Secrets of Happily Married Men: Eight Ways to Win Your Wife's Heart Forever

Secrets of Happily Married Men: Eight Ways to Win Your Wife's Heart Forever

4.5 6
by Scott Haltzman, Theresa Foy DiGeronimo
     
 

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Praise for The Secrets of Happily Married Men

"Manly men rest assured: You can hope to become a better husband without having to get in touch with your feminine side. . . . Lively and entertaining, this broad guidebook provides Haltzman's insights illuminated by anecdotes from his online discussion forum for married men."

Overview

Praise for The Secrets of Happily Married Men

"Manly men rest assured: You can hope to become a better husband without having to get in touch with your feminine side. . . . Lively and entertaining, this broad guidebook provides Haltzman's insights illuminated by anecdotes from his online discussion forum for married men."
Psychology Today

"Haltzman . . . launches his eight strategies with remarkable vigor. More important, they are extraordinarily well fleshed out and convincingly supported with useful 'to do' lists and a multitude of examples. They will no doubt prove helpful to many men struggling to build a happy marriage."
Publisher's Weekly

"Scott Haltzman, a psychiatrist and Brown University professor, has been studying marriages good and bad for a long time. . . . View marriage as your most important task, Haltzman urges men, and pursue success as you would anything else that matters."
Washington Post

"Men are good at fixing problems, not talking about them, so Haltzman advises playing to your strength. The genius of this book is that it . . . asks politically incorrect questions about men and women at home—the neglected front in the gender wars."
New York Times

"The insights in this book reveal a new and effective way for men and women to understand and appreciate each other. It shows what it really takes to create a loving and lasting relationship."
—John Gray, author, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

Marriage and relationships are in crisis. The breakup and divorce rate remain incredibly high, despite all the couples therapy, afternoon talk shows, and other books in the marketplace, many of which describe men as abusive commitment phobic creeps who'd better change fast or else. But this new book is totally different, a whole different way of looking at how to build a successful long-lasting relationship from a man's point of view, men who are happy in their partnerships, who have figured out what works for them in accomplishing the goal of a loving, intimate, lifetime commitment. Dr. Scott Haltzman, Clinical Assistant Professor of Psychiatry and Human Behavior at Brown University, and founder of www.secretsofmarriedmen.com, has devised a proven method for improving relationships, based on a man's special and unique skills, strengths, powers—as a responsible and motivated worker, manager, leader, problem-solver, partner, husband, and father. Men are different, Dr. Haltzman says. They don't approach relationships with the same skills and techniques that women do—and viva la difference. Dr.Haltzman therefore lays out eight ways, tasks, proven techniques which men have revealed in confidential correspondence to his highly successful website, including The First Way: Make Your Marriage Your Job, The Second Way: Know Your Wife, The Third Way: Be Home Now, The Fourth Way: Expect Conflict and Deal With It, The Fifth Way: Learn to Listen, The Sixth Way: Aim to Please, The Seventh Way: Understand the Truth About Sex, The Eighth Way: Introduce Yourself, and finally, Celebrate Your Love. Within each of these steps, he provides both specific analysis, guidelines and techniques based on male biology, neuro-science, brain differences, unique developmental stages from youth to seniority. To illustrate these ideas in action, he's included wonderful true stories, anecdotes, and confessions from the website. The result is a practical, very entertaining, totally original way to build successful relationships for men and their partners, girlfriends, and wives. For a lasting commitment, a continuing guide to solving inevitable problems and bumps in the road, for more fun, better sex, genuine intimacy, and a life-long partnership—this dynamic new author shows the way in a manner that finally includes an authentic male perspective.

Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly
Haltzman begins this marriage guide for men by emphasizing the biological differences between men and women, arguing that traditional approaches to marriage counseling can devalue men and ignore immutable male qualities. Evolutionary biology along with explanations of the limbic system governing emotions provide the foundation for Haltzman's argument that much psychological dogma is possibly wrong, buoying married men by suggesting that it might be healthy "to keep your feelings to yourself" or that getting in touch with feelings is not a panacea for a better marriage. Then Haltzman, a psychiatry professor at Brown and operator of a Web site devoted to the "secrets of married men," launches his eight strategies with remarkable vigor. Despite the author's unorthodox theoretical groundwork, the strategies are commonsensical-make marriage your job, learn to listen, know your wife, aim to please. More important, they are extraordinarily well fleshed out and convincingly supported with useful "to do" lists and a multitude of examples. They will no doubt prove helpful to many men struggling to build a happy marriage. (Jan.) Copyright 2005 Reed Business Information.
Library Journal
Asserting that men have the power to fix their broken marriages because they are men, psychiatrist and marriage counselor Haltzman put together a guidebook that helps men give their wives exactly what they want and receive from them exactly what they hoped for the day they got married. Drawing on years of clinical experience and responses on his web site (secretsofmarriedmen.com), the author cites several "secrets" that differentiate the happily from the unhappily married men. Those who are satisfied have learned to listen to and know their wives; they aim to please and expect conflict and have learned to deal with it. Haltzman writes guy to guy, with anecdotes and humor. While it may be a challenge to get men to check out this book, it is highly recommended for all libraries. Copyright 2005 Reed Business Information.
From the Publisher
Haltzman begins this marriage guide for men by emphasizing the biological differences between men and women, arguing that traditional approaches to marriage counseling can devalue men and ignore immutable male qualities. Evolutionary biology along with explanations of the limbic system governing emotions provide the foundation for Haltzman's argument that much psychological dogma is possibly wrong, buoying married men by suggesting that it might be healthy "to keep your feelings to yourself" or that getting in touch with feelings is not a panacea for a better marriage. Then Haltzman, a psychiatry professor at Brown and operator of a Web site devoted to the "secrets of married men," launches his eight strategies with remarkable vigor. Despite the author's unorthodox theoretical groundwork, the strategies are commonsensical—make marriage your job, learn to listen, know your wife, aim to please. More important, they are extraordinarily well fleshed out and convincingly supported with useful "to do" lists and a multitude of examples. They will no doubt prove helpful to many men struggling to build a happy marriage. (Jan.) (Publishers Weekly, November 7, 2005)

Asserting that men have the power to fix their broken marriages because they are men, psychiatrist and marriage counselor Haltzman put together a guidebook that helps men give their wives exactly what they want and receive from them exactly what they hoped for the day they got married. Drawing on years of clinical experience and responses on his web site (secretsofmarriedmen.com), the author cites several "secrets" that differentiate the happily from the unhappily married men. Those who are satisfied have learned to listen to and know their wives; they aim to please and expect conflict and have learned to deal with it. Haltzman writes guy to guy, with anecdotes and humor. While it may be a challenge to get men to check out this book, it is highly recommended for all libraries. (Library Journal)

MANLY MEN REST assured: You can hope to become a better husband without having to get in touch with your feminine side. Psychiatrist Haltzman doesn't ask men to change so much as to harness their best masculine strengths. Lively and entertaining, this broad guidebook provides Haltzman's insights illuminated by anecdotes from his online discussion forum for married men. The upshot: Men would do well to approach their marriages with the same commitment and sense of purpose that they bring to a job. (Psychology Today)

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9780787994143
Publisher:
Wiley
Publication date:
01/02/2007
Pages:
288
Sales rank:
356,742
Product dimensions:
5.60(w) x 8.60(h) x 2.80(d)

What People are saying about this

From the Publisher
"At last, a book by real men for real men focused on the prize (a happy and contented wife) and filled with the secrets to getting more and better sex, health, wealth, and happiness. It’s a road map for men, women, or anyone who works with them—straight to the promised land. No man who is married, or plans to get married, should be without this book."
—Diane Sollee, founder and director, SmartMarriages.com

"Secrets of Happily Married Men combines an empathy for men with an inspiring and no-excuses challenge to apply their man-made talents toward a better marriage. I recommend this well-written, honest, and non-PC book to any man who cares about love, family, and marriage."
—Warren Farrell, Ph.D., author, Why Men Are the Way They Are and Father and Child Reunion

"Scott Haltzman writes clearly of the gender-specific issues of men and their response to marital conflict.  His commonsense language invites readers, regardless of gender, to want more."
—Andrew Slaby, M.D., Ph.D., M.P.H., clinical professor of psychiatry, New York University; author, 60 Ways to Make Stress Work for You

"Scott Haltzman writes the perfect playbook for marriage. The Secrets of Happily Married Men teaches you all the right moves. It is a powerful book."
—Stephen Baker, “The Touchdown Maker,” New York Giants Super Bowl Champion

"The insights in this book reveal a new and effective way for men and women to understand and appreciate each other. It shows what it really takes to create a loving and lasting relationship."
—John Gray, author, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

"This book is brilliant! It’s that rare ‘relationship book’ that men will actually like. Frankly, if all married couples read this book and followed its guidance, the divorce rate would plummet like a rock and the level of satisfaction in marriage would skyrocket."
—Peggy Vaughan, DearPeggy.com; author, The Monogamy Myth

"Once in a generation a book is published that changes the discourse about men and marriage. The Secrets of Happily Married Men is that book.  Dr. Haltzman weaves a compelling yet humorous argument for a man’s ability to master the skills necessary for understanding his wife and developing a marriage he can be proud of. Haltzman obviously relishes controversy and has several provocative discussions about traditional feminist-based marriage therapy being unfair to men, as well as the brain- and hormone- based differences between women and men."
—Barry McCarthy, Ph.D., professor of psychology, American University; author, Getting It Right the First Time and Rekindling Desire

"This terrific book is full of stuff you can do (yes, you!). It will guide you in how to connect with your wife in ways that count. She may have bought it, but you need to read it. Get busy. By the way, my wife grabbed this book and read it before I did and she thinks it’s wonderful.  Maybe you could read it before your wife does! Big points, fella."
—Scott Stanley, marital researcher; author, The Power of Commitment: A Guide to Active, Lifelong Love and co-author, Fighting for Your Marriage

"Written in the language of men, this brave, take-no-prisoners, highly practical, pro-marriage book is a must-read for men and women alike. I read it from cover to cover."
—Pat Love, Ed.D., author, The Truth About Love

"This book will reach married men (and women) in their minds and hearts. Rather than portraying men as deficient in relationships, Scott Haltzman shows men how to bring their unique strengths to their marriage and how to manage their unique challenges. He blends neuroscience, clinical experience, and everyday stories of men in marriage in a compelling way. A gift to the married men of the world."
—William J. Doherty, Ph.D., professor of family social science, University of Minnesota; author, Take Back Your Marriage: Sticking Together in a World That Pulls Us Apart

"In a culture that too often blames men and their alleged ‘lack of relationship skills’ for failing marriages, Secrets tell it like it is—men can and often do take successful action to help their marriages. It helps point men in the right direction and tells the truth about how traditional marriage counseling is often an inhospitable environment for men."
—Glenn Sacks, columnist and host of radio talk show, His Side with Glenn Sacks

"We live in a world that has largely given up on the idea that men might be fit for family life and cooperative, communicative equality with women. Psychiatrist and marriage therapist Scott Haltzman now comes to the rescue. Scott spends his life listening to men, to the pain and confusion of guys trying to answer Freud’s immortal question, ‘What does a woman want?’ or, more germane, ‘What does a woman’s therapist or self-help guru want?’ Scott has written an invaluable book, crammed with good advice for men on marriage and with cues for women to understand what if feels like to be a man and how men might be useful if everyone would stop trying to fix the fact that they are men. (Scott is well aware that being a man is no excuse for being a pig.)  This book should be on the bedside table of any marriage with a man in it."
—Frank S. Pittman III, M.D., author, Man Enough and Grow Up!

"My wife and I have been married for forty-one years, with never any doubts, and yet, somehow, reading Haltzman’s Secrets was rewarding. It revealed new things about me, us, and her."
—Gary Sutton, business-turnaround expert; author, Corporate Canaries

"Finally, the book that every man needs to read and every woman will want her special guy to memorize. This book destroys the myth that men know nothing and care little about how to have a successful relationship. In fact, most men want to be good husbands more than anything else in life. Not only that, but given half a chance we’re actually quite good at it. Dr. Haltzman gives us the tools we need to make marriage work. But I warn you, this book is not for the politically correct or for those who think that men need to be fixed. This book celebrates our differences and recognizes that there is nothing more important in life than learning to have a successful marriage. Get a copy for him and for her and for everyone else you care about."
—Jed Diamond, author, Male Menopause and The Irritable Male Syndrome

"Every decade or so, a book about marriage comes along whose perspective is unique, essential, and marriage changing. The Secrets of Happily Married Men is that kind of book. Like Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus and The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, this book is hard to put down whether you are a woman or a man. It grips you from the first page and challenges you to tell the kinds of secrets that lead to real happier marriages and human love."
—Michael Gurian, author, What Could He Be Thinking?, The Wonder of B

Meet the Author

Dr. Scott Haltzman is clinical assistant professor of psychiatry and human behavior at Brown University, and medical director of NRI Community Services in Rhode Island. He also has an active private practice, with a focus on marriage counseling for individuals and couples. You can reach him at DrHaltzman@SecretsofMarriedMen.com.

Theresa Foy DiGeronimo is the author of more than thirty-five books in the fields of educationand parenting.

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Secrets of Happily Married Men: Eight Ways to Win Your Wife's Heart Forever 4.5 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 6 reviews.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book deserves five stars because it delivers. Yes, the advice within will help any man improve his marriage. It also has value not intended by the authors. If I wanted a young man considering marriage to understand what's involved, I would urge him to read this book, to realize how high the expectations of women have become. Many men might be better off opting for less demanding relationships such as keeping things at a serious dating level or living together without the expectations marriage seems to bring. There are areas of this book that will make single men (and some women) cringe at the loss of independence involved in marriage. Better to cringe before than after the deal is done. Women should not read this book. It can only encourage expectations few are likely to have realized.
TaznBetty More than 1 year ago
I recommend this book for every man who is in a relationship or if you have just gotten married.
Guest More than 1 year ago
As a marriage therapist I delayed writing this review until I had not only enjoyed it myself but also recommended it to a number of couples. I get very positive responses from individuals and couples who use Haltzman's very readable book. His approach of using the skills men already possess to enhance their relationship hits the right cord for the guys. The practical approaches that he recommends provide direction that couples really understand and implement.
Guest More than 1 year ago
'MEN ARE SUCH JERKS!' How many times have you heard that, sometimes even from other men? Scott Haltzman doesn't think we're all jerks. In an unusually wise and frequently funny book, he urges us to use the skills that make us successful in work and sports to become, in effect, world-class husbands who, in return for our efforts, have a much improved chance of being appreciated, maybe even cherished, by our wives. I'm in the marriage education field and (full disclosure) know Scott Haltzman personally. Since around 70% of divorces are now being initiated by disaffected wives with their husbands frequently not knowing what hit them, this book is an extremely effective antidote to male obliviousness. Any man who reads this book will know what to do to avoid being blind-sided by his wife's abrupt announcement and departure. Of course, knowing what to do is one thing. Heeding the sage advice and actually doing it is quite another. A book can only do so much, but this one does a lot. The big question is: since women buy and read most of the marriage self-help books, how will this gold mine of information get into the hands (and heads) of the legions of husbands who badly need it? It's too bad women couldn't administer the book to their husbands intravenously, but maybe as a gift. With a 43% divorce rate for first marriages (60% for second marriages), marriage is clearly a beleagured institution. By working the male side of the street, Haltzman has made a major contribution to our understanding of how we husbands can use our male competence to properly attend to the care and feeding of our precious marriage.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago