'Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy by Leslie Langtry | Paperback | Barnes & Noble
Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy

Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy

3.8 107
by Leslie Langtry
     
 

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To most people, Gin Bombay is an ordinary single mom. But this mom is from a family of top secret assassins. Somewhere between leading a Girl Scout troop for her kindergartner and keeping their puppy from destroying the furniture, Gin has to take out a new target. Except this target has an incredibly hot Australian bodyguard who knows just how to make her weak in the

Overview

To most people, Gin Bombay is an ordinary single mom. But this mom is from a family of top secret assassins. Somewhere between leading a Girl Scout troop for her kindergartner and keeping their puppy from destroying the furniture, Gin has to take out a new target. Except this target has an incredibly hot Australian bodyguard who knows just how to make her weak in the knees. But with a mole threatening to expose everything, Gin doesn�t have much time to let her hormones do the happy dance. She�s got to find the leak and clear her assignment�or she�ll end up next on the Bombay family hit list.

Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly

For wisecracking single mother/professional assassin Gin Bombay, who comes from a line of career killers stretching back to ancient Greece, an invitation to the family reunion brings problems that go well beyond Aunt Jean's unappetizing potato salad. For starters, reunion business will include the mandatory blood initiation of Gin's five-year-old daughter, cementing her to the family business; on top of that, Gin's been assigned to eliminate a spy within the family, who may be her beloved younger brother. Things only get worse when she finds out that one of her marks is a client of her brand new boyfriend, a hunky Australian bodyguard. The beleaguered soccer mom/assassin concept is a winner, and Langtry gets the fun started from page one with a myriad of clever details, like the Hello Kitty phone perched in our heroine's "death lab." The book's chief flaw is in Gin's one-liners; unlike the gracefully underplayed wisecracks of Janet Evanovich's like-minded bounty hunter Stephanie Plum, Gin's are one-joke affairs-all assassination, all the time-that quickly become grating. (Aug.)

Copyright 2007 Reed Business Information

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9780843959338
Publisher:
Leisure Books
Publication date:
07/28/2007
Series:
Greatest Hits Series
Pages:
325
Product dimensions:
4.30(w) x 6.70(h) x 1.00(d)

Read an Excerpt

Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy


By Leslie Langtry

Dorchester Publishing

Copyright © 2007 Leslie Thompson
All right reserved.

ISBN: 978-0-8439-5933-8


Chapter One

"On a large enough time line, the survival rate for everyone will drop to zero." -Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

No one really liked family reunions. I got that. But when I listen to people complain about it 'round the water cooler, I couldn't help rolling my eyes. I mean really, try it when you come from a family of assassins. Kind of gave "avoiding Aunt Jean's potato salad" a whole new meaning.

That's right. Family of assassins. I came from a line of murderers dating back to ancient Greece. Mafia? Puhleeeese. Ninjas? Amateurs. Illuminati? How pedestrian. My ancestors had invented the garrote, the ice pick, and arsenic. And Grandma Mary insisted that the wheel had actually been devised as a portable skull crusher. I'd tell you the names of some of our famous victims throughout history, but I'd had to sign a confidentiality clause in my own blood when I was five. So you'd just have to take my word for it.

I turned the engraved invitation over in my hands and sighed. I hated these things. We only held them once every five years, but for some reason, this time, the reunion was only a year after the last one. That meant someone in the family had beennaughty. That meant one of my relatives was going to die.

As I stroked the creamy vellum paper, for a brief moment I thought about sending my regrets. But only for a moment. After all, it wasn't an option on the R.S.V.P. card. Unlike most family reunions with sack races, bad weather and crappy T-shirts, where to refuse to go only meant you weren't in the ridiculous all-family photo, to turn down this invitation was death. That's right. Death. Any blooded member of the family who didn't show was terminated.

Now, where had I put that goddamned pen? I rattled through the "everything" drawer, looking for the onyx pen with the family crest engraved in gold on the side. It may sound pretty callous to throw a centuries-old family heirloom in with tampons, fishing hooks, batteries, and ten-year-old packs of gum, but I didn't exactly have the usual family sense o' pride.

I found the pen behind some broken cassette tapes and dusted it off. The coat of arms practically glowed on the cold black surface. Crossed sabers entwined with an asp were topped off with a vial of poison. Lovely. Really sent that warm homemade-chicken-soup kind of feeling. And don't forget the family motto, carved in Greek on the side, which translates as, Kill with no mercy, love with suspicion. Not exactly embroider-on-the-pillow material.

The phone rang, causing me to jump. That's right. I was a jumpy assassin.

"Ginny?" My mom's voice betrayed her urgency.

"Hey, Mom. I got it," I responded wearily. Carolina Bombay was always convinced I would someday skip the reunion.

"Don't use that tone with me, Virginia." Her voice was dead serious. "I just wanted to make sure."

"Right. Like I'd miss this and run the risk of having my own mother hunt me down." For some reason, this would be a joke in other families. But in mine, when you strayed, your own family literally hunted you down.

"You know it makes me nervous when you don't call the day you get the invitation," Mom said, whispering the words the invitation. It was a sacred thing, and to be honest, we were all more than a little terrified every time we received one. (Did you ever notice that the words sacred and scared differ only by switching two letters?)

"I'm sorry," I continued lying to my mother. "I just popped the R.S.V.P. into the mailbox on the corner." And I would too. No point in taking any chances with my mail carrier losing it. That would be a stupid way to die.

"Well, I'm calling your brother next. I swear, you kids do this just to torment me!" She hung up before I could say good-bye.

So, here I was, thirty-nine years old, single mother of a five-year-old daughter (widowed-by cancer, not by family) and still being treated like a child. Not that my childhood had been normal, by any means. You grew up pretty quick with the ritualistic blood oath at five and your first professional kill by fifteen.

To be fair, Mom had a right to be nervous. She had watched her older sister, also named Virginia, get hunted down by Uncle Lou when she failed to appear at the 1975 reunion. That really had to suck. I'd been named after her, which kind of jinxed me, I think.

In case you hadn't noticed, my immediate family members were all named after U.S. states or cities (Lou was short for Louisiana, much to his dismay, and Grandma Mary was short for Maryland). It was a tradition that went back to our first ancestors, who thought it would be a cute idea to name their kids after locations, rather than actual names. My name was Virginia, but as a kid I went by Ginny. Of course, that had changed in college when everyone thought it was a real hoot to shorten my name to Gin. That's right. Gin Bombay. Yuck it up. I dare you.

Bombay had been the last name of my family since the beginning. Women born into the family weren't allowed to change their names when they got married. In fact, the husband had to agree to change his name to Bombay. You could guess what happened if they refused.

Non-blooded Bombays were allowed to miss the reunion, as were children under the age of five. Bombays had to let their spouses in on the "family secret" by the time the first reunion in their marriage rolls around. It wasn't exactly pillow talk. And of course, you weren't allowed to leave the family once you knew, or well, you know what happens.

Most of us didn't even tell our spouses until the first five-year reunion. I guess I'd been lucky, if you could actually call it that. My husband, Eddie, had died of brain cancer four years into our marriage. And even though I'd seen the lab results, I still eyed my cousins suspiciously. While I'm fairly certain we haven't figured out a way to cause cancer, with my family, you never know.

Roma, my daughter, had been born one month after Eddie died. I'd given her the traditional place name, but rebelled against the state thing. I called her Romi. I smiled, thinking about picking her up from kindergarten in a few hours. She was my whole life. All arms and legs, skinny as a stick, with straight brown hair and big blue eyes, Romi had given me back my laughter when Ed passed.

My heart sank with a cartoon boing when it hit my stomach. Romi was five. This would be her first reunion. She would have to be drawn into that nest of vipers that is the Bombay Family. Her training would begin immediately after. And in a couple of weeks, she'd go from playing with Bratz dolls to "icing" them. Shit.

(Continues...)



Excerpted from Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy by Leslie Langtry Copyright © 2007 by Leslie Thompson . Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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'Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy 3.9 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 106 reviews.
KelliN More than 1 year ago
I started this book not knowing what to expect. I knew that I liked the summary but felt that the execution would be tricky. I felt like it would be hard to strike the right balance between a chick-lit feeling book and a serious book about a family of assassins. I'm happy to say that Leslie Langtry got this one right. 'Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy was light-hearted, laugh-out-loud funny but still just serious enough for its subject matter, and left me with a smile on my face. I love a first-person narrative, and I love it even more when I actually like the main character. Sometimes, I just don't like them, you know? But I liked Ginny. She had a no-nonsense personality, which I really appreciate in a female lead, and I also appreciated her attention to detail with regards to her work as an assassin. I loved reading about her hidden lab! The funniest parts of this book were Ginny's interaction with Diego. She has not had a relationship since her husband died of cancer five years ago, and her hormones wake up with a vengeance when she meets Diego in a bookstore. On that note, I love to read about characters who love to read! Anyway, Ginny and Diego have an instant attraction and she's not shy about telling him how she feels. My favorite part of the book was when they were declaring their feelings for each other and she does a happy dance: she thinks she doing it in her head, but she is actually doing the dance and accompanying squeals of happiness out loud. Diego's reaction to her reaction was hilarious! I guess what I'm trying to say about Ginny is that she is very genuine. There's no faking anything with her: what you see is what you get, and I loved her for that. She says what she thinks, without being mean, but is always honest. The mystery component of this book was well-handled. There was definitely a surprise at the end: Langtry took the book in a direction I wasn't expecting, which made things interesting. Overall, I really enjoyed 'Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy. I was really excited to see that it is part of a series and plan on reading more from Leslie Langtry.
Ginas-Library More than 1 year ago
I read this book for the author for an honest review. I loved the title of this book and wanted to know more about it. This book was fast paced and funny. The charcter of Ginny is down right hysterical. Ginny's family is a family of assassins. It goes back many generations. This family makes it sound so easy to kill someone, physically and pyschologically. The Council (elder members of the family) have found out there is a mole within the family. It is now Ginny's job to find out who he/she is and bring that person to the Council. Ginny finds out rather quickly who the assassin is....or did she? You'll have to read it for yourself to find out. I highly recommed it.
Grandma2kkc More than 1 year ago
Loved this book, it keep me wanting to know what was nexted and even kept me laughing. I wanted more so bought 2 more of her books on the same family.
Rad-Reader More than 1 year ago
Fast, easy, fun summer read. I loved the soccer mom-as-assassin concept and willingly entered the suspension of disbelief, but had trouble accepting the sudden love interest given the family's rules and lifestyle choices. That story line was, for me, what dropped the book from four stars to three stars.
RedReadSD More than 1 year ago
I chose this book because I liked the title, I think I will use that same criteria in the future. The story, like the title, is interesting with an odd sense of humor. The characters are well developed without a lot of time wasted building a background, details are added where they fit smoothly into the story line. The story is obviously fiction and does not pretend to be 'based on actual events', yet it is still quite easy to empathize with the characters as they respond and react to the social and family situations that they find themselves thrust into. The strong sense of family obligation is ever present even in a family of assassins. This is the first book I have read by Leslie Langtry, but it will not be the last.
catwoman5645 More than 1 year ago
I laughed out loud with this one. Short read. Original idea - family of assassins for many, many generations. Just bought the next book in the series, hope it's as fun to read.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I highly recommend this book. Exciting,funny and much more. Just your average family with a twist.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This is a nice lighthearted book about a family of assassins. I think the story is well written and entertaining.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Kicked out of the CIA but dead bodies keep showing up, along with former CIA contacts. All of this and humor keep you turning the pages to see what happens next.
HelenHB More than 1 year ago
Gin Bombay is your basic single mom...who comes from a uber rich tradition bound family of assassins. (Hint - there's only one way to get out and it's not walking.)  She has mixed feelings about offing people, but a mom's got to do what a mom's got to do. "Scuse me" is an entertaining book that walks the difficult line between dark (but not too dark) and funny (but not to silly) and mostly lands in the right place.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
If you like the Stephanie Plum character in Janet Evanovich's books you with love this author. It was laugh out loud and quick reading book. Ginny is funny especially when she is with Diego. The book goes smoothly and to be honest with you, you can actually see things happen while it unfolds. It's a book about family and what boundaries you will cross to save your own.
BookGeek3368 More than 1 year ago
I expected this to be light & fluffy reading, and it basically was. It was cute & mildly amusing, but overall, I had hard time reconciling these cutesy characters with the fact that they kill people for a living; it just did not mesh for me at all. I enjoyed it ok, but I won't be continuing on in this series.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Enjoyed reading this book. Nice twists.
Joey44 More than 1 year ago
I LOVED this book! I wanted to read something funny and, hopefully, with some romance so I decided on 'Scue Me While I Kill This Guy. I am so glad I did! It was so funny that it had me laughing until my stomach hurt. Ginny Bombay is a widowed mother of a 5 year old daughter, Romi. She is your typical 'soccer' Mom in that she always picks Romi up from school, buys cookies for class events, spends time with her family and is a leader of a Daisy Troupe.  Not so typically, she is also an assassin. Every member of her family is an assassin and this tradition has been going on for hundreds of years. The assassination assignments are issued by the "Council" which is made up of senior family members. The Council has found out that there is a mole in the family and has assigned Ginny to find out who it is within two weeks so he can be eliminated.  Things get a bit complicated for Ginny when she meets a man who is a bodyguard and falls for him.  Trying to keep her profession a secret from her new boyfriend is harder than Ginny thought it would be. The characters were fantastic and I especially liked Ginny.  She loved her family and was always ready to help them at any time. All the family members were interesting characters who lead normal lives - that is, except for the being assassins part.  I really liked the storyline.  It was funny and let me escape into a make believe (I hope) world.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Lovdthis book, sdy funyu
DivaDeluxe More than 1 year ago
Faced paced and humorous. Loved it!
rgleason More than 1 year ago
I started reading this book because I read a review that it was funny...It IS!! More than that, it is the first story of an incredible family that you will LOVE! I don't know HOW Leslie Langtry came up with the idea of a FUNNY family of assassins but she sure did! After the first story I could NOT get the rest of this series fast enough! What a wild and funny adventure! I LOVE THE BOMBAY's and so will you!
luvreading08 More than 1 year ago
Not what I expected, but kept reading even though lost interest after a few pages.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
First in a series featuring the Bombay family of assassins. I like that each book features a different family member and you get to know them better. Hope more books are coming!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Great book. Will be reading others in the series.
BklvrVG More than 1 year ago
The story idea is interesting, but the dialog is terribly written, the relationship between the main character and Diego is terribly written, and the story overall has a "cutsey" feel to it. Don't waste your dollar buying this book.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
A mom trying to survive in two worlds.. everyday parent problems and the criminal underworld.. She seems to be able to cope!!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Yes, there are some funny lines & situations in this book but not enough to keep my interest. I was not really troubled by a family of assassins; after all this is fiction. While I did enjoy the heroine's immediate family dynamic, I was also disappointed that she so easily lost faith in the family member who appeared to be the traitor. Actually, I'm not exactly sure why it took me so long to finish the book. Maybe it was the writing. Maybe because I just could not connect with the characters.
MRSCKP More than 1 year ago
Bought this book first and loved it. Dark and so funny. Go ahead and get the box set! This one is in it and you only pay a little more for 5 of them! You won't regret it.
Book_WhispererJO More than 1 year ago
Fun Story! Gin is your average woman, or at least as average as a single widowed mother can be. Oh and the fact that she just happens to be a member of The Bombay family; a long and legendary league of assassins. While not your typical assassin she pays her dues in hope that she will live to see another day. I was expecting something far different than what I found in these pages. Gin is quite the black sheep, and would love nothing more than to retire from the life of an assassin. Though she is well aware that there is only one way to retire from this particular line of work, and it requires a resting place six feet under or with the fishes take your pick. The story is overall a very fast and easy read. I would love to say that it concluded without a hitch, but it was slightly lacking in character development and detail. As the romance moves forward in the story it seemed to be rushed and undeveloped. This is definitely a story that readers will follow leisurely. ~BookWhisperer Reviewer JO~