned a worldwide movement. Readers began — and continue — to set up free online and offline support groups around the world and visit our website (www.therulesbook.com) at the rate of over 400,000 hits a month. But when we wrote The Rules seven years ago, little was known about online dating-many even considered it dangerous — so we did not even include it. By 1997, when we wrote The Rules II, there was a little more interest in online dating and we wrote a short chapter telling women the pitfalls of this chat-intensive dating method, how to best apply The Rules, and how to play it safe.

Back then, there were only a handful of dating websites. By 1999 there were more than 2,500 Internet sites devoted to matchmaking. And the numbers are still climbing worldwide.

Today, busy professional men and women think nothing of placing an ad and photo online and coming home every night to dozens of e-mails from desirable members of the opposite sex. They spend hours on the computer every day in online relationships or chat rooms or just answering their e-mail. The only problem is that online dating has become a little like a bad bar scene. Women are making serious mistakes in the way they meet and talk to men online, Women need to know:

  • how to write effective ads
  • how to answer e-mails
  • how to act in chat rooms
  • how to set boundaries with men online, and
  • how to weed out the good guys from the bad.

And we're not just talking about women who use online dating services and chat rooms (an online forum where people can converse with each other by posting messages in real time). Today, virtually everyone uses e-mail; it's as common as a phone call. More men are simply asking women out or asking them about their day by e-mail instead of or in addition to calling, whether they first met these women through love@aol, personals, yahoo.com, or at a party at a friend's house. These days, men and women meeting for the first time often exchange e-mail addresses — sometimes before they exchange phone numbers!

Women meeting new men at business conferences, birthday parties, or clubs give out their e-mail addresses and also take men's e-mail addresses, and then find themselves in an e-mail relationship with a man. These women are just as prone to making the same mistakes online as women using online dating services and chat rooms — mistakes that can ruin their relationships.

E-mail courtship has made dating more hazardous than ever. With e-mail, women are tempted to let their guard down, let it all hang out, Instant Message men all night, and have cybersex (not The Rules!). But we believe you cannot e-mail with abandon, without thinking, without Rules. You must watch what you say, how often you say it, no matter what or how often he e-mails you, otherwise the relationship becomes so casual that it can go poof! — disappear — like a blank computer screen.

What many women don't realize is that an e-mail is just like a phone call-it does count! Women are making the same kind of mistakes online they make on the phone, mistakes that allow an e-courtship to become too easy. But these mistakes can be easily corrected with a set of Rules do's and don'ts. Hence The Rules for Online Dating. In this book, you will find out, among other things:

  • Why you must let a man e-mail you first, regardless of how you met him
  • Why not to answer men's ads
  • How to create a good screen name or ad name
  • The right way — and the wrong way — to write an online ad
  • How and when to answer men's e-mails and Instant Messages
  • How to do The Rules in any relationship that uses e-mail, no matter whether you first met online or offline
  • How to prevent the relationship from becoming too casual
  • How to not let online men waste your time
  • How to set up the first face-to-face meeting with your e-mail guy ("date zero")
  • How to evaluate the quality of an online relationship as it develops
  • Potentially life-saving safety tips

You may be wondering at this point: If the premise of The Rules is that a man must pursue a woman and she must be mysterious and challenging, how is that premise going to work on an Internet dating website where you have to post a photo and describe yourself in an ad for all the world to see? You can definitely retain your mystery and keep yourself from being too available on dating websites and even in chat rooms. Read on, and we will tell you exactly how to apply the basic Rules premise to online and e-mail dating for the best possible results.

Copyright © 2002 by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider

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Table of Contents

Acknowledgments ix
Foreword: Meet the First Online Rules Girl xi
Introduction: What The Rules Are and Why They Work xvii
1 E-mail and The Rules for Online Dating 1
2 A Word to Online Dating Skeptics 5
3 An Online Consultation Success Story 9
4 Be an Online "CUAO" 18
The Rules for Online Dating
Rule 1 Don't Answer Men's Ads or E-mail Them First 25
Rule 2 Create a Good Screen Name 31
Rule 3 Less Is More When Writing Your Ad 34
Rule 4 Post a Smiling Photo 44
Rule 5 Wait 24 Hours to Respond 47
Rule 6 Don't Answer on Weekends or Holidays 50
Rule 7 Write Light and Breezy E-mails 52
Rule 8 Block Yourself from Instant Messages 61
Rule 9 Rules for Chat Rooms 67
Rule 10 Don't Volunteer Your Phone Number First 74
Rule 11 If He Doesn't Ask You Out within Four E-mails, Delete/Next! 78
Rule 12 Screen Out Mr. Wrong 86
Rule 13 Don't Waste Time on Time-Wasters 95
Rule 14 Don't Force the Relationship from E-mail to Phone 99
Rule 15 Put Safety First 107
Rule 16 Don't Ad-Interrogate on Dates 111
Rule 17 Don't Have Sex on Dates One, Two, or Three 117
Rule 18 "Disappear" in Between Dates 125
Rule 19 Keep Your Ad Up Until You Are Exclusive 135
Rule 20 Don't Get Caught Up in Online Fantasy Relationships 138
Rule 21 Never Date a Married Man, Even Online 142
Rule 22 Don't Ruin Your Real-Life Relationship over an Online Flirtation 150
Rule 23 Don't Be Jealous of Non-Rules Girls Online 160
Rule 24 Journal Your Online Dating Experiences 165
Rule 25 Don't Break or Bend The Rules Online--Even a Little Bit 172
Rules for Special Circumstances
The Rules for Long-Distance Online Relationships 180
The Rules for Older Online Daters 185
10 Tips for Teenage Daters 193
Online Dating for Recognizable Personalities 198
Most Frequently Asked Questions and Consultations 204
18 Extra Hints 216
Plan B: Until You Can Do The Rules 100 Percent 221
Final Thoughts from a Psychotherapist 225
A Rules Glossary 227
Authors' Note 233
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First Chapter

E-mail and The Rules for Online Dating

E-mail has become a universal part of relationships these days, whether a relationship starts online or not. Millions of women around the world are "e-dating," whether they meet men online or in a local bar. In the last two years, we've seen a rapid shift in our consulting business -- today about 50 to 75 percent of the calls and e-malls we get concern relationships being conducted on the Internet. And these women have been asking us for a book of Rules for dating online.

As many of you know, our first book, The Rules, spawned a worldwide movement. Readers began -- and continue -- to set up free online and offline support groups around the world and visit our website (www.therulesbook.com) at the rate of over 400,000 hits a month. But when we wrote The Rules seven years ago, little was known about online dating-many even considered it dangerous -- so we did not even include it. By 1997, when we wrote The Rules II, there was a little more interest in online dating and we wrote a short chapter telling women the pitfalls of this chat-intensive dating method, how to best apply The Rules, and how to play it safe.

Back then, there were only a handful of dating websites. By 1999 there were more than 2,500 Internet sites devoted to matchmaking. And the numbers are still climbing worldwide.

Today, busy professional men and women think nothing of placing an ad and photo online and coming home every night to dozens of e-mails from desirable members of the opposite sex. They spend hours on the computer every day in online relationships or chat rooms or just answering their e-mail. The only problem is that online dating has become a little like a bad bar scene. Women are making serious mistakes in the way they meet and talk to men online, Women need to know:

  • how to write effective ads
  • how to answer e-mails
  • how to act in chat rooms
  • how to set boundaries with men online, and
  • how to weed out the good guys from the bad.

And we're not just talking about women who use online dating services and chat rooms (an online forum where people can converse with each other by posting messages in real time). Today, virtually everyone uses e-mail; it's as common as a phone call. More men are simply asking women out or asking them about their day by e-mail instead of or in addition to calling, whether they first met these women through love@aol, personals, yahoo.com, or at a party at a friend's house. These days, men and women meeting for the first time often exchange e-mail addresses -- sometimes before they exchange phone numbers!

Women meeting new men at business conferences, birthday parties, or clubs give out their e-mail addresses and also take men's e-mail addresses, and then find themselves in an e-mail relationship with a man. These women are just as prone to making the same mistakes online as women using online dating services and chat rooms -- mistakes that can ruin their relationships.

E-mail courtship has made dating more hazardous than ever. With e-mail, women are tempted to let their guard down, let it all hang out, Instant Message men all night, and have cybersex (not The Rules!). But we believe you cannot e-mail with abandon, without thinking, without Rules. You must watch what you say, how often you say it, no matter what or how often he e-mails you, otherwise the relationship becomes so casual that it can go poof! -- disappear -- like a blank computer screen.

What many women don't realize is that an e-mail is just like a phone call-it does count! Women are making the same kind of mistakes online they make on the phone, mistakes that allow an e-courtship to become too easy. But these mistakes can be easily corrected with a set of Rules do's and don'ts. Hence The Rules for Online Dating. In this book, you will find out, among other things:

  • Why you must let a man e-mail you first, regardless of how you met him
  • Why not to answer men's ads
  • How to create a good screen name or ad name
  • The right way -- and the wrong way -- to write an online ad
  • How and when to answer men's e-mails and Instant Messages
  • How to do The Rules in any relationship that uses e-mail, no matter whether you first met online or offline
  • How to prevent the relationship from becoming too casual
  • How to not let online men waste your time
  • How to set up the first face-to-face meeting with your e-mail guy ("date zero")
  • How to evaluate the quality of an online relationship as it develops
  • Potentially life-saving safety tips

You may be wondering at this point: If the premise of The Rules is that a man must pursue a woman and she must be mysterious and challenging, how is that premise going to work on an Internet dating website where you have to post a photo and describe yourself in an ad for all the world to see? You can definitely retain your mystery and keep yourself from being too available on dating websites and even in chat rooms. Read on, and we will tell you exactly how to apply the basic Rules premise to online and e-mail dating for the best possible results.

Copyright © 2002 by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider

Read More Show Less

Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4
( 17 )
Rating Distribution

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Sort by: Showing 1 – 19 of 17 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted July 11, 2004

    Don¿t blame the rules

    Some men are upset about the rules; they quickly reveal man¿s real intentions and make hin work harder for a change. Women should not worry if it irritates the men, how many men will spare their feelings? Only those who are really interested in you don¿t mind the rules.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted June 1, 2004

    Rules Schmooles!

    What a crock of worthless garbage! All the rules for online dating does is annoy the guys your communicating with. Don't waste your money girls this stuff is pure idiocy!

    1 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted February 24, 2011

    Can they teach this in school?

    This is exactly what is missing today....rules for us girls on how to stop being the "fun girl" and start being the girl who men chase. I loved this book and these rules are so true! Many of them I can to realize on my own from experience and some I learned from this book, but ALL of them are rules i will make a point to practice ALL the time.

    Ladies.... if your dating, read this.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 4, 2006

    honestly?

    I used to think 'the rules' was the biggest joke ever, until i started to apply them. Ladies, your not missing out here. I used to be the biggest geek when it came to men. Things have changed for the best!!!! Get it!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 12, 2005

    Gotta have the men first

    The rules are great if there are enough men to go around. There appears to be a man shortage like those created by WWI, WWII, Korea, Vietnam and now George's fiasco. Since there are a great many duds out there and probably fewer men than women since the gay plague then women will either have to settle and/or do the Jodie Foster thing. Since there are not plenty of desirable men around, the rules are dead before they can be implemented. Good luck ladies. The rules are good to indicate you should not just sit around but get hobbies and interests and show up at activities, but that is about it.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted June 26, 2003

    Sonya D. DeBorde

    My Therapist recommended The Rules and I am so excited about the future. Reading the book has helped me understand what it takes to get Mr. Right!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
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