From the New York Times bestselling author of She Comes First and Be Honest—You're Not That Into Him Either comes a revolutionary 30-day program to detoxify and rejuvenate your love life

For many of us—whether we're in a relationship or actively dating in the hopes of finding that special someone—our love lives have become a source of toxicity. Sex Recharge offers a new way to start fresh and take action. In this practical, life-changing guide, Ian Kerner lays out a friendly, ...

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Sex Detox

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From the New York Times bestselling author of She Comes First and Be Honest—You're Not That Into Him Either comes a revolutionary 30-day program to detoxify and rejuvenate your love life

For many of us—whether we're in a relationship or actively dating in the hopes of finding that special someone—our love lives have become a source of toxicity. Sex Recharge offers a new way to start fresh and take action. In this practical, life-changing guide, Ian Kerner lays out a friendly, achievable 30-day course of action to help you rebuild your love life from the inside out. Whether you're single or coupled, Sex Recharge will enable you to achieve the relationship results you deserve.

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Editorial Reviews

From Barnes & Noble
With frequent media appearances and books like She Comes First and He Comes Next, Dr. Ian Kerner has won recognition as "the sex doctor to Generations X and Y." That reputation will be only reinforced by Sex Detox, a refreshingly candid take on relationships gone wrong. The co-host of the Discovery Health Channel's Love on the Rocks doesn't mince words about cleansing yourself of love poison before jumping recklessly into romantic waters. A sober, fun look at the aftermath of erotic intoxication.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780061751530
  • Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
  • Publication date: 3/17/2009
  • Format: eBook
  • Pages: 256
  • Sales rank: 1,079,711
  • File size: 437 KB

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Sex Detox
Recharge Desire. Revitalize Intimacy. Rejuvenate Your Love Life.

Chapter One

Doing Without to Eventually Have It All

A program for everyone—couples, singles, or anyone anywhere in between

The premise of this book is simple: When it comes to sex and relationships, sometimes we get in so deep the only way out is to start over again.

For many of us—whether we're in a relationship or actively dating in the hopes of finding that someone special—our love lives have become a source of toxicity, rather than one of sustenance and renewal.

This program is a powerful way to take action in an area of your life that often lacks a clear point of entry: sex and relationships. Think about it: When you want to get in shape, you sign up for a gym membership; when you want to lose weight, you go on a diet; when you want to get out of credit card debt, you consider consolidation plans. But how do you start consolidating your love life?

If you're in a relationship, I'm going to ask you to take sex off the table for thirty days (and, yes, nights too) and give yourself over to the "thrill of the chaste." This is not to say that you can't or won't end up having sex in the days that ensue—after all, accidents happen, and hopefully they are ones with happy endings—but rather I implore you not to have the kind of sex that is joyless, soulless, or more of the same; bid farewell to the sex that is bereft of the passion, intimacy, and sense of loving connection that you crave and deserve. And if you're stuck in a rut and thinking to yourself that the last thing you needin your life right now is to be having even less sex, then consider this program the difference between slowly being starved to death in an environment that leaves you feeling desperate and powerless and actively choosing to undertake a diet that you know will result in your becoming a healthier, stronger person both inside and out.

But also know that you don't have to be in a relationship currently to benefit from this program: If you're one of the tens of millions of single people on the hunt for love, and you're feeling burnt out and bruised by the process, it's time to go on a dating detox—to take a break not only from any casual sex you may be having, but to stop dating altogether for the duration of this program and reset the relationship-results you seek.

Regardless of whether you're single, coupled, or somewhere in between, you only have one love life, and it's time to live it to the fullest.

The birth of an idea: to live and think in L.A.

Much of this book was written during what turned out to be one of the most romantic periods of my life: when I was doing a six-month production stint away from my family in Los Angeles. I know that doesn't sound terribly romantic, so perhaps I should explain.

I was filming a television program for the Discovery Health Channel that helped couples in long-term relationships overcome difficult hurdles. During this time, my wife Lisa and son Owen came out from New York to visit for long weekends, which never seemed long enough. In between, Lisa and I had resorted to "drastic measures"—naughty emails, breathy late-night phone calls—reminding me of exactly what I was missing on the sizzling island of Manhattan.

When I returned to New York, Lisa surprised me with a "welcome home" dinner, inviting a number of our closest friends. After we were mellowed on merlot and mingling, I half-jokingly asked one of my wife's oldest friends and her husband if they wanted to participate in my program of limiting sex to boost libido.

"Are you kidding me?" cracked Thea. "When it comes to not having sex, you could take our picture and put us on the cover of your book." Then they chuckled away their discontent with wine.

I turned to Steve, Thea's husband. "When was the last time you were able to feel close and connected to each other without feeling like there was something missing from your marriage, without being painfully aware of what was lacking?"

"Not since Brian was born. What was that, around three years ago, sweetie?" he replied, to which she nodded with sullen embarrassment.

So I seized the opportunity to explain. "What if you could turn that on its heels? Make not having sex sexy? What if instead of pretending you were exhausted or sick or too stuffed from dinner or watching a documentary on whale migration patterns, you could embrace and recharge your sense of intimacy by not having sex—you know, transform it into something you were not doing together?"

They were intrigued, so naturally I pressed: "What if the two of you became achingly aware of not touching each other, of not kissing, of not making love, to the point that one more moment of not being entangled in each other's arms made you feel like a tight coil ready to spring? What if instead of avoiding sex, you promised to ache in longing to revel in that first touch, that first kiss, to conjure up that extraordinary sense of self and mutual discovery you once felt as teenagers, but this time with each other?" (I might have been a little less eloquent than this at the time, but I was certainly as passionate!)

"That's a nice idea," said Steve, "but we all know that's impossible."

And that's when I told them: Not only was it possible, it was theirs for the taking. All it required was a decision—they had to be ready to rebuild their libidos from the inside out with that explosive sense of intellectual curiosity, emotional hunger, and physical longing that was present long before they'd begun to worry about mortgages, nursery schools, and love handles.

Sex Detox
Recharge Desire. Revitalize Intimacy. Rejuvenate Your Love Life.
. Copyright © by Ian Kerner. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.
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Table of Contents

Preface: Food for Thought     xi
Getting Started
Doing Without to Eventually Have It All     3
The Science of the Detox     9
The Psychology of the Detox     14
Learning How to Read Your Love Map     22
The Couples' Detox
Couples Preparing for the Detox     27
The Couples' Detox     29
Starting Up (Days 1 to 5)     29
Your Sexual Health (Days 6 to 9)     44
Sexual Socialization (Days 10 to 15)     56
Previous Relationships (Days 16 to 20)     72
Navigating Your Love Map (Days 21 to 25)     85
The Here and Now (Days 26 to 30)     101
The Couples' Rejuvenation     117
The Singles' Detox
Background to the Singles' Detox     137
The Singles' Detox     139
Starting Up (Days 1 to 5)     141
Your Dating Health and Outlook (Days 6 to 10)     159
Influence and the Influencers (Days 11 to 15)     170
How You Date (Days 16 to 20)     183
What Do You Want in a Partner? (Days 21 to 25)     192
Ready, Steady, Go! (Days 26 to 30)     203
The Singles' Rejuvenation: Dating Inside Out     214
Acknowledgments     229
Index     231
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Sort by: Showing 1 – 4 of 3 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted April 8, 2008

    Breaking old patterns and rejuvenating MY life!

    I was asked to go through this dating detox and was even on The Morning Show, to explain how this process worked for me 30 days after the detox. All I can say is that it changed my life...truly!! I realized through much exploration and journaling of my upbringing and past patterns, etc, that I was looking for love in all the wrong ways. I tried everything from dating websites, to being fixed up on blind dates, and nothing seemed to fulfill me. Even though I have a great personality, and am an attractive and intelligent woman, I could not understand why I was still alone. Doing the detox made me realize that having a specific 'type' was limiting, that living in the past was detrimental to moving on with my life, and that I might have missed some great opportunities along the way. If you are like me, and feel stalled in love, then this is the book for you!! Enjoy the process, make sure to stick with the daily exercises/journaling, and I guarantee you that you will come out of the experience a more well-rounded and confident person. All the best to you!!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 27, 2008

    Sex Detox Review

    What if someone told you you could experience love, sex and intimacy as you've never imagined it in just 30 days. Would you be interested? Dr. Ian Kerner is a sex therapist and has created a formula and system to 'fix' the average American's sex life in just 30 days. As the good Doctor puts it in his book, 'While our cultural exposure to sex has heightened over the last decade, our level of personal satisfaction has plummeted to a staggering low.' With this in mind it helps to know that you are not alone. This book will walk you through the 30 days to recharge desire, revitalize your intimacy and rejuvenate your love life. Whether you are married or single, gay or straight, male or female, young or old, you can get more out of your love life with Dr. Kerner's book 'Sex Detox.' But wait there is a catch. You have to be active in the program. Dr. Kerner has day by day activities such as deep breathing exercises, keeping a Detox Diary and various discussions and quizzes throughout each day. Okay now here may be the hard part for some you have to spend that same 30 days you are doing the activities not having sex. That's right no sex for 30 days. But at the end of that 30 days you will find your attitude toward sex, love, desire and intimacy ready to create a beautiful life for yourself. The book is divided into sections for singles and those in relationships to make it easier. Once again you have to be active in your own growth and this is where the miracle of this book works out. You find out your own strengths and weaknesses and your growth is your own. Dr. Kerner may not solve the world's oversexed information overload, but he can help you help yourself.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 2, 2010

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    Posted January 4, 2010

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