Setting Limits With Your Strong-Willed Child: Eliminating Conflict By Establishing Clear, Firm, And Respectful Boundaries

My new parenting bible!

I highly recommend this book for all parents. As a teacher, who was able to effectively control large groups of children in school, I was very surprised to realize that I was struggling so much with my own child. Even though I tried many different strategies, I could not seem to get a handle on my daughter's behavior. Not only did this book give me effective strategies and techniques to use with my daughter, it helped me understand how I was contributing to the problem. This is an excellent book with lots of useful information for all parents, especially those ones dealing with children who have minds of their own.

8 out of 8 people found this review helpful.

A Clear, Sensible Philosophy for Setting Limits that WORKS!

As a kindergarten teacher as well as a parent of strong-willed 5-year-old twin boys, I too often found myself yelling louder, reminding more often and searching for stricter punishments to get the children to cooperate...Nothing was working! I needed a new approach...and Dr. MacKenzie has given me the understanding and the tools to set limits effectively without losing my sanity. I learned how I was part of 'the dance' of non-compliance and I realized that I would have to change my behavior first before I got a positive change in the behavior from the children. I learned the difference between 'soft limits' and 'firm limits' and the importance of my actions supporting my words; then, the kids began respecting the rules because they knew I would follow through with consequences. It was an eye-opener to realize that by me constantly reminding...I was actually teaching the children to ignore (at least the first few times because they knew more reminding was coming)...by giving unclear open-ended directions...I was actually setting the situation up for clarification, testing and conflict...and by bargaining and making deals out of desperation...I was actually giving the kids the opportunity to control the situation as they decided to up the ante the next time! The best part of this book is the real life examples of exactly what to say and not say to the kids. It is as if the author has been looking in my windows as my twins defy me in so many of the exact same situations. I was immediately comforted by the fact that I am not alone in trying to get compliance instead of defiance from my boys. I also would like to recommend another very helpful A-Z compendium entitled 'The Pocket Parent', a convenient pocket-guide with a very similar philosophy that is exclusively written for parents of normal but often challenging 2- to 5-year-olds. If you have toddlers and preschoolers, it is a great practical companion book to 'Setting Limits' because you can simply turn to the specific challenging behavior of the moment (like hitting, morning crazies, interrupting, bad words, lying, whining, etc.) and get some quick bulleted suggestions to try. You do not have to read 'Pocket Parent' cover to cover...but rather consult each chapter topic as you need it. Both books have great anecdotes and a welcome sense of humor throughout. 'Setting Limits' and 'The Pocket Parent' have helped me get more cooperation at home and at school and are both worthwhile additions to a home or school reference library!

7 out of 7 people found this review helpful.

Must own for all parents, especially strong-willed parents

It was out of desperation that I bought this book, but I cannot rave enough about it. Setting Limits is clear, helpful, insightful, and instructive. My 3 year old son had me convinced that I was failing and destined to be a very poor parent, even though I felt like I was doing all the "right things." Setting Limits helped me to see that my son was not out to get me, but that I was not only NOT communicating clearly to him what I expected, I was NOT acting consistently with my words. Setting Limits has taught me that it is possible to be clear, firm, and helpful and loving all at the same time. I am so grateful that I found this book.

6 out of 6 people found this review helpful.

Great Book!

Excellent information for setting clear and consistant boundaries with not just strong willed children but all children. Teachers and parents this book is a must.

5 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

Setting Limits with your strong willed child

This book uses very practical common sense style parenting...many of the suggestions I already use with my daughter, but it gives a nice explanation on how to be a great parent...I highly suggest that if you are looking to purchase a book to help with your strong willed child this is the one. I've purchase 4 others and so far I've used this one the most on my twins...it's also a great book just for parenting too.

4 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

A reviewer

I've been a teacher, raised 2 kids and I am now raising my grandchild. I'm interested in figuring out how avoid previous mistakes. This book makes me wonder what I was thinking the 1st time around. I finally get it and it tells me 'how to' . I read and reread this one all of the time. It makes common sense that had escaped me. I highly recommend this book.

3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

Absolutely the best book for a strong-willed son

I can't say enough about this book- we went from embarrasing public power struggles, constant arguing anfd reminding to, 'This is the deal.' My very loving and very strong-willed 3 yr old son now finally takes me seriously. We even had made an appt with a psychologist just to make sure he was normal, but started using the books techniques beforehand- he said it sounds like we're on the right track and to keep up the good work. Now I know how to talk my son's language.

2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

Easy Read

This book is good for all parents. It present basics of discipline in an easy to understand format. Great advice that works.

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

Parenting Two 2yr Olds

I have two 2 yr olds with very different personalities. My boy is the strong willed one. I loved the new ideas this book gave me to help end the 'dances' he engages us in. It helped us learn how WE were contributing to his behavior as well with how we disciplined. I recommend this book to anyone who has a strong willed child. I wanted to start now while they are young as opposed to many of his examples in the book of parents who waited until their child was 12 to get a handle on the discipline.

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

Not that great.

Theres a lot of the same story rewritten with different names and slightly different scenerios. For a book telling a parent to be direct it was a very indirect book. I wanted an explanation of how to handle a strong willed child and I got that....with a lot of extra filler. The entire book could be sumed up in a few sentences, maybe even one. Tell your child what you expect when you expect it and follow through on consquences. This may take years to accomplish since your child is collecting behavorial data but will eventually learn what is expected of him....in the mean time, good luck.

I prefer Sugar's "The Silent Crisis Destroying America's Brightest Minds"

Sugar's 'The Silent Crisis Destroying America's Brightest Minds" is a book that is all about educational reality, the facts on the ground, not vacuous educational theories.

Sugar pioneered the SMARTGRADES school notebooks that contain the new learning technology, ACANDY Processing Tools, that empower students for academic success. She transformed my kids into Grade A students, so I speak from experience, not hypothetical theory. It is not all about teaching, it is all about learning.

0 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

Mom of 5 year old- This Works!

My husband and I have read many books but this spelled out for us how to deal with the toughest power struggles and out of control behavior. We have revisited the book often and when we consistently apply the techniques and avoid the 'dance' our son is much easier and our family is calmer and happier.

Basic, common sense approach

to raising your spirited/strong-willed child. His ideas are so simple and straightforward that I was amazed I hadn't thought of them myself. My only complaint is that, despite the pictures of toddlers on the cover, really not too much info on the younger set. Glad I bought the book though, and looking forward to applying the ideas!

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