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Self-Made Man: One Woman's Journey into Manhood and Back Again

Self-Made Man: One Woman's Journey into Manhood and Back Again

3.5 23
by Norah Vincent

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A journalist’s provocative and spellbinding account of her eighteen months spent disguised as a man

Norah Vincent became an instant media sensation with the publication of Self-Made Man, her take on just how hard it is to be a man, even in a man’s world. Following in the tradition of John Howard Griffin (Black Like Me), Norah


A journalist’s provocative and spellbinding account of her eighteen months spent disguised as a man

Norah Vincent became an instant media sensation with the publication of Self-Made Man, her take on just how hard it is to be a man, even in a man’s world. Following in the tradition of John Howard Griffin (Black Like Me), Norah spent a year and a half disguised as her male alter ego, Ned, exploring what men are like when women aren’t around. As Ned, she joins a bowling team, takes a high-octane sales job, goes on dates with women (and men), visits strip clubs, and even manages to infiltrate a monastery and a men’s therapy group. At once thought- provoking and pure fun to read, Self-Made Man is a sympathetic and thrilling tour de force of immersion journalism.

Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher
A thoughtful, entertaining piece of first-person investigative journalism . . . Self-Made Man transcends its premise altogether. . . . So rich and so audacious . . . [I was] hooked from Page 1. (David Kamp, The New York Times Book Review)

Vincent's account of how she ‘became' a man is undeniably fascinating." (Los Angeles Times Book World)

Eye-opening . . . Self-Made Man will make many women think twice about coveting male ‘privilege' and make any man feel grateful that his gender is better understood. (The Washington Post)

[Vincent] can be as perspicuous and exact as Joan Didion or Gloria Steinem at nailing a hitherto disregarded truth about the sexes in a single elegant and witty phrase. . . . This is a brave and often fascinating book, with Vincent . . . offering us perspectives that are entirely fresh and new. (The Times,London)

Lily Burana
While the side effects of Vincent's experiment are fascinating (including what happens when she reveals herself to be female and the negative impact on her psyche), it is her field reporting from Planet Guy that holds the most novelty. Self-Made Man will make many women think twice about coveting male "privilege" and make any man feel grateful that his gender burden is better understood.
—The Washington Post
Publishers Weekly
Vincent, a tomboy from childhood, decided to see if the right makeup and skilled coaching could effect a sex transformation complete enough to get her accepted in her new guise as a man. For a year and a half, she went undercover to gather experiences such as joining a men's bowling league, getting a job in a testosterone-fueled door-to-door sales company, and going on a retreat with a secretive male empowerment club. Vincent's writing is quite evocative as she describes the process of becoming "Ned," but its disappointing that her narration doesn't demonstrate the masculine voice she developed. Her reading is mostly monotonous, only occasionally adding inflections that hint at the self-loathing she often felt as she deceived everyone she encountered. This abridgment omits two chapters, but the remaining ones still give an excellent sense of the project and the insights she gained. At the outset, Vincent notes that her experiment is not a sociological treatise but just a single woman's view of a guy's world. But her sharp powers of observation and crisp writing, which shine through even when her reading sounds bored, ensure that listeners finish feeling that they have learned a great deal along with her about the slippery workings of gender in America. Simultaneous release with the Viking hardcover. (Reviews, Nov. 14). (Jan.) Copyright 2006 Reed Business Information.
Library Journal
Vincent, formerly a Los Angeles Times syndicated columnist, has written a spellbinding, eyeopening personal narrative of 18 months spent "passing" as a man. She assumed the identity of "Ned," hiding her body within male clothing. Ned joined a men's bowling league, accompanied male acquaintances to strip joints, dated women, worked in a high-pressure male-dominated sales job, and participated in a ritual-laden men's sensitivity group. Late in the experiment, Ned moved to a monastery to experience a male environment without women. With intelligence and sensitivity, Vincent relates her experiences and surprising discoveries about the secrets and rites of male society and the daily fears and desires of individual men. She analyzes the dating scene from the male perspective, emphasizing the need for males to be able to deal with rejection 90 percent of the time and describing the toll this takes on the male ego. She highlights over and over again the communication disconnect between men and women and how their preconceived notions affect how they act toward one another. One of the big surprises of Vincent's account is that, after she revealed her identity to the men she had fraternized with and the women she had "dated," the people readily accepted her. An often humorous, incisive, and fascinating account that validates the conclusions of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus; for most public and academic libraries. [See Prepub Alert, LJ 9/15/05.]-Jack Forman, San Diego Mesa Coll. Lib. Copyright 2005 Reed Business Information.
Kirkus Reviews
A fascinating, truly weird account of a female journalist who dresses in drag for 18 months in order to feel men's pain. What prompted Vincent, who notes that she is not a transsexual or a transvestite, to undertake a cross-dressing experiment as the 35-year-old nerdy Ned, who stinks at sports, is attractive to women, frequents strip clubs with new blue-collar buddies, brings a refreshing "emotional awareness" to a Catholic monastery and excels as a high-testosterone door-to-door salesman? Fascinated by the "unspoken codes of male experience," Vincent bets that becoming a man will allow her to "observe much more about the social differences between the sexes." With great seriousness she undertakes the creation of Ned's persona: Consulting a makeup artist, she fashions a credible five o'clock shadow (it gets a little nasty when she sweats); cuts her hair into a fade to emphasize a squarer jaw and dons rectangular glasses; wears a binding sports bra and pumps weights to bulk up her shoulders; and learns to modulate her already deep voice (men, she learns, don't talk in torrential prattle, but "lean back and pronounce with terse authority"). As Ned, she joins a working-class bowling team, who offer touching fatherly tips, and while she genuinely likes the men, revealing her identity to them after months of friendship seems a violent and traitorous blow. In chapters entitled "Friendship," "Sex," "Love," "Life," "Work" and "Self," Ned undergoes the rigors of male conditioning, though it is finally while participating in a men's-movement group that Vincent recognizes that most men in fact live in disguise-hiding rage, pain and shame. One of the curiouser books to appear of late-sure to attractattention.

Product Details

Penguin Publishing Group
Publication date:
Product dimensions:
6.24(w) x 9.30(h) x 1.12(d)
Age Range:
18 Years

Read an Excerpt

Self-Made Man

One Woman's Journey Into Manhood and Back Again
By Norah Vincent

Viking Adult

ISBN: 0-670-03466-5

Chapter One

Seven years ago, I had my first tutorial in becoming a man.

The idea for this book came to me then, when I went out for the first time in drag. I was living in the East Village at the time, undergoing a significantly delayed adolescence, drinking and drugging a little too much, and indulging in all the sidewalk freak show opportunities that New York City has to offer.

Back then I was hanging around a lot with a drag king whom I had met through friends. She used to like to dress up and have me take pictures of her in costume. One night she dared me to dress up with her and go out on the town. I'd always wanted to try passing as a man in public, just to see if I could do it, so I agreed enthusiastically.

She had developed her own technique for creating a beard whereby you cut half inch chunks of hair from unobtrusive parts of your own head, cut them into smaller pieces, and then more or less glopped them onto your face with spirit gum. Using a small round freestanding mirror on her desk, she showed me how to do it in the dim, greenish light of her cramped studio apartment. It wasn't at all precise and it wouldn't have passed muster in the daylight, but it was good enough for the stage, and it would work well enough for our purposes in dark bars at night. I made myself a goatee and mustache, and a pair of baroque sideburns. I put on a baseball cap, loose-fitting jeans and a flannel shirt. In the full-length mirror I looked like a frat boy-sort of.

She did her thing-which was more willowy and soft, more like a young hippie guy who couldn't really grow much of a beard-and we went out like that for a few hours.

We passed, as far as I could tell, but I was too afraid to really interact with anyone, except to give one guy brief directions on the street. He thanked me as "dude" and walked on.

Mostly though we just walked the streets of the Village scanning people's faces to see if anyone took a second or third look. But no one did. And that, oddly enough, was the thing that struck me the most about that evening. It was the only thing of real note that happened. But it was significant.

I had lived in that neighborhood for years, walking its streets where men lurk outside of bodegas, on stoops and in doorways much of the day. As a woman, you couldn't walk down those streets invisibly. You were an object of desire or at least semiprurient interest to the men who waited there, even if you weren't pretty-that, or you were just another piece of pussy to be put in its place. Either way, their eyes followed you all the way up and down the street, never wavering, asserting their dominance as a matter of course. If you were female and you lived there, you got used to being stared down, because it happened every day and there wasn't anything you could do about it.

But that night in drag, we walked by those same stoops and doorways and bodegas. We walked right by those same groups of men. Only this time they didn't stare. On the contrary, when they met my eyes they looked away immediately and concertedly and never looked back. It was astounding, the difference, the respect they showed me by not looking at me, by purposely not staring.

That was it. That was what had annoyed me so much about meeting their gaze as a woman, not the desire, if that was ever there, but the disrespect, the entitlement. It was rude, and it was meant to be rude, and seeing those guys looking away deferentially when they thought I was male, I could validate in retrospect the true hostility of their former stares.

But that wasn't quite all there was to it. There was something more than plain respect being communicated in their averted gaze, something subtler, less direct. It was more like a disinclination to show disrespect. For them, to look away was to decline a challenge, to adhere to a code of behavior that kept the peace among human males in certain spheres just as surely as it kept the peace and the pecking order among male animals. To look another male in the eye and hold his gaze is to invite conflict, either that or a homosexual encounter. To look away is to accept the status quo, to leave each man to his tiny sphere of influence, the small buffer of pride and poise that surrounds and keeps him.

I surmised all of this the night it happened, but in the weeks and months that followed I asked most of the men I knew whether I was right, and they agreed, adding usually that it wasn't something they thought about anymore, if they ever had. It was just something you learned or absorbed as a boy, and by the time you were a man, you did it without thinking.

After the whole incident had blown over, I started thinking that if in such a short time in drag I had learned such an important secret about the way males and females communicate with each other, and about the unspoken codes of male experience, then couldn't I potentially observe much more about the social differences between the sexes if I passed as a man for a much longer period of time? It seemed true, but I wasn't intrepid enough yet to do something that extreme. Besides it seemed impossible, both psychologically and practically, to pull it off. So I filed the information away in my mind for a few more years and got on with other things.

Then, in the winter of 2003, while watching a reality television show on the A& E network, the idea came back to me. In the show, two male and two female contestants set out to transform themselves into the opposite sex-not with hormones or surgeries, but purely by costume and design. The women cut their hair. The men had theirs extended. Both took voice and movement lessons to try to learn how to speak and behave more like the sex they were trying to become. All chose new wardrobes, personas and names for their alter egos. The bulk of the program focused on the outward transformations, though the point at the end was to see who could pass in the real world most effectively. Neither of the men really passed, and only one of the women stayed the course. She did manage to pass fairly well, though only for a short time and in carefully controlled circumstances.

But, as in most reality television programs, especially the American ones, nobody involved was particularly introspective about the effect their experiences had had on them or the people around them. It was clear that the producers didn't have much interest in the deeper sociologic implications of passing as the opposite sex. It was all just another version of an extreme make-over. Once the stunt was accomplished-or not-the show was over.

But for me, watching the show brought my former experience in drag to the forefront of my mind again and made me realize that passing in costume in the daylight could be possible with the right help. I knew that writing a book about passing in the world as a man would give me the chance to explore some of the unexplored territory that the show had left out, and that I had barely broached in my brief foray in drag years before.

I was determined to give the idea a try.


Excerpted from Self-Made Man by Norah Vincent Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Meet the Author

Norah Vincent is the author of the New York Times bestseller Self-Made Man. Previously, she wrote a nationally syndicated op-ed column for the Los Angeles Times. Her work has also appeared in The New York Times, The New Republic, The Village Voice, and The Washington Post. She lives in New York City.

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Self-Made Man: One Woman's Journey into Manhood and Back Again 3.5 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 23 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I did not like the way it was written. I felt she unnecessarily talked about her lesbianism a lot. There were times where it fit with the story, but mostly not. She didn't provide much of an insite into men as I would have liked.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Just finished reading. Her prose is so flowery and overdone, her writing style throughout the book seemed like one big exercise in literary masturbation. She -almost- got it. Eighteen months living under the duress that every modern man lives with for his entire life led her to check herself in to a mental hospital to recover, yet she still referred to men as oppressors, rapists, war-mongers, and still believes in the Patriarchy?. Three weeks of dating straight women in the guise of a straight man led her to admit that she was developing into a misogynist, yet everyday men are still expected to sympathize with any woman who cries about chivalry being dead. It's almost amazing how some women, even in the face of empirical evidence and subjective experience, still cling to hive-mind lies about men.
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hound48 More than 1 year ago
some interesting parts, but it's from a narrow perspective. i'd like to see this study done by a woman who prefers gentlemen.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book is well-written with an interesting concept. But the best parts are all the surprises learned along the way, not just about men but about how we as women think of them. The authors preconceived notions (and mine as well, to be honest) were blasted away time and time again. There was a sad feeling that lingered in your stomach long after you read the chapter on strip clubs. There was a sense of greater appreciation for the 'small town average Joe' after the chapter about joining a men's bowling league. And the chapter on dating explains women and what we expect out of a partner viewed from the outside on, and helps you to evaluate yourself in a relationship (or especially if you are single and looking). Norah seems like a genuine good person who is not too proud to admit that the men she encountered happily surprised her, and perhaps we as women could stand to learn a thing or two about them. A brilliant study on gender roles, and EXPECTED gender roles. Plus, she looks cute as hell in drag!
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book mde me look at men and say 'wow, i love u!' I never realized eveyrthing that goes on their minds and how different they are from women. I never really gave it a second thought on how differently they think. A very good read and its interesting :) you wont b bored!
Guest More than 1 year ago
The beginning of this book starts off great and entertaining presenting many ideas, however, after half way, the ideas start becoming subjective instead of objective. It also becomes more of a summary and story than anything like most people here claim. As Norah stated it is not a serious analytical look at male vs female. Many of her ideas are affected by her 'sex' and sexuality. I cannot tell you what to read and not to read, but if you like to read a summary style book then this might be for you.
Guest More than 1 year ago
some interesting parts, but it's from a narrow perspective. i'd like to see this study done by a woman who prefers gentlemen.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I thought this was a remarkable book. The trials and pitfalls of being 'male' were related in a quirky, personal way that is guaranteed to hold your interest. I look forward to reading more of the author's work.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I took this book out at the library in hopes of liking it enough to buy it. I read it while walking on a treadmill, vegging out after work. I thought it would be a good read, but after reading about half of the book, the story kind of drops and was very boring. I was expecting more humor, dialoge, and a position from the author when really it was written like a story.
GailCooke More than 1 year ago
Think 'Black Like Me' the story by a white man who colored his skin and passed as a black to find out what life was really like for African Americans almost 50 years ago. Or, even think Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie. Now, listen to Norah Vincent, an up-front columnist for The Los Angeles Times, who passed as a man and discovered what the guys were up to when the gals weren't around. This was not an easy task nor one that Vincent took lightly - she did exercises to bulk up her shoulders, got a semi crewcut, pasted on a realistic facial stubble, and even took lessons from a Juilliard voice coach to pick up on 'male sounds.' In this guise Norah who became Ned joined a bowling team, ogled the girlies at strip clubs, participated in a men's consciousness raising retreat (drums and all) and, yes, dated women. It began, she tells us, when a friend talked her into dressing as a man and going for an after dark walk in New York's East Village. She well knew that a woman strolling down those same streets would have elicited catcalls and maybe more from the sidewalk oglers. But, as a man no one gave her a second glance. So, perspicacious journalist that she is she began to wonder what she might learn if she actually spent some time in the mysterious world of men. Listen to what she discovered as she looks back on her time in the bastions of the boys. (No extra charge for the Juilliard schooled voice narrative). - Gail Cooke
Guest More than 1 year ago
Norah Vincent brings a very human element to what appears on its face to be a stunt. Her courage in opening herself up to the folks she met as Ned helped her make fast friends with the true subjects of her book. She brilliantly uses Ned as an effective tool for gaining honest, heartfelt reactions from both her cast of acquaintances and her readers. This book is moving in a way I never would have expected and truly worth reading.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Don't think of this as a gimmick: Self-Made Man is a serious analysis of gender and gender roles in America. The author dressed as a man to 'pass' in America, and analyzed her experiences and interactions with men and women from the perspective of her male alter ego. The book is hugely entertaining, laugh-out loud funny in spots, but also contains insightful analysis of gender and gender roles. If you don't learn a thing or two from this book, you just aren't trying.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Don't be thrown off by the hype: although this book sounds gimmicky -- reporter dresses as a man to learn what it's like in a man's world -- Norah Vincent is a respected journalist and a top-notch writer. Self-Made Man hooks you from the first page as Vincent 'passes' in such varied settings as a monastery, a guys-only bowling league and a high-pressure sales job. You'll will laugh out loud in spots but you will also find Vincent's insights to be thought-provoking. A fun read that'll teach you a thing or two.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Norah Vincent is a respected journalist who decided to experience life as a man by going under cover disguised as one. 'Self-Made Man' is her memoir of what it's like to be a man in today's America. Vincent writes with humor and sensitivity about the people she encountered. Her story is compelling: where else will a woman find out what a strip club, or a monastery, or a men's bowling league is really like? But Vincent takes it to the next level by applying her incisive intellect and producing thought-provoking insights about gender and gender roles. A terrific read and one that may make you think.
Guest More than 1 year ago
A spellbinding protrayal of a woman's time spent living in the guise of a man. Thoughtful, insightful, and entertaining, at times laugh-out-loud funny, yet full of nuanced insights about gender and gender roles in American society.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I thought this was one of the worst books I've ever read. I was forced to read it for our book club and I was miserable the entire time. I read an average of two books a week and I couldn't finish this one for anything. Don't even bother wasting your time. The author was deceiving and vindictive and I would think that those she deceived would be exceptionally angry with her. Just an outright horrible book the whole way around.