Table of Contents
Schtick: an arse poetica 1
&cgpI; aleph &cgpI;
Kike 5
Trans(atlantic)lation 6
Chosen 8
Mezuzah 10
Midrash of the body 12
Semite 14
Ben 15
The family business
The singer of songs 19
On becoming a man 21
Schtick (at eric's bar mitzvah) 24
The speech i should've written 28
At the Passover Seder 30
Ode to the gefilte fish 32
Hamotzi on thanksgiving 34
Rosh Hashanah in the Suburbs 37
Writing 40
Assimilation & its dis/contents
Treif 45
Why jews celebrate christmas 47
A christmas tale writes itself 48
No juden 49
Explaining Hanukkah 51
How jewish boys get irish names 53
Allegory of the jewish boy served pork at his friend's restaurant 57
An american parody: in parts
Un/doing the pyramids 63
Making it, more or less 65
Punch line 67
Remembering baby: an american parody (in parts) 70
Warhol Nose America 73
No Nose Job 74
Ode to the schnozz 76
Babs in Babylon 77
Shiksas
Shiksas 81
The merchant, the shiksa, and the american dream: the tropes of Debbie Does Dallas 83
Boxer 85
Assimilation nightmare #1 87
Assimilation nightmare #2 89
Inheritance 91
The find
George
George speaks
Passdown
Midrash
Schtick
Don Rickles Roasts Ronald Reagan 101
Loaded 104
Allen ginsberg gets expelled from Columbia University for writing fuck the jews in dust on the windowsill of his dormitory 107
Dirty Names for Monica Lewinsky 109
Mean Woman 111
Nothing Sacred: Ode to Lenny Bruce 114
Midrash of Roseanne Singing the National Anthem 117
WWLBD 120
Tuesdays with mel gibson
Old testament one-liner (a &cgpL;&cgpH; coup) 125
Passion of the kike 126
Nazi pope 129
Henry ford wraps hitler's birthday present 130
Strange bedfellows: for american jews who no longer hyphenate their identity, vote republican, and think christians are down for the maintenance of our people 134
Derrick Asks to See My Horns 136
On the charge of deicide 139
The Centurion Classic 141
Deicide 144
The secret relationship between Blacks & jews
The Indefensible Al Jolson 147
On how jews became white 150
The white dream of irving berlin 153
Blonde ambition 156
Portrait with midrash of israel's favorite rapper 157
Avraham the Patriarch Was Black 159
The Break (Ocean Hill-Brownsville 1968) 162
Public Enemy #1 166
Louis Farrakhan Plays Felix Mendelssohn 168
The secret relationship between Blacks and jews 171
Jewtown 172
Don Rickles Roasts Sammy Davis Jr. 175
Talisman 177
The holocaust calls for its orthonym 180
48-hour ars poetica 183
All the pharoahs must fall
Self-hating jew 189
What it's like to be the disagreeable grandson of zionists 190
Why i stopped going to shul 191
Explaining myself 195
Reflection on the Israeli Army Shutting Down the Palestine Festival of Literature in the Month of May in 2009: Burning Books, a Bebelplatz in Jerusalem 197
Portrait of a slumlord 201
Now's the Time to Be Fresh 203
Shiksa angel 205
All the pharaohs must fall 206
What will i tell my jewish kids 209
Post-schtick
Post-schtick 215
Acknowledgments 217
